The Greatest Love
by RandomPonyWriter
Summary: The story of Lupin and Tonks, From the beginning to their wedding. Can Tonks convince Remus to take her back despite his excuses: too old, too poor, too dangerous... "...You're hurting me now, more than you ever did when we were together..."
1. No longer out of order

Chapter one - No longer out of Order

Tonks sighed as she finished one report and went to start another, summoning the next folder from her 'in' box. 'Bloody paperwork,' she muttered under her breath, and picked up her quill, well aware of the fact that it was already halfway through the day and her pile of unfinished paperwork was still larger than her finished pile, and likely to grow by the end of the day.

A bright orange memo flew towards her in the shape of a paper bird and Tonks smiled remembering her own attempts at folding her memos into anything graceful or interesting, and the failure which resulted in all her outward memos closely resembling the paper airplanes that used to zoom around classrooms at Hogwarts in her day, hitting teachers - admittedly mostly Snape - in the back of the head.

She captured the memo that fluttered near her head and opened it, hating to destroy the artistic folding.

**Nymphadora. Join me for lunch? - Kingsley.**

Slightly confused as to why Kingsley wanted her to join him for lunch and angry that he had called her by her first name when he knew she preferred 'Tonks', she wrote back:

**Sure, but call me Nymphadora again and I'll hex you into next Christmas.**

She then proceeded to scrunch the note into a ball, pulled out her wand, charmed the ball to hit Kingsley in the back of the head and then threw it, simultaneously knocking her quills, ink and several files off her desk and blushing bright red, her hair changing to match her face.

Almost every auror in the office threw disapproving looks her way, ranging from glances to glares. 'Sorry,' she muttered and waved her wand to clear the mess. Kingsley merely looked amused and smirked as she glanced over at him. Sighing again, she looked up at the large clock on the wall and noted that she could probably leave for lunch now, as a few of the other aurors had already.

As though he read her mind, Kingsley stood up and proceeded to leave the office, his face still amused. Taking this as her cue to join him, Tonks stood and went to follow him, tripping over her chair and the leg of her desk as she went. He stood just outside the door waiting for her, his face still wearing its amused expression. As she opened her mouth to say something to wipe his smug grin off his face, her foot caught on the door frame and she stumbled into him.

He was ready for this of course, Tonks being Tonks. It was no secret that she was as clumsy as they get, and seemed even more so today. He caught her as she stumbled into him, and laughed as she pushed him away and tried to storm away but ruined the dramatic effect by tripping over her own feet and then staggering a few steps to keep her balance, looking as though she had been confunded.

'Not a good day then Tonks?' Kingsley said to her as he easily caught up with her. 'Not confunded there are we?'

Glaring at him, she said as frostily as she could manage without giving herself away, 'And what do you want Kingsley?'

He grinned. 'Ha. Give it up Tonks. We both know you never could stand on your own two feet for very long without finding some way to trip.'

Tonks tried to maintain her glare, but she couldn't and ended up grinning back at him. 'What gave me away?' She asked.

'Your hair.' He said, noting that her hair was bubblegum pink once again. 'It changed back to pink just before, and its always red if you are really angry or embarrased.'

Tonks kept on grinning at him. 'So what is this all about anyway. Surely you didn't invite me to lunch just to watch me trip over my own feet?'

Kingsley's face became instantly more serious as he answered. 'No, but this is hardly the place to talk.'

Tonks followed him out of the ministry and into the muggle streets. Kingsley seemed to have a purpose so she merely walked beside him in comfortable silence until he seemed to reach a destination.

He gestured at a muggle coffee shop and held the door open for her, signaling for her to go in. 'Just find a seat, and I'll order us drinks.' he said.

Tonks walked in and managed to find a table and seat herself without tripping at all. She picked a table that was secluded the most as whatever Kingsley wanted to discuss, was obviously not something he wanted overheard, and probably something to do with magic and so it was probably wise to keep away from muggle ears as well as the magical ones.

She drummed her fingers on the table in front of her and looked around at the small shop. Its walls were a pale blue and the small round tables were covered in white tablecloths. The carpet was a deep blue and so were the counters. The colour scheme reminded Tonks of the ocean and waves. The beach was a place she had loved to go with her family when she was little and she suddenly longed to go to the beach again, as she hadn't been in years. Maybe when the endless stream of paperwork at the ministry died down she'd have time, she thought to herself.

Kingsley noticed that Tonks seemed preoccupied and so when sat down and pushed her coffee towards her he said, 'Tired?'

Tonks looked up and snapped out of her dreams of laying on a secluded beach with the waves crashing against the shore, peaceful and warm. 'Yeah. Paperwork you know. There is so much these days.'

Kingsley nodded, wondering how to approach the subject he wanted to speak about and then deciding to ask her directly as he knew Tonks was a straightforward and honest woman.

'What do you think of Dumbledore?' He asked her suddenly.

She frowned. 'Dumbledore?' She repeated. This topic was odd, and not what she had expected at all. She looked more closely as Kingsley. Either he was a death eater and he didn't support Dumbledore at all, and supported the ministry's claims that Dumbledore was 'past it', or he was a supporter and believed that you-know-who was back and wanted to do something about it. She wondered, thinking about what she would say. His face gave no clues to his own opinion as he waited.

'Yes, Dumbledore… Headmaster of Hogwarts… Long beard... Ring a bell?' He replied patiently.

Tonks laughed and thought that it was best that she was honest with Kingsley. Besides he didn't seem to be a death eater. She shrugged. She'd take her chances.

'I've always liked Dumbledore. He was a good headmaster when I was at school and I have always thought he was the cleverest wizard I have ever met. I wish he was minister of magic actually. A great deal better than Fudge I say.' Tonks informed Kingsley, and watched with relief as he smiled.

'And the claims he and Potter are making. What do you make of them?' Kingsley asked.

'What do you mean Kingsley?' Tonks asked, confused.

'Well, Either you believe he-who-must-not-be-named is back and you believe Potter and Dumbledore, or you believe that Dumbledore is a fool and Potter a liar, which is to say you agree with the ministry, or you have no opinion at all, which for you Tonks is very slim, as I know you to have a spirited opinion on anything and everything.' Kingsley explained.

'Oh, I believe Potter and Dumbledore.' Tonks stated with the typical 'Tonks' spirit. 'I've never known Dumbledore to be wrong about anything, and I don't see why that should start now. Also, I know the minister of magic. He's not exactly the brave type now, is he?'

Kingsley chuckled. 'No, not particularly.' He said.

There was a silence before Kingsley said, 'Tonks, have you ever heard of the order of the phoenix?'

'Yeah, I have actually.' She replied, thinking that she could probably now guess what this was about.

'Well, Dumbledore is recruiting again. The old order is down in numbers and he asked me to find anyone who might be able to help us and I think you would make a great addition. We are in desperate need of aurors and people who can see into the ministry. You'd be a huge help. That is, if you would like to join. If not, I shall be forced to remove this conversation from your memory.' He frowned, a worried look upon his face.

Tonks raised one eyebrow and thought. Lately she had been thinking of joining a resistance group, only she hadn't known where to look to find one. She wanted to help fight, and she hated belonging to the ministry, who were intent on denying you-know-who's very existence. She thought of her parents, and how much better she could protect them by joining the order, and it was halfway through this thought that she realized that Kingsley was still awaiting an answer.

'I would be absolutely delighted to join Kingsley. Thanks for asking.' She said enthusiastically, grinning at him once again as she watched the worry quickly fade from his face.

'Ah, Excellent then. There is a meeting tonight if you really want to come.' He said.

'Sure. I'll be there.' She enthused. 'Wait… Where?' She asked.

'You'll have to be accompanied by me the first time. Shall we meet tonight at your apartment?'

'Yep.' She checked her watch as she thought of what time to meet him. They had been out for over half an hour now. 'How about we meet at six?' She said. Then thinking that they had better head back to work, she reluctantly stood and carefully maneuvered her way around her chair and table and then waited for him to follow.

'Well done.' he said, the smirk on his face making it obvious that he was referring to the fact that she had not yet managed to trip over or break anything since entering the shop.

She smiled, but ruined it by tripping over the door frame upon exiting the shop. She blushed, but managed to stop her hair changing colour just in time, as they were in amongst muggles and changing her hair at will would have them asking all sorts of unwanted questions.

They walked back in silence and went their separate ways, determined to keep up a casual appearance, as secrecy was obviously imperative for the order, and they couldn't risk raising suspicion.

Tonks made it back to her desk without any dramas, and threw herself into her work with renewed vigour that stemmed from the fact that she was now doing something useful by joining the order. She smiled to herself, eager to finish so that she could start her new job tonight, wondering who else had joined up.


	2. First impressions

'Red?' Tonks thought to herself, turning her hair red. 'No, They'll just think I'm strange.'

'Hmmm….' Her thoughts trailed off as her mind wandered to how the meeting would turn out, as it had about a million times since Kingsley had recruited her that day. She knew of only a few members so far; Kingsley, Dumbledore, Mad-Eye and herself. She couldn't think of who else would be part of it, and looking around the cubicles in the auror headquarters that day, she could hardly see anyone suitable in there.

A loud knock on the door startled Tonks back to reality and she looked at the mirror, bewildered. She thought quickly and then decided on her usual bubblegum pink hair, styling it to be short and spiky, knowing she'd probably feel most comfortable that way. After all, that was how she had her hair most days anyway.

The loud knocking started again and she heard Kingsley call out to her.

"Tonks? Are you in there? You've got about 30 seconds or else I'll knock down the door."

She opened the door to Kingsley standing on her doorstep and grinned. "Wotcher Kingsley. No need to shout, I was coming you know. " Then added "But seriously, "Alohomora would have worked. No need to destroy a perfectly good door."

He smiled back. "I know, but you can never be too sure whether someone made it home or not these days."

Tonks frowned. He was right. With the war going on, you never could be sure that everyone was always safe, that they weren't going to be ambushed or killed at anytime. "True." she said. "Where are we off to then?"

"I'll have to side-along you. It's a difficult location." Looking down at her serious face Kingsley added, "Tonks, Are you sure. Joining the order, it's… well it's… dangerous." Dangerous didn't seem to cover it for Kingsley. "You'd be risking everything. Your job, if the ministry find out. Your time, because we are very busy, and very often, your life. You'll do things that are life threatening, and even if you don't die, you risk being banished to Azkaban. I just want to know that you've thought about it."

Tonks looked up at him. "Of course. I have thought about it. I want to help."

"And you're sure?"

"Absolutely. One hundred percent." she replied.

"Then let's go." Kingsley held out his arm and Tonks took it, squeezing her eyes shut. She hated the uncomfortable feeling of side-along apparition.

-RL&NT-

When she felt her feet hit solid ground, she opened her eyes. She was in a dark and dirty London street. She looked to her side where Kingsley was as he dropped her arm and started fumbling in his pockets for something. He handed her a piece of parchment which read;

_The headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix may be found at 12 Grimmauld Place, London._

"What's G-" but as she went to speak the address on the paper her tongue felt tied and she found she could not form the words on her tongue. For a second she panicked before she realised. "Fidelius Charm?" She asked, finding herself capable of speech once again.

Kingsley nodded. "Dumbledore's the secret keeper."

Tonks nodded back. "Just think about what you just read." he told her. She looked back down at the parchment, taking in each word and thinking about it. As she reached the end of the address, she heard a great rumbling and felt the ground tremor beneath her feet. Startled she whipped out her wand and looked up. Her auror training made her feel as though they were being attacked, but Kingsley's hand was back on her arm, his voice explaining words she didn't hear as she peered at the house that was growing - for lack of a better word - in between houses eleven and thirteen. The muggles in those houses seemed to notice nothing unusual.

When the rumbling stopped and the house stood firmly between eleven and twelve, there was a moment of silence. Tonks raised one eyebrow.

"Cool." She said in a weak voice and then mentally bashed herself over the head like a house elf for her stupid choice of words, or in this case word.

Kingsley chuckled, but said nothing except. "This is us. Shall we go in?"

Tonks nodded and they approached the black door whose paint was peeling off in a way that suggested the house had not recently been cared for well. Tonks swallowed. She wondered if she was going in over her head this time. She really didn't know if she was going to be a good order member. She was probably far younger than all the other members, less experienced, less skilled…

Kingsley tapped the door with his wand, and only when he muttered "You can put that away." did Tonks realised she still had a fierce grip on her own wand.

She loosened her grip and stowed her wand inside her robes. "Keep quiet through here. We are a bit early, so we can introduce you I suppose." Tonks nodded and prepared to start creeping through the house which, as the door swung upon, seemed dark and damp, with the distinct feel of a place that has been neglected for a long time. At the end of a long corridor she could see a yellow glow on one side of the hall, where she assumed there was a light on. That must be their destination.

Stealth had never been a skill that Tonks possessed, and having almost failed stealth and tracking in her auror course, it was no surprise that only a short way into the house, she found a way to ruin the quiet. One minute she was walking and the next minute she was tangled around something large and was flat on her back on the floor as there was an almighty CRASH.

"Tonks!" she heard Kingsley's exasperated voice. The next minute the darkness was filled with scream-like shouting and Tonks jerked in surprise on the floor, ignoring the pain in her hip and shins, calling out apologies.

"FILTHY HALF-BREEDS, BLOOD-TRAITORS, CHILDREN OF FILTH! HOW DARE YOU BESMIRCH THE HOUSE OF BLACK…"

-RL&NT-

There were several people in the dining room at Grimmauld place; a mixture of those that were early for the Order meeting and those who stayed there full-time. They were talking among themselves when they heard a crash from the hallway, and a mans voice that Remus recognized as Kingsley, followed by a woman apologizing, and then all of it cut off by the screams of Mrs. Black.

Remus looked to his best friend Sirius, who was already on his feet, drawing his wand. Without exchanging a word they ran out into the hallway. It was dark in the hallway as they ran down.

"SHUT UP YOU OLD HAG!" Sirius yelled as he ran to where Kingsley was already trying to shut up the portrait of Mrs. Black. Remus looked around the hallway and in the darkness he made out the shape of a young woman laying on her back on the ground next to the horrible troll-leg umbrella stand that stood in the hallway. It was pretty obvious that she had walked into it, or tripped over it in the darkness.

"Lumos." He whispered, and the light from his wand lit upon a pair of dark blue eyes, and unusual colour for human eyes, he noted. He stared into the eyes that were huge, round and captivating.

"I'm sorry-" She started to say, apologizing over and over again. "I'm so clumsy, I didn't even see… Merlin's beard!" Lupin noticed the eyes get impossibly wider as they locked on something above and behind his head. Looking properly in his wind light he observed a young woman with spiky pink hair wearing a weird sisters t-shirt and a pair of artfully faded jeans underneath long black robes. Her eyes narrowed in confusion and he looked up.

"What are those?" she asked in a voice that shook slightly, as she looked at the elf heads that lined the walls in the wand light.

"House elves." Remus said simply, and offered the woman his hand. She took it and he pulled. She was light and he easily pulled her up so that she was standing straight right in front of him. As she thanked him he found himself staring at her unusually blue eyes. For a moment he stood close to her, forgetting his surroundings and his purpose, as her hand burned his.

The sound of someone clearing their throat made Remus blush slightly, drop her hand and then step back at the same time she did, turning towards Sirius and Kingsley.

Kingsley laughed. "I believe introductions are in order here?" He gestured to the woman. "Sirius, Remus. This is Nymphadora Tonks." As Remus looked back to her, he could have sworn her eyes flashed red as she rolled them and glared at Kingsley.

"Just Tonks." she said by way of explanation. "Call me Nymphadora, and I will most certainly hex you until you can't even sit down." She said this in a cheerfully conversational voice and flashed a smile. Finally turning from Remus, she fixed her eyes on Sirius. As she recognized him, they widened, and then narrowed forcing Remus to conclude that she didn't know anything about any of them.

"Sirius Black? My long-lost cousin?" She said after a moments silence. "I'm so glad you take your job seriously Kingsley. Head auror on his case, and you are hiding him under the ministry's nose." She snorted softly with amusement. It was strange that he would be here, but Tonks knew Dumbledore enough to know that odd and unexplained things often occurred that most often ended up making sense, and that it was better to not question it. Obviously Dumbledore knew about Sirius so it was probably nothing to worry about. In fact she rather hoped he was actually innocent. Then she'd have one less relative to be ashamed of.

"Naturally." Kingsley chuckled again. "He's innocent." Remus stared at Tonks, who in his view was coming across as quite unusual. He wondered about her eyes, her unusual hair, and her utter lack of surprise that someone she had believed was guilty of over ten innocent murders was standing in the hallway, next to the man responsible for catching him. She really didn't seem disturbed at all.

"Am I going to hear an explanation on exactly how my dear cousin ended up being innocent?" Tonks asked him, and then turned to Remus and said "I'm sorry again. I don't know your name."

"Remus Lupin." He replied, wondering how she'd react to his secret when it eventually and inevitably came out. "Nice to meet you." He held out his hand, and meeting his eye, she shook his hand with so much vigour that he felt his arm might never recover, as he could feel the electricity in his palms long after she took her hand away.


	3. The Unknown

**A/N: So this chapter is slightly longer than the other two. I'm not completely happy with it - I m trying to get over a bad case of writers block so tell me what you think : D**

**Review Review Review : D You know you want to : )**

**Also! I think this kind goes without saying, but I don't own Harry Potter : D**

Tonks looked at all the new faces around her. She'd been introduced to them all at the start of the meeting, but she was already forgetting some of them. There was Arthur Weasley, and she had seen him around he ministry and his wife Molly - whom Tonks was not sure she had impressed. She sighed. She'd shocked Molly by having pink hair to start with - only a few people knew that she was a Metamorphmagus - and then she had offered to help Molly make tea, and had ended up breaking two cups, burning Molly's hand and then Remus when she had tried to hand him his cup and had spilt it on his arm after tripping on his chair, and falling forward onto him. He had quickly cleaned it up, and Molly had healed her burn, but had banished her kindly to the table where she now sat, hardly daring to drink her own tea for fear of breaking another cup. She sighed.

There was a couple of teachers from Hogwarts that she knew well, one of whom she didn't like at all. Severus Snape was still glaring at her for no reason that she could fathom. Minerva McGonagall was much kinder, as Tonks had once been her most gifted transfiguration student at Hogwarts. There was Dumbledore, Kingsley and Mad-Eye of course; Mad-Eye having asked her - as Kingsley had earlier - whether she had really thought about being in the order. To make matters worse, Snape had overheard and cut in in his cold drawling voice. "Are you sure you are mature enough to handle this Nymphadora? After all your hairstyle hardly seems appropriate for anyone over fifteen." To her delight though, Sirius, Kingsley, Mad-Eye and Dumbledore cut in here all at once, backing her up, and Snape had simply curled his lip and walked on, to sit at the darkest and least populated end of the table.

There was Mundungus Fletcher who was seated next to Sirius, and talking in a low voice about a deal of some kind. There was a witch called Emmeline Vance and a few more people whose names she could not remember right then.

There were the two Weasley boys; Bill and Charlie, who grinned at her from across the table. She had been at Hogwarts with both of them.

Further down the table, and taking up the space of at least two people was Hagrid, who had been delighted to tell Tonks that he'd become a teacher before disappearing up the stairs with Sirius, saying something about a hippogriff, though Tonks was sure she must have misheard them there. A hippogriff in house? It really was a ridiculous idea. She just concluded that they must need to discuss something privately, away from curious ears such as hers.

"…Nymphadora Tonks."

At the sound of her name, a sharp elbow in the ribs from Kingsley and a sharp 'Constant Vigilance' from Mad-Eye, Tonks snapped back to the present, realizing that Dumbledore had just introduced her, and introduced her as Nymphadora Tonks to boot. She raised her hand in acknowledgment and said "Just Tonks." Half the witches and wizards stared at her. She wasn't surprised: for one she probably looked unusual to them, and secondly, she had just contradicted Dumbledore.

"Tonks is an Auror. A highly talented one at that. We are lucky to welcome her into the order." Dumbledore said. There was the sound of clapping from the direction of Hagrid's seat and the order members that had been staring at her shifted their gaze to Hagrid, who took a while to stop clapping despite this, stopping only when Dumbledore said "That's quite enough Hagrid."

"We don't have much to discuss today, except that we need to arrange to collect Harry and we need to arrange out guard duties watching both Harry and the _thing_ at the ministry." At these words, Tonks sat up a little straighter. What was Dumbledore hiding at the ministry, presumably right under the ministers nose? "So first up. Harry. Who is willing to guard him this week?"

Tonks looked around at the other members. Most of them seemed tired or weary, which wasn't surprising if Dumbledore had them guarding two different things full time, not to mention that these people had jobs as well. She noticed that Sirius had his hand up, and so did Remus, so she raised hers too. Hagrid raised his hand, and so did Emmeline. She saw Sirius nudge Mundungus and he reluctantly raised his hand too. "Well that should be enough." Dumbledore said cheerfully. "Remus and Tonks can go tomorrow night, as you really should work with an experienced partner for a while Tonks, until you know how we operate things. Hagrid, you know you can't go because you are too big for the cloak. Emmeline, you can do the next night, then Mundungus can do the next, and then Remus and Tonks will go again. After that It will be Emmeline. You will rotate until each of you has done two shifts this week, and no Sirius, you cannot go."

He looked around the table expectantly. "I'll take a shift tonight, and at the end of the week to watch Harry. And the ministry, will I have volunteers?" Tonks looked around again. Kingsley and Mad-Eye on either side of her raised their hands, as did Arthur and a wizard named Sturgis and another called Doge. "Excellent, Excellent." As Dumbledore arranged the ministry schedule, she let her mind drift. She was going on her first task for the order tomorrow night and the thought was exciting. She looked over at Remus and hoped that he wasn't boring. As she did he glanced over and met her eyes for a second. It felt the same as it did in the hall when he had helped her up. As if her insides had come alive and were jumping nervously, and she didn't even know why. He gave her a small smile and turned away and so did she, slightly dazed. Dumbledore was now asking for people to volunteer for going to collect Harry. She saw Remus raise his arm, and without thinking, she did too.

Looking around she noticed that Emmeline, Mad-Eye, a wizard named Dedalus Diggle, Kingsley, Elphias Doge, Sturgis Podmore and Hestia Jones had also volunteered. "Wonderful." Dumbledore said. "But how will we do it?"

"We can't apparate, floo or use a portkey." Said Kingsley. "It's all being watched."

"How about broomsticks? Can Harry fly?" Suggested Tonks, hoping that she had not just suggested the most stupid idea in the world.

"He's a wonderful flyer." Remus confirmed, to her relief.

"We'd have to have a rear guard waiting to take over just in case." said Mad-Eye. "In case we don't make it."

"Mad-Eye, I really don't think…" Tonks started.

"Didn't ask what you thought, did I?" Mad-Eye shot back. "Constant Vigilance." Snape's face took on a smug look at Mad-Eyes words, but Tonks wasn't fazed. She shrugged. She never had been too fazed by Mad-Eye. She was the only person she knew who could tease him and get away with it, and judging by the looks on the other witches and wizards faces, they would never ever dare.

"How can we make sure the muggles are away?" Emmeline asked. "We'd have to make sure they were out at the time."

"What are these muggles like?" Tonks asked.

This time it was Sirius who spoke up. "Bloody awful. Stuck-up, snobby, cruel…"

"That'll do Sirius." Lupin said.

"…arrogant, narrow-minded, stupid…"

"Sirius." This time it was Dumbledore that spoke, in a rather firm voice, and Sirius trailed off, muttering unintelligibly under his breath.

"Well… We could send them a letter. By muggle post…" Tonks said slowly. "Saying…Well… I don't know.. That they've won a competition. The best garden or something. They could be short-listed or something." There was a silence while people considered this.

"That could work." Kingsley said.

"The all-England Best kept Suburban Lawn competition." Tonks said brightly as the idea became clearer in her head.

"Yes, That should suffice." said Dumbledore. "You will be responsible for that Tonks, but give it to Remus to check when you finish it. Mad-Eye, you will lead them to get Harry, so you'll need to organise the details." Mad-Eye nodded. "Well, That's all for today. Thanks for your time, but I must be going." Dumbledore announced.

"Anyone who wishes to stay for dinner may do so." called Molly as some people stood to follow Dumbledore. Most of the order made their excuses and left, leaving Tonks, Remus, Sirius, Molly, Arthur, Kingsley and Mad-Eye. "Will you two stay for dinner?" Molly asked Kingsley and Mad-Eye. They declined politely as they both had duties to do for the order.

In the end, it was Tonks, Remus, Sirius and the Weasleys that stayed for dinner. Tonks insisted on helping again, but Molly was quick to refuse her offer.

"You've probably had a long day dear. Just leave it to me." Molly said, and as she finished this sentence, two identical boys burst into the kitchen. They looked not at all surprised that a pink-haired witch was sitting at the kitchen table.

"Is that you natural hair colour?…"

"…Or did you dye it?…"

"…and if you did. What did you use…?

"…And is it edible?.."

Tonks laughed as the two twins started shooting out questions, and when Molly hit one of them over the side of the head, she hastened to say, "It's alright Molly." She grinned to show that she wasn't offended.

"I'm Fred…"

"And I'm George."

"Pleased to meet you." They said at the exact same time, each offering her a hand to shake. Tonks took one twins hand in each of hers and gave one of her energetic handshakes. Then they both sat on either side of her, looking expectantly at her.

She laughed. "No, this isn't my natural hair colour, no I didn't dye it, and I didn't use anything edible to colour it." They were obviously confused at how her hair was not its natural colour but hadn't been dyed. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and changed her hair to a shade of dark green. They gasped and then laughed.

"How'd you do that?" they asked in unison.

"You're a Metamorphmagus…" It was Remus that spoke. "I knew there was something…" He trailed off at Tonks raised eyebrow.

"Wrong with me?" she added to the end of his sentence.

He shook his head. "Different about you." She nodded, confused.

"Yes, I am a Metamorphmagus. I can change any part of my body at will. Metamorphmagi are born, not learned." she said vanishing the hopeful looks on the twins faces. She changed her hair back to normal. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh we are developing a joke shop." George said in hushed tones.

"We thought of having lollies, colour-coded of course, that when eaten, would change the colour of your hair." Said Fred.

"Its been terribly frustrating." George added.

"So of course, we had to ask…" said Fred.

"Just in case…" George trailed off as his mother, Molly, walked back to the table, still glaring with disapproval at them.

Tonks grinned. "Sorry boys, Can't help you there." Tonks thought she heard voices in the hall, and looked towards the door as a girl and another boy entered the room. Both of them had the trademark red hair, and so Tonks could only assume that they too were Weasleys. She smiled as they both caught her eye and the boy nodded at her, heading towards Molly. The girl smiled back and walked straight towards her and sat across the table from her.

"Thank goodness they recruited another girl. My brothers are driving me mad and Hermione wont be here for another week." she said. "I'm Ginny Weasley by the way."

"Tonks. Pleased to meet you." she replied. "Men… They can be such bad company sometimes."

Sirius looked up as she rolled her eyes. "Now Tonskie. Little wee Tonskidora. We aren't that bad."

Tonks glared back at him. Trust Sirius to combine her first and last name to create a name she hated more than her first.

"My point exactly." Ginny said with a smile, and Tonks laughed.

"Yep."

"When does Harry get here?" Ginny asked, and as she did, Tonks swore she could see something in her eyes, something about the way she casually dropped his name, which hinted that it was not casual at all.

"Soon Ginny." Remus replied with a tone that implied that she asked this question often, but in different casual ways, and despite this, she fooled no-one. Ginny shrugged at this reply, but Tonks watched her carefully and this time, she knew she saw something stir in her eyes, as though she protested to him being kept away, but with the resigned air of someone who had argued the point many times before with no luck at all. She made a mental note to talk to her later and find out what was actually bothering her.

While Ginny seemed lost momentarily in thought, Tonks turned to Bill and Charlie who sat to the left of Ginny and were talking casually. She leaned across the table. "What have you two been up to lately. Long time no see."

The turned to her and grinned. "Well nothing much apart from the obvious. You know that I have the dragons and Bill has Gringotts. I haven't been up to much, but it is a bit of a different story for old Bill here." Charlie said as he slapped Bill on the back. To Tonks surprise, Bill blushed.

"Well, well, well.' Tonks laughed. "What's been happening Bill?" When he blushed deeper, she rolled her eyes. "It's something to do with a girl, isn't it Bill."

Charlie laughed loudly. "That's the Tonks we know. You always did know how to get to the bottom of things." When Tonks went to punch him in the shoulder but ended up knocking over the salt and pepper, he laughed even harder. "Yep. Definitely the same old Tonks."

Tonks glared at him, but turned to Bill as she felt the amusement creep into her eyes. "It is a girl isn't it?" she accused.

"He's been giving a girl English lessons while he's been at Gringotts. If that's what they've been up to…" Charlie waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Shut it!" Bill punched Charlie in the ribcage. "Mum might be listening. She hears everything."

"So?" Tonks questioned, wondering why on earth he'd be afraid of Molly Weasley when he worked closely with Goblins every day. Then she remembered Molly's brisk motherly attitude, and her annoyance at Tonks when Tonks tried to help. 'Though I did break half the cups.' she thought.

"Mum doesn't approve." Charlie explained. "Watch out Tonks, she'll be trying to pair you up with Bill next. Speaking of which, met anyone you've liked so far in the Order?" He did another of his ridiculous eyebrow wriggling gestures, which made her giggle.

As she replied, she could have sworn she saw Remus tilt his head slightly in her direction, despite seeming to be in deep conversation with Sirius. "Wouldn't you like to know." She shot at Charlie, poking out her tongue.

Sirius was complaining again. It was hard these days, to be friends with Sirius. He was bitter towards everyone and everything - a side effect of a lively man being locked in the house he hated most in the world, and never being allowed to go out.

As Sirius rambled on about Kreacher and his latest antics, Remus found his thoughts and his eyes wandering the room. Not for the first time that night his eyes fell to rest on Nymphadora Tonks, where she was laughing and joking with Bill and Charlie. Remus frowned as he watched Charlie in particular. There was something different in his eyes when he looked at Tonks. Remus didn't see any difference in the way she acted towards him, but his eyes were definitely glued on her. Somewhere inside his stomach, Remus felt a twist of something like jealousy, as he heard Charlie ask Tonks who she liked out of the Order, and he tilted his head slightly towards her, while still trying to make it look as though he was paying close attention to Sirius.

He was confused. He hadn't felt this way in years - long enough to forget what it felt like. No, he couldn't like her. It was impossible. They had just met, and she was so much younger, so much brighter. He must just be feeling particularly well towards her because she seemed to lift Sirius's mood a little. Convincing himself that the funny feelings he had for Tonks were just feelings of gratitude and amusement, he turned back to Sirius, and was surprised to find that somewhere along the way, he had stopped talking and was just staring at him.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Moony?" he said. "What are you thinking about?" As he said the words, his eyes flickered towards Tonks, as though he could guess it fairly well for himself.

Remus paused. "Nothing." he lied. Sirius considered him for a minute, but seemed to decide that he wasn't ready to talk yet. He knew Remus though, better than Remus thought, and he knew somewhere in his brain, that this wasn't the last he'd hear of this. He'd have to find some way to bring Tonks to the house more for Moony's sake, because he could tell Moony was in denial.

'Moony?' Tonks thought. 'What sort of nickname is that?' She leaned over towards them. "Moony?" she asked them. Remus was obviously shocked to discover that she had been listening, and he quickly thought back over the conversation, wondering whether anything had been given way. He sighed in relief as he realised she still didn't know. It was a matter of time though before she found out, but he hoped it would be a long time, and then caught himself wondering why he cared so much about Tonks opinion anyway.

"Well it's a fitting name for someone so affected by the…" Sirius started, but was cut off as Remus glared daggers in his direction. Tonks looked from one man to the other and wondered what was going on.

'By the?" Tonks asked.

"By the.. Chocolate…" Sirius finished lamely. "Remus loves his chocolate." Remus hit Sirius with the book he had been reading earlier and Tonks raised an eyebrow but dropped the subject.

"Right. Well…" and she shook her head and turned back to Charlie and Bill. Remus watched her turn her back and sighed with relief and disappointment. She'd find out soon enough, and she'd run screaming. He couldn't allow himself to become attached to her, or look forward to the guard duties they were paired for because he knew it wouldn't last, at least - he thought - it _shouldn't_ last. It was too dangerous for her.

"Dinner!" Molly called out to those at the table and they all looked up as the dishes came floating towards the table, Molly following behind directing them with her wand. Remus and Tonks both sighed as one - though they didn't realise - and they thought to themselves 'I'll think about it all tomorrow," and turned their thoughts to dinner.

**A/N: Not loving the way I end the chapters, but I am really bad at ending things : P Sorry : 0 Please review!**


	4. Werewolf?

**Here's the next chapter. Luckily for you guys, I am super sick and its raining so I can't work, or ride my horses, sing or go anywhere, so its just playing the piano and writing for me : D**

**Obviously I don't own Harry Potter : D**

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Dinner was over and everyone was sitting back, satisfied. "That was great Molly." Tonks said, when she had finished and everyone echoed their agreement.

"Thanks Tonks." Molly said. "Anyway, I had better be going now. Its getting late." She got up and her children all did as well. They all said goodbye reluctantly, as though they'd rather stay, and Sirius looked glum, as though he wished they would. Remus was reading again, looking up when someone said goodbye but otherwise, seemed completely submersed in his book.

Tonks had been watching him for a while, and he didn't seem to be reading at all. Though he sat stock still, except when he turned pages, something about him seemed to fidget as though he was uncomfortable in some way or another. His grey eyes had the blurred look of someone who was not taking in a word he read. She wondered if he was always like this, but frowned as she remembered the way his eyes were warn and sparkling with amusement when he had helped her out of the troll-leg umbrella stand incident. No. Something had changed during dinner. The whole time she had noticed that he seemed to be ignoring her. His body was tilted away from her, and he didn't look towards her once, speaking only when spoken to, or when asked a question. Every now and then she thought she saw his head tilt slightly towards her, before he would turn away again, but she wondered whether or not this was imagined.

Remus was surprised at how hard it was to not look at her, especially when he vowed he wouldn't. He seemed to be able to feel where she was behind him and it burned him as he fought the urge to turn around and start a conversation with her. He opened his book straight after dinner and stared into that instead, trying to look relaxed.

When it was only Sirius, Remus and Tonks left in the kitchen Tonks stood up. Sirius looked up at her. "Why are you leaving?"

'I don't live here." Tonks replied with a smile. Sirius grinned.

'Don't you want to know how it is that I turned out to be innocent?" He asked.

Tonks had completely forgotten with everything else on her mind. "Oh. Actually, now that you mention it - I do." she pulled out her chair and sat back down, as Remus finally looked up from his book. He thought it was probably best that he head off to bed before he ended up in an awkward situation in which he made a fool of himself, or before he exposed his secret to Tonks, and so he pulled back his chair and stood.

Though he was looking forward to getting to know his cousin better, half of Sirius's plan to get Tonks to stay was to allow her and Moony to get to know one another. He glared at Remus. Remus had been slowly relaxing and becoming more like his old self since he had found Sirius. Now, Sirius found that he was closing up again, persuading himself that he didn't deserve to enjoy life, just because he was a bloody _werewolf._

"Remus can tell the story." He said quite cheerfully. He faked a hacking cough. "I've got a bit of a sore throat, you see." Remus just glared at him, until Sirius started pretending to cough again, almost falling off his chair. Tonks thought she heard Remus mutter something like, 'It'll be sore after I strangle you…' and she sniggered.

Remus looked at her in surprise, and if anything made him sit down again - and if he was truthful to himself - it was the sound of Tonks laughter. He sat back in his chair, glaring at Sirius and said to her. "Something amusing?"

"You two are like an old married couple." She stated, sniggering again.

"Well, I think you are a bit mistaken there little Tonskies, because Remus prefers bright young witches, who are always laughing, and maybe even a little clums-" Sirius's speech was cut short by Remus throwing the book he was reading at Sirius's head. Tonks laughed again, wondering what he meant by that.

"Does _someone_ want to tell me the story?" She said, still amused.

Remus started to speak. "Sirius didn't kill the people they said he killed. How much do you know already?" He asked Tonks.

"Not much, just what the ministry says, I guess." She rolled her eyes.

"So, Basically that he killed a whole heap of innocent people, including Peter Pettigrew." Remus said.

"Yeah. Pretty much." Tonks replied.

"Then that makes this a pretty long story. Would you like a drink?" he asked, and when she nodded he silently summoned three bottles of butterbeer from the kitchen. "I am sure you are familiar with the story of Lily, James and Harry Potter?"

Tonks thought that she noticed his eyes tighten as he spoke of Lily, Harry and James, as though it caused him pain, and looking at Sirius, she noticed the same thing. She nodded.

"They were killed by Voldemort-" Remus waited for her to flinch, but she didn't and so he continued. "But there is more to it than that. Lily and James used to be in the order, and one day it became clear that Voldemort was after them. Dumbledore set up protection for them, using the fidelius charm. Sirius was to be their secret keeper."

At this stage Tonks noticed that Sirius and Remus looked downright miserable. She kept quiet, not wanting to make things worse, as it was clear the story got worse from here.

"In school, James, Sirius, Peter and I were all best friends - well, Peter less so, but he was still part of the marauders." Remus explained.

"Marauders?" Tonks asked, confused.

"That was what we called ourselves. We were known as…uh…well, troublemakers I suppose, and we did live up to that title - Sirius and James especially wreaking havoc on the school." Remus said, with a small sad, wistful smile. "Sirius, James and Peter became animagi in our third year." he added.

"Why did they do that? They aren't on the register though." Tonks said, frowning. This wasn't making sense to her so far. All animagi were required to register themselves so that the Ministry knew who was who.

"No, They aren't on the register… And the reason for their transformations is a story for another day. Lets just say that it was a very kind idea thought up by Sirius and James to help a best friend." When he smiled this time, the smile reached his eyes. Sirius and James had decided to become animagi when they had found out that Remus was a werewolf, and to keep him company they became animagi. They helped him keep his mind and stay sane, making his transformations less painful and easier.

Tonks thought for a moment. Something seemed to bother Remus, and that was why he passed so quickly over the why. It was clear that he both regretted this and was thankful for Sirius and James becoming animagi. 'To help a best friend?' She thought to herself. Sirius and James's two best friends - from what Remus had told her - were Remus and Peter, and from what he had told her, Peter didn't fit in too well. So that must mean the kind idea must have been thought up to help Remus. "What about you" She asked. "Did you become an animagi too?"

The smile left Remus's eyes as she spoke, and he shook his head. "No. I didn't."

"He didn't need to." said Sirius. Remus turned to glare at Sirius yet again, and Sirius just shook his head.

"What?" said Tonks. "What do you mean?" Sirius shook his head and then rolled his eyes and shrugged.

"Anyway." said Remus forcefully. "James could transform into a stag, Sirius into a big black dog and Peter into a _rat_." His voice hardened as he spoke the last word, and an uncharacteristic look of hate and loathing entered his eyes and overtook his face. The look was shared by Sirius, who clenched his fists, at the name.

Noticing that the two men seemed to be forgetting the point of the story, she asked pointedly. "Does this have anything to do with the story?"

Remus's expression softened a little as he looked at her, the fury on his face melting away, until it was a flame in the back of his eyes, the sad smile taking place once again on his face. "This everything to do with the story." Tonks smiled at him, and as she did their eyes met. She felt the strangest need to go over to him and comfort him. He looked years older than he was, and his eyes were tired. He looked as though life was a war - one that he couldn't win. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, fighting the urge to hug him.

Remus felt as though her gaze would melt him when their eyes met and he had to resist the urge to move closer to her. She was pulling him with her eyes, and he wondered how that was even possible - how she could have the power to physically pull him with one look. He leaned back, trying to escape the pull, and the sensation it was causing deep in his stomach. His eyes broke contact with hers as he glanced briefly at Sirius, whose expression was slightly smug, and the sensation dulled until it settled to a nervous flutter in his stomach.

He started to tell the story again. "Sirius was supposed to be the secret keeper for the Potters. James and Lily made him Harry's Godfather."

Tonks noticed that Sirius looked more miserable than ever. "It's all my fault…" he whispered hoarsely, and in his eyes Tonks could see a haunted look, and for the first time that night, he truly looked like the tortured man from the WANTED posters.

Remus placed a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "You know it wasn't, Sirius." Sirius shook his head, and Remus continued, looking back at Tonks, and trying to ignore the pulling sensation again. "Sirius insisted that Peter should be the secret keeper, at the last minute. He thought it would be safer that way, that no-one would guess that it was Peter that had been entrusted with the information. He thought that he would be targeted first, because he was the obvious choice, and though we all know that Sirius would never tell, even when tortured, he may not have been able to resist veritaserum. So the Potters made Peter the secret keeper."

Sirius started to speak. " The night they died… I went to visit Peter - I had arranged to check on him, and make sure he was still safe. When I showed up at his hiding place, he was gone. There was no sign of a struggle, and so I was worried. I went straight to Lily and James…" His voice broke off here, and Remus picked up the story again.

"When Sirius arrived at their house. It was destroyed…"

Sirius started to speak again, his voice little more than a hoarse, strangled sound. "I saw their bodies… Everything was destroyed… I knew what I had done…"

Remus spoke over the top of Sirius, "What Peter had done, not Sirius…" he corrected. Sirius lay his head on the table, and said nothing. "Sirius went looking for Peter, determined to get revenge. It was Peter that blew up that street and killed all those people."

Tonks frowned again. "But they found Pettigrew's finger. Pettigrew is dead. This doesn't make sense."

"Let me finish." Remus said quietly. "Sirius had cornered Peter in a street, and when he did, Peter started screaming that Sirius had betrayed Lily and James. He had a wand behind his back, and before Sirius could curse him, he blew apart the whole street with his wand, and chopped off his finger before transforming, and running to the sewers with the other rats. He is still alive, but he had faked his death."

Tonks was silent for a minute. She believed them, but it was all just so unreal. Obviously Dumbledore trusted them. Sirius did not seem like a murderer, and Tonks felt that Remus could always be trusted. It was just something about him. She felt safe in his presence, and she couldn't explain why. "I believe you." she said. "Sirius, its not your fault. You can't blame yourself for Peter turning traitor."

Sirius mumbled something into his arms, his head still on the table and Remus stood. "You should probably go now, Tonks. You work tomorrow right?" He checked his watch and she nodded. 'Well, its quite late now. I'll walk you to the door. We have guard duty together tomorrow, and we need to figure out a time to meet."

Tonks nodded again and stood. Together they walked out into the hall. "Will he be ok?" Tonks asked.

"He'll be fine. I'll be here all night anyway. He'll probably start drinking soon." Remus said with a small smile.

"You live here too?" Tonks asked.

He nodded. "Yes, most of the time these days, but I do have an apartment."

She nodded, and kept walking. "What time do you want to meet for guard duty tomorrow?" she asked.

"We start guarding at eight, and finish at five the next morning, so we could meet here at quarter to eight, or if its easier, we could meet at your place." he said, mentally slapping himself for practically inviting himself to her place.

She smiled wistfully, she would love for Remus to come to her place, but she'd have to do something about the mess. "How about we meet here. I'll be here at half past seven, so that I can talk to Sirius again. You both must get lonely here when there are no meetings, especially Sirius being stuck here all the time."

Remus smiled at her thoughtfulness and was about to answer when he noticed that she was about to run into the troll-leg umbrella stand again, because her gazed was fixed on him. He reached for her shoulders and side stepped away from the umbrella stand, pulling her with him. He wondered if she could feel the warm electricity running up and down his arms and into her shoulders. Her eyes seemed to blur for a moment in what he thought must have been confusion. As he pulled her, she tripped over her own feet almost falling over, saved only by Remus moving his hands quickly from her shoulders to her waist and catching her. He held her against him, the electricity that had been flowing between them intensifying. 'Get a grip.' he shouted at himself in his head. Their faces were close together when she spoke. "Sorry, sorry, sorry…" she said. "I'm so damn clumsy." He could feel her cool breath wash over his face, and he felt almost intoxicated.

'There was…Umm.. The umbrella stand…" He tried to say, as he pulled her upright and stepped away from her.

She chuckled. "That damn umbrella stand will be the death of me." she replied. "Thankyou." she added in a softer voice, stepping towards him, and then stopping herself.

"I'll see you at half past seven tomorrow then." he said, finally able to put together a coherent sentence, trying to forget how her body felt against his, and how she smelled like roses and honey.

Tonks nodded and turned towards the door, being careful to avoid the troll-leg umbrella stand at all costs. When she reached the door, Remus was right behind her and he stood watching as she stepped out onto the front step and disapparated. He stood there for a moment trying to clear his head, breathing in the cool night air, before shutting the door, locking it and heading back to Sirius.

Kingsley was walking past Tonks desk the next day and he noticed that the young witch seemed preoccupied and distant. He frowned, hoping that she wasn't upset about anything, even though he thought he could see a small smile playing on her lips.

"Tonks." he said, and as he did she jolted in surprise, and then looked up at him.

"Wotcher Kingsley." she replied cheerfully.

"Everything ok there Auror Tonks?" he addressed her formally, as the bored ears of the other aurors could be eavesdropping, and he did no want to risk suspicion.

"Absoloutely." Tonks replied, smiling.

"Good. Fudge wants to see you in his office." Kingsley replied, rolling his eyes so that Tonks knew the visit would be either tedious, boring or both.

"The minister himself? To what do I owe this honour?" she asked, her voice low, sarcasm lacing every word.

Kingsley chuckled. "I don't know." he lied.

Tonks raised her eyebrows. "Sure you don't." She stood up, and started to move towards the door. "I'll see you later." she whispered, and Kingsley nodded.

Fudge was sitting in his office chair when Tonks knocked on the door. "Auror Tonks. You wished to see me sir?" She called out in a polite conversational tone.

"Ah, Nymphadora, Yes, yes. Do come in! Make yourself comfortable." he said as she opened the door. He gestured towards the chairs next to his desk. "Have a seat there. Would you like any tea? Water?" she shook her head. "I insist, please do have some tea or water."

Tonks eyes narrowed in suspicion, but Fudge did not seem to notice. "Fine. I'll have some water, thanks."

Fudge waved his wand and a cup of water floated from somewhere behind him and came to rest on the table in front of her. She took the cup and grasped it in her hands, so that Fudge could not see its contents completely. She lifted the cup to her lips and pretended to take a sip, noting the look of satisfaction on Fudge's face when she did so.

"Now Nympha-" he started, but Tonks cut over the top of him.

"Please minister, call me Tonks." she said.

"As you wish Auror Tonks." he replied. "Auror Tonks, I'm going to get straight to the point. Dumbledore and Harry Potter have been spreading awful lies about you-know-who, and the ministry tries its best to discourage these tall tales. However we have discovered that Dumbledore may be operating anti-ministry organisations in an attempt to overthrow the ministry. He claims that you-know-who is back to spite the ministry and gain followers. Anyone who follows him is disloyal to the ministry. Do you understand Auror Tonks?"

Tonks pretended to take another sip, silently vanishing the water in small amounts to make it seem as though she was drinking and quickly thinking over Fudge's words, struggling not to roll her eyes. "Yes, sir. I understand." she replied.

'Good Auror Tonks, and are you loyal to the ministry and only the ministry?" he asked.

Tonks nodded. 'Of course, sir." she said, again fighting the urge to roll her eyes. So this was what he was playing at. Taking in those he suspected, and offering them drinks laced with veritaserum, to find out what Dumbledore was doing. Everyone knew Fudge was afraid of Dumbledore becoming minister of magic, and it seemed to be affecting him more and more these days, so he went against almost everything Dumbledore said or did lately. The trouble with Fudge's method of thinking though was that anyone who knew anything about Dumbledore knew he didn't want the job, and that if he did, he would have it, whether Fudge liked it or not.

"Do you know anyone who you suspect or know might be in league with Dumbledore?" he asked.

"No sir." she said.

He looked at her for a moment. "Very well. Always remember though Auror Tonks, that there is no place at the ministry for traitors, and those caught following Dumbledore in any way will be immediately dismissed and arrested for betraying the ministry."

Tonks nodded, she had guessed as much.

He continued. "I have some work for you, Auror Tonks. You are to take these profiles of those suspected of plotting against the ministry with Dumbledore, and you are to investigate them. I expect you to do a thorough job, and I expect you to stalk their movements and make sure you find out whether or not they are guilty. You have two weeks. You are to spend the time following these people, recording their movements and activities." He gestured towards the pile of folders on his desk. "Take those, they contain the names of those you must follow. You must tell no-one about this task, least of all the witches or wizards named in these folders. You are to turn in daily reports to me, with your findings, but otherwise you are not required to be here for the next two weeks. I expect that you will use the time wisely." he gestured towards the folders again.

"Yes, sir." Tonks said. She was beginning to see how her job at the ministry and her work for the order would clash. Half the people in the folders at least, probably belonged to the order, and she could hardly report their daily activities. She nodded at Fudge. "Is that all sir?" She pretended to drink and vanished more of the water. She set her glass down.

'Yes, that is all Auror Tonks. You may go. Starting tomorrow, you are not expected back in your office for two weeks."

"Yes, sir. I shall have a report to you by the end of tomorrow."

"Very good Auror Tonks." Fudge nodded. Tonks picked up the folders and then turned and headed for the door, allowing herself to roll her eyes when Fudge could no longer see her face.

Back in her office she looked at the cover of each folder. There were four folders, and the names on them were Arthur Weasley, Emmeline Vance, Dedalus Diggle and Remus Lupin. All of them were in the order. She shook her head. 'This will be hard.' she thought.

She opened Remus's folder. It interested her, which was hardly surprising seeing as he had had the constant attention of her thoughts ever since he had saved her from the damned umbrella stand. She didn't know why she was so interested though. She hardly knew him. She had met him once, and she still knew hardly anything about him. He was a lot older than her. He was quiet and yet she found him more interesting than any other man she'd met lately. Something about him just drew her to him, and she didn't think he was bad looking either. In fact she thought him handsome, even though he was on the shabby side, and had looked ill when she had seen him. When he smiled at her, he was breathtakingly beautiful, because the sad, haunted look in his eyes fell away a little, and his eyes sparkled. She shook her head. He'd never be interested in her, and so she should just stop thinking about him. She was being stupid.

Still, she was interested and so she proceeded to read through his folder. His birthday, she noted, was in a month and she made a mental note to find something that he wanted so that she could get something for him. She would have to ask Sirius what he would want. Better yet, she could find out more about Remus herself. She could see that he had no criminal history so far, and was not surprised. Then, halfway down the page she saw something that made her breath catch in her throat.

'_Werewolf… bitten age five.'_

Her mind raced at a million miles an hour. Werewolf? Remus was a werewolf. 'How could he be a werewolf?' she thought. 'Bitten when he was five years old.' No wonder he looked as though life had chewed him up and spat him back out. Her eyes welled with tears as she thought about what Remus must have gone through, and to her surprise she found that she was not scared. That this did nothing to change her opinion of him, except to wonder at how he kept going through life. The ministry were making life hard for him. Umbridge especially. She hated half-breeds, and she kept bringing in new laws against werewolves. It must be so hard for Remus, to not be able to get a job because of something he was once a month. How could he live like that? She had seen for herself that he was a decent man. He was fighting against Voldemort, instead of with him like she had heard the other werewolves had last time.

'_Highly dangerous, claims not to have killed anyone.'_

Tonks read further. Highly dangerous? There were many things that Tonks considered dangerous: that stupid umbrella stand for one, Voldemort, teacups and -admittedly- Tonks herself when she went near anything breakable, but Remus was not dangerous in her eyes. Sure, werewolves were dangerous, but Remus seemed like the type that was sensible, and in her mind she just couldn't connect the word _dangerous_ with Remus Lupin. That is, unless she was talking about her chances of falling for him. Yes, she was dangerously close to falling for Remus Lupin, whether he was a werewolf or not.

"HA!" She said, in a louder voice than one would normally use for a conversation. Several of the Aurors around her looked at her in surprise and irritation. She blushed. "Sorry." she said. She had just realized something. It all fit now. Last night, Remus had been so reluctant for her to know that he was a werewolf. Sirius had come close to saying it many times. Moony! She put two and two together and she realised the connection. So that was what that nickname meant. Everything was falling into place. His friends becoming animagi. They did it for him, so that he would not be the odd one out. The reason he looked older and shabbier than he should.

Of course he hadn't killed anyone. He was a good guy. He was with Dumbledore, he was civil. He wasn't one of those werewolves who lived in the woods in camps on the outskirts of society, running feral in the woods and mauling people. He had made the effort to live and devoted his life to fighting the bad, and helping the good. Anyone who said differently didn't know him. Tonks knew that much. She shook her head again. No, it didn't matter what he was. It was who he was that mattered the most to Tonks. With sadness sinking through her to rest around her heart she closed the folder.

**Ok. So the next chapter wont be far away. I am writing it now, so it should only be a few hours away. Please review : D**


	5. I want to Know You

**Its only a few hours later and already another chapter : D Yay!**

**I don't own Harry Potter : D **

**Please let me know what you think : )**

Tonks was sitting beside Remus, and they had their backs against a brick wall. Even though during the days this summer it had been very hot, this night was a particularly cool one. Remus was leaning his head back against the brick wall, and had his eyes closed. He seemed even more tired tonight, and even sicker than he had yesterday. She noticed however that when he looked at her, his eyes would sparkle, so that she could see the specks of blue and silver through them, and though she liked to imagine that that was a look reserved especially for her, she thought that it probably wasn't. His breathing was steady and even, and she wondered if being very tired tonight had something to do with the full moon being tomorrow night. She had taken the liberty of looking up the moon cycle. She imagined that transforming would take a lot of energy, but this was before the moon so she couldn't be sure.

They were sitting close under the invisibility cloak, and she felt especially warm with their shoulders touching. There seemed to be a strong electric tingling feeling moving back and forth through their shoulders that Tonks thought she could feel, and she wondered if he felt the same way. The touch of his arm on hers made her nervous, and yet she didn't want to move away. The opposite actually. She wanted to be closer, but she wasn't sure he would like it if she just jumped right on top of him, like she wanted to. She laughed as she thought of his reaction if she jumped into his lap. He'd probably think she was quite insane.

Remus heard Tonks laugh at something, and he opened his eyes. "Something funny?" He asked, smiling himself. He loved the sound of her laughter, and combined with the fact that their shoulders were touching and that they were pressed tight together under the cloak he was feeling quite warm. There was also another feeling, that he couldn't quite put his finger on - like he wanted to be closer to her. He shook his head, no, she wouldn't want that.

Tonks laughed again, and then shook her head and then said, "Not really." which made Remus laugh as well. They laughed together for a minute before Remus said, "Really, what was funny? You should tell me or I will be inclined to think you were laughing at me."

Tonks laughed. "No, more at myself." she said.

"Well, you are amusing sometimes." Remus said teasingly. Tonks mock glared at him and then went to punch him lightly in the shoulder. Due to the combined fact that they were squished under a cloak, and that she clumsy, she almost pulled the invisibility cloak off them as she moved her arm towards him. Her side of the cloak rose so that half of her was exposed. Luckily, it was dark, and there was no-one on the streets. Remus laughed at her and reached with the arm that was not at Tonks side, leaned over her and pulled the cloak down over her side again.

Tonks breath caught in her throat as Remus leaned over her, thanking God that what she had just been wishing had actually happened. He was leaning over her, and they were closer than they had been. However, it was short-lived as he sat back up when he had fixed the cloak and the hope she had felt fell away. Of course he didn't want her that way. He probably saw her as an immature young girl. Then he smiled at her, and she allowed herself to hope again. His smile was amused, and he laughed, throwing his head back against the wall. She admired the way his hair fell into his eyes casually, and made him look incredibly and devilishly handsome.

"I'm so clumsy." she said and shook her head, staring at her knees, which only made him laugh more.

'Yes, you are." he said. When her face fell, he added. "Its quite endearing though."

Tonks looked up and into his sparkling eyes, his amusement infectious. "You must be getting sick of saving me from myself." she said as she recalled that he'd had to help her up again that night, as she'd tripped over the doorframe to the living room. She'd managed to get around the umbrella stand by being overly cautious, but unfortunately she'd caught sight of him when she was coming through the living room door and he'd looked into her eyes, causing her to trip on the doorframe.

"Not at all." he replied, snorting softly with amusement. "Anytime."

She laughed at him, and then she said, "Tell me about yourself, Remus."

For three hours she asked him questions about himself and he answered them. She found out that his favourite food was chocolate, his favourite colour was blue, and his favourite hobby was reading. She asked him a lot of questions about books, and found that he had read many. She asked about his previous professions. She found out that he had had a few jobs, at bars and doing yard work, and other assorted jobs. She was most surprised to find out though, that he had worked at Hogwarts two years ago.

"What did you teach?" She asked.

"Defense against the Dark Arts." he replied.

"How did you like teaching?" she said.

There was a sparkle in his eyes as he answered. "It was the best job I ever had." he said.

"I'll bet you were a great teacher. What made you quit? she questioned.

"Uh. Well… You must know about the curse on the job. No-one lasts more than a year…" he stammered, his eyes losing their sparkle at once, which told her all she needed to know. This was something to do with being a werewolf, and he clearly wasn't ready to tell her yet. She tried to put him at ease by passing straight over the subject.

She asked him about his childhood, his parents and was surprised to hear that his dad had died when he was a teenager. She could tell from the sadness in his eyes that they had been close. She asked him silly questions, mostly about his time at Hogwarts. They talked about Sirius, and Tonks laughed as Remus told her stories of what they had gotten up to at school. They talked about the teachers at Hogwarts, laughing at how they both hated Snape. They talked about their favourite drinks, their favourite animals and their favourite books. They talked about Tonks being a metamorphmagus, and he asked her about it.

"Well, when I was a child, I couldn't always control it. I still can't sometimes. Snape used to get me in trouble for it sometimes, said I was showing off when my hair or face would change uncontrollably. He'd give me detention sometimes. Nowadays, my hair will change with my emotions, and I can't usually control that. When I sleep it goes back to my natural self, I think, but only when I am really tired, because when I am really tired I'll wake up with brown hair. People think its unnatural, and a lot of people hate it, or they think I am a freak. All the time, I get people either saying that I should pick a normal hairstyle and stick with it, or I get people telling me not to change at all. I get people asking me why I don't look prettier, because I could look however I want. I get people asking me to change to look like their favourite singers, or actors. My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that if I just changed the way I looked a little I could be pretty. He even used to ask me to impersonate his favourite models. He was always angry when I refused." She sighed. Tonks was aware that she has been talking for a long time, and was also aware that she must look quite sad. She didn't normally tell people she had just met all about her problems, but Remus was different. She was worried that she was boring him.

She looked over at him, but he seemed to be slightly sad, and in awe. "If it helps, I think you are beautiful." he said, and her heart soared as he reached over and took a piece of her dark green hair in his fingers. "No matter what colour or style your hair is." He smiled at her.

Not for the first time that night, she stopped breathing, and just stared at him. "Thankyou." she whispered. "And I'm sorry. I don't usually dump all my problems on people."

"No problem. It's fine." he answered leaning back against the wall. "I really don't mind."

There was a short silence.

"You seem tired." she said. "Are you sick."

Remus paused before answering, his eyes shut as his head rested against the wall. "Not really." he said.

Tonks hesitated before saying, "The full moon is tomorrow night."

At her words, he sat bolt upright, and for the second time that night, the invisibility cloak almost fell off them both. This time, she fixed it, and she put her arms around him as she fixed his side. The whole time he watched her. How did she know? Why was she still here? Why wasn't she running from him like he thought she would? She didn't seem to care, and his heart stuttered, as he allowed himself to feel hope. She really seemed fine. She didn't seemed scared. She had been talking easily to him all night, sitting close to him knowing what he was, she had her arms around him now, fixing the cloak, even though she knew what he was. No, he was wrong to hope. He was too old, and poor and dangerous. At least that's what he told himself. Just because she wasn't afraid of him, doesn't mean that she liked him, he thought. At that point he knew that he was falling for her, and even though the feeling of falling was pleasant, and he knew that he wanted to know her, to be closer to her, he knew he shouldn't feel that way - shouldn't endanger her that way. He wasn't good enough for her. She was so young, and beautiful and bright. She had her whole life to live. He was just an old werewolf, who could hardly even get a job. He had no money to offer her, nothing at all to offer her.

"How… How did you know?" he asked her, genuinely wondering how she had found out, mentally cursing Sirius, if he had been the one to tell her. He had hinted at it enough tonight when she had come early to see him.

"I work at the ministry Remus. You are a registered werewolf." she said softly. "Actually, I've been ordered to track down people Fudge thinks might be working with Dumbledore and you were one of them. He gave me folders with information. It was in there." she added and smiled at him.

Remus stared at her. She really didn't seem scared. "Why aren't you running?" he asked, looking away, because he couldn't stand to see the rejection in her eyes when he told her he was dangerous.

Tonks looked at him. So this was why he didn't tell her straight away. He expected her to be scared and run from him. She wondered if people did that to him a lot. "Remus, I like you. As a person. Being a wolf once a month doesn't change that."

His heart stopped when he heard her say she liked him, but he told himself she didn't mean it as more than just friends. He shook his head.

"Remus. Look at me." She said softly, and he turned his head slowly towards her, sadness in his eyes. She resisted the urge to run her hand across his forehead, and sweep the hair from his eyes, or to sweep the sadness from his eyes if she could. "I don't care what you are Remus. It's who you are that counts." She said slowly, and meaningfully.

'Besides, I happen to really like who you are." she added, looking away.

Remus's heart leapt at her words. "So you really don't care?" he asked. "Even though the full moon is so close?"

Tonks nodded. "Yep. Should I be afraid tonight?" she asked. "The full moons not until tomorrow."

He laughed. "No, I'm perfectly safe tonight. Tired, but safe." he said.

Tonks laughed with him, glad to see that the sadness in his eyes was almost completely gone. 'I've heard that my shoulder makes a good pillow." she said. "Feel free to take a nap. We still have…." She checked her watch. "over four and a half hours to go."

He smiled, "As tempting as that sounds, I like talking to you too much to waste my time with sleep."

Tonks smiled at him, hope filling her heart and making her stomach twist in happiness.

They talked about anything and everything. Remus asked her about her previous pets. Tonks told him that she now had an owl named Loopy, and that she had once had a cat named Max, a dog named Buggy and once she had even had a horse named Grubby.

"You ride?" he asked, surprised.

"I used to. It's a lot of fun. It used to take my mind off things." she replied. "I still love to ride, but there is not much time these days."

"What happened to your horse?" Remus asked.

"We sold him in my sixth year. It was hard, but I wanted to be an Auror, and with Hogwarts and everything, he never got the attention he deserved. We used to lease him to a girl who lived nearby while I was at school, and I'd take him back on holidays. We sold him to her in the end." she smiled sadly.

Tonks asked him about his favourite and least favourite subjects at school. He told her that he loved Defense against the Dark arts, and hated potions. She told him that she loved charms and transfiguration, and hated potions.

"Doesn't everyone hate potions though with Snape teaching?" she said and he laughed. "Did you quitting have anything to do with Snape?"

"Yes. He accidentally let slip that I was werewolf at the end of the year, and so I resigned."

Then he asked her what had inspired her to be an Auror. Tonks shifted uncomfortably. This subject was more personal that it seemed.

"Well. For a start, everyone always said that I wouldn't be able to do it. Especially Snape. I wanted to prove them wrong." Remus could tell from the way didn't look at him when she talked about this that it was a personal thing, and he felt honored to know that she trusted him so much as to tell him. "Also… When I was growing up, my parents were always scared. Scared of Voldemort, and his followers and what he might do to them… or me. I just knew that I didn't want to be scared like them, and I wanted to be able to protect them. As an Auror I can do that." she said.

He stared at her in awe. Tonks was so brave, so selfless. "You say his name." he said, amazed.

She looked at him. "So do you." she stated.

He smiled at her, "You are incredibly brave, you know."

Tonks shook her head at him. "I'm not brave. You are brave." When he shook his head, she said. "Yes you are. How do you do it?" She whispered, and there was pain in her voice. He wondered what she meant, and why she sounded like she was in pain.

"How do I do what?" he asked.

"Being a werewolf? It must be tough. I'm not so naïve that I think it's a walk in the park being a wolf once a month." she said miserably. "You are so strong, dealing with it, and still being able to sit here with me and laugh as though life hasn't been terribly hard for you."

Remus sighed. She actually seemed sad over something that hurt him. She really did care, he noted as he saw the misery in her eyes. "I'm not going to pretend that its been easy." he said, "but people like you make it much easier."

"Me?" she asked. "How do I help anything?"

"Because you are you, and you aren't running away. When I am talking to you, its incredibly easy to forget that tomorrow I'll turn into a wolf. You stay here with me, even though I am werewolf and you know it. You don't treat me like I am diseased. Also, you can only let something get you down, if you choose it. You can wallow in self-pity or you can rise above it. You and I both rise above it."

'Me? But what do I have to get me down?" she asked, confused.

"Don't think I didn't notice that it bothers you sometimes, how people act when they find out that you are a metamorphmagus." I could tell from the first moment I found out. Your voice was sharp as though you were daring me to go against it, to call you a freak. Yet, look at you, Your hair is still whatever colour you want it to be. You still look like you. No matter what anyone else wants you to look like." he explained.

"I suppose so." Tonks said. "But that doesn't make me brave."

"Bravery is being strong in any way." Remus said. "And you are brave."

She smiled at him, and they went back to talking about more trivial subjects. They talked about the houses they had been in at Hogwarts. Remus had been in Gryffindor and Tonks in Hufflepuff. They talked about quidditch. Tonks could fly pretty well, and had been on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. Remus was an ok flyer, but he admitted that he liked to keep his feet firmly on the ground. They talked about Hagrid and his obsession with dangerous animals. Remus told Tonks the story of how Hagrid had had a hippogriff in the year that Remus had been teaching and how it had scratched Draco Malfoy deeply, because the boy had not bowed to the animal before approaching it. He then told Tonks, to her surprise, that that hippogriff now lived with Sirius.

"So when Hagrid said he was going upstairs to visit a hippogriff last night… He wasn't kidding?" Tonks asked.

"No. Hagrid and Sirius are both close to Buckbeak." Remus answered. He then told her the story of how the Hippogriff had been sentenced to death, but Hermione Granger and Harry Potter had rescued him from laughter and then released Sirius from Hogwarts as well, in the same night.

"Fudge was so angry that night." Tonks laughed. "I was only in training at the time. I finished my Auror course soon after that."

"I'll bet he was." Remus said.

"Harry is incredibly talented." said Tonks. "His friends too. Ron and Hermione?"

"Yes. Hermione is one of the brightest witches I have ever known."

"I have heard Harry fought off hundreds of Dementors that night on his own. How did he do that?"

"He produced a patronus, and fought them off." Remus told her, and Tonks thought she saw a proud look cross his face.

"A Patronus? At that age?" Tonks said in awe. 'Who taught him?"

"I did." Remus said proudly. It was obvious that he was proud of Harry. "The Dementors were affecting him badly, and he asked me to help him. His Patronus is a stag. His fathers animagus form."

"So you are close to Harry as well then?" Tonks asked.

"Yes. I suppose I am." Remus said softly.

'I can tell." Tonks smiled.

They talked more about Hogwarts, Hogsmeade, and the shrieking shack.

"Do you believe that place is really haunted?" Tonks asked.

To her surprise, Remus laughed. "No." The amusement was plain on his face.

"Do you know something about that shack that I don't?" Tonks asked, smiling.

"I know everything about that shack." he said. "Naturally, since it was built for me."

Tonks shot him a look of surprise. 'Built for you?" she asked.

"Yes. Well. It always seemed that I wouldn't be able to go to Hogwarts, being a werewolf and all, it would just be too dangerous." he said. "Dumbledore was headmaster in my school days. He said that as long as we were careful and took precautions, I should be able to go. The shack was built and passages out of the castle were built leading up to it. The whomping willow was planted there to stop anyone getting near the entrance, even though they didn't know there was an entrance to anywhere there. Once a month I was smuggled in to there. All the '_shrieking_' that was going on, was actually me." he explained.

She nodded. It made sense now. She asked him about other things as well. They talked more about things they liked and disliked. As they did, Tonks felt herself uncontrollably falling for him, and from here on out, she knew she wouldn't be able to convince herself otherwise. They chatted easily until there was just two hours to go.

"This is nice." Tonks said. "When do we get to do this again?"

Remus laughed. "Yes, Its nice here with you, but try doing it on your own. Its dead boring and not falling asleep is near impossible. Dumbledore used to put two on at once, but we can't do that at the moment because of the other thing we are guarding."

"You think its nice being here with me?" Tonks asked with a smile on her face.

Remus looked down at her, and then tried to keep the smile off his face, but failed miserably and looked away. "Yes. I do."

"Funny, because I like being here with you too." Tonks said. Remus laughed. "Is there anything we haven't talked about?" she joked.

Remus rolled his eyes, and then yawned. Tonks frowned. "Remus, just sleep. I offered my shoulder, and we only have a couple of hours left. You turn into a wolf tomorrow. You probably want to sleep."

Remus looked at her. "Well, You have work tomorrow." he said, "So you should sleep. I can sleep during the day, and I can tell you are tired."

Tonks was surprised. "How?"

"Your hairs getting lighter." he laughed.

"Oh, Damn hair." She laughed back, and as she looked into his eyes she felt the sudden urge to kiss him. They had gotten closer since the start of their shift. She was leaning against him heavily, their arms against each other. She shook her head, sure that he wouldn't want that… But then the way he was looking at her now…

"Sleep." Remus ordered. He tapped his shoulder. "I don't quite know if my shoulder is as good as yours, but you are welcome to it."

Tonks saw the stubborn streak in his eyes, and knew that this was a battle she wouldn't win. Besides, she was tired, and his shoulder looked wonderfully tempting. She lay her head on his shoulder, and almost instantly she fell asleep, but not before taking a deep breath to take in his clean crisp scent.

Remus could smell her hair as she lay her head on his shoulder. It had the same smell as her - of Honey and Roses. He listened to her breathing as she fell asleep and smiled. She fell asleep very quickly. He was right. She had been exhausted. She shifted in her sleep so that she was facing into him, and subconsciously she draped an arm around his waist, the other coming to rest on his arm. After half an hour like this, with Remus sorting through his thoughts, almost all of them involving her - Tonks mumbled. 'So she talks in her sleep,' Remus thought. 'That's adorable.'

He waited for her to say something else. She mumbled a few more times, saying things he couldn't make out. Then quite clearly -so clearly he thought she had woken up - she said his name. After his initial shock that she was dreaming of him, he wrapped his arms around her too, thinking of the smile that had crossed her beautiful face when she said his name. It struck hope into his heart as much as everything she had said tonight did. As he held her and watched, her hair slowly turned from short and pink to a light brown shade, wavy and slightly longer than shoulder length. So this was Tonks original form, he thought. She was just as beautiful, and he was drawn to her more than ever. She said his name again, and he allowed himself to grin, leaning back, still holding her and allowed himself to be happy.

When it was almost five, he shook her gently awake. "Time to wake up." he said regretfully. Then he added in a playful tone "You talk in your sleep."

She sat bolt upright and looked downright horrified. "What did I say?" she asked fearfully

He smiled. "I couldn't make out most of it…" he said, and chuckled at the relief on her face. "But you did say my name a couple of times."

Her face fell, and she blushed, her hair going a bright red. "I'm so sorry. You must think I'm awful." she said.

He laughed. "Not at all." he said. "Don't be sorry. You made my day." Then he grinned at her, taking a piece of her bright red hair in his fingers. "I see what you mean about your hair."

She grinned back at him. "Did I go back to brown?" she asked.

"Yep. You were still just as beautiful, so don't worry."

Tonks smiled at him. He seemed happier, and she wondered why. She was allowing herself to hope that he cared for her, like she did for him. More than friends. She had to admit, he seemed to, but it could just be in her head. "Thanks." She realised that somehow she had wound her arms around him while she was sleeping and that they were still tangled together.

There was a loud CRACK and Emmeline arrived and they jumped apart, dislodging the cloak for the third time that night. They both laughed, and stood and gave the cloak to Emmeline.

"Wotcher Emmeline." Tonks said cheerfully.

Emmeline's reply was less than cheerful. She was obviously tired. "Hi Nymphadora, Lupin." She nodded.

"Just call me Tonks. I hate the name Nymphadora." She said. Emmeline nodded and then disappeared under the cloak. "Well bye then." Tonks said.

"Let's go." Remus said.

Back on the steps at Grimmauld Place Remus laughed. "Why do you hate your name so much?" he asked.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Would you like the name if it was yours?" she asked.

"Don't hex me but I happen to think it's a pretty name." he said, grinning.

Tonks laughed. "Coming from the man who thinks I am beautiful and who thinks a hippogriff makes a great household pet."

"Hey, he hasn't torn the house apart yet!" Remus laughed.

Tonks rolled her eyes again. "Our next guard duty is in two days right?"

"Yes Nymphadora." Remus said dodging the punch she threw that would have been sure to land somewhere on his chest. She became unbalanced and fell forward and he caught her easily. She glared up at him in mock fury, but his face was close to hers and she forgot why she was angry and she forgot her own name as he leaned forward and their lips met. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back as he slowly pulled her upright. This felt so right, his lips on hers made her insides do backflips, she couldn't think and she felt dizzy, her knees were going weak. All she could feel was his lips moving on hers and the electric shocks running up and down her entire body as he held her to him.

He didn't know why he kissed her. Maybe it was because she was so close, or because he had been trying all night not to, when he wanted to so badly. Maybe it was because it just felt so right. No matter what made him do it, he was glad he did. This felt like heaven, and he never wanted this feeling to end. He was surprised when she kissed him back. Maybe she did like him back, the way he liked her. The tingling sensations were intensified and they coursed up and down his body, so that he could no longer tell where he ended and she began. He tightened his hold on her, unsure whether he'd be able to let her go. He guided her back towards the door, so that her back was pressed against the door. When they came up for air, he chuckled breathlessly. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

Her eyes were lightly hazy, and she too seemed out of breath. "That's fine." She stretched up and kissed him. This kiss was shorter than their last, and when she pulled away she whispered, "More than fine actually. I've wanted to do that all night." She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him.

"I have to go." she said, "But don't be surprised if I come back this afternoon. I'm meant to be tracking you down and reporting your every movement. I get the day off every day for the next two weeks to do it. Maybe Fudge would like some pictures in my report on your whereabouts this evening." She joked.

Remus laughed. "Yeah and lets just go and tell him about the whole order while you're at it." She laughed at him. "He seriously has you doing that?"

She stepped back "Yep. I am also supposed to track Arthur, Emmeline and Dedalus too though, so don't feel too flattered." She laughed.

He grinned. "I'll try not to get a big head."

"I'll see you later then Remus. If you don't want to see me today, just pretend to be asleep or something. The full moon is tonight, you might be sleeping anyway, and I do want to see Sirius. I'd appreciate it if you were awake though." She smiled.

"I'll see what I can do." he replied, still grinning.

She grinned back at him before disapparating off the front steps.

Shaking his head in disbelief at how the night had turned out, he let himself inside and went to bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow without even bothering to undress, prepared to have good dreams for once and smiling in his sleep.

**So there you go. Another chapter. The next one probably wont be long, due to me being sick with Tonsillitis and not being able to sing, and the rain stopping me from riding my horses. **

**Please review. It's your reviews that inspires me to write more : D Thanks to Likuan for the awesome review that inspired this whole chapter and made me smile : D**

**Please let me know whether you think Tonks and Remus are moving too fast or not. I'm not sure : S**


	6. Unsure

_**So not happy with this chapter, so please let me know : ( I struggled to finish it. **_

**I though Remus should regret kissing Tonks a bit, because he'd be out of character otherwise.**

**Please review ; )**

**Thanks to my 'anonymous' reviewer 'Darcy alex Knight' aka my sister - for her oh-so-relevant review. I'll be sure to let Lupin run off with barbeque, and teach Tonks to transfigure into a pair of Tongs. NOT.**

Remus was awake and sitting in the kitchen at Grimmauld place, regretting what he had done. He had kissed Tonks… and he hated himself for it. He was a bloody werewolf - he shouldn't like her. It was too dangerous. Now, he had let his control slip once and he had gone and let himself kiss her. Not that he hadn't been wanting too - but it was wrong all the same.

He looked at his watch. She'd be here today and he knew he had to tell her no before he became too attached - or she did. He figured it wouldn't hurt her much. They hadn't known each other long, and he was too old for her. There were much brighter young men that she could meet - that she could kiss. He figured that she was probably regretting the kiss now, probably wondering what had possessed her to kiss him. He told himself that it wouldn't hurt him too much - he hadn't known her long- but in his heart he already felt a faint burn and an empty space where she should be.

But it was so wrong to like her. He was so much older, too poor and too dangerous. He couldn't let her make the mistake of being with him. To let her would be a selfish choice, and he had to think about her, not himself.

Sirius was staring at him, wondering what made him look so regretful, and he concluded that something must have gone on last night with Tonks. He was right - Moony was falling for Tonks, and he could tell by his face that he was about to act all noble and refuse to see her because of what he was. 'Stubborn git.' he thought. He only caused himself heartbreak that way.

"Moony. You like her don't you?" Sirius asked and Remus's head shot up out of his hands.

"What?" he asked, his voice slightly panicked. Was he really that obvious?

Sirius could tell what he was thinking. "No mate, you aren't obvious or anything. Just… Well, don't think I don't notice the change in you today."

Remus was mortified. "Change?" he asked. "What _change_?"

Sirius laughed at his choice of words. "For a start it's the day of the full moon and you are sitting in my kitchen, staring into a cup of tea and its just after midday. You are normally asleep right about now. Secondly, you look like you are trying to resist someone - and don't think that I don't know the look you wear when you get like that. I've known you for years."

Remus glared at Sirius. "I'm a werewolf Padfoot. A bloody WEREWOLF." he said. "I have a right to keep myself away from people when I think it necessary."

"Who are you trying to stay away from Moony?" Sirius asked calmly, even though he was pretty sure he already knew.

"Like you don't already know." Remus shot at him.

Sirius laughed. "Yeah, I know you too well." Then he added more seriously. "And what does she think? Don't tell me that you plan to hurt my little cousin Moony."

"It wont hurt her. She didn't know what she was saying." Remus said, looking away.

Sirius sighed. "Moony. If there is one thing I know about Tonks, it's that she is honest. When she says something she means it. She may seem light and cheerful all the time, but underneath it she is serious. She wouldn't stuff you around. If she says she doesn't care, then she doesn't care."

"She should care!" Remus yelled. "I'm a werewolf!"

"You're being ridiculous." Sirius sighed.

"I'm going to bed." Remus said glaring at Sirius again. He left the room and moments later Sirius could hear Moony pacing a hole in the floor. Sirius rolled his eyes. He would talk to Tonks when he saw her, and tell her to persevere, and to not let Remus dig himself a grave.

There was a knock on the door a few minutes later, and Sirius got up and walked to the front door. He opened it to find a grinning Tonks on the other side.

"Hello cousin." she said enthusiastically.

"You seem especially happy today Tonskie." Sirius laughed, watching as she became instantly angry.

"Only you could get away with calling me that Sirius." She glared for a moment before grinning again. "You going to let me in?" she asked.

"Nah, just thought I'd let you stand on the doorstep all day." Sirius joked, trying unsuccessfully to dodge as Tonks swatted him with a copy of the Daily Prophet that she had in her hand.

"Shut up Siri." she laughed, giving him a nickname of her own.

He grimaced and let her inside. "Watch out for that umbrella stand Tonks." He pointed out. Tonks deliberately dodged around it, proud when she managed to not trip over it.

When they reached the kitchen she handed him the paper and rolled her eyes at the smile that came over his face when he saw that he was on the front page - rumored to have been seen flying over London on a dragon.

"Where's Remus?" Tonks asked.

Sirius looked up at her. "Sleeping." he said.

Tonks frowned. "Sleeping? Or pretending to?" she asked suspiciously.

Sirius wondered at the change in her voice - something that sounded like hurt. "Probably pretending." muttered Sirius truthfully.

Tonks looked hurt. "Why?" she asked, trying to keep the sadness and disappointment out of her voice.

"Because he's a bloody coward." Sirius replied. Tonks frowned, wondering what he meant by that.

"What do you mean Siri?" Tonks asked. "Does this have anything to do with me?"

"Look Tonskie. There's one thing you have to know. He told you about his furry little problem right?"

Tonks burst into laughter. "Furry…Little…Problem?" she gasped between peals of laughter.

Sirius looked quite taken aback at how lightly Tonks was taking the fact that he was a werewolf. "Yes, he's werewolf."

"I know." Tonks said, still laughing. "It's just so funny when you put it that way."

"Right." This time Sirius laughed too. She really didn't care. "Well, what you need to know is that he makes it look as though it doesn't affect him much - he pretends - but he lets it affect him more than he thinks he does."

"How?" Tonks asked, her laughter fading away.

"He won't let himself get close to anyone. He thinks that - being a werewolf, that he doesn't deserve love - that he is dangerous." Sirius said.

"He's not dangerous!" Tonks exclaimed, "How could he think that."

Sirius smiled sadly at her. "Once a month he is dangerous Tonks."

Tonks frowned. "But he takes the potion-"

Her words were cut off by Sirius's reply, "And it makes him safer Tonks." The word echoed in Tonks head. _Safer_. Sirius continued, "He still thinks he is dangerous, potion or not."

Tonks scrambled for something to say. "But I don't care. It's not like he'll hurt me." she said.

"No. He never would, but he's a chicken. He is afraid that he would. He is unsure. He's a careful person. He doesn't often take chances. Especially with those he loves." Sirius said.

There was silence in which neither said anything.

Then Sirius said quietly. "How much do you like him Tonks?"

Tonks was surprised, it was a question she'd been asking herself too - one that she couldn't find an answer for. "More than I should." She said. "I haven't known him long, but I really, really like him Siri."

Sirius smiled. He had thought as much. He could see it in her eyes. "Then persevere. He'll come around."

Tonks smiled back and the topic of conversation turned to her work, and then Hogwarts. Sirius told her amusing stories of his love life at Hogwarts and Tonks told him stories of Potions and spells gone wrong in her classes. They talked about Mad-Eye and the other order members. They talked about Buckbeak the hippogriff.

When Tonks looked at her watch hours later she sighed. "I have to go. I need to see Dumbledore to figure out what to write in my report for Fudge. I can't very well tell him that Remus is living in Order headquarters with convicted criminal Sirius Black, taking turns with Emmeline, Dedalus and Arthur to sneak into the ministry and to watch Harry can I?" She said sarcastically and Sirius laughed as she turned to head for the door.

"I'll see you later Nymphie." he said.

Tonks turned to face him again slowly. "Nymphie?" she questioned through gritted teeth.

Sirius grinned. "You were getting too used to Tonskie." he explained.

"You are impossible Sirius Black." but she laughed anyway as she shook her head and left, again managing to avoid the umbrella stand on her way out.

The next day Tonks sat at the long table at Grimmauld place with Sirius, waiting for the meeting to start. The children were being ushered out of the room, and Hermione and Ginny waved reluctantly to Tonks. Tonks had just met Hermione, a school friend of Harry's, Ron's and Ginny's. She was a bright, lively girl. Remus hadn't been kidding when he had said she was one of the smartest witches he had ever met.

Speaking of Remus - he wasn't at the meeting, and he hadn't come down for dinner before the meeting. Were these the lengths he was going to to avoid her, or was he just really tired? She hadn't seen him since they had watched over Harry. She wondered if he regretted it _that_ much. That much that he would miss dinner just so that he wouldn't have to see her. Well, he'd have to see her eventually. They watched Harry again the next night.

The room was slowly filling up with order members and Tonks found herself looking for Remus every time someone came through the door. By the time the meeting had officially started and Dumbledore had arrived, he was still missing and Tonks had given up. She let herself drift off as the meeting got going. Dumbledore was just reporting small things and Mad-Eye started talking about the plan to collect Harry. Overall, it was a short meeting. Everyone seemed tired, and Dumbledore seemed to be in a hurry.

When everyone had left, and the only people left at the table were Tonks and Sirius, he asked her whether she wanted to stay and keep him company for a while, and dreading going back to her lonely flat, Tonks agreed.

Sirius pulled out the fire whiskey and poured them each a glass, and Tonks took a sip, the liquid burning her throat as she swallowed. She smiled at Sirius. "It must really suck to be stuck here all the time." she said.

He rolled his eyes. "Its been easier with Moony here. He keeps me company." Then he grinned. "He's probably awake waiting for everyone to leave. Keep quiet and when he comes in, we'll trap him into talking to us. He's not that tired. He slept all day today."

Tonks laughed. "Then why did he skip the meeting?" she asked.

Sirius laughed with her. "Like I said earlier. He's a coward."

They were silent for a while and surely, within minutes they heard footsteps coming from the stairway leading to the kitchen from upstairs. Tonks held back a snort of amusement. He really was a coward. As he appeared in the doorway, his hair and robes rumpled, Tonks actually did laugh.

Remus's eyes widened in surprise. "You're awake." Tonks said, stating the obvious, and then laughing again.

"Yes… I suppose I am." he said. "I needed some water. Then I'll be on my way again."

Sirius snorted. "No you won't. Don't you know that it's our duty to fill you in on the meeting you missed?" Sirius said, gesturing towards himself and Tonks, and then more forcefully he said, "Sit."

Remus met his eyes for moment before taking his cup of water and seating himself at the table next to Sirius. "What happened at the meeting then?" he sighed.

"Nothing much actually." Sirius grinned. Tonks laughed at the look on Remus's face as he realised he was trapped. "But seriously, Snivelus was much more annoying than usual."

"Snivelus?" Tonks sniggered in amusement. "We used to call him 'The Great Greasy', 'Professor Snake', 'Sir Grease-a-lot' or 'Snippy Snaky Snape'."

Sirius almost fell off his chair laughing. "I hope you gave him hell in school." he said between bursts of laughter.

Tonks eyes twinkled. "Naturally." she laughed. "He used to try and write on the board, but some of us would use silent charms to make the letters always jumble to say 'Snape Smells.'"

Sirius grinned. "We used to give him hell too." He looked at Remus. "Well, Not Remus so much. He was a prefect. Always a good boy."

Remus snorted in amusement. "Me? I could hardly rein in any of you." He laughed briefly. "Though I suppose that I may have had more of an effect if I hadn't kept joining in on all of your pranks."

"We were unstoppable anyway, even when you did sit out." Sirius sniggered.

"Well, Regardless of me being a prefect, I was far from a good boy." His eyes sparkled as he remembered his days at Hogwarts and Sirius smiled. If there was any way to encourage Remus to come out of his shell, it was talking about Hogwarts.

Sirius laughed. "Don't I know it." he said, amused.

Tonks looked back and forth between them. "What did you guys do to Snape?" she asked.

Sirius snorted. "I think its more of a question of what we didn't do to Snape, if you know what I mean." he winked.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Yes, they were always horrible to him."

"What about you?" Tonks asked.

Tonks thought she might be imagining it but she thought Remus looked ashamed as he said, 'I wasn't always as nice as I could have been."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Stop feeling sorry for Snivelus, Moony." He turned to Tonks. "Dumbledore has had Snape making Remus his wolfesbane potion for months now and its always been in Moony's nature to be thankful."

"That's a good quality to have Sirius." Tonks said, grinning at Remus, and as much as he tried not to, he grinned back.

"It's bloody annoying. He even thanks Kreacher. He's bloody insane." Sirius exclaimed.

"It's always polite to thank someone who does something for you." Remus said.

"He's a blooming house elf." Sirius said, exasperated and shaking his head. "and a damn useless one at that. Look at this place." he waved his hand at the dark walls, and not for the first time, Tonks noted that the place did seem to lack a certain clean feeling.

"House elves have feelings too." argued Remus.

Tonks smiled. "Did Hermione get to you, or do you just agree?" she asked. She recalled that night when Hermione and Ron had approached her and Hermione had been talking about an organization she had formed to look after elf welfare. Ron obviously hadn't been supportive - he'd been rolling his eyes behind her back.

Remus smiled at her again. "I just happen to share some of her views. Just…ahhh… not quite as strongly." They all laughed as they looked at the end of the table where Hermione's knitting needles and unfinished knitting sat, as she had been making hats and socks earlier for the house elves at Hogwarts.

As the night wore on, Remus slowly relaxed - talking and laughing freely at jokes made by Sirius and Tonks. In the back of his mind a voice was telling him that he shouldn't be allowing himself to fall further for Tonks, but he knew it was inevitable. He was still holding onto his reasons though, determined not to let himself act on what he felt, and she didn't push him. Not for now anyway.

Sirius drank more and more, consuming the alcohol twice as fast as the other two. The end result was that Sirius ended up passed out on the table, while Tonks and Remus were both sober enough to string together coherent sentences and to laugh at him.

For a while, they kept talking among themselves, leaving Sirius passed out next to them. They talked about Snape some more, and the other teachers. They talked about music and Tonks found out that he didn't like her favourite band, The Weird Sisters, and that she had heard of some of his favourite songs. They steered clear of the subject of them, and of the full moon.

However, the subject was inevitable and eventually Tonks brought it up.

"Do you like me Remus?" she asked softly, and he knew from her tone that she didn't mean as just friends.

He sighed and looked away from her. After a long pause he said. "It doesn't matter whether I do Tonks. I'm too old for you, too poor and too dangerous. We would never work."

Looking at him and listening carefully to the regret in his voice that she was sure she wasn't imagining, her eyes flashed from brown to red and then back to brown. "I didn't ask whether or not you think we would work." she said in a hard voice, hurt by his words. "I asked whether you liked me. So answer me please." she said in a softer tone.

He looked at her. He could tell by her tone that she wasn't buying his excuses. "If I did. It wouldn't matter." he repeated.

She glared at him. Obviously he wasn't going to give an inch. She could tell that he was not just being stubborn. Under this facade he was worried that she didn't like him back, and was too afraid to let himself care, because it had always ended badly in the past. He wasn't taking any chances with her.

"What if I said it didn't matter." Tonks said slowly. "That it didn't matter to me whether you are a wolf once or month, or twice, or three times even? That I don't want your money? That I don't even think you are old? What if I just don't care?"

Deep in his eyes, she thought she saw some of the resistance disappear and the ghost of hope take its place. "It… It still wouldn't matter." he said, but she could tell by his tone that he wasn't as sure of himself.

There was silence for a moment, and then Tonks spoke. "Remus, I really like you." she placed her hand on his arm, burning him with her touch. He met her eyes. "I really, really like you. It doesn't matter to me Remus. I don't care what you are. You won't hurt me, no matter what you think."

When he didn't speak, she withdrew her hand from his arm, sat back and spoke softly. "You re so stubborn." She shook her head. "It's one of the things I love and hate about you." she said.

Remus looked away and after a moment Tonks suggested that they put Sirius to bed. Together they managed to levitate him to his bed, and get him settled. Then Remus walked her to the door, and watched as she dissaparated off the top step, after flashing him a quick smile. Again he was left in wonder, trying to clear his head and escape the way she made him dizzy and unable to think.

Harry watching with Remus for the second time had been uneventful. They both stayed awake the entire shift, and they talked about everything, finding out as much as possible about each other. Again, Neither spoke about them or about Remus's 'furry little problem,' as Sirius put it.

Now Tonks was sitting with Sirius in the living room, each of them occupying different ends of the couch. Tonks was filing reports on the whereabouts of Remus, Arthur, Emmeline, and Dedalus for the ministry and Sirius was watching her. Occasionally he asked her questions about her work, or her past, or her family. He was very interested to know how Tonks mother was getting on. They had been close at one stage.

Tonks was just finishing her reports and was about to take a break before owling the reports to the ministry, when she heard music coming from the direction of the hall. It was the rich, wonderful, sound of piano being played by someone who was obviously talented. She looked at Sirius and raised her eyebrows.

"Moony's at it again." he rolled his eyes. "Him and that damn piano."

Tonks smiled. "That's him playing?" she asked.

"Yep." Sirius smiled back. 'Go on. Go to him. He's just down there." He pointed to the hallway.

Tonks nodded and stood, knocking her folder to the floor. She drew her wand, waved it and the papers flew back into order and came to rest back on the couch.

She followed the sound of music down the hall until she came to stand outside the door, which was slightly ajar. He stopped playing as she stood outside the door, and she wondered if he knew she was there. She pushed on the door and saw him leaning over an old piano, writing on a piece of parchment.

"Wotcher Remus" Tonks said, and knocked lightly on the door. Remus sat up straight and looked at her, smiling with a smile that actually reached his eyes. She smiled back, leaning on the doorframe for support when his smile threatened to make her knees go weak. "I didn't know you played."

He shook his head. "I only play a little." he said modestly.

Tonks laughed and shook her head. "I could hear you from down the hall. You are brilliant Remus." her eyes flickered to the parchment which was covered in musical notes. "Are you composing?"

Remus nodded reluctantly, as though this was something personal that he didn't often share. "Do you play?" he asked her.

The truth was that Tonks could play, and she could play well. Maybe not as well as he could, but still well. However she shook her head. "Only a little. Not much." she smiled.

He waved her over. "I'll teach you some." he said, smiling another of his breathtaking smiles before turning back to the piano. She made her way unsteadily over to the piano, and took a seat on the bench, close beside Remus.

He took her hands in his and placed them on the piano, his hands were warm and sent tingling shivers up her arms, and she bit back a smile. He maneuvered her fingers over the keys, explaining as he went. After a while he showed her the melody to his song, and she played the melody while he played the harmony. The song was sweet and beautiful, and when it was finished she had tears in her eyes.

"What inspired that song?" she asked him.

His hands rested lightly on the keys and he turned to smile at her. "Honestly?" he asked, and when she nodded, he added. "You."

The happiness that welled up inside her was cut short by a yell, unmistakably Sirius and unmistakably furious. The blissful look that she was sure had taken over her face turned to one of horror, and Remus's face, though calmer, was a mask that echoed hers. They jumped up at once, and in her haste, Tonks tripped over the bench they had been sitting on. Remus was prepared, luckily and caught her and stood her upright before she fell, chuckling to himself despite the panic he felt.

Together they ran to the living room to see Mundungus Fletcher covered in soot, cowering behind the lounge and Sirius - his face contorted with rage and his wand drawn on the other wizard.

"YOU LEFT- YOU LEFT HIM? FOR A BARGAIN? FOR SOME MEASLY DEAL ON CAULDRONS? YOU THEIF- YOU LYING STINKING-"

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, striding across the room and putting a hand on Sirius's shoulder. "What happened?" Sirius merely spluttered, apparently too enraged to speak.

Tonks pointed her wand at Mundungus. "Speak." she said to a clearly terrified Mundungus.

Mundungus began to talk. "I swear… He's ok. They didn't get 'im."

"What didn't get who?" Tonks spat at him. Red sparks flew out of the end of her wand, and her hair and eyes turned a bright. Brilliant red.

Mundungus's eyes widened and he swallowed nervously. "Them Dementors. 'arry's ok. I swear. Figgy's with him."

This time it was Remus that spoke. "Dementors? After Harry? In Little Whinging?" he said puzzled, before his eyes tightened. "Arabella Figg is a squib. How did Harry get away? Where were you?"

"He left… for a bloody business deal.. Left Harry for a bunch of cheap cauldrons…" Sirius spat out.

"Is this true?" Tonks asked Mundungus, and when he nodded, she added. "I'll send a patronus to Dumbledore."

"I'll be going then…." Mundungus started to edge towards the fireplace but Remus stopped him before he could get there.

'Harry must have produced a Patronus… He'll be in so much trouble…" Remus muttered to himself. Then in louder voice he said to Mundungus. "You'll stay here. Dumbledore will want to know why you weren't there to help Harry, and you can be sure he won't be happy."

Tonks turned back to them. "Dumbledore knows now." she glared at Mundungus. "I wouldn't be very happy if I were you Mundungus. Dumbledore is on his way, he just needs to stop at the ministry to fix your mess."

Sirius, Remus and Tonks all exchanged looks of disbelief and fury and pointed their wands at Mundungus in case he tried to escape. Mundungus stood, shifting his weight from foot to foot. All of them knew how much Harry meant to Dumbledore, and although none of them had ever seen Dumbledore angry they waited expectantly as they knew it would be something to see.

Tonks, Remus and Sirius all stepped back minutes later when Dumbledore stepped though the fireplace. His manner was his usual politeness, but fury radiated off him as he ushered Mundungus into the kitchen. The others exchanged worried looks, unsure of how Harry would getting on, wondering if Dumbledore had managed to persuade the ministry. Tonks was sure that Fudge would not listen to Dumbledore and her heart pounded with the others as they all waited for Dumbledore to emerge from the kitchen with the outcome…

**Another abrupt ending, I know. Sorry : P **

**Please do let me know what you think. I value everyone's opinions : D**

**RandomPonyWriter XXX**


	7. Meeting Harry

**So I feel like this chapter is really, really bad.**

**I don't own Harry Potter and obviously a lot of this chapter uses dialogue from the book so anything you recognise obviously belongs to J.K.R.**

**Please review and let me know what you think : )**

It was the night that they had arranged to collect Harry - they had moved the mission forward after the dementor scare. Mundungus was in shame after the incident, having been chewed out by Dumbledore who was not allowing Mundungus any free rein anymore -with constant reminders to Mundungus that he knew about all the illegal things he did.

Dumbledore hadn't been able to convince the ministry and Harry was to attend a hearing and there it would be decided how to punish him. Even though Harry's actions were perfectly justified as self defense, Tonks knew that it would not just be as easy as that.

Mad-Eye was running over the plan to get Harry again. He had drilled it into all of them constantly for the past few days. He had diagrams drawn up of exactly how they would fly. Lupin was flying below Harry, Mad-Eye behind and Tonks directly in front. The others would circle them. They weren't flying straight back to headquarters, Mad-Eye maintained that it was too dangerous, and so they were to make a few detours.

"Do NOT break ranks for anything!" Mad-Eye exclaimed, for what had to be fiftieth time that night.

"Mad-Eye. I think we get it. I'm sure by now we know where we are meant to fly. You told us about…" she counted on her fingers. "I can't even count it on my fingers." and she grinned at him.

Tonks could detect a glint of amusement in his one good eye, but even so his voice was gruff. "When You've been an Auror as long as me Tonks, I'll let you make the jokes." he growled. "Until then… CONSTANT VIGILANCE."

Where half the people at the table would have once jumped halfway out of their skin, now they just rolled their eyes. It always paid to be constantly vigilant around Mad-Eye.

As part of the plan he had decided that when they got there, Tonks would climb in through the window and unlock the door for the rest of them because she was the smallest. They couldn't risk the neighbors noticing that they were breaking in to the Dursleys house.

They arrived at Harry's house just in time to see the Dursleys leave the house and drive their car away. On Mad-Eyes order they crept forward, not making any noise so as to not attract unwanted attention to the fact that a rather large group of strangely dressed people were congregated outside in the street.

Remus reached the window just after Mad-Eye did and after glancing around once to check, he slid the window up and gestured for Tonks to come forward. To everyone's surprise Tonks managed to get through the window - with help from Remus - without any drama.

That all changed when they got to kitchen. Tonks managed to knock a plate off the kitchen bench and it fell to the floor and shattered - the noise unnaturally loud in the silent room.

"Well… Harry knows we're here now I guess." she muttered. Remus smiled, amused and Mad-Eye glared at her. Tonks took no notice. "Where is he?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "Probably locked in his room." he whispered. "Dreadful people these ones. Alohomora." He pointed his wand at the roof, and everyone moved to stand in the hall, where they had come in, and where the light from the street outside was coming in through the glass of the front door. They were looking up a set of stairs and after a moment, a dark figure holding a wand appeared at the top.

"Lower your wand, boy, before you take someone's eye out" Mad-Eye growled, breaking the silence.

When Harry answered his voice was shaky and uncertain, and he did not lower his wand. "Professor Moody?"

"I don't know so much about 'Professor', " Moody replied. "never got round to much teaching, did I? Get down here, we want to see you properly."

Harry lowered his wand a little, and didn't move. Tonks looked over at Remus, and to her surprise, he was grinning widely at Harry. She had only guessed at how close the two were - from what Remus had told her and what she had picked up by herself - but watching his face as he saw Harry again enlightened her more than any of his modest words had.

When Remus replied, his voice was slightly hoarse. "It's all right, Harry. We've come to take you away." Tonks could tell from the way Harry replied that he was just as happy to see Remus as Remus was to see him, though Harry had a look of disbelief on his face - as though this was too good to be true.

"P-Professor Lupin?" he said disbelievingly. "Is that you?" Tonks looked round at the darkness wondering why the hell they were still standing in the dark - some light would be helpful.

"Why are we all standing in the dark?" she asked to no-one in particular. "Lumos." The light lit up the hall, and Harry blinked. Remus smiled at him and he tried to smile back.

"Oooh, he looks just like I thought he would," said Tonks, holding up her wand. "Wotcher, Harry." she said, noticing that he looked rather bewildered. Remus noticed too, and followed his gaze to Tonks who was sporting short, spiky violet hair - which was probably part of the reason Harry looked a bit shocked.

"Yeah, I see what you mean, Remus." Kingsley said. "he looks exactly like James."

" Except for the eyes. Lily's eyes." Elphias said, and Tonks grinned when she saw Mad-Eye squinting suspiciously at Harry, anticipating an attack of the very paranoid Mad-Eye.

"Are you quite sure it's him, Lupin?' he growled. 'It'd be a nice lookout if we bring back some Death Eater impersonating him. We ought to ask him something only the real Potter would know. Unless anyone brought any Veritaserum?"

"Harry, what form does your patronus take?" Remus asked.

Harry looked rather nervous now. "A stag." he replied.

Remus smiled. "That's him Mad-Eye." At this, Harry began to walk cautiously down the stairs and he put his wand in his back pocket. Tonks grinned as she saw Mad-Eye's good eye narrow.

"Don't put your wand there, boy!" he roared. "What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!"

Tonks sniggered. "Who d'you know who's lost a buttock?" she asked with interest.

Mad-Eye glared at her. "Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!" he growled, then turning to the kitchen he stumped off muttering, "Elementary wand-safety, nobody bothers about it any more." When Tonks rolled her eyes he added. "And I saw that."

Remus held his hand out to Harry. "How are you?" he asked. It was an ordinary question but Tonks could see from the way he looked closely at Harry that he was actually concerned.

Harry shook his hand. "F-fine." he replied. "I'm - you're really lucky the Dursleys are out."

Tonks almost laughed. "Lucky, ha!" she said. "It was me who lured them out of the way. Sent a letter by Muggle post telling them they'd been short-listed for the All-England Best Kept Suburban Lawn Competition. They're heading off to the prize-giving right now: or they think they are." She thought she saw a fleeting look of amusement cross his face.

"'We are leaving, aren't we?" he asked. "Soon?" The hope in his voice was unmistakable. Tonks wondered if the Dursleys were really as bad as Sirius and Remus said they were. They seemed to be.

"Almost at once," said Remus, "we're just waiting for the all-clear."

"Where are we going? The Burrow?" Harry asked hopefully.

Remus frowned. "Not The Burrow, no." he motioned for Harry to follow him into the kitchen, and when he did everyone else followed. Mad-Eye was sitting at the kitchen table drinking from the flask he carried everywhere and was never seen anywhere without. His magical eye was spinning in every direction and Tonks noted with a grin that he was probably checking for death-eaters that were possible hiding in the bread-basket or the sink. "Too risky. We've set up Headquarters somewhere un-detectable. It's taken a while." Remus added.

Remus started to introduce everyone, and he introduced Tonks second. With a sparkle in his eye he introduced her as Nymphadora.

"This is Nymphadora." he said, holding back his laughter so well that only Tonks noticed.

Tonks shuddered. "Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus." she said. "It's Tonks." _As you very well know_, she added in her head.

"Nymphadora Tonks, who prefers to be known by her surname only," Remus finished.

"So would you if your fool of a mother had called you Nymphadora," muttered Tonks. She hardly listened as Remus introduced the others, letting his voice wash over her until she could here that the introductions were over.

"Very clean, aren't they, these Muggles?" Tonks remarked, looking around the kitchen with great interest. "My dad's Muggle-born and he's a right old slob. I suppose it varies, just as it does with wizards?"

Harry looked rather confused as he answered. "Er - yeah." He turned to Remus, and his tone was frustrated. "Look - what's going on, I haven't heard anything from anyone, what's Vol-?" Almost everyone in the kitchen made hissing noises or otherwise reacted to the name almost being spoken - Dedalus dropped his hat -with the exceptions being Tonks, Remus and Mad-Eye. Tonks thought she saw traces of pity and sadness in Remus's eyes.

"Shut up!" Mad-Eye growled.

'What?" said Harry, confused.

"We're not discussing anything here, it's too risky." Mad-Eye said, and for all his paranoia, Tonks had to admit he had a point there. She looked at him and noticed his good eye was fixed on Harry and his magical one on the ceiling. "Damn it." he growled angrily, raising his hand to his magical eye. "'it keeps getting stuck - ever since that scum wore it." Then with a loud squelching noise, he popped out his eye.

"Mad-Eye, you do know that's disgusting, don't you?" said Tonks conversationally, as though there was nothing at all unusual about the fact he had popped out his eye - and lets face it, around Mad-Eye there wasn't. He asked Harry for a glass of water and proceeded to poke and prod his eye after dropping it into the glass.

Tonks tuned out, staring at Remus as the others explained the plan to Harry, and so she noticed when Remus told him to go and get packed and she offered to help. As they walked up the stairs she started talking immediately. "Funny place." she said. "It's a bit too clean, d'you know what I mean? Bit unnatural. Oh, this is better." They had reached his room which was quite messy and reminded her remarkably of her apartment. Harry said nothing and started picking up his possessions and books, and then began to throw them into a trunk.

Noticing that Harry had a mirror on the inside of his wardrobe door she examined herself in it. "You know, I don't think violet's really my colour," she said, tugging at a lock of spiky hair. "D'you think it makes me look a bit peaky?"

Harry sounded utterly confused as he looked up and answered her. "Er-"

"Yeah, it does," Tonks decided and then she shut her eyes and turned her hair bubblegum pink.

"How did you do that?" When she opened her eyes Harry was gaping at her. She smiled.

"I'm a Metamorphmagus," She said, checking her hair from all directions in the mirror. "It means I can change my appearance at will," she added, as it was clear from Harry's face that the word meant nothing at all to him. "I was born one. I got top marks in Concealment and Disguise during Auror training without any study at all, it was great."

"You're an Auror?" Harry sounded impressed as he asked this question and she wondered what he wanted to do after he finished school.

"Yeah," said Tonks, feeling proud of her achievement, "Kingsley is as well, he's a bit higher up than me, though. I only qualified a year ago. Nearly failed on Stealth and Tracking. I'm dead clumsy, did you hear me break that plate when we arrived downstairs?"

"Can you learn how to be a Metamorphmagus?" Harry asked her. He straightened up and stopped packing for a moment.

Tonks chuckled. "Bet you wouldn't mind hiding that scar sometimes, eh?" she looked at the scar on his forehead with interest.

"No, I wouldn't mind," Harry mumbled, and turned away. He was clearly uncomfortable with people staring at his scar and Tonks could hardly blame him.

"Well, you'll have to learn the hard way, I'm afraid," said Tonks. "Metamorphmagi are really rare, they're born, not made. Most wizards need to use a wand, or potions, to change their appearance. But we've got to get going, Harry, we're supposed to be packing," She felt guilty. They'd hardly done any packing since they'd arrived in the room and she was anxious to return to the kitchen where Remus and the others stood waiting.

"Oh - yeah," said Harry, grabbing a few more books.

"Don't be stupid, it'll be much quicker if I - pack!" cried Tonks. She waved her wand and all of his belonging flew into the trunk. "It's not very neat," she said, walking over and looking into the trunk. "My mums got this knack of getting stuff to fit itself in neatly - she even gets the socks to fold themselves -but I've never mastered how she does it - it's a kind of flick -" She flicked her wand hopefully. She'd never been very good at household spells - or spells that required a very subtle flick. One of Harry's socks gave a feeble sort of wiggle and flopped back on top of the mess in the trunk.

"Ah, well," said Tonks as she slammed the lid of the trunk, trapping everything inside. "at least it's all in." She looked over at Hedwig's cage. "That could do with a bit of cleaning, too." She pointed her wand at Hedwig's cage. "Scourgify." A few feathers and droppings vanished. Tonks sighed. "Well, that's a bit better - I've never quite got the hang of these householdy sort of spells. Right -got everything? Cauldron? Broom? Wow! - A Firebolt!" Her eyes widened as they fell on the broomstick in Harry's right hand. Harry had a fantastic broomstick and it made her ashamed of her old broomstick. "And I'm still riding a Comet Two Sixty. Ah well: wand still in your jeans? Both buttocks still on? OK, let's go. Locomotor trunk."

Tonks picked up Hedwig's cage in her left hand and levitated the trunk out the door with her wand. When they reached the kitchen Remus was sealing a letter.

"Excellent," said Remus, when they entered the room. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry -"

"They won't," said Harry.

"- that you're safe -"

"That'll just depress them."

"- and you'll see them next summer."

"Do I have to?" Remus smiled and didn't answer, and Tonks could tell that Remus also wished that Harry didn't have to come back here next summer.

"Come here, boy, " said Mad-Eye gruffly, beckoning Harry towards him with his wand. "I need to Disillusion you."

"You need to what?" Harry sounded nervous, and Tonks wasn't surprised. When Mad-Eye beckoned with his wand you could never be totally sure what was in store for you. In this case though, Tonks knew exactly what he was going to do.

"Disillusionment Charm," said Mad-Eye, raising his wand. "Lupin says you've got an Invisibility Cloak, but it won't stay on while we're flying; this'll disguise you better. Here you go."

Tonks watched as Harry slowly disappeared. "Nice one, Mad-Eye," she said. She'd always appreciated watching other Aurors work, especially Mad-Eye.

"Come on," said Mad-Eye, unlocking the back door with his wand. Everyone went out the door onto the lawn. "Clear night," grunted Mad-Eye as his magical eye surveyed the sky. "Could've done with a bit more cloud cover. Right, you," he barked at Harry, "we're going to be flying in close formation. Tonks'll be right in front of you, keep close on her tail. Lupin'll be covering you from below. I'm going to be behind you. The rest'll be circling us. We don't break ranks for anything, got me? If one of us is killed -"

"Is that likely?" Harry asked apprehensively, but Mad-Eye ignored him.

"- the others keep flying, don't stop, don't break ranks. If they take out all of us and you survive, Harry, the rear guard are standing by to take over; keep flying east and they'll join you."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Stop being so cheerful, Mad-Eye, he'll think we're not taking this seriously." She strapped Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage into a harness hanging from her broom.

"I'm just telling the boy the plan," growled Mad-Eye, glaring at Tonks. "Our jobs to deliver him safely to Headquarters and if we die in the attempt -"

"No one's going to die." Kingsley said.

Far above them there was a shower of bright red sparks and Remus said in a voice that meant business. "'Mount your brooms, that's the first signal!" The he pointed into the sky. They all mounted their broom to await the second signal. "Second signal, let's go!" said Lupin loudly as more sparks, green this time, exploded high above them. They all kicked off from the ground and started to fly.

"Hard left, hard left, there's a Muggle looking up!" Mad-Eye shouted. Tonks swerved and she felt Harry's trunks swing below her broom. "We need more height. Give it another quarter of a mile!" Tonks eyes started to water as they rose, the air becoming chillier. From behind her, she heard Harry laugh.

Tonks looked back and down to where Remus was flying underneath Harry. He looked up at her at the same time, and when there eyes met, there was amusement in his. 'Constant Vigilance.' he mouthed at her and she grinned and poked out her tongue, but took the hint and looked straight ahead again.

"Bearing south!" shouted Mad-Eye. "Town ahead!" Tonks turned right to avoid passing directly over the town. "Bear southeast and keep climbing, there's some low cloud ahead we can lose ourselves in!" called Mad-Eye.

Tonks was appalled. There was no way they could go through clouds. She was already frozen to her broom, she didn't need to be soaking wet as well. "We're not going through clouds!" she shouted angrily, "we'll get soaked, Mad-Eye!"

Remus smiled in relief. He was cold and he didn't want to be soaking wet. The more he thought about it though, the more he had to try and convince himself that the real reason wasn't because he was afraid Tonks would get sick from the cold and wet clouds and the stinging, chilly night air. No matter how hard he tried to convince himself otherwise, he knew that was his main reason for not wanting to go through the clouds.

Above him Harry was starting to shiver as he didn't have a coat. They altered their course every now and then according to Mad-Eyes instructions. To Tonks it was starting to feel like hours since they had left the Dursleys.

"Turning southwest"' yelled Mad-Eye. "We want to avoid the motorway!" Tonks turned in the direction he told her, teeth chattering. She looked back down at Remus who looked tired and ill and much paler than usual. He looked up and they caught each others eyes as Mad-Eye shouted "We ought to double back for a bit, just to make sure we're not being followed!"

She rolled her eyes at Remus, who grinned despite himself and she could see that his teeth were chattering too. "ARE YOU MAD, MAD-EYE?" she screamed. We're all frozen to our brooms! If we keep going off-course we're not going to get there until next week! Besides, we're nearly there now!"

Remus had never been more thankful that Tonks was willing to stand up to Mad-Eye. He was frozen to his broom and he could tell by the amount of shivering everyone else was doing, that they were too. "Time to start the descent!" he called before Mad-Eye could get another brilliant idea that included all of them stuck to their brooms for any longer - one that Tonks would be able to talk him out of, or 'yell' him out of. "Follow Tonks, Harry!"

They all started a dive, led by Tonks towards the huge square of lights, made by the muggle neighborhood in which Grimmauld place was hidden. "Here we go!' called Tonks, and a few seconds later she had landed. She started unbuckling Harry's trunk as soon as she landed.

"Where are we?" Harry asked.

Remus said quietly, "In a minute."

"Got it," Mad-Eye muttered, pulling Dumbledore's deluminator from his pocket. "Borrowed it from Dumbledore," He growled. "That'll take care of any muggles looking out of the window, see? Now come on, quick."

Mad-Eye took Harry by the arm and started to lead him forward towards the house. Tonks had finished unbuckling Harry's trunk and tried to pick it up. Remus stepped forward to help her - his eyes sparkling even in the darkness and she could tell that he was grinning. "Thanks." she whispered smiling, making his breath catch in his throat. The rest of the guard followed them with their wands out.

Mad-Eye handed Harry a piece of paper and Tonks remembered back to when she had been in the same situation, just before her first order meeting.

"What's the Order of the -?" Harry began.

"Not here, boy!" snarled Moody. "Wait till we're inside!" He pulled the piece of parchment out of Harry's hand and set fire to it with his wand-tip.

"But where's -?"

"Think about what you've just memorized." Remus said quietly from right beside her. He was so close that she could feel the heat from his arm next to hers, warming her frozen skin.

"Come on, hurry," growled Moody, prodding Harry in the back. When they reached the door Remus pulled out his wand and tapped the door once. There were the many familiar loud, metallic clicks and what sounded like the clatter of a chain and the door creaked open.

"Get in quick, Harry," Remus whispered, "but don't go far inside and don't touch anything." He shot an amused warning glance at Tonks as though he was ordering her to be quiet as much as Harry, and seriously doubted her ability to stay quiet. They carried Harry's trunk and Hedwig's cage through the door. Mad-Eye was the last to come through the door and he was standing on the top step outside putting the light back into the street-lamps.

Mad-Eye lifted the disillusionment charm on Harry and said "Now stay still, everyone, while I give us a bit of light in here," Moody whispered, and he also shot Tonks a warning glance that made her roll her eyes and Remus bite back laughter. After a moment light flooded into the familiar hall.

There were hurried footsteps and Mrs Weasley emerged from the door at the far end of the hall. She was beaming in welcome as she hurried towards them, and she headed straight for Harry.

"Oh, Harry, it's lovely to see you!" she whispered, pulling him into a hug before examining him critically. "You're looking peaky; you need feeding up, but you'll have to wait a bit for dinner, I'm afraid." She turned to the other and whispered urgently, "He's just arrived, the meeting's started." Everyone perked up a little and moved forward towards the dining room. Snape had arrived, and as much as he was hated, he was their closest spy on Voldemort's side and his information was always both interesting and vital.

Remus thought that it was only a matter of time before Sirius tried to strangle Snape when he was giving a report because all his reports were laced with snippy comments concerning Sirius and how he wasn't allowed to help the order in any other way save from providing them with headquarters.

Tonks was thinking the same thing and she exchanged an apprehensive look with Remus before they entered the room. As soon as they saw Sirius's face they could tell that he wasn't happy - probably for a number of reasons and they hurried to find their seats under Snape's hateful glare. He was clearly more than irritated at their lateness, as though it was something they could have helped.

They sat in the seats Sirius had saved on either side of him and prepared to listen to Snape's report. Tonks was tired and cold and several times, she thought she would fall asleep, which seemed to amuse both Remus and Sirius. Remus appeared to be paying close attention to Snape, but Tonks could tell from the slight blurring of his eyes that he wasn't really listening at all. Sirius was making no effort to hide his boredom, but refrained from any immature behaviour only because of Dumbledore's presence.

Despite his long-winded report, Snape really had nothing new to say at this meeting and many of the order members felt hungry and tired. Snape could tell he was losing their attention - the only person with their attention still fixed on him was Dumbledore. Even Remus had stopped pretending to pay attention and was staring at his fingernails.

When it finally ended, there was silence. Then people began to realise that Snape's report was over, and they sat up a little straighter - some yawning and some shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Tonks, Sirius and Lupin all couldn't wait until this was over, and for dinner. Sirius especially was itching to be allowed to see Harry again.

**Soooooo… With this I leave you. Not much of a chapter - not very exciting at all. **

**Hate hate hate this chapter. **

**Let me know what you think : D Please review : )**

**The next chapter should be up tonight and it'll be a lot better than this one I PROMISE : D I can't stand to leave you all with this.**


	8. At last

**So I had fun writing this chapter : )**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**

**Anything you recognise is J.K.R : D Because I don't own HP.**

When the meeting was finally dismissed, almost all the members were keen to go. They all crowded out into the hallway talking about the meeting. Molly, Tonks and Remus were behind them herding them out the door so that they could seal it magically.

Tonks heard Molly talking to the children who were in the hall and they started to tip-toe up the hall. Tonks was behind Molly and Remus was behind her. Just as Molly was telling Harry to tip-toe across the hall to the dining room Tonks ran into the umbrella stand yet again, ending up flat on her back, staring up into Remus's amused eyes.

Molly turned around with an exasperated look on her face. "Tonks!"

"I'm sorry!" Tonks wailed. "It's that stupid umbrella stand. it's the second time I've tripped over-" She winced as Mrs Blacks screams drowned out the rest of her words. "Filth! Scum! By-products of dirt and vileness! Half-breeds, mutants, freaks, be gone from this place! How dare you befoul the house of my fathers-"

Remus and Molly rushed forward to shut the curtains, but they would not close. Tonks started to apologise over and over again, dragging the heavy umbrella stand off the floor. Molly started running up and down the hall stunning the portraits with her wand, giving up on trying to shut the curtains and Tonks sighed as Sirius came running out of the dining room yelling "Shut up, you horrible hag, shut UP!"

Remus and Sirius finally got the curtains shut and Sirius started talking to Harry. Remus offered Tonks his hand, panting slightly from the effort of shutting the curtains and smiling at her as though she were the only person in the whole world, his eyes twinkling as he tried not to laugh.

They all made their way to the dining room where Arthur and Bill were poring over scrolls and plans from the meeting. Molly cleared her throat, looking pointedly at her husband. He looked up and at once, he and Bill started trying to gather all the scrolls and move them out of sight.

"Harry!" Mr. Weasley said. "Good to see you!"

Bill was trying to roll up about twelve scrolls all at once. "Journey all right Harry?" He called out, "Mad-Eye didn't make you come via Greenland then?"

"He tried." Tonks replied dryly. She went to help Bill roll up the parchment, but in her haste she knocked candle onto the last piece of parchment. "Oh no. Sorry." she said. Why did it feel like she was always apologising?

"Here dear." Molly said, and waving her wand she fixed the scroll. She picked it up and shoved it on top of the other scrolls in Bill's arms and said sharply. "This sort of thing ought to be cleared away promptly at the end of the meetings." She then went to start unloading plates from the ancient dresser.

"Evanesco." Bill muttered, and the scrolls disappeared. Tonks listened as Sirius introduced Harry to Mundungus who tried to apologise to him.

An irritated Molly called out to them, "If you want dinner before midnight, I'll need a hand." Harry tried to volunteer but Molly told him he'd had a long journey and made him sit, so Tonks offered to give her a hand.

"What can I do Molly?" she asked eagerly, she strode forwards to help with the plates.

Remus chuckled at the horrified look that passed over Molly's face before it turned apprehensive. "Er - no, its alright Tonks. You have a rest too. You've done enough today."

"No, no I want to help!" Tonks insisted and rushed forward to help Ginny with the cutlery, knocking over a chair on her way.

Mundungus was still trying to explain himself to Harry and Sirius was winging about being locked in the house full-time. Not surprisingly Snape was mentioned in his rant.

Tonks was lost in her own world as she helped get dinner ready. She was thinking of many things, and yet almost every thought was occupied by the one and only Remus Lupin. She was however startled back to earth by Fred and George trying to help with dinner, accidentally throwing a bread knife towards Sirius at the table, and upstaging Tonks in the disaster department for the night.

"FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE!" screamed Mrs Weasley. "THERE WAS NO NEED - I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS -JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE ALLOWED TO USE MAGIC NOW, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WHIP YOUR WANDS OUT FOR EVERY TINY LITTLE THING!"

"We were just trying to save a bit of time!" said Fred as he hurried forward to wrench the knife from the table, apologising to Sirius as he went. He didn't need to though because Harry and Sirius were both laughing hard, and Mundungus had toppled backwards off his chair.

"Boys," Arthur was backing Molly up, "your mother's right, you're supposed to show a sense of responsibility now you've come of age -"

"None of your brothers caused this sort of trouble!" Molly was in a rage such as Tonks had never seen before. "Bill didn't feel the need to apparate every few feet! Charlie didn't charm everything he met! Percy-" Molly seemed to lose the ability to talk, looking frightened all of a sudden.

"Let's eat," said Bill quickly.

"It looks wonderful, Molly," said Remus and he ladled some stew into a bowl for her and slid it across the table for her.

There was silence for a while, and Tonks started talking to Hermione and Ginny who insisted that she entertain them with her nose. She transformed her nose between mouthfuls, making them laugh every time. Remus had to stop himself from doubling over with laughter when she shaped her nose into one that closely resembled Snape's. He turned his attention from her to Arthur and Bill before anyone noticed how closely she had caught and held his attention. A quick glance at Sirius though told him that one person had already noticed.

As she was entertaining the girls, Tonks was also looking around at the others, Remus in particular, and she noticed that he looked extremely amused at her imitation of Snape's nose, even though he appeared to be paying close attention to the conversation he was having with Bill and Arthur about Goblins.

Mundungus was entertaining the twins and Ron who were all rolling around in laughter as they heard of another of Mundungus's crook business deals. Molly had a few words with him about not sharing any more of his life story with her children, which only made her children laugh even harder.

There was silence in the room after a while when everybody had finished and was starting to relax. Tonks yawned, tired. The whole atmosphere of the room changed completely a minute later when Sirius mentioned Voldemort.

The whole table seemed to wake up as an argument started. Tonks watched sleepily as Sirius tried to tell Harry what was going on while Molly tried to stop him, and tried to send her children away - unsuccessful on both counts. Molly and Sirius were both s stubborn as each other in what they believed was the best thing for Harry.

Molly listened when Remus cut in quietly though. "Personally, I think it better that Harry gets the facts -not all the facts, Molly, but the general picture - from us, rather than a garbled version from: others." he looked towards Fred and George.

Molly knew when to give up a losing battle. "Well, I can see I am going to be overruled. I'll just say this: Dumbledore must have had his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and speaking as someone who has Harry's best interests at heart -"

"He's not your son," said Sirius quietly.

"He's as good as," said Molly fiercely. "Who else has he got?"

Tonks could tell that the last words were a sure mistake on Molly's part. Sirius was very sensitive about Harry. "He's got me!" he exclaimed. Tonks looked at Remus who had been staring at Sirius the whole time, and still was - watching his face intently.

"Yes," said Molly, her lip curling, "the thing is, it's been rather difficult for you to look after him while you've been locked up in Azkaban, hasn't it?" She'd gone too far. This was something Sirius couldn't have helped, and knowing the whole story, Tonks knew just how upsetting that remark would be to Sirius, and she felt a small anger stirring up inside her at Molly.

Sirius started to rise from his chair, but Remus was quick to say sharply "Molly, you're not the only person at this table who cares about Harry," It was obvious that Remus was thinking along the same lines as Tonks, and was also thinking along the same lines as Tonks. Harry was lucky in a way. He had Remus, and he always would for as long as Remus kept breathing. 'Sirius, sit down." He said forcefully. Sirius had turned white and Molly's lip was trembling.

"I think Harry ought to be allowed a say in this," Remus continued, "he's old enough to decide for him-self."

"I want to know what's been going on," Harry said at once, which surprised nobody.

The others protested as well and in the end only Ginny was forced away from the table. She didn't go quietly and soon Mrs Blacks screams could be heard. Remus stood up and went to quieten her, sighing as he went. It would be a long night.

-RL&NT-

Tonks sighed. She'd just helped Harry and the others fish an old ghoul out of one of the upstairs toilets, and get rid of him. It certainly had been a memorable afternoon. Now she was sitting alone in the kitchen - the others were all upstairs dealing with a closet of old things. When she had left, a set of purple robes had been trying to strangle Ron. She had a headache, and she was rubbing her temples when she heard someone enter the kitchen.

"Are you ok Tonks?" Remus asked her.

Tonks looked up and smiled at him. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just a headache."

He smiled back at her, but she noticed he looked slightly worried. 'Tea?" he asked.

"Yes please." she replied, putting her head in her hands. Remus went to the kettle and made two cups of tea. When they were ready he took a seat opposite Tonks wondering what it was other than a headache that was bothering her. He pushed her cup across the table to her. "Here you are." he said quietly.

She looked up and smiled gratefully, before her expression turned to show confusion as she took the first sip of tea. Remus tilted his head a little. "Did I make it wrong?" he asked, worried.

She smiled and shook her head. "No, Perfectly. That's why I'm confused. How did you know how I liked my tea?"

He sounded amused and a little ashamed when he answered her. "I took notice." He hung his head and looked away, sipping his coffee.

She stared at him in wonder as he looked away, mesmerized by the way his hair fell into his eyes casually, and his eyes sparkled when he looked at her - how he smiled with the smile she loved, when it reached his eyes, and how he seemed so unaware of how much power he had to draw her in. She felt touched that he took enough notice of her to know exactly how she took her tea. For the first time since they'd left the piano, she allowed the hope she felt to swell her heart.

He noticed her silence and looked up to find her staring at him, a look of wonder on her face - as though she liked what she saw and couldn't get enough of just looking at him, like she needed him and only him. She smiled, and for the first time since he entered the room, the smile reached her eyes and the enthusiastic twinkle that was so characteristic of Tonks that he loved so much entered her eyes. It was more than that, and he'd seen it only once before in her eyes - when he'd sat with her at the piano and played the song that was just for her. It was a sort of burning happiness that cut straight to his soul and made him long to forget his reasons and take her in his arms.

She broke the silence first, just when he thought that he would break his vows to himself and go over to her and stand closer to her because being all the way across the table didn't feel nearly close enough. "We have ministry duty tonight." she said.

He grinned at her, leaning back as he realised that he had been leaning forward without realizing it. He cleared his throat. "Yes. Yes we do."

She smiled teasingly at him. "You seem happier than usual." she said.

He laughed. "Yes, well…" Their conversation was cut short by Sirius bursting in to the kitchen.

"Saved Ron from those dreaded robes." he said cheerfully. "It wasn't easy, but…" His face really lit up as he realised that Tonks and Moony were both looking up at him with lost looks on his faces, as though he'd bumped them back into a world where more people existed than just the two of them.

"Hey you two… What's this situation here all about?" he asked happily.

"Just two friends having tea in the kitchen." said Remus quickly, a little too quickly. Tonks frowned at the word friends, and the headache started to come back to her. Sirius noticed this and so did Remus, who wondered why she went back to looking like she was in pain.

"Excuse me. I'm going to go and see if anyone needs my help." she said and stood quickly, almost running from the room.

Remus frowned as she left. "Did I do something?" he asked, confused.

Sirius chuckled. "You don't see it do you?" he asked.

Remus shook his head. "See what?"

"Moony, she's head over heels for you mate." When Remus started to shake his head Sirius added more quietly. "No look mate. I could see it. When I came in she looked like all the angels in heaven were sitting in front of her. Then you mentioned just being friends, and it was an instant change. Like someone had taken everything she ever had and gave it all away."

"You can't be sure." Remus said, but his own voice was unsure. Could this be why Tonks had been slightly less than her cheerful self for the past few days? Could she be lovesick? For him?

"Yes I can Moony." Sirius said, his voice sure. "She told me."

"No she didn't." Remus said and shook his head.

"Yes she did Moony." Remus looked at Sirius and he could see that Sirius wasn't lying. "Its time you gave in to her. Its one thing to hurt yourself with this nonsense, but now you are hurting her too."

Remus was silent for a minute, thinking about how close he'd come to taking her in his arms just before. He didn't know how much longer he could keep himself away. He thought about how she looked like she was in pain. If he really was causing that, he wanted it to end. "Yeah. Maybe it's time." he said reluctantly.

Sirius grinned. "Excellent, may both of you live happily ever after." he laughed.

Remus glared. "Padfoot!" but Sirius's grin didn't fade. This could very well be the start of something new.

-RL&NT-

It was eight o'clock at night and Remus and Tonks had just snuck into the ministry to keep watch over the door to the Department of Mysteries. They had to be quiet here, and Remus made a joke to Tonks about it and managed to make her laugh by pretending to trip and throw off the invisibility cloak they were cramped under, making her remember back to their very first Harry watch.

They were sitting beside the door to the Department of Mysteries, squished close to fit under the cloak. Remus longed to just put his arms round her waist and pull her closer to him, but he fought himself. He had agreed to let himself go with her, and not hurt her anymore, but he had to be sure. No matter how much he decided to let himself love her, he knew in the back of his mind that he was too old, too poor and too dangerous.

They had only been there for little while, but they had been silent the whole time. Tonks had the pained look on her face again and was sitting with her back against the wall, her head leaning back against the wall as well, and she had both eyes shut. Remus couldn't help but think about how beautiful she was. Today she had her trademark bubblegum pink hair styled into long, loose curls. He frowned. Maybe she was getting sick, and it wasn't him worrying her.

Unable to hold back he reached one hand out and placed it on her forehead. Her eyes shot open and he felt her eyelashes tickle the bottom of his hand. "What are you doing?" she said, a little more sharply than she intended.

Remus looked ashamed. "You look sick." he explained. "I was checking for a fever the muggle way."

"Oh… Yeah." she said and looked at him a little sadly before closing her eyes again. "I'm fine."

There was silence, and then Remus took a deep breath. "Tonks?"

She didn't open her eyes, but she noted the change in his voice, unsure and tentative. "Yes?" she said.

"I was just wondering… I mean if you wanted to… We could… I was wondering…." he didn't know how to phrase it. It was just so hard not to sound like a total loser, but somehow he managed to anyway. Tonks opened her eyes and looked at him, with small smile on her lips that hinted at amusement, but didn't quite reach her eyes. "Well… Just.. I…" he tried again.

Remus took a deep breath. "I'm just trying to say…. That… That I like you…" She was still silent but he saw something leap in her eyes, and she smiled a smile that finally reached her eyes and it gave him the strength to continue. "I really like you… And I have been acting like a horrible jerk lately… and its not because I don't care but…" he trailed off.

The smile left her eyes a little. "But what Remus?" she said in a hard voice. "If you are just trying to tell me _again_ that its not going to work because you are too old or too poor or too dangerous save your breath because I have told you a million times that _I. Don't. Care_." She glared at him.

He shook his head. "I'm trying to ask you out silly." he whispered. "But I am exceptionally talented at messing things up, so forgive me, I should have said it plainer." he grinned. "Tonks. I really like you. I was wondering if you'd maybe like to go somewhere with me, as in a date."

Tonks stared for a minute, but then the smile crept back into her eyes and she laughed. "And you're sure?" she asked.

Remus felt ashamed that she even had to ask the question. He had thought his feelings for her would have been blatantly obvious. He smiled. "Absolutely." he replied.

"Then yes." she laughed. "That would be good." she snorted in amusement at her choice of words. Good? Try amazing. Remus looked happier than she had ever seen him and they started to talk quietly.

"Where will you take me?" Tonks asked. She was excited to see where he would take her and hoped that it was a place they could be alone at, not fancy restaurant.

He smiled sadly. "Nowhere fancy I am afraid. it's a secret."

"Thank goodness." she laughed, and he looked surprised. "I hate the fancy restaurants."

"Why?" he asked, grinning at her in relief.

"I didn't think you'd have to ask." she said. "Lets just say that there aren't many restaurants that let me in anymore. They don't take kindly to someone accidentally pouring soup on them, or smashing plates and cups." she looked ashamed. "In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a bit clumsy."

He laughed loudly, and she put her hand over his mouth, sniggering quietly. "You'll get us found." she whispered. She was leaning on him now, and he grinned against her hand. "Yes Auror Nymphadora." he said.

Tonks gasped. There was one thing she hated more than her first name, it was thing's that rhymed with her first name, being put with her first name. "You'll pay for that one." she said. "When you least expect it."

"I'll sleep with one eye open." he laughed. She smirked and moved her hand from his mouth to his eyes so that he couldn't see, and leaning forward a little further she kissed him. He gasped with the shock of her mouth on his, entirely unexpected, and kissed her back until she moved the hand covering his eyes to his hair.

The next thing he knew he was on fire, leaning on his knees, pressing her back against the wall, kissing her with more feeling than he knew he possessed. This was his heaven, and losing all sense of where and who he was, he was locked in the moment of here and now - kissing Tonks against the wall under the invisibility cloak.

She didn't know how it happened. One minute she was kissing him and the next he had her pressed against the wall and she found she didn't mind one bit. This was all of her dreams come true, and as he kissed her he made her forget her own name. She was filled with sensation such that she'd never felt before and he was kissing her as she'd never been kissed before.

He needed air eventually and he broke away. Tonks chuckled breathlessly underneath him and he suddenly realised that he had her pinned up against the wall and the cloak had come askew. He was breathing heavily, as she had stolen his breath away and he tried to gasp in enough oxygen to rid himself of the dizziness her laughter always seemed to inspire in him.

"I'll be sure to call you Nymphadora more often." he joked, leaning back against the wall again beside her. He looked sideways at her underneath his fringe and they both laughed when they met each others eyes.

"If you do, you know I'll do to you. I wont have a choice." she said.

'Yeah?" he said. "and what's that?" she grinned at him wickedly and dug her fingers into his ribs, tickling him and causing him to laugh uncontrollably while trying unsuccessfully to get away from her. She wrapped an arm around his waist to hold him in place while the other arm tickled him until he whispered breathlessly "I give in! I give in."

"Don't say I didn't warn you." she grinned at him, sitting back against the wall again, and he grinned back. "But we'd better be quiet now." she said a little more seriously.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to him so that her head rested on his shoulder. "We'll whisper." he said.

'You've got a deal." she laughed, and for the rest of their shift they talked quietly about a great many things, including what Sirius would say when they got home.

-RL&NT-

Their shift had just finished and Mad-Eye had come to relieve them at three in the morning. He was now pacing the corridor, his magical eye swiveling in all directions.

When they got out of the ministry Tonks turned to Remus. "I don't know about you, but I am not at all ready to sleep."

"I know how you feel." he replied. "but we'll regret it in the morning, when we have a million things we have to do."

He took her hand in his and raised it to be level with their faces and her face fell. She didn't feel like sleeping now. She wanted to stay wherever Remus was. She didn't want to go back to her cold apartment.

He took in the disappointed look on her face. "Even though we'll be tired in the morning…" he said carefully, "We could go on our first date. The surprise one." He wasn't sure whether she'd want to go on their first date this early in the morning, but to his surprise, she grinned.

"I'd love to." she said cheerfully. He smiled at her.

"Alright, but we will have to stop back in at Grimmauld before we go." he warned, a deadly serious look crossing his face.

Tonks laughed. "Why so serious?" she asked, lifting the hand that wasn't intertwined with his and placed it gently on the side of his cheek, cupping his face in her hand. She moved closer until her sweet, warm breath was washing over his face, and he lost focus.

When he was able to speak again, he only said one word. "Sirius." Tonks broke into laughter, resting her head on his chest. He hugged her to him gently before releasing her.

"The worst he could do would be to call me Nymphadora." she laughed.

Remus grinned. "I wouldn't be sure. He's got a couple of good ones saved up for the occasion." he laughed. "I could go in by myself, if it weren't for the fact that I can't stand to leave you out in the cold and put you in danger by leaving you by yourself." Her eyes narrowed.

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself Remus Lupin." she said indignantly. "And if you are so worried, I can wait in the hall."

Remus laughed and his eyes sparkled. "Ha!, You'd be more in danger in the hall than you would outside." he mimed falling over a certain troll-leg umbrella stand, and though she wanted to glare, she found herself laughing.

"Its ok. I need to go home and get a coat. I'll meet you outside Grimmauld place in five minutes." Tonks laughed. "if you can get away from Sirius, that is."

"It's all good." he replied. "I'll just pretend it was a normal guard session, and nothing absolutely extraordinary happened."

Tonks moved closer to him and hugged him around the waist. "You'd never pull it off." she muttered into his chest, sniggering. She stepped back again.

He reached for a piece of her hair. "Why's that?" he asked, pretending to be hurt. "I'm good at acting."

"You look a lot happier than you should." she pointed out. He'll never believe that all that happened was sitting next to a door playing charades."

"A lot happier than I should?" he murmured, pulling her close. "There's no amount of happiness I could feel that describes how I feel right now."

She laughed. "Like I said, Sirius'll never buy it."

"We'll see. I'll see you outside Grimmauld in five minutes." he said and she nodded, disapparating as she did.

-RL&NT-

Exactly five minutes later Tonks apparate onto the square patch of grass outside Grimmauld place. A second later the door opened and Remus came out, and then re-sealed the door. He had his back to her, and she tried to sneak up on him. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, he chuckled. "Don't try and sneak up on me Tonks. We both know you'll end up tripping up the stairs."

She glared at him. "Where are we going anyway?" she asked, pretending to be irritated.

He grinned at her. "Somewhere secret."

Tonks grimaced. "That gives so much away." she said sarcastically.

Remus reached for her waist, pulled her close and spun them both, side-along apparating her to their destination.

Tonks shut her eyes as Remus side-alonged her to wherever it was that they were going, and before she could open them again, she took a deep breath. "Remus, Are we near the ocean?" she asked.

"Why don't you open your eyes and see." he whispered, his face close to hers. She opened her eyes. They were standing on a beach that had white sand stretching for miles as far as they eye could see in the dark on either side of them. There was no sign of civilisation. The waves were crashing against the beach, and she could hear the loud crash as each wave broke on the sand. She could see the white foam on top of the dark water. The wind whipped at her long hair, cold against her face. She could still feel Remus's warm arms around her and she leaned up and kissed him again, gently and he kissed her back enthusiastically but just as gently.

"Care to take a walk?" he asked when they broke apart. She smiled up at him and nodded. The stars above them were bright, and she swore that she'd never seen them so bright. Remus followed her gaze, and then chuckled. "Ahhh, yes. I thought that they'd be appropriate. They remind me of you. So bright, and warm and beautiful."

Tonks grinned at him. "That is possibly the most wonderful thing anyone has ever said to me." she said, and he could hear the happiness in her voice. She stepped away from him until she held only one of his hands and said "Lead the way."

Remus grinned, and began to walk forward. He knew the beach well and was aiming for a big flat, smooth rock further up the beach, where they could sit and talk.

They talked easily as they walked down the beach, and Tonks didn't question where they were going. It was enough that she was walking down the beach hand in hand with Remus, when just hours earlier she had been sure that he didn't even like her back. She thought that he really couldn't have picked a better place for a first date.

She was wrong of course. When she saw the huge, flat rock that cropped out over the sand and waves and Remus pointed out that they were going to apparate to that big rock, she thought that she'd never been anywhere so beautiful.

He wrapped his arms around her waist again, and side-along apparated her to the rock. He didn't need to side-along her now that she knew where they were going, but he didn't want to let her go. He also didn't want to risk her miscalculating and landing herself in the water. He waved his wand when they were on the rock and conjured up a picnic blanket, and some lanterns which hung in midair, lit and giving light and warmth.

He guided her to the blanket and reluctantly let her go. Tonks sat down and looked around. She could see far out into the ocean, and all along the sand, and the miles of forest that stretched beyond the sand. She looked at Remus and to her surprise, he was pulling a huge block of chocolate out of his coat and placing it on the blanket.

She laughed. "Chocolate Remus?" she said. "at this hour?"

Remus grinned. "Why not?" he asked her. Tonks shrugged, and took the huge piece of chocolate he offered her and took a bite. She hadn't realised that she was cold before now, and the chocolate seemed to spread warmth from the top of her head to her toes.

Remus smiled at the surprised look on Tonks face as she ate the chocolate he gave her. It was the best time for eating chocolate - when they were cold and tired, she just didn't know it.

For the rest of the night, they ate chocolate, laughed together and gazed at the stars. He knew a lot about the stars and she knew basically nothing, Remus lay on his back pointing out stars to Tonks who was curled up against his side, staring at him instead of the stars.

When it was time to leave, they did so with regret, but it was starting to become light and Remus wanted to go back to see Harry before his hearing. Tonks decided that she would go to, and held onto him as he side-along apparated them back.

**So I actually liked this chapter. Its my favourite so far : D **

**Let me know what you think : D**

**Next chapter won't be far away I promise : )**


	9. Demented

**So I am not quite sure about this chapter : D *Shrugs* Its 3 in the morning - who can think straight.**

**Merry 'it's almost' Christmas everyone! Happy Christmas eve! Merry Easter groundhog day even. Its been Christmas eve for three hours here in Australia!**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**

**Also, anything you recognise is J.K Rowling's ; D because I don't own Harry Potter.**

An hour later Remus and Tonks were sitting in the kitchen at Grimmauld place with Arthur, Molly and Sirius, as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened through the night. It was half past five in the morning and Tonks could feel the tiredness that she hadn't been able to feel before she had sat down at the kitchen table.

She looked at Remus who looked tired and a little pale, but otherwise perfectly normal and also deep in thought. Neither Molly or Arthur seemed to suspect a thing, and Sirius didn't seem to be up to interrogating them yet. He looked preoccupied, and a little irritable. Tonks yawned. She was so tired.

Remus looked up at her when she yawned and smiled, and his eyes said 'I told you so.' Tonks decided that it had been too long since she had heard Remus's voice and so she started to tell everyone about how her boss, the head Auror, Scrimgeour, had cornered her and Kingsley when she had gone in to the ministry to hand in a report the evening before. He was asking suspicious questions, just like Fudge.

As she was telling them, they heard footsteps on the stairs and a nervous looking Harry appeared at the door. Molly leapt to her feet as soon as he entered and said, "Breakfast!"

"M - m - morning, Harry," yawned Tonks. "Sleep alright?"

"Yeah," Harry replied quietly.

"I've b - b - been up all night," Tonks said, yawning yet again and glancing at Remus whose eyes were fixed on her. "Come and sit down …" She drew out a chair, knocking over the one beside it in the process.

From the kitchen Molly rolled her eyes. "What do you want, Harry?" she called. "Porridge? Muffins? Kippers? Bacon and eggs? Toast?"

"Just - just toast, thanks," said Harry.

Remus finally took his eyes off Tonks and glanced at Harry, who looked rather nervous, before returning his gaze to Tonks. "What were you saying about Scrimgeour?" he asked, wishing that she'd keep talking just so that he could hear her voice.

"Oh ... Yeah ... Well, we need to be a bit more careful, he's been asking Kingsley and me funny questions…" she said, regaining her train of thought after losing it because of Remus's intense gaze.

"... And I'll have to tell Dumbledore I can't do night duty tomorrow, I'm just too tired," Tonks finished, yawning again. She was supposed to take guard on her own at the ministry that night, but the guard last night had tired her out - not to mention the fact that she hadn't slept after her guard shift anyway.

"I'll cover for you," said Arthur. "I'm OK, I've got a report to finish anyway." Arthur turned towards Harry. "How are you feeling?" he asked Harry. Harry shrugged and so Arthur added, "It'll all be over soon. In a few hours' time you'll be cleared. The hearing's on my floor, in Amelia Bones's office. She's Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, and the one who'll be questioning you."

"Amelia Bones is OK, Harry," said Tonks earnestly. "She's fair, she'll hear you out." Tonks had met her a couple of times, and she had proved herself to be a fair witch, who listened to the facts and didn't automatically assume. She also wasn't as anti-Dumbledore as the rest. In fact, she hardly was at all.

"Don't lose your temper," said Sirius abruptly, speaking for the first time since Harry had entered the room, though he hadn't been very talkative before then either. "Be polite and stick to the facts." Harry nodded again.

"The law's on your side," said Remus quietly, and Tonks could tell that even though his words were reassuring, that he was worried. "Even underage wizards are allowed to use magic in life-threatening situations." It was true, but the ministry was being less than fair these days.

Molly started to attack Harry's hair with a comb, but it wouldn't lay flat and she soon gave up, and Harry and Arthur stood.

"You'll be all right, Harry," said Tonks, patting him on the arm, trying to sound as reassuring as she could.

"Good luck, " said Remus in the same quiet voice. "I'm sure it will be fine." He smiled a small smile at Harry, trying to reassure him.

"And if it's not," said Sirius grimly "I'll see to Amelia Bones for you …" Sirius sounded more like himself than he had all morning and Tonks smiled. Harry smiled weakly at Sirius.

Molly hugged him. "We've all got our fingers crossed, " she said, and Tonks crossed her fingers, noticing that Remus did the same thing, his hands hidden underneath the table, and she gave him a reassuring smile, that made him forget why he was worried, and made him wonder if there was anything else in the world but _her_.

"Right," said Harry. "Well ... See you later then." He definitely sounded nervous, there was no doubt about it, and no-one blamed him. He followed Arthur out of the room and the other all exchanged frightened glanced behind his back. No-one could be sure of the outcome.

Molly yawned. "I think I'll go lay back in bed until the others wake up." she said. "Unless anyone needs me?" she looked around the kitchen. Tonks had her head on her arms, Sirius looked deep in thought, and Remus was staring towards Tonks. Molly noticed and wondered what was going on there and made a resolution to keep a closer eye on the two of them.

Remus reluctantly tore his eyes from Tonks, who had been holding his gaze from where she sat with her head on her arms. "No Molly. You've done enough with breakfast. Go ahead, and Thankyou." he said. As soon as she left his gaze returned to Tonks, who was still staring at him, a small smile playing on her lips. She was obviously extremely tired. She'd stopped at her apartment before coming back to Grimmauld place and meeting Remus in the kitchen there. Her hair was now blonde and curly, but was turning browner and browner as she stopped trying to control it.

Tonks was staring at him with her head on her arms turned towards him. He was staring back into her eyes with a look so intense that it made her insides melt and turn warm and bubbly. It was as though they were the only two in the kitchen, and she forgot all about Sirius. That is, until he cleared his throat loudly and she sat up startled. "I'm awake! I swear!" she said with as much energy as she could muster, looking at Sirius.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, and then looked from her to Remus who was still staring at Tonks. Tonks turned back to him, and hiding her eyes from Sirius, she rolled them in his direction, and Remus laughed, finally looking at Sirius.

"Finally realised that there is someone in here besides Tonks have you Moony?" he asked in a voice that was slightly bitter. Remus rolled his eyes and Tonks supposed that Sirius was just nervous about Harry.

Remus knew that something other than just Harry's hearing was bothering Sirius. Sirius had told him that Harry had asked him if he could live with Sirius if his hearing went badly and he was expelled, and part of Sirius wished for that. On top of that, Sirius was feeling guilty for even feeling that way.

He didn't have long to dwell on Sirius however, as a patronus - a phoenix - burst into the kitchen and stood before Remus and Tonks. The patronus was clearly a message but said nothing as it stood there. This was a clear indicator that the message was intended for only the recipients ears.

Tonks looked at Remus and stood, motioning for him to follow her out and into the living room. The patronus followed them and as Remus sealed the door it began to speak.

_Remus and Nymphadora. Meet me at the gates to Hogwarts as immediately as possible. Dumbledore. _

Remus smiled as he heard Tonks grit her teeth at Dumbledore's use of her first name, and then frowned. What could Dumbledore possibly need from them both right now? He sighed and Tonks did the same. Why did it feel like being in the order was a full time job?

-RL&NT-

It was not Dumbledore that met Remus and Tonks at the Hogwarts boundaries, but Minerva McGonagall. She looked as well as she ever did and nervous as well, and Tonks and Remus exchanged worried glances. When they enquired about whether everything at Hogwarts was ok, Minerva could only reply that everything was ok, and that she knew nothing about the reasons Dumbledore had for needing them.

On their way up to castle Minerva observed the two, and the way they seemed to be conversing with only single looks and she noticed a difference at once. These two were closer than they had been the last time Minerva had seen them, and it took her by surprise. They seemed an unlikely couple, but Minerva's eyes picked up on things people would normally never notice. She hoped for their sake that they would both survive the war.

They entered the castle, Minerva setting a swift pace, and on the way they ran into Flitwick, and then Snape who curled his lip at them as they walked by but said nothing else. Soon they were standing in front of the stone gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office.

Minerva murmured the password to the gargoyle who nodded to her and stepped aside. She held out an arm, gesturing that Tonks and Remus should go ahead while she stayed behind. They climbed the steps at a swift, steady pace until they knocked tentatively on the door. They heard a phoenix song behind the door, before it opened of its own accord.

"Come in." Dumbledore said in a cheerful voice, and Remus and Tonks exchanged yet another apprehensive glance. They entered the room and stood close together in front of Dumbledore's desk. "Sit." he said, and waved his hand. As he did, two chairs from the back of the room were swept to where they were standing and they sat.

He observed them for a minute with his hands clasped together. They stared back at him uncomfortably. "Would you like anything to eat or drink?" he asked, and both shook their heads, wondering what he wanted and whether he would get to the point anytime soon. Dumbledore raised his eyebrows but said nothing more than, "Very well."

There was silence for another moment before he spoke. "I have a favour to ask." he said, and they thought they could hear reluctance in his voice. "I'd do it myself, but right now, I cannot leave the school for such long periods of time." Tonks and Remus nodded at him.

"We are willing to do it, whatever it is." Tonks said, fighting tiredness and hoping that he'd hurry up so that they would sleep. Remus noticed the way she said 'we' as though they were one and hid a small smile. He liked the sound of the 'we'. Of course he was willing to do whatever it was Dumbledore needed.

Dumbledore heard the determination in Tonks voice as she spoke for herself and Remus. He looked at Remus, for his approval and found that he seemed to agree with Tonks. Both of them looked like they had slept in days. Remus was ill-looking and grey, and Tonks hair lacked the usual brightness, done in a dirty blonde colour. Both had purple shadows under their eyes and looked worn. He recalled that they had both been on guard duty the last night.

"I need something to be found." he said carefully. "And it's a very important matter, a difficult case and may even be impossible."

It was Remus that spoke this time. "What is it you need us to find?" he asked, hoping that whatever it was wasn't as lost as the lost-

"The lost diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw." Dumbledore took the words straight out of Remus's head and he groaned inwardly. The diadem had been lost for centuries and had been searched for many times. 'I spoke to the Grey Lady of Ravenclaw house, and I know where its last whereabouts were… Roughly." Both Tonks and Remus were silent and so Dumbledore continued, "I fear that Voldemort may have since found it, and… uh… turned it to his own purpose. I need to be sure. I need you both to search a certain forest in Albania where it was hidden, and see if you can recover it."

Tonks and Remus took this in. It sounded like a hard job, but they could not turn him down. "You'll need to go as soon as possible. Today?" he suggested.

Remus and Tonks nodded. "Of course Albus. We will go shortly after we return to Grimmauld place to clear our absence for the afternoon." Remus said, and Tonks smiled in agreement.

Dumbledore surveyed them for a moment before nodding. "Certainly. You will need to take my invisibility cloak." he said, reaching under his desk and pulling out a cloak. "If you find it, bring it back but don't touch it directly."

Both Tonks and Remus nodded, eager to get back, search for the diadem and then sleep. They stood, ready to go on their way and took the cloak from Dumbledore who thanked them.

As they went to leave Dumbledore suddenly added in more cheerful tones. "Tonks, Can you find someone to cover your guard shift tonight? You look too tired."

Tonks nodded. "Arthur said he'd do it. He's got report to finish."

Dumbledore nodded and turned to Remus. "Severus will have your potion brewed in the week before the moon, and I will personally bring it to the meeting." Remus nodded.

"Thank him for me." he said to Dumbledore. Dumbledore nodded, then stood and strode to the door and held it open for them. "Thankyou. Both of you." he said softly as they left and they nodded as they passed him.

-RL&NT-

Tonks and Remus were walking through a clearing in the middle of a forest that reminded Remus a lot of the forbidden forest at Hogwarts. They were turned slightly away from each other, crouched under the invisibility cloak as they walked. Both had their wands out, and pointed in opposite directions. Their free hands were intertwined and they were silent, concentrating.

They were looking for anything unusual, and they were far from home. Dumbledore had entrusted them to do a job that he had no time to do - being headmaster of Hogwarts - which had them searching fruitlessly through a forest in Albania for the lost Diadem of Rowena Ravenclaw. Why he had suddenly become obsessed with finding the item that had been lost for centuries, neither Remus nor Tonks could guess, but they did his bidding anyway.

Occasionally there was a crackle in the woods, and both Tonks and Remus would jump slightly, squeezing each others hand, but never breaking contact. Remus could feel Tonks shoulder against his, and her hand in his, and it made him warm in the cold forest. He took deep breathes in the cold, and despite his lack of sleep, he was entirely alert.

Tonks was cold, and it was only the warmth from Remus's hand in hers, and his shoulder against hers that kept her from freezing. She hadn't expected it to be so cold, and so she wasn't dressed for cold weather. She was nervous. Something about the forest and the clearing was foreboding. There was a stillness about the crisp air that made her shiver.

There was a crackle in the trees ahead of them and Remus tightened his hand on Tonks and stopped. 'Did you hear that?" he whispered, not daring to look at her, his grey eyes scanning the clearing.

Tonks had heard the noise. "Yes," she breathed, hardly daring to whisper. She squeezed his hand back as her eyes darted around the clearing. "What do we do-" Her sentence was interrupted by a rattling sound, and a chill that made the previous cold feel like a fireplace spread through the clearing. Tonks shuddered, and she felt Remus do the same.

Her worst memories were forcing their way to the front of her mind, and she fought them back with the chill that seemed to suck the happiness from the world. There was a roaring in Tonks ears that threatened to separate her from the rest of the world - making her unable to think. She was drowning in the cold and she could hardly see through the images flashing through her head. The emotion made her buckle at the knees, and she struggled to stay upright as she tried to think straight. She could hardly feel Remus's hand in hers, but she heard the word as he spoke it.

"_Dementors."_

The first thing that went through his head was of dementors, and many of them. It was the only way to describe the cold chill, the desolation and the destruction. He was fighting away the images that he usually only saw in his nightmares - memories from his past and his fears. He could feel Tonks shaking somewhere behind him, and he focused on the warmth on her body, as the chill threatened to force him to the ground.

They saw them coming, even through the memories blocking their eyes, as they came gliding into the clearing. There were more than Remus had ever seen at once, and he knew he couldn't fight them all alone. The last rational thought he had as the last of his strength wavered was of their numbers and of Tonks, before his head was filled with the images he could no longer stop.

_He was running through the forest as Greyback chased him through a forest near his home. He couldn't move his legs fast enough, and the werewolf was gaining on him. At five, he was too young to apparate, and he looked back just as he saw Greyback leap at him. The pain of the claws and teeth were too much and he blacked out into nothingness. _

_And immediately he was screaming in pain - his first transformation. His limbs were changing and he fought with himself as the wolf took over his mind and he started to lose himself for the first of many times until he couldn't remember._

_Suddenly he was running as a werewolf through the forest, hunting down the scent of human - his mind completely lost, before he was turning back on himself, trying to keep his mind. Then he was waking up in the forest, unable to move until his father found him. _

_Then he was at Hogwarts, trying to control himself around his three animagus friends. He was transforming in front of them. Then the scene changed and he was locked in the shrieking shack, fighting at the door as hard as he could to get to a terrified and wide-eyed Snape. _

_Then he was at his fathers funeral, carrying his coffin with others who had known his father, and no-one would look at him. The scene changed again and he was at home after the funeral, listening to his mother weeping in her room. _

_Then he was older and he heard that Lily, James and Peter were dead, all killed by Sirius, and Sirius was being carted off to Azkaban. He was at the funerals, and he was being shunned - no-one would talk to him - and in every sense, the only people who had ever understood were all gone. _

_The scene switched abruptly to Hogwarts in his teaching days and he was fighting against chains, transforming without his potion in front of Harry, Ron and Hermione. He was running through the forest trying to keep himself from hunting them. He was chasing Harry and Hermione through the forest, or their scent at least. He was forcing himself to run far, far away. _

His memories abruptly changed to fears so fast that he couldn't tell the difference between which were the memories and which were fears.

_He was in the forest with Tonks, standing close by her side, and he was telling her to run but she wouldn't move. He was transforming and she was standing still, the look on her face changing from one of stubbornness to one of a pure terror._

_He was leaping at her, even though the distance was short. He was ravaging her - tearing her apart._

The part of him that was still resisting was screaming at him, but he couldn't tell the difference between his screams and hers.

_He was sinking his teeth into her neck. Then the scene changed and he was at Grimmauld place ordering her away urgently but she still wouldn't go and he was fighting himself to keep himself from trying to take her down. Then she was screaming and running from him. Then the scene changed yet again, and he was in human form watching as she backed away from him - blame in her eyes, fear and hatred. He was reaching for her as she turned to run and -_

"Patronus Remus… We need a patronus…" Her voice cut through to him through the cold and the pain. He was on the ground, trying to remember the spell through the desolation. What was it again? _Expecta… Expectro… Patronus… _His mind fumbled and he couldn't think of the spell, let alone something happy enough to think of to use when he did remember.

Tonks felt Remus collapse behind her, and her breath caught in her throat. There were just so many dementors, closing in all around. The horrible memories were trying to take her over…

_She was five and she was fighting with her mother over the colour of her hair. Her mother was insisting on brown, but it was purple and entirely out of Tonks own control. _Tonks fought back, trying to stay in control. She gritted her teeth.

_She was at the Malfoy's for Christmas with her mother, and all the witches and wizards were looking down their noses at her. Then she was at her muggle grandparents and she was trying desperately to control her morphing because they didn't know. _Tonks blinked, conjuring an image of Remus's face in her head.

_She was lost in the forbidden forest, and she couldn't find her way home. She ran into the nesting grounds of hundreds of huge spiders, only just saved by Hagrid. She was in Snape's classroom and he was telling her off for her uncontrolled morphing in his class, even though it was her first year at Hogwarts. _

_Then she was finding out that Sirius had been convicted and sent to Azkaban. She was being pushed around by Bellatrix, and Lucias Malfoy was trying to coax her into joining his society clubs which was step one to becoming a death eater. She was resisting, and he was chasing. _Tonks forced the image of Remus back into her mind, and tried to think straight. She needed a spell.

A patronus. The idea came to her as the Dementors came closer. She remembered the spell as she heard Remus whimper behind her, and she broke her concentration and turned to look at him, on the ground. He was on his knees, his head in his hands, knuckles white writhing in what looked like pain, as though the cruciatus curse was upon him.

"Patronus Remus… We need a patronus…" she said desperately and he seemed to come back a little, he stopped writhing and kneeled, twitching. "Think of something happy Remus." she urged. She felt the bad memories flicker back as the dementors drew closer, but they were in no hurry. They had their prey cornered.

Tonks thought about the happiest thing she could. Suddenly she could see Remus's face close to hers in her minds eye, and though that would usually make her dizzy, she felt happy despite the freezing cold. The happiness didn't last long as the dementors threatened to suck away the happiness. She looked down at Remus, struggling to hold the feeling, and whispered "Expecto Patronum."

Some silver substance flew from the tip of her wand, but it wasn't her patronus. The brief seconds before the dementors consumed the wispy smoke cleared her head slightly and her voice was stronger when she said the spell again, conjuring images of Remus kissing her in her head to back it up. This time her patronus emerged, but it wasn't strong enough on its own.

Remus could feel her trying to conjure a patronus on her own. He kept his mind focused on her voice, and drew the strength from her. As Tonks tried the second time for a patronus, the air cleared a little - long enough for him to remember the spell and he drew memories of Tonks to him. He remembered her laughing, smiling and talking. He was there with her kissing her against the wall in the department of mysteries, and the words exploded out of his mouth, "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" His patronus burst from the end of his wand, and at the same time he staggered to his feet and took her hand again.

Tonks heard him conjure his patronus at last and felt him reach for her hand, and she tried for the third time to produce hers. This time her patronus burst from her wand, as strong as it could be, and joined Remus's, chasing away the dementors that were now so close that they could smell the rotting and decay - the smell of death that was characteristic of Azkaban.

Tonks felt the dementors leave and with them, the last of her strength ebbed and she collapsed to the ground, sinking into the darkness.

-RL&NT-

Tonks woke on the square of grass outside Grimmauld place. It was dark now, and Remus had an arm around her. Her head felt dizzy, as though she was getting over a bad bout of the flu. Remus's face was lined and worried, and he looked more ill than she had ever seen him look.

As she opened his eyes and spoke to him he looked relieved. "What happened?"

He tried to smile. "You collapsed and I side-alonged you. We just got back. You haven't been out for long. I was just about to revive you." He had one arm around her and his wand in the other. He leaned back on his heels, letting her go and pulling some chocolate from his pocket and breaking it in half. He handed her half and ate the other half, and a little colour entered his face as he did. Tonks did the same, and the same feeling of warmth filled her.

She tried to smile at him, and he looked heartbroken. "I'm so sorry Tonks…" he whispered. "I shouldn't be so…"

Tonks put a finger to his lips at the last word. "If you say weak, I'll hex you." she said. "You have a right to be affected by dementors. They are foul creatures, and just because you have bad memories doesn't mean you are weak."

He shook his head, and their was a horrified look in his eyes that she had never seen before. "I shouldn't have left you so defenseless."

"You didn't." Tonks said, catching his eye, and then holding him in place when he tried to look away. "It was the memory of you that I held onto to stay sane." she said. "Without you I wouldn't have stood a chance."

He still shook his head, but when she kissed him she tasted of chocolate and she was warm - just as he remembered. She wrapped her arms behind his head, and tangled her fingers in his hair, kissing him as hard as she could to try and make him believe her. He kissed her back enthusiastically, but with regret he pulled away too soon, thoroughly warmed to his bones now but knowing that they had to move inside.

He held a hand out to her. "We should get inside." he said to her, and she nodded and took his hand. Together - hand in hand - they reached the door and Remus tapped it with his wand. When they entered they saw something they had not expected. Sirius was sitting against the wall with his head in his hands waiting for them to come home, despite his hatred for the hall, worry lining every tense muscle in his body…

**Don't worry about they end guys! I'm not trying to leave you hanging. Sirius was just worried about Remus and Tonks. Nothing happened while they were gone.**

**So My story went off on a weird tangent. Must be my mood, but it'll be back on track next chapter for sure : D**

**MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS!**


	10. Memories

**MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! Well, In Australia we only have about 25 minutes left of it but oh well : D **

**I really do live for your reviews so please please please review. I usually give up on my stories really easily and lately I haven't gotten many reviews so I'm wondering if my story is going downhill? Please let me know what you think about the story!**

**This chapter is mainly some character building, nothing much happened but I felt like writing tonight so here we go : )**

Tonks had been so tired when she and Remus had gotten home from Dumbledore's mission that she had gone to sleep at Grimmauld place. There was a spare room that had been cleaned out and that wasn't being used so Sirius had made up the bed and Remus had put Tonks straight into it, before heading to his own room and going straight to sleep.

Two days later they were all sitting in the library. Remus had made sure that the first place he had cleaned out when he arrived at Grimmauld was the library. It was a room that they were almost sure they would not be disturbed in. They cast muffliato and silencing charms around the room so that they would not disturb anyone else in the house by talking. It was after dinner and the others were trying to get to sleep.

Tonks and Remus had not talked about the dementor incident since they had told Sirius about it and both were trying to forget about the whole thing. Tonks was back to being her cheerful self, and though Remus was as quiet as he ever was, he had a small smile on his face - especially when he looked at Tonks. Sirius was smiling widely because he had managed to convince them both to stay up with him.

Remus had taken to calling Tonks 'Nymphadora' just to annoy her and Sirius was still inventing new nicknames for her. Between the two of them, they were quite getting on her nerves. She could see why the two were best friends, and she was starting to see the side of Remus that made him a marauder.

"Little Tonket," Sirius began, "I think its time I enlightened you."

Tonks glared at him. "Enlightened?" she snorted in amusement. "Sirius, you couldn't enlighten anyone about anything."

Sirius pretended to act hurt. "You are talking to the genius that inspired some of the greatest pranks of all times. 'The great shampoo swap' and the 'Who in the Sam heck stole my wand' prank didn't just happen on their own, did they?"

Tonks was laughing so hard she almost fell of the couch where she sat next to Remus, staring at Sirius who sat across from them in an armchair. "Who in the sam heck stole my wand?" she gasped.

"Yeah. Sirius Black mastermind of the century." Remus said, with a twinkle in his eye. "But remember the incident with the broomstick?" Sirius went bright red at Remus's words.

"Don't you dare tell Moony! Or else I'll…" Sirius stuttered for a moment. "I'll tell Tonks about the first time you got drunk!"

The twinkle in Remus's eye faded a little. "If you do I'll tell about that time with the giant squid!" he said.

Sirius frowned. "I'll tell Tonks about the time I sent you that howler." he said, obviously thinking he'd struck gold at this one.

But Remus just smiled and said, "Go ahead and I'll tell Tonks about the time with the owls."

"Well, I'll tell Tonks about the time that you went into the forest and uh…" Sirius raised his eyebrows in a suspicious way.

Maybe it was Tonks imagination but she swore she saw Remus blush a little, but it disappeared before she could tell. "I'll tell about…" Remus started.

"Oh just shut up both of you and tell me about all these times." Tonks said. "I'll find ways to get it out of you now that I know anyway."

Sirius laughed and Remus glared at him. "Look what you did." he said. "You created a monster."

"It wasn't me who started this Moony." he said mockingly.

Remus turned to Tonks. "Curiosity killed the cat Nymphadora." he said seriously.

Tonks swatted him on the shoulder with her hand and glared. "Nymphadora?" she said angrily. "Really?"

Remus grinned. "It's your name. Just thought I'd wear it out." When she glared at him, his eyes softened and he said quietly. "I happen to think it's a beautiful name that belongs to a very beautiful woman, Nymphadora." Tonks had to admit that when Remus said her name it sounded much prettier, but she still hated it. He saw the glare fade from her eyes, even though she kept trying to glare at him.

The moment was ruined by Sirius of course, who started chanting " Nym, Nymmie, Nymphadora, Nymphy Nymphy Nymphadora…"

Tonks turned to him, murder in her eyes. "Sirius if you don't shut it, I'll hex you." she growled.

"Nymmily, Nymphy Nymphadora, Nora Nymphy Nymphadora…" he kept chanting until Tonks drew her wand and shot a hex at Sirius. The next thing Sirius knew, his hair closely resembled Snape's and a thick black grease was oozing from his scalp. His nose had grown long and slightly hooked and the words 'I love Snape!' appeared across his forehead.

This time it was Remus that almost fell off his chair laughing. Tonks had never seen him laugh so much and she stared at him in wonder. He looked so much younger and carefree when he laughed. He was doubled over and Sirius who was unable to see himself, jumped up, grabbed his wand and conjured a mirror. He yelped loudly when he saw his reflection which knocked Tonks out of staring at Remus and made her double over in laughter too.

Sirius started trying to reverse the hex fruitlessly. Tonks and Remus kept laughing as every attempt failed. "Is this a hex of your own design?" Remus gasped between bursts of laughter.

Tonks nodded, proud that he noticed that it was she who had designed the spell and thought that she was smart enough to come up with it on her own. So many people thought that she wasn't smart enough to design her own spell. "Yep." she said and started laughing again.

After a solid fifteen minutes of Sirius trying to reverse the hex, Tonks stomach was hurting from laughing so much and she waved her wand once, restoring Sirius back to his normal, but much more subdued, self. "Don't say I didn't warn you." she said.

There was silence and glaring on Sirius's part while Remus tried to stop laughing. Tonks smiled and then said in a businesslike voice. "So lets start from the beginning. 'The great shampoo swap' and the 'Who in the Sam heck stole my wand' prank?" she said.

Remus laughed and started to relate the story of the great shampoo swap to Tonks. "You know how much we dislike…" he started, but Sirius cut in.

"Loathe, hate, detest, abhor…" he said loudly.

Remus smiled and kept talking over the top of Sirius. "Anyway, we didn't…"

Sirius cut in again. "DON'T!"

Remus glared at Sirius. "Alright, You know how much we _don't_ like Snape." It was more of a statement that a question and Tonks nodded. Remus smiled and continued. "He used to be really good at potions and it was the only thing in the world he was better than Sirius and James at. So they took to turning all his potions into shampoo while we were in class. Then… _somehow_… the potions had a funny way of ending up in shampoo bottles and then ending up in Snape's bag."

Tonks laughed. "Classic." she said. "Bet that annoyed the hell out of old Snapey."

Sirius laughed as well. "It sure did. Its not the best trick we played on him though. We've done better."

"Like the 'Who in the Sam heck stole my wand' act?" Tonks asked with a grin.

Remus laughed. "Ahhh, no… That one had nothing to do with Snape." he said. "We played that one on Pettigrew."

"One day we stole his wand, duplicated it - you know how when you duplicate a wand, the duplicate has no wand-like qualities and is merely a useless piece of wood - and left him the duplicate. He had the wand through classes for three days before he took it to McGonagall." Sirius said.

Remus snorted with amusement. "But before he did, we swapped them back and he took it to her." he laughed. "And she said, and I quote "Pettigrew. There is nothing wrong with this wand. Perhaps this is an indication that you need to study - well, quite a lot - harder." Then she sent him out and we swapped the wands again."

Tonks laughed. "How did he ever find out?" she asked.

Remus grinned. "One day his wand just started working again. We all claimed it was a miracle."

Tonks and Sirius were both doubled over, laughing hard. When the laughter died down Tonks said "Which brings us to the time with the broomstick." she raised her eyebrows.

Remus grinned. "Right well. Sirius was trying to impress a girl once."

"Once?" Tonks asked, grinning.

"Well, once out of many times." he winked and Sirius groaned, putting his head in his hands. "but this one time… He was trying to impress this girl, and he had a broomstick. Snape was nearby, behind a tree watching, and James, Peter and I were behind another bush watching. He was telling this girl about how well he could fly, and he mounted the broom and as he did, Snape hexed the broom and it started trying to buck him off. He stayed on until it flew him into the side of the castle and he was left hanging by his robes on the side of the castle." Remus laughed to himself softly.

Tonks eyes were sparkling and Remus noticed that it made her even more beautiful, and she took his breath away. "Didn't you help him?" she asked, amused.

Remus laughed. "The girl happened to be Lily Evans so if Snape hadn't done it, she would've." he smiled. "he had it coming to him either way."

Tonks grinned. "So now …"

"The first time old Moony got drunk." Sirius cut in over the top of her, rubbing his hands together. "Needless to say, but he ended up dancing." Sirius chuckled.

Tonks was definitely amused. "Is he a good dancer?" she asked. "Or worse than me?"

Sirius laughed. "Nymphie, I don't think anyone could stuff up the fine art of dancing quite as well as you do." he paused to block the book she had summoned to throw at him. "but he came very close."

Remus grimaced. "I was still better than you on a good day." he said.

"Lets let Tonks decide." Sirius grinned. "Revenge is sweet." With that, he stood and bounded over to the couch, pulled Tonks up and proceeded to waltz her around the room.

Once she got over the initial shock she cursed herself inwardly for not being constantly vigilant and said forcefully. "Do I need to hex you again Siri?"

Remus smiled at her words, and at Sirius's bravery - he was still waltzing her around the room despite being hexed by her only a little while ago. He looked at Tonks glaring at Sirius and trying not to laugh at the same time. Once again he was struck by how beautiful she was, and his breath caught in his throat as his eyes followed her around the room.

"You dropped your wand when I pulled you up." Sirius said laughing at her when she smacked her hand to her forehead.

"I should have been more constantly vigilant!" she cried. "Remus help me!"

Remus chuckled and stood up. Tonks was quite hilarious to watch. She was tripping over everything and Sirius was having to hold her up most of the time. Remus was surprised to realise that he was jealous of Sirius and how close he was to Tonks, and he stepped over to Sirius. "Hand over the lady, or we may just have to duel." he said politely.

Tonks rolled her eyes and Sirius ignored Remus and kept dancing. She sighed and silently hexed Sirius with another of her own hexes before Remus could attempt to duel anyone. Sirius let go of her as a bunch of miniature bricks started flying around his head and trying to fly in his mouth every time he tried to speak. They also started flying at the back of his head over and over.

As he let Tonks go to raise his hands to his head in alarm, she became unbalanced and fell. Luckily Remus was standing right behind her and he caught her before she could hit the ground. One arm went around her waist, the other behind her neck and he held her close to him as they both leaned halfway towards the ground. His face was close to hers and his touch was sending electric shocks through her entire body. She was speechless, and so, apparently, was he. He leaned down a little further until his lips met hers and forgetting Sirius, he kissed her with all the passion he possessed.

They broke apart only when Sirius coughed forcefully. He'd managed to get the bricks to vanish and was standing looking in a decidedly different direction. Remus pulled Tonks up and she turned so that she was facing Sirius. Both his arms came to rest round her waist and on her stomach, his head on her shoulder as they both looked at Sirius and laughed.

"I'm not looking at you." he said, but his eyes flickered in their direction and he smiled.

"Padfoot," Remus said, using Sirius's nickname. "What are you smiling at. You just got told by Tonks - you should be plotting revenge if I know you."

Sirius laughed. "Did not." In a more serious voice he added. "You two are perfect for each other you know. Nothing has made either of you smile the way you are now in the time I have known you."

Tonks laughed. "I thought you weren't looking at us. How would you know? We could be glaring at you for all you do or don't know." she said.

Sirius grinned and looked at them both before heading back to his chair. Tonks twisted around in Remus's arms and hugged him tightly before letting him go and walking back to the couch, sitting down and saying "I believe we were up to the time with the giant squid." she said with an amused twinkle in her eye.

Remus had followed her and he sat down next to her. She moved closer to him, closing the small gap between him, drew her knees up to her chest and leaned back against Remus who put one arm around her waist, causing Sirius to start coughing loudly. This time it was Remus who cast the spells and suddenly Sirius found himself unable to cough or speak.

Remus grinned. "Finally, some peace and quiet." he said, and then began to tell Tonks about the time with the squid. "There was another time when Sirius was trying to impress yet another girl, and he was down by the lake. He had his back to the lake, and he was talking rather loudly and throwing rocks out into the lake over his shoulder." He started to laugh. "The next thing we knew, a giant tentacle was headed straight for Sirius and it pulled him in and under. When he emerged again, he was covered in seaweed, and his robes were quite mangled. He learnt that day that the Giant Squid doesn't always appreciate arrogant wizards throwing rocks at him."

Sirius finally managed to throw off Remus's spellwork and growled at Remus, which only made him laugh harder.

Tonks shook with laughter. "Serves him right." she said, but she was distracted by Remus absentmindedly moving his fingers on small circles on her stomach where his hand was resting. She took a deep breath and struggled to keep herself coherent. She distracted herself by going down her mental list of the incidents Sirius and Remus had mentioned, trying to hide how his touch made her melt into a pile of goo. "What about the time with the howler?" she asked.

Sirius looked eager to start telling her, but Remus, who was looking at Tonks at wonder - wondering how a person like him ever managed to capture someone as amazing as her - asked her "How are you remembering all this in order?" He was referring to the fact that she remembered everything he and Sirius had mentioned in the exact order.

"Auror training." she grinned and then rolled her eyes. "Mad-Eye."

Remus grinned at her, trying not to look into her eyes, because he knew if he did that she would melt him right there and then. Sirius laughed and said, "The howler was a prank thought up by me. I was getting a little payback on Moony here. I managed to send him a howler at breakfast one day."

Tonks grinned. "What did it say?" she asked excitedly. She'd never received a howler herself, but she had seen other students have them.

Sirius cleared his throat and grinned. "I don't quite think we need to discuss it." he said. "it's a bit too much for your delicate little ears Tonskie. Lets just say that it was a very embarrassing howler for Remus to have."

Tonks didn't even bother to glare and just rolled her eyes. "Why did you feel the need to send him a howler in the first place?" she asked.

Remus chuckled. "Ahhh, well we were arguing in transfiguration one day, so I transfigured his robes into a dress."

Tonks doubled over laughing. "No wonder he sent you a howler." she grinned.

"What about the time with the owls?" she asked.

Remus grinned. "Well that was payback to Sirius for stealing some of my chocolate."

Tonks chuckled, and placed one of her hands over the one he had on her stomach, glad that their hands were hidden by her knees. "Of course, You and your chocolate."

He stopped tracing circles over her stomach and held the hand that she placed over his. He took a moment to collect his thoughts, trying not to let her see just how much she affected him with small gestures like that. "James and I, we snuck into the school owlery just before breakfast one morning. We had about fifty blank pieces of paper and we had them all rolled up. We used just about every school owl and got them all to fly the paper to Sirius." Remus laughed. "When the owls came in, all of them flew at Sirius and just about knocked him halfway into next Christmas."

Tonks was amused to hear the pranks that Remus had been behind. She'd never heard him laugh quite so easily, never had the sense that he relaxing as much as he was now. "That just leaves the time you went into the forbidden forest." Tonks said.

Sirius laughed gleefully. "This story's a real laugh." he said and Remus groaned in horror. Tonks tried to ignore the way he made her stomach jump when he groaned and he hid his face in her hair. "Moony here, went into the forbidden forest one time, and no-on has any idea why. We think he was sleepwalking." Sirius rolled his eyes. "Anyway, we noticed he was gone from his bed and we were just heading out into the grounds, when we saw him coming out of the forbidden forest… absolutely naked…" Sirius grinned.

Tonks could feel Remus's warm breath on the back of her neck and she tried very hard to keep her thoughts on track, and not think about Remus naked and walking out of the forbidden forest, because the image made her shiver, and not with disgust either but with something that felt oddly like need. "What happened in the forest?" she laughed a little breathlessly.

Sirius grinned. "That's just the thing… No-one really knows." he said. "Remus was still asleep when we found him. The teacher that found us…" he snorted in amusement. "Was none other than Minerva McGonagall."

Tonks laughed as she pictured the look of Minerva's face when she stumbled across that scene. "The teachers were worried that the sleepwalking was something sinister." Sirius said. "They did all sorts of tests and in the end we found that it was a reaction to stress. It was around exam time, you see."

Tonks nodded and smiled. "We've reached the end of the list, and I am nowhere near entertained enough." Actually, she just didn't want to move out of Remus's arms, just to go back to her cold apartment, even though it was getting late. "Tell me more." she demanded.

There was silence for a moment before Remus laughed. "Padfoot, do you remember the time you and James were dueling over who was better at attracting girls?" Sirius began to roar with laughter.

"YES!" he almost shouted through his laughter. "That was hilarious."

Tonks smiled and asked Remus, squeezing his hand. "What happened?"

Remus grinned. "So Sirius and James were fighting, and they decided to duel it out. They never could stay angry at each other for very long. They were dueling in the common room, and it had been going on for a while when James started grinning for no reason at all. Then he yells out "Expelliarmus!" and Sirius's wand goes flying. The funny thing though, was that James threw his wand away at the same time. Then they both just started laughing and retrieved their wands and just went straight back into dueling. The next thing you know, Sirius is standing there yelling 'Wait! Wait! What's the spell that dangles you up and down in the air? So James does the spell and Sirius ends up dangling upside down over the fireplace." Remus laughed again.

"It was one of our more ridiculous duels." Sirius grinned.

As they started to relate more stories of their time at Hogwarts to Tonks, she felt herself drifting to sleep in Remus's arms. She woke herself more than a dozen times, willing her eyes not to shut and trying not to yawn and give herself away.

Remus could tell that she was getting tired. Her hair was started to change back to a light brown at the ends, and she was leaning against him heavily. He tightened his arms around her, and buried his face in her hair again as Sirius started to tell Tonks about the time he had tried to get into the girls dormitories at Hogwarts.

As she felt Remus tighten his arms around her, Tonks finally fell asleep, unable to keep herself up any longer. Sirius trailed off as he realised that Tonks was asleep. "Am I really that boring?" he asked Remus.

"Yep." Remus smiled, his eyes shining.

Sirius poked his tongue out at Remus and fell silent. Eventually he broke the silence, "I've never seen you so happy Moony." he said softly. "Not even when we told you we knew you were a werewolf and that we didn't care."

Remus sighed. His feelings towards Tonks were now impossible to deny. He looked at the beautiful, lively and clumsy woman who lay asleep in his arms, and he knew he had fallen for her in so many undeniable, irreversible and undying ways. He wouldn't be able to leave her now, even if he wanted to. "Yeah. I guess its because she makes me happy." he replied.

Sirius laughed. "Happy is an understatement Moony. Really, you should see yourself."

Remus grinned. "We should get her to bed." he said.

Remus stood, and picked Tonks up. She didn't wake up, even when he walked her out the door and down the stairs, into her room and then placed her on her bed. The house had gotten considerably colder and he pulled the blankets on the bed that smelled so much like her, even though she'd only slept in them once, up over her shoulders and tucked them in. He kissed her briefly on the forehead before he left, turning out the light as he went.

-RL&NT-

Remus was having trouble sleeping. He was cold - much colder than he should be. When he was asleep he had nightmares where he felt as though the dementors were closing in on him, ever since the dementors had attacked him and Tonks. He could feel the absence of her now, more than he ever had.

In his dreams he relived the night he was bitten by Greyback, he dreamt horrible dreams where he was a werewolf and Tonks was right there with him when he was unsafe and hadn't taken his potion. He dreamt of death and had nightmares of all variations that included him hunting down innocent people and killing savagely.

As a result he was restless at night, not wanting to sleep out of fear, but needing to because he was so damn tired.

Before the dementor attack, he'd been having fewer nightmares, but he hardly slept since then. That evening spent with Tonks and Sirius seemed forever away as he struggled to separate dreams from reality.

-RL&NT-

Both Sirius and Tonks noticed how tired and pale Remus looked the next morning when they all sat down to breakfast. He'd been looking more and more tired since the dementor attacks, as though he wasn't sleeping properly and both were a bit worried. Whenever they asked him however, he just waved them away and said that he was fine, or blamed it on the full moon - a story that neither of them believed.

Even though Remus was tired from all his nightmares, he was still happy. During the day, he had Tonks, and he enjoyed spending time with her. He realised how attached to her he had become when he found that he couldn't stand the fact that she had to go to work that day, for the first time since they had gotten together.

Tonks bounded around the kitchen, knocking over everything in her way cheerfully. Remus wondered where she found the energy to be cheerful this early in the morning, especially before work. She tried to make him a cup of tea, and Sirius laughed as she broke the cup three times before Remus grinned and got up and did it himself.

Tonks didn't quite know why she was so cheerful when she was meant to go back to work that day, and she hadn't gotten a full nights sleep the night before, but she suspected that it had something to do with the memory of Remus and herself on the couch in the library talking happily to Sirius while he held her close. The memory made her grin wider and she snuck up behind Remus while he was making them all tea, and wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him as tight as she could.

Remus smiled as he felt her hug him from behind, and had to focus to stop himself going weak at the knees. He turned to her and hugged her back, holding her tight for a moment before he turned back to the tea, and asked "What was that for?" in an amused voice. Tonks grinned and shrugged before attempting to skip over to Sirius to ruffle his hair.

On the way though, she tripped over a chair, and fell towards the table laughing as she picked herself up, turned to look at Remus and saw that he had taken a step forward and had an arm outstretched as though to catch her, even though he was on the other side of the kitchen.

She took the cup of tea that he handed to her once he had turned back to the tea and finished making it, gobbled down a piece of toast and ran for the front door, almost late for work. She ran into Molly as she left the kitchen who told her to be careful of the umbrella stand as a way of greeting.

Tonks scowled and slowed to a walk, managing to avoid the dreaded umbrella stand on her way to the door. She unlocked the door and stepped out onto the front steps. She sealed the door again, and turning slowly on the spot, and apparated to the ministry to face another day at work.

**So what did you guys think? Please let me know : ) **

**So Merry Christmas! Hope you all have a brilliant day!**


	11. Nightmares

**Merry boxing day. **

**I would like to thank one of my most awesome reviewers LoadsofRandomness for her awesome review that made me happy enough to write this entire chapter.**

**So I asked my sisters what a pork-pie is because that's what Tonks hats meant to be shaped like, and Tahlika says, a brown thing with circles poking out and it falls off a tree. Me: Umm, That's a pinecone : S HAHAHA**

**I really would love some reviews because right now I am getting hardly any. If you guys don't review I'll stop writing. Its really quite as simple as that. I would like to think that my story is good enough to get reviews without me having to put you under the imperious curse, or having to perform the cruciatus curse on you to force you : P**

**I know Mouldemort personally so review or face his mould-spray.**

A few days later Tonks, Remus and Sirius were all sitting in the kitchen. Remus had his head in his hands, looking more tired and ill than ever. His face was so pale and ashen that it looked grey and Sirius and Tonks were exchanging worried looks. Sirius looked a little worn out, and Tonks was also tired, but it was nothing compared to Remus.

"Perhaps we should all go to bed?" Tonks suggested. It was August thirty first and the kids were all due back at school the next morning. Tonks and Remus were supposed to take them to the train station as part of their guard. Earlier that evening there had been a party for Ron and Hermione who had been made prefects and everyone else was now fast asleep.

This caused Remus to look up abruptly, and there was something that looked like panic in his eyes at the thought of sleeping. Every night his nightmares got worse, and he woke sweating, even though in his dreams he felt cold, as though there were a few hundred dementors around. "No." he said quickly. "Not yet. I think we should talk about…" His voice trailed off, as he had absolutely no idea what he wanted to talk about. He just knew that he didn't want to sleep.

Both Tonks and Sirius's eyes narrowed at this, but Sirius - recognizing that his friend did not want to sleep, for reasons unknown to him - changed the subject and said, "We should tell Tonks about the map. Remember how you told me that Snape got a hold of it while you were teaching?"

Remus snorted in amusement and Sirius grinned. "We were such genius's when we were at school - pure brilliance, I believe. We were the kings of the school and we were famous for our fantastic pranks. However, I swear that both Snape and McGonagall could smell our 'brilliance' from across the school, as one or the other often almost caught us while we were performing some great prank." said Sirius in an arrogant voice.

Remus laughed. "Shut up Padfoot, you idiot. You've got such a big head." he said, and then turning to Tonks he explained, "We made this map of Hogwarts while we were at school. We called it 'The Marauders Map.' and it used to show everyone in the castle and where they were…"

Sirius cut in "It was very helpful to know where all the teachers were when we were sneaking around."

Tonks gasped. "That was you?" Tonks was amazed. When she was at school, she had happened across a map exactly like the map they were describing.

Remus frowned. "Was what us?" he asked, confused. Tonks looked absolutely amazed, and he couldn't fathom why.

Tonks smiled, "In my fourth year, I happened across a map. It was a peculiar map, because at first it was just a piece of old parchment. I kept it of course, and I kept trying to get it to reveal what it really was. I tried everything, and it stayed blank. One day I took it to class and I had run out of parchment, and so I decided to use it. I figured it really was just a piece of parchment. Then writing appeared on the parchment when I tried to write on it, and it told me that if I was up to no good, to say "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." and it told me not to lie, because it would know. I was always one for mischief and so the map revealed itself to me." she grinned at them.

"That map was very useful to me for two years.:. But then one day, Filch confiscated it and tried to get it to reveal itself, and insults about him began to appear on it. He confiscated it saying it was a dangerous zonkos product."

Sirius laughed gleefully. "Yes! My little cousin ended up being aided in her mischief making with help from us Moony!" he said cheerfully.

Remus grinned, but otherwise ignored Sirius. "Harry has the map now." he told Tonks, "When I was teaching, I didn't know where it had gone. Then Snape found Harry with it, and took it, tried to reveal it, and it insulted him like it did to Filch. I confiscated it from Harry of course, but gave it back to him when I resigned."

Tonks laughed. "You are both bloody brilliant." she said. "How'd you make it do that?"

"Sheer, pure brilliance my dear Nymphadora." Sirius said to her, and regretted it almost immediately as his nose started to grow suspiciously long at a steady rate, showing no sign of stopping. He tried not to let his fear show until his nose was approaching the length where it would soon hit the table.

Tonks and Remus were both laughing hard into their hands as they watched Sirius grow more and more panicked. Sirius's nose hit the table and kept growing as he jumped up. "All right! ALL RIGHT! I give up!"

Tonks and Remus laughed even harder as Sirius had to get up on his chair to avoid his nose growing all the way to the ground. Tonks raised her wand. "Say that you'll never call me that again." she said amusedly.

Sirius scowled, trying to keep his dignity, but losing it completely when his nose started growing even faster. "All right, I won't call you by your bloody first name!" he said quickly.

Tonks laughed and with a wave of her wand, his nose was back to normal once again. Scowling, Sirius sat back down. Remus was still laughing at his best friend and Sirius glared at him. "You're no fun." he spat at Tonks.

Remus looked at Tonks, his eyes sparkling in the way she loved so much, and said "I happen to think she's hilarious."

Tonks grinned. "Thankyou." she said, and as she was trying to ignore the way his eyes made her feel so warm and jumpy inside, he was trying ignore the way her smile made him want to close the distance between them, take her in his arms and kiss until neither or them could breathe. Remus then spent the next minute trying not to think about what else he wanted to do to her and was glad when he was distracted by Sirius growling quietly under his breath at them both. Merlin, it was becoming harder and harder to sit next to her and not move closer, to wrap his arms around her waist, or to cup his hand to her cheek, or to take her hand, or to kiss her, or… He was startled again from his thoughts by the fact that the kitchen was almost silent now, apart from Tonks giggling under her breath every time she looked at Sirius.

Tonks switched between fidgeting in her seat to laughing quietly at Sirius under her breath. She was uncomfortable - she was sick of being so close to Remus, and yet not being able to move closer to him, to feel his breath in her hair, or his head on his shoulder, his lips on hers, his arms around her waist, or her arms around his. She shook her head - the thoughts were taking her attention to a place of no return. She sighed and blew some hair out of her eyes in frustration, knowing that it was only Sirius's presence in the kitchen that stopped her from moving closer to Remus. She glared at him.

Sirius raised his eyebrows at Tonks when she glared. She and Remus were both suddenly acting restless, and he would bet his hippogriff that it was because of each other. He rolled his eyes, and summoned a bottle of wine from the kitchen. He poured three glasses, and raised his in a silent toast.

Remus and Tonks both only drank two glasses - they wanted to be sober in the morning when they had to take the kids to the station - but Sirius seemed to be going for the world record and downed the rest of the bottle and half of another one. They talked about various things until two hours later when Sirius passed out, straight onto the table.

Tonks and Remus both laughed - they had seen this coming, the moment Sirius had summoned the first bottle. Tonks stood up and walked around to Sirius who had been sitting across from them at the table. She poked him in the shoulder and he didn't move. "Is he alive?" she laughed, and turned around. When she turned around she found that his face was only inches from hers as he had come to stand behind her.

"Who cares." he whispered hoarsely and putting one hand behind her head, and one around her waist, on her back he leaned in and kissed her. For a moment, she struggled just to stay upright because he was causing her to become so weak at the knees that she thought she might fall, but then she reached up and placed both hands behind his head, tangling her fingers in his hair and pulling his face to hers. His eyes locked straight into hers as their lips met and in his eyes was something she hadn't seen before - it was need, and she was sure the look was reflected in her own eyes. She could smell his familiar scent - of books, parchment and fresh robes - a clean crisp scent that was entirely Remus, and it intoxicated her. He tasted of wine, and she kissed him eagerly.

She hadn't realised that they stepping back towards the table until his grip around her waist tightened and he easily lifted her so that she was sitting on the table, her legs dangling over the edge, without breaking the kiss. She moved one hand from his hair and let it trail down his spine, and he finally broke the kiss, shivering. His lips moved from her mouth, up the edge of her jaw to her ear, and then down onto her neck, and she closed her eyes, weak from his touch. The hand that was still in his hair came down to rest on his neck, and he felt the warmth of her hand as she moved it.

He was going too far and he knew it. She was almost limp in his arms, and he was worried that he'd pushed her too much, so he went to step away. Tonks eyes snapped open as she felt him try to step away, and saw the worry in his eyes before tightening her grip on him and murmuring, "Don't… go… no… stay…" as coherently as she could, which wasn't very.

The worry left his eyes as she moved her hand from his neck, back up into his hair and pulled his head down to hers, and he grinned against her lips. She paused. "Something funny?" she asked, smiling.

"Nothing, whatsoever." he replied, laughing anyway before pulling her to him, kissing her one more time, sighing and stepping away a little. "We really should get him to bed." he said reluctantly, nodding towards Sirius, who gave a loud grunt from where he lay still slumped on the table. If he didn't pull away from her now, he knew he would never be able to.

Tonks looked as reluctant as he felt, as she nodded. They drew their wands and took Sirius upstairs to his room, transfiguring his robes into nightclothes. As Tonks turned to leave, she found Remus grinning widely, a gleam in his eye that she could only associate with trouble and he said to her, "Hold on. It's time for a little revenge."

Tonks laughed quietly and watched as Remus waved his wand, and Sirius's pajamas turned pink, with yellow hippogriffs on them, they also turned into a one-piece, jumpsuit-like muggle version of pajamas. She snorted in amusement, and Remus, who was behind her, reached an arm around to cover her mouth with his hand, as Sirius rolled over.

They crept out of the room, laughing quietly to themselves all the way to the hall way where their two rooms were opposite each other. Remus grinned and kissed her forehead, drawing her into a tight hug and burying his face in her hair, and inhaling for a moment. She smelt wonderful, like she always did, and it was hard for him to step away. As he let her go, he watched as she looked a little dazed and turned and went into room, whispering something about goodnight as she went.

Once he was on the other side of his door he took a deep breath and sighed. The separation between them now felt almost permanent as he thought of facing another night with the dementors in his dreams, without her by his side.

-RL&NT-

When Remus woke up the next morning - even though he was hardly asleep to begin with - no one was awake yet. However it was only a few minutes that he sat in the kitchen with his head in his hands before Tonks came down the stairs. He looked up as he heard footsteps on the stairs, and it jolted him out of reliving the nightmares he had constantly. When he saw Tonks through his tired eyes, he rose immediately from his chair, throwing it back roughly from the table in his haste and strode over to her. Cupping her face in his hands, he kissed her passionately and desperately, letting the feel of her arms around his waist and her lips on his spread warmth through his entire body and dispel the nightmares from his brain.

When they broke the kiss, Tonks gasping for air, he threw his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck, holding her as tightly as he could. "Well, good morning to you too." Tonks whispered, twisting in his arms to place small gentle kisses on his neck. He groaned and pulled away. Despite the smile on his face, she could see the tiredness in his eyes, and she noticed that he looked even more tired than last night, as though he hadn't slept at all.

Tonks grinned at him and a bit of his usual twinkle came back into his eyes. She laughed and stepped forward to close the small distance between them. He opened his arms and when she stepped into them he closed them around her waist, and she did the same. His hands traced small patterns on her back, and she shivered, laying her head on his chest and breathing deeply.

Molly was so quiet coming down the stairs that neither Tonks nor Remus heard her until she stepped into the kitchen and saw them both. They sprang apart immediately, looking ashamed of themselves, but grinning at each other with their eyes. The look of shock on Molly face only lasted a minute, before she grinned widely. "It's about time." she chuckled.

Remus and Tonks looked at each other in shock, and then simultaneously burst out laughing, which was the moment Sirius chose to walk into the kitchen clutching his head. "What's everyone so cheerful 'bout?" he muttered. Tonks and Remus took one look at him and almost fell over laughing. Clearly, Sirius had not realised that he was wearing pink and yellow one piece muggle pajamas.

Molly frowned, and looked at Sirius, evidently struggling with herself - trying not to laugh and trying not to give it away. Then she groaned, "Merlin, don't let Arthur see those." she said. Arthur was obsessed with muggle clothing, no matter how ridiculous. In fact, the more ridiculous, the more he seemed to like it.

Tonks and Remus were in stitches by now, and actually had to sit down when Arthur himself walked in just as Sirius had looked down and realised what he was wearing.

Sirius's furious shout did nothing to ease their laughter as they sat at the table. "MOOOONNYY!"

-RL&NT-

Tonks waited on the corner of the street for the Weasleys and Harry, tapping her foot impatiently and checking her watch again and again. They were late, so late that if they waited any longer they would miss the train.

She sighed in relief as she saw them coming down the street towards her, and wasn't surprised to see Sirius in his animagus form. Remus's pajama attack had left him in an even worse mood, considering he was already angry that he wasn't allowed to go. Somehow though, he'd gotten past Molly and it was clear that she wasn't happy about it. She was shooting him disapproving glares and she looked stressed.

Tonks was pretty sure that Harry and the others wouldn't recognise her, and so when they got close she said "Wotcher Harry." She had tightly curled grey hair, and had morphed into an old lady, wearing a strange purple, pork-pie shaped hat. She winked at him. "Better hurry up, hadn't we Molly."

"Yes, yes I know.' she moaned. "but Mad-Eye wanted to wait for Sturgis: if only Arthur could have got us cars from the Ministry again: but Fudge won't let him borrow so much as an empty ink bottle these days: how Muggles can stand traveling without magic…"

They walked for twenty minutes before reaching the station, and when Tonks saw Remus standing with the others on the platform she grinned. He smiled back at her, and they all came together to put the children on the train and say goodbye.

-RL&NT-

Sirius, Molly, Tonks and Remus were sitting in the kitchen after they had returned from dropping off Harry and the others at the train station. Molly's eyes were twinkling as she looked at Remus and Tonks who were sitting beside each other at a normal distance. "Who else knows?" she asked them both happily.

"Just you and Sirius." Tonks said, smiling at Molly. "You can tell Arthur if you want but we were kind of planning on letting everyone else guess for themselves."

Molly nodded and laughed. "Well, Minerva and Dumbledore are starting to guess." she said.

Remus smiled. "How so?" he asked. He couldn't remember a time when they could have seen them together. Well, apart from at the order meetings, and the day they went looking for the diadem.

Tonks chuckled. "Seriously, what doesn't Dumbledore know?" she joked.

Sirius grinned at Tonks and Remus. He had been feeling better towards them since getting out the house, and he laughed. "Minerva always knew everything too." he said. "Not much gets past her."

Molly smiled at all of them, even Sirius and said to Remus and Tonks. "I'm very happy for both of you." Despite how tired Remus looked, his happiness was obvious - especially when he looked at Tonks.

There was a silence for a moment, "Do you think any of you would be able to help me apparate some things to the burrow?" she asked. They all told her they would, but none of them anticipated that by 'some things' that they would be apparating for half the day. Poor Sirius wasn't allowed to apparate for risk that the ministry would somehow trace him and so he was forced to stay home, which put him in another bad mood that Tonks and Remus knew he'd drink away that night.

As soon as they had finished helping Molly, Sirius started drinking. Remus and Tonks did their best to entertain him, and slowly his mood improved and he was put to bed again, earlier this time because he had - for the second night in a row - passed out on the kitchen table.

This gave Tonks and Remus the first real alone time they'd had since the dementors, and that really didn't count. They spent the time up in the library with Remus on the floor, leaning against the couch and Tonks in his lap reading to him until Tonks was so tired that she almost fell asleep.

-RL&NT-

Remus had spent the whole day with Tonks who had taken the day off work to take Harry and the others to the train station. They had spent the day with Sirius, laughing, joking and relating stories. They'd helped Molly and Arthur move back into the burrow and there had also been an order meeting, and it had been a very good day - a better day than Remus could remember for a long time.

Of course, any day that was spent sitting on the couch in the library with Tonks curled up against his side, shaking with laughter was bound to be a good day. He tried not to think of her asleep in her room across the hall because when he did, he had to hold himself to the bed in an attempt to not go and watch her sleep - or keep her talking just so he could hear her voice.

Now however, he was trying to sleep, and it was proving to be difficult. He eventually drifted to sleep with thoughts of Tonks in his head. The thoughts faded however as he was submersed in the freezing cold.

_He was running through the forest, fear overtaking his body. The werewolf behind him was gaining on him. His instincts were screaming at him to run and his five year old legs were trying as hard as they could. His every breath came sharply, sending cloudy puffs into the chilly night air. The air was crisp, and clean and it would have been comforting on any other night. He was trying too hard, he was stumbling… tripping… his feet were catching on every root and he was holding on to trees as he flew through the forest to try to stay upright. He turned and looked back as the werewolf sprang, having caught up easily after chasing the boy through the forest, hanging back a little just to make him run before he went to bite. Greyback sprang teeth bared and it was the last thing Remus saw before the darkness that followed…_

-RL&NT-

Tonks sat bolt upright in bed listening hard. She had been dreaming, and then suddenly she could hear Remus, as though he was in pain. There was silence, and then she heard it again. He wasn't screaming - it was a strangled sound halfway between a yell and a whimper.

She didn't hesitate as she jumped up, drew her wand and then ran for the door. On her way she tripped over some of her clothes and a stray pair of shoes and fell cursing herself silently. This was no time to be clumsy, she thought and jumped up again and lit her wand.. She wrenched open the door to Remus's room and found him writhing in tangled sheets, his face occupied with a look that made him look like he was being burned alive.

There was sweat on his forehead, and he was making the same strangled noises which sounded like he was trying yell the word no, but couldn't quite get it out. She shut the door and moved towards the bed. She fell on his floor, over a stray book and crawled the rest of the way to his bed.

She put a hand on his shoulder and shook him hard. "Remus! REMUS!" He wasn't waking up, and it was as though the dream wouldn't release him. The tears started running down her face as she saw him struggling.

"Remus!" she shook him again. "Wake up!"

Remus could hear Tonks voice cutting like a warm knife through his nightmares. The cold was fading, and something was shaking him. It was Tonks. He could hear her saying his name - through the fog he tried to speak. "Tonks…" He could hardly get the words out through the pain in his head.

His eyes flickered open and he blinked several times quickly. Tonks sighed in relief. "Remus." He turned his head towards the sound of his name, and his voice was rough as he said hers.

"Tonks…" After a moment he was ashamed. He was ashamed of how weak he was, how he was holding her down. He shut his eyes and looked away from her as the pain slowly faded from his head.

"Remus…" she said slowly. "What's wrong." He shook his head, with his eyes still shut and didn't answer. He was paler and greyer than she'd ever seen him, and she was so worried that she felt sick to her stomach. "This is why you haven't been sleeping. Nightmares…" she accused him.

He was silent for a moment. "Tonks. I'm so sorry. I shouldn't be doing this to you. You shouldn't be held down by me. I'm too poor, too old and too dangerous. You should be with someone younger. You don't need this…"

"Shut up." Tonks said forcefully, and Remus turned to look at her.

'What?" he said, confused. She glared at him, but as his eyes met hers, hers softened.

"I don't care Remus. I need you. I don't care that you are poor. You aren't dangerous or old. You aren't weak Remus. Far from it." she said softly. "Weakness is for people who can't face their fears, who run from what they can't face and you aren't like that Remus. The fact that it affects you this way and you can still laugh, talk, joke, carry on with life and care about people is proof that you strong - and stronger than anyone I know."

Remus was silent. Her words warmed him - made him feel more for her than he had before and he hadn't even felt that that was possible. "But… I run from him…. In my dreams…" he muttered.

Tonks didn't need Remus to tell her who the 'him' was, because she already knew. "Because you fight him Remus. You don't just stand and let him walk over the top of you. Running isn't giving in - you were just fighting against him."

He shook his head. "But I was…. I was… scared." he whispered the last word.

Tonks almost started crying again as she looked at the man in front of her. He was so brave, and so strong and he couldn't see it. "You're human, Remus. You are meant to be scared. Everyone is sometimes. If you had no fear, I'd be severely worried Remus. You overcome that fear everyday. You look past it, use it to make yourself a better person. You help others because of it Remus."

Remus shook his head again, and the silent tears started to roll down her cheeks. "but I'm too old…"

She knew what he was about to say and she shook her head violently, a flame in her tear-filled eyes. She moved her hand to his forehead, brushing his hair out of his eyes, and forced him to look at you. "Why can't you see why I love you?" she said softly, stopping him from finishing his sentence.

His insides jumped when she said that she loved him. He felt a happiness unfolding in him such that he'd never felt before. She loved him - Remus Lupin, werewolf. He couldn't quite believe her. "You love me?" he asked softly. As much as he'd dreamed that she liked him, he never thought someone like her could love someone like him. A smile spread slowly over his face.

Tonks was overjoyed to see the smile she loved so much spread over Remus's face, and to see his eyes sparkle with hope. "More than my own life." she said, her eyes shining with something more than just tears.

Remus propped himself up in his bed so that he could face her, his smile turning into a grin as he took her face in his hands and kissed her passionately. He let go more than he ever had with her before and she stopped breathing and struggled to get closer to him, holding his mouth to hers for as long as she could and kissing him hard.

Remus reached down to her, put his arms around her and lifted her onto the bed to lay on top of him. He didn't break the kiss as he did so and she gasped against his mouth as he ran a hand up her spine and moved it to her hair. She tangled her legs with his and broke this kiss, moving her lips down his neck, to his collarbone where she traced the bones with her lips, pausing at the hollow of his throat.

Remus gasped, squirming underneath her as she nearly made him lose control of himself. He groaned as her hands moved down his sides and he laughed. She placed one last kiss on his throat before kissing him all the way back to his mouth where he eagerly kissed her back.

The kiss seemed to last for hours as both lost track of time. Eventually however, Remus pulled away and rolled Tonks off him and settled her into his side. He placed both arms around her, and her head lay against his shoulder as she looked up at him.

He grinned at her and placing a soft kiss on her forehead he said, "By the way, I love you too…"

**THIS STORY IS BY NO MEANS FINISHED : D **

**Its just getting started… Oh well, unless I don't get reviews. **

**I'm writing the next chapter as soon as I post this, so expect another chapter in just a couple of hours. **

**So If you are reading this, please just take the time to review. Anyone can do it, it doesn't take long and it really makes my day.**

**Also, do you think I need to change the rating on this? Things are getting serious now : D**


	12. Umbridge

**So here we go again! Another chapter. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story : ) You are all champions. Thanks especially to The Bloody Drover for his ongoing support, even when he's about to fall asleep, DarkViolets, readpaintlaugh, Susanna, Loads Of Randomness, TCMoore and and my sister who stood over me with her wand threatening to hex me into non-existence if I didn't keep writing, muttering something about a barbeque : S**

**I'm not kidding…. There was a wand involved…. And you know its serious when the wand comes out : S**

**So for the name of Hufflepuff's hairiest hippogriff-patterned shower cap please read and review so that I don't feel like giving up. : D Thankyoouuuu. **

For the first time since the dementor attack, Remus _slept -_ actually slept - as in a deep dreamless sleep. Tonks was curled up beside him breathing steadily, fast asleep with one arm draped over his stomach, his arms were around her and he was also fast asleep, warm and contented.

There was a sharp noise coming from Tonks wand, and Remus woke up confused. He couldn't tell what was wrong with her wand. He frowned and listened carefully until he felt Tonks jerk awake beside him. "Ouch. It bit me." she groaned sleepily.

Remus laughed. "What?" he asked her. Tonks shook her head and sat up, reaching for her wand.

"My wand zaps me when I don't get up on the alarm." she explained. She stared at him accusingly. "You should have woken me."

Remus chuckled. "I thought you were just having a strange dream where someone put you under the imperious curse and made you make strange noises."

She glared at him. It was six in the morning, certainly no time for laughing. Why was he so cheerful? "Very funny." she said.

"Yes you are Nymphadora." he replied, causing her to grab a pillow and beat him over the head.

He laughed at her again, and she muttered. "I am not." and started to pout.

She sat with her back to him, and he shook his head. "You're grumpy in the morning, you know." he said conversationally, grinning. She didn't answer him, and he stretched one hand forward and slowly ran his fingers lightly from her neck to her tailbone, tracing her spine.

Tonks shivered as she felt his fingers on her spine, and mentally cursed him for melting her with his touch when she wanted to pretend to be mad. She sighed, and lay back again. As she did he wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close, placing a kiss on her forehead.

"You have work today don't you?" he asked her.

Tonks nodded. "Unfortunately." She regretted the words as soon as she said them because as much as she'd rather stay in Remus's arms all day rather than go to work, she knew she should be happy that she was able to get a job. She cursed Umbridge to the pits of hell for passing the law that said all werewolves had to be registered - the main law that prevented them from being employed. She looked up at Remus afraid to see sadness in his eyes, but instead she met a sort of twinkling amusement as he stared at the ceiling.

She raised a hand to his face and cupped her hand to his cheek and said to him, "You look happy. What are you thinking about?" she wondered what in the world could cause him to smile that way, or cause his eyes to shine so brightly, or what made him look so much younger - what made him look his age.

He looked down at her, and snorted in amusement. "I would have thought it'd be obvious. " he said, kissing her forehead again. "I was thinking about _you_."

Tonks felt a warmth spread through her entire body, just like it had last night when she had heard him say that he loved her. She didn't quite know what he saw in her, but she was glad he saw something because she never wanted to have to let him go.

"Well, time to get up. I suppose." he said, grinning at her. Tonks sighed, and let him go as he sat up.

"I don't know how you are so cheerful in the mornings." she said to him as she got out of bed and walked out of the room. When she looked back he was standing by the bed grinning widely at her, and she smiled back, shaking her head as she shut the door.

-RL&NT-

Tonks looked down at the notice she and all the other aurors had received, in shock, her anger building quickly. The notice was nothing new, they got a page of them every day that told them all the new laws passed and the latest news. However, something at the bottom of the list caught her eye. She looked up and scanned the room. The other aurors didn't seem to notice the small piece of news hidden in between two pieces of comparatively insignificant paragraphs. Kingsley was the only one that had noticed and he was frowning at his paper.

'_Decree 106 - all werewolves must present themselves for questioning immediately in regards to their commitment to he-who-must-not-be-named. The following werewolves can hereby be subject to any auror that feels the need to question them: Fenrir Greyback, Remus Lupin….' passed by Delores Umbridge. _

Tonks blew out her breath in a huff. This just wasn't fair. 'Commitment to he-who-must-not-be-named'? 'Subject to any auror'?

"Umbridge…" she growled under her breath, and she stood abruptly. Her chair fell backwards, and she sat it upright, too angry to be embarrassed. Kingsley heard the noise her chair made as it hit the ground and looked up at her. He saw that her hair was bright red, and curly and it hadn't been that way last time he'd looked over at her. She was definitely and unmistakably angry.

She stormed towards Kingsley's desk, and on the way knocked over the unsuspecting Fudge who happened to be walking by the Auror department to see Scrimgeour. She was so mad that she didn't see him until she ran into him, and because of her speed and determination it was Fudge that flew backwards to the ground. Tonks flew in the opposite direction, straight into Scrimgeour who was facing the other way, looking over a file. He was knocked forward into a desk and Tonks crumpled to the floor, before using another Aurors desk to pull herself to her feet.

"Nymphadora! Do be careful!" Fudge said, standing and brushing off his robes. Scrimgeour just glared at her as he waved his wand to clean the papers that had flown everywhere.

"Sorry Minister. Sorry Scrimgeour." she said, but she wasn't sorry at all. Fudge frowned at her and then walked towards a still-glaring Scrimgeour. Tonks straightened up properly and walked carefully to Kingsley's desk.

"Where's the Umbridge cow." she hissed at him.

Kingsley raised his eyebrows, and hesitated before answering. "Teaching at Hogwarts. Why?"

Tonks was surprised at this. "WHAT?" she said a bit too loudly. A few of the other Aurors frowned at her. "Why? So that's who's teaching defense?" She snorted in bitter amusement. "I can't see Harry taking that well." she said quietly.

"Why do you need her?" Kingsley asked Tonks, wondering what had her so angry, but suspecting that it had something to do with the new decree on werewolves.

"Didn't you see what she's done to hi-… them?" she said frustrated.

Kingsley frowned. "To who?"

"The werewolves." she said, but her voice was unsure. She couldn't really care less about any other werewolves right now - only Remus.

Kingsley looked at her strangely. "Why do you care anyway?" he grinned. "Unless your secretly a werewolf."

Tonks laughed. "No. But Remus is." she pointed out, with eyebrows raised.

Kingsley smiled. "Which brings us back to why you care so much. Your hairs bright red." He reached forward and took a strand of her hair between his fingers and she noticed it was bright red. "Though you did trip the Minister of Magic over so that he crashed into a door, and then fell over nothing and knocked over Scrimgeour, so you could be embarrassed." he smirked.

Tonks glared at him. "You should be thanking me. Someone had to throw him into a door someday - I just had the honors of being able to do it."

Kingsley laughed. "That's true - but try not to do it again. Scrimgeour was staring daggers at you." he said. "And don't avoid my question! What's going on between you and Remus?"

Tonks grinned, giving nothing away. "That's for me to know, and you to guess." She spun on her heel impressively and started to walk back to her desk without looking back. Kingsley laughed. It was only a matter of time before…

CRASH!

Tonks looked up in embarrassment, having ruined the dramatic exit by tripping over her own chair as she tried to sit in it, and falling to the floor. Most aurors hadn't paid attention to or noticed Kingsley and Tonks having a conversation but she was met with the familiar glares from all the other aurors even though they weren't in the least bit surprised. Tonks falling over, was after all, an everyday affair.

-RL&NT-

"Nymphadora, A word please?" It was Fudge calling out to her as she passed the door to his office on her way out. She scowled, and wondered if everyone at the ministry called her by her first name just to annoy her. She arranged her face into a carefully polite expression and pushed open the door.

"Yes, Minister?" she said, stepping into the room trying not to trip over the door frame. Fudge winced anyway as she came around the door, fully expecting her to fall over.

She didn't and her face was slightly smug as she stood behind his desk. "Take a seat Nymphadora." he said, gesturing to the chairs.

It was useless to argue and so Tonks sat down. A glass of water landed in front of her. "Have a drink." Fudge said to her, waving his wand.

Tonks refrained from rolling her eyes, and pretended to drink the water that was probably laced with Veritaserum.

"I want to know if you have any contact with werewolves." Fudge said plainly.

Tonks could feel herself growing angry as she had earlier, and struggled to keep her face impassive. "No, sir." she said as politely as she could. "I don't."

Fudge raised his eyebrows. "Are you quite sure about that?" he said.

Tonks nodded. "I am sure sir."

"Absolutely sure?" he asked, and this time Tonks very nearly almost rolled her eyes.

"Very." she said. There was an unsatisfied look on Fudge's face. "Is fraternizing with werewolves against the law now?" she asked him.

"Well, no. But a werewolf, Remus Lupin, is suspected to be working with Dumbledore, against the ministry." Tonks was outraged. So this whole decree was about Remus because someone had heard something about him being near Dumbledore? This whole werewolf questioning was to bring in only one werewolf - the innocent one? "He will need to present himself for _questioning_."

The look in Fudge's eyes when he said the word 'questioning' left no doubt in Tonks mind that it would not be an easy session - that they would not necessarily stick to the rules of ministry interrogation. "I want you to keep an eye out for Remus Lupin, Nymphadora. I need you to bring him in for questioning. If you are seen with him in any other way than what I have asked you, then I can only tell you that Azkaban is not a very nice place."

Tonks could see the difference in Fudge already - the difference that was brought about by fear and denial. The last time he'd assigned her a mission he had been hesitant, and now he seemed so sure and harsher in a way. She was angrier now than she had been all day, and all she wanted was to go home to Grimmauld place and tell Remus that he shouldn't go out anymore, because if he did, they'd catch him and then…

Tonks didn't want to think about it. 'Is that all?" she said, a little sharply

'Yes, Nymphadora." He said and waved her out. She waited until she was out of the office before swearing silently at him and flooed straight to Grimmauld.

-RL&NT-

"Where is he?" she said angrily.

Sirius who was laying on the couch staring at the ceiling, looked at his cousin who looked so angry that he thought she was about to combust. Her eyes were flashing from dark brown to red very quickly and her hair was a dark, deep red.

Sirius didn't dare to tease her now. He pointed down the hall, and for the first time since she'd entered she heard the sound of the piano being played. The soothing sound was enough to slow the flashing of her eyes a little, and to lighten hair a tiny bit.

Tonks spun around and marched down the hall, flinging open the door to the piano room and tripping simultaneously, falling forward into Remus who had heard her storming down the hall and had gotten up to greet her. He caught her, and pulled her up easily, and saw her hair, and flashing eyes.

"Bad day at work?" he asked, amused. She wrapped her arms around his waist, her anger melting away. She hugged him as tightly as she could.

"It was awful." she said darkly. "Guess who teaching defense at Hogwarts?"

Remus was concerned. It wasn't normal for Tonks to be so mad. He could tell the difference between the anger she had now and the kind of anger she possessed when someone called her by her first name. "Who?" he asked her, genuinely interested in who had the job.

"Umbridge." Tonks spat. It was obvious that Tonks didn't like Umbridge one bit and Remus didn't blame her at all.

He groaned and leaned his forehead on her shoulder for a moment before saying "They aren't going to learn anything!" he said.

"I know." Tonks sighed. "But that's the least of our worries." she said and frowned.

He pulled back and looked her in the eyes, worried because for the first time Tonks was showing signs of wear from the war. He hated that someone so young and so bright had to live through a war. He took her hand and led her to the piano and they sat together on the bench in front of it. Instead of playing he turned to her and took both of her hands in his.

"What's going on?" he asked, his eyes searching hers.

Tonks looked at Remus and sighed. "Umbridge passed a new law today that makes it unsafe for werewolves to go out. You are supposed to go in for questioning about your _commitment to Voldemort_." Remus frowned, but otherwise made no response. There had to be more, because surely this wasn't what made her look so tired and angry. "But I was talking to Fudge. They passed this law just for you Remus. They don't care about the others, they want you."

He sighed. "It's ok. I knew this was coming anyway. They know I'm close to Dumbledore."

She looked up at him. He still didn't get it. She reached a hand up to his face, and slowly moved her hand across his forehead to rest on his cheek. "Remus, I'm the head auror on your case. If we get caught together, we both go to Azkaban."

Remus stared at her. "They can't do that to you."

Tonks couldn't believe her ears. Why was he only thinking of her? It was him that was in danger. "Me? Remus, I'm fine."

"They can't send you to Azkaban." he said, sounding slightly panicked.

Tonks laughed bitterly. "He's the minister for bloody magic Remus." she said, "He can do whatever the hell he wants."

"Maybe I should go then. Far away. I can't risk you like this Tonks. I wont send you to that place." he said quickly and made to get up, dropping her hands.

Tonks lunged forward just as quickly. "NO!" she yelled. "Don't you dare go anywhere Remus!" She glared daggers at him and pulled him back down into his seat. "Don't be ridiculous, and don't scare me like that." Tonks shut her eyes for a moment holding his hands as tight as she could, praying that he wouldn't leave her.

Remus panicked. He couldn't risk her getting sent to Azkaban. It was barbaric. He went to stand and leave and was surprised when she threw herself forward and pulled him back to the seat shouting at him. He looked at her, and she had her eyes closed. Her shoulders were shaking and it looked like she was trying not to cry. What have I done? He was panicking again now, but for a different reason. He slid closer to her and put both his hands on either side of her face. Her eyes opened, and he was dismayed to see that her eyes were swimming with tears.

"You'd leave me that easily?" she asked him quietly, her voice heavy with emotion.

Her eyes completely melted him, and he drew her to him and hugged her. "Of course not." he whispered into her hair. "I'm sorry. I panicked. Just when…when you said…" He pulled away from her a little to look into her eyes.

Remus's eyes pleaded with hers, and she smiled, her eyes drying a little. She shook her head. "Me too. I just…" She couldn't explain the way the thought of him leaving tore her heart apart.

Remus shook his head and smiled. "Its fine Tonks. Really." She smiled back at him, but he could see a bit of pain and fear lingering in the back of her eyes. He looked down at their hands intertwined between them. "I really do love you. I don't want to leave you. Believe me Tonks."

Some life came back to her eyes as she saw that he was serious, and she leaned forward placing one had under his chin to lift his head so that he would meet her eyes. "I believe you. Do you believe me?" she whispered, and kissed him with as much energy as she could - trying to put all her feelings for him into the one kiss.

They broke apart breathless, after they had lost all track of time. Remus pulled her to him and she lay her head on his chest as they sighed in synchronization. After a moment Remus said in an amused voice, "Where is Sirius?"

Tonks pulled away and sat bolt upright. "Oh no, I was so horrible to him. I didn't even say hello!" she said quickly, trying to jump up off the seat but falling back down onto Remus anyway.

"No you weren't." Remus chuckled. "I could hear you from here." He said, and then added as an afterthought. "We'd better find him though. He's probably a bit hurt that you ran straight to me." His voice was smug as he said the words, amazed that it was him that she ran to in the first place.

-RL&NT-

They had searched almost everywhere for Sirius and they couldn't find him. Tonks was frustrated, but Remus had more of an idea as to where he could be.

"He's probably where he is every other time he has sulked." he smirked. "Come with me Nymph." he said, and Tonks rolled her eyes at the nickname but otherwise smiled as he grabbed her hand and pulled her up the stairs behind him.

They were climbing to what seemed to be the top floor of the house, a place Tonks had never been before. "Where are we-?" she started.

Remus turned around and grinned. "Shhhh…" he said, turning to her and pressing a finger to her lips before continuing to pull her along the corridor. Tonks had no idea what made Remus act so carefree like this but she didn't question it, she was having too much fun.

They crept down the dark hallway - if you could call it that - towards a door that seemed to lead to somewhere with light. Remus bent down at the door and slip the tip of his wand under the door, muttering something and then grabbing her and running backwards.

From the room there was a yell and Tonks could see colorful flashes of light coming from under the door. She laughed as the door burst open and Sirius came out of the room covered in splotches of colorful paint, yelling "MOOOONNYY!"

Remus doubled over with laughter as Sirius went to move into a dueling position. "Duel me then werewolf!" Sirius yelled, clearly enraged and eager for revenge. Remus put one finger up to Sirius signaling for Sirius to give him a moment, as he was so doubled over in laughter that he was having trouble raising his wand.

Tonks was amazed to see Remus laughing more than she'd ever seen him laugh. "What's up with you Siri?" Tonks asked him.

Sirius glared at her. "Like you two care." he said bitterly, "Just go and be together and leave me in the dark."

Remus finally stopped laughing enough to tell Sirius to shut up and to wave his wand to clear away the paint covering him.

'Why should I?" Sirius snarled. "I'm stuck in this house."

Remus chuckled, but otherwise attempted to be serious. "Cause you sound like Snape." he laughed anyway.

Tonks almost fell over laughing at the look at Sirius's face. "Do you want to look like him to?" she managed to get out through the laughter, raising her wand.

Sirius glared at the both as Tonks grabbed Remus's shoulder and leaned on him to stop herself falling over. "What happened to you two? You look like someone cast the laughing charm over you." he said to them both, and it was obviously a peace offering so they took it.

"Tonks got me with it and I got her back." Remus lied.

Sirius smiled for the first time. "You're a liar Moony." he said. Remus shrugged, and turned to Tonks taking her hand and leading her into the room Sirius had just come out of.

"Bow." he whispered in her ear and as Tonks saw the hippogriff in front of her, she did as she was told. She smiled in relief as the hippogriff bowed back. He was beautiful, steel grey with feathers blending smoothly into a sleek and shiny coat.

"He's so beautiful." she whispered as Remus bowed beside her, and Buckbeak bowed back. She moved forward and ran her hand down his smooth beak but Remus wasn't looking at the hippogriff, he was looking at Tonks.

"Not compared to you." he whispered in her ear and Tonks grinned and looked up at him.

"You're so sweet." she whispered to him.

He raised his eyebrows and said, "I try." Tonks laughed and reached up to kiss him.

"Can we go to the kitchen?" Sirius whined from behind them. "Moony! Make me a sandwich."

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. "Later." he said into Sirius's general direction, not taking his eyes off Tonks and kissing her hard on the lips. They remained this way until Sirius cleared his throat loudly behind them. "MOOOONNNYY!"

Remus rolled his eyes again. "Alright, alright. I'm coming, just hold your hippogriffs." He grinned at her and she followed him out towards the kitchen to make Sirius a sandwich. She laughed when Sirius muttered at them, and upon seeing them emerge from the room, wasting no time in saying.

"Its about time…"

**Sorry, Short chapter, but the next part is too long to stick on the end of this and I mean, we could go into what goes on in the kitchen, but I think its kind of goes without saying that Sirius gets drunk and passes out, and the title of this story isn't "Conversations with Sirius, Tonks, Remus and Oprah" for a reason : ) This isn't Dr Philbilly guys : ) Don't get too confused : S**

**Anyway. Review please : ) Don't make me call my close buddy Fenrir Greyback to come and chase you into reviewing : D**


	13. Thestrals

**So here we go. Another chapter. it's a bit of a strange chapter but a chapter all the same, so lets stop saying chapter.**

**Tonks and Remus are getting more serious about each other now, so I must warn you that in this chapter and the next couple of chapters, there is likely to be a lot of loving between them. Just letting you know.**

**And a special thanks again to The Bloody Drover, who has now changed his name to Teddy R. Lupin, because he helped me a bit with this chapter : ) But Thankyou to all of you who have posted reviews so far : ) It means a lot to me : D**

"Are you ready" Remus asked her as she stood in front of him, outside Grimmauld place with her eyes closed. Tonks could feel the sunshine on her skin. It was late afternoon, but luckily the days were still long enough and warm enough for them to be comfortable.

She was slightly nervous but she nodded and he took her arm, turning on the spot. The feeling of side-along apparition was familiar to Tonks, but that didn't make it any less uncomfortable - like being sucked through a straw that was closing in tight around her.

Remus had asked to take her out, but he wouldn't say where. Having been trained by Mad-Eye, the feeling of being pulled into the unknown made Tonks a little unsure, but Tonks trusted Remus so completely that she pushed the uncertainty aside. She knew he would never take her anywhere dangerous, and would actually rather die than risk her. However the last place Tonks ever expected him to take her was…

She opened her eyes and saw the wrought iron gates that was the entrance to Hogwarts. Yes, Hogwarts - completely unexpected and the last place on earth that she would think he'd take her. Well, that is, unless she counted the ministry of magic. If he took her there she'd be asking him some pretty serious questions by now, because that was the last place on earth they could ever be seen together, unless they wanted to go to Azkaban, which they most definitely did not.

She turned to Remus, confusion written all over her face and he smiled at her, enjoying the fact that she had absolutely no idea about what was coming. "Why are we here Remus?" she asked him. He looked amused but shook his head. He pulled out his wand and conjured his patronus, whispered to it and sent it up to the castle.

Tonks frowned. She had absolutely no clue as to why they were at Hogwarts. Was this surprise a visit to Umbridge? Because if that was it, she wouldn't hesitate to hex him right now. He saw the confusion in her eyes turn to one of hatred as she frowned. He knew her well enough to know who she thought of.

"We aren't here to see her." he said to Tonks, stepping closer to her. "Though I have to admit that I wouldn't mind seeing you take her down, like you did to Fudge." His eyes were sparkling in amusement as his arms went around her waist. He kissed the side of her neck and she felt dazed. She struggled to gather her thoughts - what had he last said?

She tried to sound accusing when she managed to speak. "How did you know about that?" she asked, trying to make her voice sharp, but hardly managing as he kissed his way to her forehead, his hands moving on her back.

He chuckled softly, amused and his cool breath tickled her forehead. He paused before answering, not being able to resist placing another kiss on her forehead. "Kingsley told me." he murmured. "But don't hex him, or I'll get in trouble."

Tonks laughed. "I'll get revenge." she smirked. "Don't you worry about that." She raised both hands to his face and had every intention of kissing him when she heard footsteps on gravel coming towards them from the direction of the castle. Instinctively she made to move away from him, but he stepped with her, his arms still around her waist as they both faced the castle. McGonagall was walking down the path towards them beaming, which was something she didn't do often. "She knows?" Tonks whispered.

Remus laughed and nodded. "I had to let her in on my plan. I wanted Hagrid, but he's not here as you know."

McGonagall had reached the gates. "He's lucky, if you ask me." she said darkly, her smile fading a little. "She's horrible. Dumbledore didn't even warn any of us about her. But then he had no choice, Fudge interfered…" she muttered, and neither Tonks nor Remus had to ask who she was talking about. As she opened the gates, her smile returned as wide as before. "Congratulations to both of you. I had a feeling that there was something between the two of you." she said cheerfully.

Tonks grinned at Minerva and Remus replied graciously, "Thankyou Minerva. You guessed even before Molly." Minerva smiled for another moment before the frown she had taken to wearing lately came back to her face. She gestured for the two of them to come inside.

"You'd better come in now. I don't want her to know about you two." She looked at them knowingly. "That would be dangerous. Neither of you make her list of favored people, and Dumbledore told me about your new job Tonks. She can't see you both, or we are all in trouble." She smiled again, "Remus, you know where to go I believe. I've had our current Care of Magical Creatures teacher put the bait out where we discussed."

This left Tonks more confused than she had been before. Bait? Were they fishing? Tonks really hoped not, because she had never been able to do it. 'Accio fish' worked much better for her. Minerva was looking nervously towards the castle, and as they came through the gate she sealed it again. "I'd better go back before I am missed." she rolled her eyes and then smiled again. "Have fun." With these words, she turned and strode back towards the castle.

They both watched her leave and Remus laughed at the look on Tonks face. "Relax. It'll be fine." he said to her softly.

Tonks smiled at him and turned to face him, leaning forward so that her head lay against his chest. "Of course it will be. I'm with you aren't I?" she murmured into his chest. He held her close for a moment.

"You have too much faith in me." he said, but there was no trace of sadness in his eyes, and only a shining happiness could be seen in the mesmerizing blue-grey of his eyes.

Tonks laughed and pulled away. "Alright. Where are you taking me then?"

He shook his head. 'Not yet." he laughed.

Tonks frowned. "At least tell me that we aren't going fishing." she said.

Remus laughed harder than he had all day. "No. No we aren't. I don't fancy getting caught on your fishing line." He struggled to stop laughing. "Besides, you've always pulled me in just fine without one." He looked at her again as she grinned at him, thrilled. "Alright, well lets go." he said and took her hand, leading her towards the forbidden forest.

Tonks hoped that they were heading for Hagrid's hut and not the forest, but Remus lead her straight for the forest seeming to know exactly where he was going. As they reached the edge of the forest, Tonks balked. "We're going in there?" she asked him.

He looked a little concerned as he asked her. "Are you afraid?" He said the words quietly, and Tonks could tell that he wasn't sure.

She thought about it for a moment and was surprised to find that she actually wasn't afraid. With Remus beside her, anything seemed possible. "No." she said, and her voice was so sure that he smiled and kept leading her in. She followed him, keeping up with him as they walked into the dark forest. They walked for a while, and Remus seemed at ease as though he knew the forest well.

Up ahead Tonks could just make out a clearing. As they came closer Tonks recognized the carcass of some sort of small animal. It was here that Remus stopped and so Tonks could only assume that this was the bait. She stood close behind Remus. "Can you see them?" he whispered to her.

"See what?" Her eyes scanned the forest for a moment before she caught on. There were bright white eyes, three pairs, appearing through the trees and the darkness. One of the creatures stepped forward from the trees and Tonks drew in a sharp breath.

"Thestrals…" She whispered in awe. As she said this, the other two thestrals appeared in the trees. As they stepped forward, more sets of bright eyes appeared. "Remus… Why are we with the thestrals?" she asked him a little breathlessly.

"I thought we'd take a ride." he told her with a smile. Tonks looked from him to the thestrals and then back again. "If you'd rather not…" he trailed off looking a little worried. "I just thought it'd be… fun." He offered a smile when he found he couldn't explain to her why he felt that this was something they should do.

Tonks hugged him tightly, understanding completely. "They are a bit different." she admitted, "But its ok, because they are a bit like us really. Different, but in the best way possible."

Remus felt as though Tonks never ceased to amaze him with her bravery, or the way she trusted him so completely, the way she understood him so well, they way she could read him in a second and they way she always knew exactly what he was feeling. He wondered, with bravery like hers, why she hadn't been sorted into Gryffindor. "Are you sure?" he asked her, wanting to be sure that this really was ok.

She grinned at him. "Absolutely." she said. "They are so beautiful." She said, stepping towards the nearest thestral and running her hand down its sleek black neck. He had wings pressed tightly to his side and he was jet black with a long silky mane, that was blowing back slightly in the breeze.

For the second time that minute Remus was completely and utterly amazed. He loved the way Tonks could find beauty in things other people usually didn't, how she could see things about him that no-one else could, they way she cut straight into the heart of things.

"Just like you." Remus said to her and when Tonks looked towards him she saw that his eyes were shining with something she didn't quite understand. He looked shocked, only not. She couldn't put a finger on it.

"What are you thinking/" She asked, frowning. "I've never seen you look this way before. You look almost shocked."

"Not shocked. Amazed. You amaze me Tonks. You are so…" he trailed off, struggling to find a word that described her well enough. He moved swiftly to her and held her for a moment, his lips close to her left ear. "Words don't explain how amazing you are. There's no word strong enough for what I feel. I'm just simply amazed." he whispered softly in her ear, and as she felt his cool breath on her neck she struggled to keep her thoughts in order. It was so easy for him to reduce her to being a mumbling fool. She felt the familiar butterflies in her stomach as she digested his words.

She swallowed. 'I…" She didn't finish her sentence because, like him, she just couldn't find the words, but attached her lips to his as firmly as she could, communicating what she couldn't tell him with words. As her lips connected with his Remus felt an aching longing somewhere deep in his stomach, and he wanted more - wanted to be closer to her because it was never close enough. He groaned against her lips and deepened the kiss, pulling her to him until she couldn't get any closer - her stomach was pressed against his, their hearts so close that their heartbeats were almost one. His hands were at her back and in her long bubblegum pink hair, and hers were behind his head, pulling his mouth to hers with all the strength she had.

The aching increased, longing taking over his thoughts and with great difficulty he pulled away, breathing heavily. He placed both his hands on her shoulders and held her away from him for a moment, closing his eyes. Tonks was disappointed when he pulled away, instantly missing the warmth of his body pressed against hers, his lips moving with hers and she tried to move towards him again, but he held her away. She was breathing heavily, almost gasping for air, because in the moment, neither had dared to come up for air. She couldn't stand having him hold her away - she wanted more and she tried to move forward again.

Remus felt her try again to move back to him and he opened his eyes and looked her in the eyes as she looked into his. In hers he found a look of desperation and need and in his she found the same fire burning. "Tonks, stay still for a moment. You tempt me way too much. If I don't stop now, then I wont be able to." he said to her.

She smiled and tried to move towards him again. "I don't really care. I don't want to stop."

Remus grinned at her and laughed. "Believe me, neither do I." He looked at her and sighed.

'Then why-?" she started.

Remus kept laughing at her. "In case you hadn't noticed, we are kind of in the middle of the forest."

Tonks pouted for a moment, before cracking a joke. "I think the forest is bigger than that. We're probably still quite on the edge." Remus laughed, but felt it was safe to let her go, so he released her and turned to the thestrals.

"We need to pick one." he said to her, amused. They all looked the same to him, but there was a look of concentration on Tonks face as she looked at all the thestrals in the clearing. She frowned as she looked carefully over each one and he watched her carefully, noting each change in her expression as she did so.

"That one." she said eventually pointing to a thestral that was standing behind the others. He was tall, and he was looking at them with interest, apparently uninterested in the carcass the others were gathered around. Remus chuckled. Trust Tonks to pick the one that stood on its own, it was just so fitting.

Together they walked to the thestral who greeted them eagerly, its white eyes gleaming. It tossed its head as the approached and took a step towards them. "Hello there." Tonks murmured to the creature and ran her hand over its reptilian face. She wound her fingers in its long black mane and walked forwards towards a tree stump. Remus walked beside them both marveling at the natural way Tonks handled the thestrals. The thestrals here were tame, but he knew it wasn't exactly in their nature to completely submit themselves the way the one Tonks was leading now was. Its eyes were glued to Tonks and it followed her carefully, stopping when she did and standing stock still beside the stump.

"I'll go up first." Remus offered, stepping up onto the stump and slipping onto the thestrals back, just behind its wings. He offered his hand to Tonks who stepped up onto the stump, took his hand and slid onto the thestral to sit just behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her chin on his shoulder.

"Where to?" she asked him. He could smell her sweet breath as it washed over his face, and had to force his mind back on task as he forgot where it was he had wanted to take her.

"Around the grounds?" he asked her, making it into a question rather than a statement. Tonks nodded, and the thestral began to rise into air, causing Remus to lean forward to keep his balance, and causing Tonks to tighten her grip on him to stay on. The thestral beat its wings a few times before smoothly gliding through the air.

It was strange, seeing the trees whipping past them as they flew on the back of the thestral towards the grounds. The trees were so thick that it felt that they'd run into their trunks as they zoomed past them, but they never did. They were traveling at such speed that Tonks eyes were watering from the wind in her eyes. She tucked her face into the crook of Remus's warm neck and breathed deeply to take in his scent - something she could never get enough of.

He could see the trees thinning as they reached the edge of the forest and the thestral swooped out of the trees and higher into the air. It was surprisingly easy to stay on as they glided through the air . The sun was setting as they approached the lake, and Tonks wondered if she'd ever seen a sight more beautiful. The vivid red and orange of the sunset blended and was reflected on the surface of the lake, and she saw the black shadow that cut through it as they flew over the lake.

The thestral turned and looped around, soaring gracefully and neither Tonks nor Remus had ever felt anything like it. It was so much different to a broomstick. As the thestral flew back on course, increasing its speed even more Tonks laughed into Remus's neck. This was the most fun she'd had in years.

Remus laughed with her, enjoying the thrill of the speed they traveled at, and of the scenery. This was a feeling like no other, with Tonks arms around him, her head on his shoulder, breathing onto his neck and he knew he'd never felt more alive.

Tonks heard his laughter mingle with hers, and prayed that this would never end. She pressed a gentle kiss into the side of his neck and chuckled. Once was not enough and she kissed his neck all the way from his ear down to his shoulder. He shivered as she did so and for a moment he swayed on the thestrals back, feeling extremely dizzy. Honestly, did Tonks not know by now, the effect she had on him?

"Tonks, if you keep that up you'll be at fault when I fall of this thestral." he said as clearly as he could, though he wasn't sure how much sense he made when his thoughts were a mess like this. She laughed and tightened her grip around his stomach. Her fingers traced light circles on his stomach, and his muscles clenched. It took everything he had to stay clinging to the thestral. "Really… Now is not the time."

Tonks had not actually realised that her hand were moving in small circles on his stomach, as they had wandered of their own accord. "Oops. Sorry." she said, keeping her hands still. "I couldn't resist." she explained with a smile. He laughed at her, and the way she didn't sound sorry at all.

The thestral was slowing down now, flying around the grounds almost lazily as the light faded away, and day turned slowly into night. It did one more loop before flying back towards the forest and landing softly at the edge to let them off.

Tonks slid off first, and moved to the thestrals head to pat him once more before he left. Remus slipped down after her and joined her. "Thankyou." he said to the thestral, laying his hand on its neck. The thestral nuzzled Remus, pressing its nose against his chest.

"Thankyou." Tonks said as the thestral turned to her once more. She stepped forward and carefully wound her arms around the thestrals sleek neck, hugging it gently. The thestral stood for a moment before touching her shoulder with its nose. After a moment of Remus and Tonks patting it, it turned and walked back towards the forest, picking up a trot when it reached the trees, and then it was gone.

"Thankyou." Tonks said again, this time to Remus. She raised a hand to his cheek and cupped his face gently. "That was…" and not for the first time that night, words failed her.

Remus understood. "I know." he replied, closing his eyes and sighing. He stepped forward towards her and as he hugged her to him, she lay her head on his chest, placing her hands over his heart and sighing happily.

-RL&NT-

Tonks took a bite of the sandwich Remus had made for her, and grinned at Sirius. Sirius grinned back at her from across the table. "So little Nymphie rode a thestral…" he stated in an annoyingly teasing voice. She glared at him. He was actually in a good mood tonight, and Remus was making them sandwiches. Tonks had tried to help but she'd ended up ruining the first batch of sandwiches and so Remus had just laughed at her and sent her to the table to sit in shame while Sirius made jokes about her.

She didn't answer his question, and twirled her wand in her fingers. Sirius who was never good with subtle hints didn't take this as a warning signal. Remus saw that it was and didn't hesitate to tell Sirius that he was an idiot. "Sirius, you are a bit stupid sometimes." he said. "Hasn't Tonks hexing you in the past taught you anything?"

Sirius looked insulted. "I don't think that's stupid. Most people would say its brave." he said.

"Well, most people agree that you are indeed an idiot." Remus laughed.

Sirius glared at him. "Shut up Moony." He turned to Tonks. "You know, when I was at Hogwarts, I used to ride the thestrals all the time. James had his broom, but I rode the thestrals."

Remus snorted and almost dropped his sandwich. "You liar Padfoot. You didn't even know they were there!" he said laughing.

"Moooonnnyyy…" Sirius whined. "You couldn't play along for just one thing?" Remus laughed and just shook his head.

Tonks grinned. "Sirius Black, Convicted escapee, animagus and thestral whisperer." She laughed. "Impressive Siri." Sirius just glared at her.

"You two are no bloody fun when you join sides, you know that?" Sirius drummed his fingers on the table and tried to glare, but failed miserably. "Lets do something interesting." he suggested.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Sirius, the last time you said that, you ended up in St Mungos." Tonks looked at him in interest.

"Really? What'd he do?" she asked excitedly.

Remus grimaced and then grinned. "That's a story for another day." he said. "Lets just say that you never do something that Sirius suggests."

Sirius grinned at Remus. "At least I don't suggest anything stupid like chess."

Remus laughed. "You're only bitter because I beat you every single time we ever played."

Sirius looked outraged. "Excuse me! I beat you a good few times!"

Remus smirked but he otherwise let it go. "Well, I can't think of anything else then." He grinned. "What can I say? I'm just pretty boring."

Tonks laughed. "Remus, you are anything but boring." Remus looked at her, his eyes boring into hers, forgetting for a moment that they were in the kitchen with Sirius. He almost got up and went straight to her, wanting to relive their time in the forest. He craved alone time with her, and only her. He wanted to hear her talk for hours on end to watch the way she explained things with such energy - so much more interesting than any book he'd ever read. He wanted to be able to just hold her, and never have to let her go. He wanted to just let go, and go as far as they both wanted to, without having to pull away.

He realised the kitchen had gone silent only when Sirius cleared his throat, and he was surprised to see that Tonks also looked as though she'd just been jolted back into the present. Sirius shook his head. "There's got to be something we can do." he said.

They ended up playing exploding snap, with a deck of cards that Tonks found in the bottom of one of her bags. Tonks kept beating both Remus and Sirius, and they both claimed that the game was either rigged or that she was cheating. Tonks cheerfully told them both to shut up and then they refused to play her anymore.

Remus brought out his old and battered chessboard and every time he played Tonks they ended up in a deadlock where neither of them would win, and they both easily beat Sirius, who took to stealing their players when they weren't looking and charming them to start fighting each other.

After that they all lay on the floor in the living room on their backs, staring at the ceiling. "I'm bored." Sirius said. "Moony, entertain me!"

Remus laughed. "Yeah right." he said. "What am I? The Friday night entertainment?"

Tonks laughed. "Hopefully." she said, struggling to keep a straight face.

Remus looked at her, amused and Sirius sighed. "You're both boring. I'm going to bed." and he got up off the floor and climbed the stairs, muttering to himself.

Remus sighed in mock sadness. "Whatever will we do without the life of the party?" he asked playfully.

Tonks grinned. "I suppose we'll have to soldier on eh?" she laughed.

"I suppose so." Remus sat up, and Tonks did too. They stood up and moved over to the lounge, where Tonks curled up against Remus. She lay with her head tucked into his side, and she rested one hand above his knee where she traced patterns lightly onto him. He rested one hand on her head and stroked her hair softly at the same time, and both seemed lost in thought.

At some point, something in the air between them changed. It became harder to breathe and harder to think. Remus was finding it harder and harder to restrain himself from going too far with her and he shifted uncomfortably, his hand pausing on her hair. She sat up and looked him in the eye, and that was all it took for him to crumble a little bit. He leaned forward and kissed her like they had in the forest earlier that day, passionately and desperately. The feeling of not being able to get enough of her was back, stronger than ever. His hands drifted down her back, around her waist and over her stomach. She gasped as he ran his hands across her stomach, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss. Her hands were at his shoulders, and then they were finding their way into his hair, over his neck, down his back.

She was surprised as he moved his hands to her waist and in one movement, moved so that he was laying along the couch, with her body stretched out on top of his. He laughed as she gasped, before recapturing her lips. Their legs became tangled together until they couldn't tell whose legs were whose, and he kissed her as he never had before.

Tonks couldn't ever remember feeling this way before, and yet this wasn't enough. She craved more, and needed more. "Remus…" she whispered his name against his lips, with the little breath that he hadn't yet stolen, and looked into his eyes. At the sound of his name, Remus groaned a little and sat up a little more.

"Tonks…" he said back, sounding just as breathless as she did. The sound of him saying her name made Tonks feel as though fireworks had exploded somewhere within her stomach, and she couldn't tell exactly where because the electricity pulsed throughout her entire body before she could pinpoint where it started.

"We have to stop…" he whispered to her, but she ignored him, placing small kisses along his collarbone. Remus took a deep breath and willed himself into composure. He groaned again: she wasn't making this any easier. "Tonks." He sat up, pulling her with him and swinging their legs back off the lounge.

She understood why he had to pull away, but it didn't make it any less disappointing. She kissed him one last time, before curling back up into his side. "I love you Remus." she told him, as she put her arms around him and closed her eyes.

He smiled at her words. "I love you too Tonks." he said softly, and as he held her Tonks drifted off to sleep.

-RL&NT-

Tonks was sitting in the Auror department the next day wondering what on earth she was going to do for Remus. His birthday was less than a week away and she wanted to come up with _something_. She supposed she'd have to go to Sirius for help.

Unfortunately the full moon almost clashed with his birthday, so she didn't want to do anything too physically draining. She considered anything that Remus would want to do, and she figured that she could throw a party. She didn't want to do this though, because she knew Remus and it wasn't his sort of scene. They couldn't go out, because they couldn't be seen together, though she supposed they could go straight into the muggle world.

Even harder to decide, was what to get him for his birthday. Remus never mentioned that he wanted anything. He was always reading, but she wanted to get him more than just a book. She sighed. It seemed she'd never be able to think of anything. Sirius had already decided what to get him. He had asked Tonks early that morning while Remus had been in the bathroom if she would go into Diagon Alley and buy a new set of robes for Remus as his present. She had agreed, but it still left her no closer to figuring out what she was going to get him.

"Tonks!" a voice said. "Earth to Tonks." It was Kingsley. Tonks eyes narrowed as she remembered that she had to plan revenge on Kingsley for telling Remus that she'd accidentally almost killed Fudge by tripping him over.

"What do you want Kingsley?" she said, keeping her voice quiet so as to not attract suspicion form the other Aurors.

"Its Remus's birthday soon." he said. "Have you and Sirius planned anything yet?"

Tonks frowned. "How did you know about his birthday?" she asked suspiciously.

"Sirius." Kingsley shrugged. Tonks smiled forgetting about revenge for the moment.

"No. Not yet. We aren't sure if he'd really want a party or anything, but we might throw one anyway." she replied.

"Ahhh, well knowing you and Sirius, you'll both have it sorted in time, I'm sure." he said to her and as he turned to walk away he whispered quietly. "Meeting tonight." Tonks nodded, grinning. There hadn't been a meeting for a while, and she found that she kind of missed them. Well, she at least missed Molly. Maybe at the meeting she could ask Molly for advice on what Remus might want.

Sighing, she turned her thoughts to her paperwork and submerged herself in writing reports to take her mind off Remus…

**So this chapter is pretty badly written but I'm just exhausted. I should have gone to bed before I started it… But then I just kept writing and now its just turned out like this : S Oh well. Back on track next chapter…**

**I suggest that anyone who doesn't want to suffer the cruciatus curse should review : D Because I know Bellatrix the Strange : P**

**Thankyoouuuu!**


	14. His birthday

**LONGEST CHAPTER SO FAR!**

**So the inevitable love scene happens in this chapter, and I'm sorry, I tried to make it as un-scary as I could, but I don't know how well I succeeded. So if you aren't a big fan of love scenes, I suggest you stop reading after Remus gets his present. Though it shouldn't be _too _bad.**

**So, this chapter may just be my favourite so far, but I cant be sure. Also, thanks to , and Teddy R. Lupin who both inspired me in this chapter, particularly Teddy R. Lupin for his help and sticking with me through the ups and downs of the story : D Thanks to all of my other reviewers as well!**

**Anywho, review if you read this or else I'll be after you faster than Snape when confronted with shampoo : P**

**Oh, and have I mentioned lately that I don't own any of these characters. Its all JKR.**

Tonks was panicking - really panicking. Remus's birthday was two days away and she still had no idea what to do. Sirius was taking particular fun in teasing her about it and she remembered the previous evening when she had almost hexed Sirius for his unhelpful suggestions and his annoying teasing.

"_Seriously Nymphie. Why don't you just put your name on my gift as well." Tonks glared at Sirius for coming up with the most unhelpful suggestion he could possibly gather. She swore he was doing it just to annoy her. "Alright then. Why don't you just get him nothing at all?" This had her hand twitching towards her wand, longing to shoot a good hex at him and wipe the smug grin off his face. He was definitely doing it just to annoy her, and he was most definitely succeeding. _

"_Sirius, I can't just get him nothing!" Tonks said, exasperated. "You're an idiot." Did Sirius know nothing about anything?_

_Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, use your artistic skills to make him something." This just made Tonks laugh. No-one had ever used the term 'artistic skills' with her name before, ever. Never ever, unless they were talking about her lack of artistic skills._

_She snorted in amusement. "Seriously? Your suggestions just keep getting worse and worse." _

Sirius was no help whatsoever, and Molly hadn't had any ideas either, but had panicked about what she was going to get him. She had also begged to be allowed to come to the celebration that Sirius had planned for just the three of them. Tonks knew that Remus wouldn't like a birthday party where the whole order was invited. He was too private, and he was much more intimate than that. He would prefer to spend it only with those he was very close to. Also, she didn't think that he'd have enough energy for a public birthday party so close to the full moon. He wouldn't like the fuss.

"_It's his birthday soon?" Molly asked in a slightly panicked tone. "The poor dear never tells us anything!" She was definitely panicking now. She should probably asked before Molly got too carried away._

_Tonks cleared her throat. "So, do you know what I should get him?" she asked, hoping Molly would have some good ideas, seeing as she had to shop for Arthur's birthday presents. She must have some experience in what to get men on their birthdays. _

_Molly paused for long enough to look fondly at Tonks. "Dear, no matter what you get him, I'm sure he'll love it. It's the thought that counts really." Tonks frowned. This was really almost as unhelpful as Sirius. "I wonder what we should get him though? He wont want too much.." she had turned to Tonks. "Oh, please do let me cook him a birthday cake. Are you having a party?"_

_Tonks shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "No, not really. Sirius and I were just thinking of doing something at the house just for the three of us. You know Remus doesn't like much of a fuss…" _

_Molly cut in over the top of her. "Please let Arthur and I come and help you and Sirius, Tonks. I could bake the cake and cook a nice dinner, and then leave you three there for the night." Tonks had sighed and given in to the woman. She wouldn't be able to stop her baking a cake anyway, and she really couldn't deny two people who were quite close to Remus. Also, she and Sirius were both terrible at cooking and any cake of theirs was sure to be deemed unsafe for eating._

Tonks sighed. She and Sirius had planned to decorate the kitchen while Remus was distracted by a diversion, which was to be created by Arthur. While that was happening Molly would be sneaking the cake into the kitchen. Then Tonks would trap Remus in the library and convince him to read to her while Molly cooked dinner. It should be a nice little celebration, but Tonks was unsure. She wanted to do something much more personal.

An idea had come to her as she had sat in the library with Remus, writing reports for work while he looked over her shoulder, playing with her hair. She would take him back to the beach, and she'd take some chocolate, and if the night was clear, they could gaze at the stars. She decided that she wanted this to be different from the first night that she had visited a beach with him. In her childhood, Tonks had been to the beach many times and there was a tiny island just off her favourite beach that, when she was old enough, she would apparate to, and sit at to think. It was so tiny, so secluded, and a great view to the stars. She recalled telling Sirius.

"_What?" he said. "You're hogging him!" Sirius was not happy about Tonks wanting to steal Remus after dinner. _

"_I am not!" Tonks said angrily. "You have him for the first half of the night for your little party, and I get him for my little party afterwards." She glared at him._

"_But you get to be there for the first party and I don't get to go to yours! That's unfair!" Sirius exclaimed. _

_Tonks pulled out her wand, and threatened to hex Sirius for being greedy. "You get him all day while I'm at work!" she said. "That's unfair." At this point Remus had stuck his head in the door and frowned at them both, managing to disarm both of them before asking what they were arguing about. Both of them immediately replied that they weren't arguing and resorted to just glaring at each other from opposite sides of the table until Remus shook his head and left the room, taking their wands with him._

However, it was only two days away still, and she hadn't found him a present. This was the cause of much mental stress. Sirius was fine, he'd already sorted out what to get Remus. Tonks had picked up the new set of robes and wrapped them for Sirius after work one day. Even Molly had decided that she'd knit him a new grey sweater, and Arthur had decided that Remus would really like a book on muggles.

Tonks decided that she needed inspiration, and it was this thought that led her to sneak into the house after work without alerting Sirius and Remus to the fact that she was there - a considerable feat, considering the umbrella stand that was out to get her. She had planned to go straight to Remus's room and check if he was in there, before sneaking in to find inspiration but as she walked past the piano room she paused. Remus spent so much of his time in here, Sirius told her. Tonks knew that he composed songs, and she wondered if anything in that room could give her any ideas.

She quietly opened the door and crept in, using every skill in stealth and tracking that she had learnt as an auror to get in without anyone knowing she was there. She walked slowly to the piano and ran a hand over the top of it. She looked down at the keys looking for something, anything, to tell her what he might want. When she reached the desk on the other side of the piano, she paused, her eyes lighting up as she looked at the many pieces of parchment that littered it. She had an idea.

She gathered all the scrap parchment, covered in musical notes and crept slowly to her room, depositing the paper under her bed sheets. She smiled to herself as she crept back down into the room, creating an illusion on the desk so that if he looked, it would appear that all his compositions were still there. They were all duplicates.

She walked to the kitchen and burst in happily, skipping to the table and pulling out a chair. She knocked over the one beside it in the process and tripped over it and into her seat. She was in such a good mood at finding something for Remus that she laughed at her own clumsiness before looking up to see Remus staring at her from across the table with raised eyebrows.

"Tonks? I didn't hear you come in." he said with a small smile.

Tonks grinned at him. "I didn't trip over the umbrella stand this time!" she said enthusiastically, and he laughed, looking at her in wonder. She was so beautiful, especially when she was as cheerful as she was now, which was most of the time anyway. The past few days though, he'd caught her frowning when she thought he wasn't looking. He was glad to see that whatever it was seemed to have passed.

Sirius grinned at her from across the table. "I'm guessing that the pavlova got cooked as planned."

Tonks burst out laughing. "I'm sorry….What?" she said, almost choking.

Remus looked amused. "Sirius, you don't cook a pavlova." he told him.

Sirius frowned at them both. "It's an expression." he snapped. Then he smiled. "I only meant that you found _something_ Tonks?" Remus looked confused as Tonks nodded.

"Is there even any point in me asking what's going on?" he asked them both. There was definitely something going on here.

Sirius and Tonks grinned at each other. Yep, definitely something going on if they were exchanging secretive glances.

"There's something going on?" Tonks said innocently.

At the same time, Sirius shook his head and laughed. "Nope."

Remus studied them both once more and then shook his head. There was no point pursuing it, and he could tell from the would-be-nonchalant looks on both of their faces that they weren't going to give an inch. He blamed it on the stubborn blood that they shared as cousins.

-RL&NT-

Tonks and Sirius looked up at the same time, identical looks of horror on their faces. They could hear footsteps on the stairs. Molly was not yet here with the cake and Tonks and Sirius were halfway through decorating the kitchen. Tonks held her wand aloft, the streamers that she'd conjured hanging in midair. She gave a flick with her wand and they arranged themselves along one side of the room. She threw her wand down onto the table which was covered in a bright blue tablecloth, with gold letters that shimmered and moved to spell 'Happy Birthday Remus'.

She dashed to the stairs and met Remus halfway up. He looked a bit more tired and paler than usual but his face lit up as he saw Tonks. "Tonks? I didn't know that you were here." he said to her, frowning as she ran at him and grabbed his hand.

"You do now." she said and pulled him back up the stairs. She didn't stop until they reached the library, and when they did she pulled him through the door, and upon seeing the confused look on his face, she kissed him. Despite his shock he leant forward into the kiss, kissing her passionately. He wasn't sure what was up with Tonks, but he'd think about it later. Right now he was lost, and he kissed her desperately, pushing her backwards into the wall, and pressing her gently against it. She moaned against his lips, and although this wasn't what she'd had planned she welcomed it anyway.

His fingers were in her hair, and hers in his and they were crushing their lips to each others as hard as they could. Remus's tongue moved along Tonks lips seeking permission to enter and she opened her mouth as he deepened the kiss.

Then suddenly, there was a loud bang from the kitchen and they broke apart- Remus surprised and Tonks worried. What was Sirius doing down there? She looked at Remus and grinned, afraid that if she spoke her voice would shake. She spoke anyway, and she was breathless as she did. "I'd better go and… umm.. See what… umm… Sirius…" she couldn't manage to think of an appropriate excuse and Remus raised his eyebrows at her. "I just mean, that I'd better go see what he's doing." she muttered. Remus grinned and went to follow her out. "No! You stay here. I need you to.. Umm… look up muggles for me."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "This is Sirius's mothers library. There's nothing useful about muggles in here." he said.

Tonks frowned. "Well, can you check these reports for me?" she asked him, and took a pile of paper from the desk, and gave it to him, pointing him towards the lounge. He looked suspiciously amused.

Tonks gave him one last look, smiled and then ran back down the stairs, stumbling on the bottom step. When she reached the kitchen her jaw dropped. Sirius had managed to completely transform it in her absence. There were banners, colored lanterns flashing, colorful streamers hanging from everything, The table was fully set, and there were singing balls of light floating above the table, which were reciting happy birthday in softly cheerful tones. He'd managed to get something to spread multi-colored confetti all over the kitchen and had bewitched the walls to become a golden colour. Next to the door, Sirius had conjured a row of trumpets that were floating by the door, which she was sure would start playing as soon as Remus entered the room.

"Looks like everything's sorted here." she said, and as if on cue, Molly and Arthur walked into the kitchen with the cake and their presents. 'It turns out we wont be needing the diversion." she said to a slightly disappointed Arthur.

"Ahhh, I had a good one planned too." he said, "Took a page out of Fred and George's book." he said, holding up an actual page that was covered in writing and was headlined 'Diversionary Tactics.'

Molly wasted no time in starting to cook dinner, after she set the cake down on the bench. Tonks laughed at Arthur and quickly put her own finishing touches on the decorations. She bewitched the walls so that they now had windows, showing the sky, bright with moonlight and filled with stars.

Sirius eyes widened as he took in the windows. "Can we keep those?" he said excitedly and Tonks nodded at him.

"If you want." she turned to everyone else. "I'll go keep him away. I'll give you half an hour." she said. Molly nodded at her and Arthur and Sirius started talking about the ministry and the wizarding world.

Tonks turned and ran back up the stairs, managing to not trip up them. She reached the library and turned the door handle. Remus was standing just on the other side of the door. "Sirius ok?" he asked her, raising an eyebrow.

She looked confused. "What?" she asked him, and then remembered her reason for going back downstairs in the first place. "Oh. Right, yeah. He's fine. It was just the sound of Kreacher apparating." she told him. She grabbed one of his hands and dragged him to the couch. He sat down, looking amused, as though he was trying not to laugh. She sat beside him.

"Someone seems impatient tonight." he said raising his hand to her cheek and scuffing her cheekbone with his thumb. She calmed instantly under his touch and rolled her eyes.

"Who?" she said, and he laughed at her. She laughed with him, closing her eyes and leaning into his touch. She shivered with something completely unrelated to the cold weather, even though she had to admit that the library was not the warmest part of the house.

He smiled at her. "Cold?" he asked her, moving his hand from her cheek, down her neck.

She shivered again. "Only a little." she murmured. She turned to him, pulling her legs up onto the couch and tucking her knees up to rest against his leg. Her hands went to the hem of his sweater and he gasped as she slid her cold hands underneath and wrapped them around his waist. She rested her head against his shoulder and he could smell her hair. The feel of her hands on his bare skin made him shiver.

Remus swallowed as he looked down at the top of her head. It was becoming increasingly hard for him to keep his hands to himself, and she certainly wasn't helping him at all. He knew that he wanted her, but as much as he thought she wanted him back, he just couldn't be sure. He couldn't see why she'd want him that way. He was too old, too poor and too dangerous. He couldn't let her come that close to him because it would surely only hurt her.

Tonks was silent as he put his arms around her, holding her close and trying to warm her. The library was cold, as they didn't have the fireplace going yet. He leaned his head forward until his lips rested lightly on her hair. He shut his eyes, tired from the fact that the full moon was just two nights away.

Neither of them moved until Tonks realised it had been almost half an hour. Tonks started to stretch out and reluctantly disentangled herself from Remus, feeling perfectly warm. He woke as she moved, and she could tell that he'd been asleep. She frowned and reached up to him with one hand, tracing the circles under his eyes.

Remus smiled at her. "I'm fine Tonks." he said softly. "Don't you dare worry about me."

Tonks laughed. "I'm just worried you'll be too tired to enjoy your birthday." she said, looking into his eyes. Remus's eyes widened. How had she known that it was his birthday? He bet that Sirius had told her, but he hadn't thought that Sirius had remembered. He hadn't said happy birthday to him at all that day. In fact, Remus himself had almost forgotten his own birthday. He should've guessed that Tonks would find out.

He smiled at her a little, his eyes twinkling. "How did you know?" he asked her.

She shrugged and grinned. "Same way that I found out you were a werewolf." she said to him. "It was in your folder at the ministry."

He hugged her to him and bent his face lower so that it was inches away from hers. "Damn the ministry." he said softly, smiling against her mouth.

Tonks laughed breathlessly. "Indeed." she said. "But it is your birthday, and I see that as a day to celebrate. So lets go downstairs shall we? Lets not deny Molly the chance to try and fatten you up again."

Remus groaned. "Molly's here?" he asked her. "I love the woman, but she tries to stuff me so full of food…"

Tonks smiled at him. "True, but she just cares." Remus smiled at her, and brushed his lips gently across hers. Tonks tried to lean forward into the kiss but Remus pulled back a little. He brushed his lips against hers again, and pulled back as she tried again to kiss him. Tonks pulled back a little. "Are you trying to tease me?" she accused.

Remus just grinned at her until she put both her hands behind his head and pulled his face towards hers, kissing him hard. He kissed her back until she reluctantly pulled away. "Don't distract me." she frowned. "We are going downstairs." she said, and pulled herself away from him completely, before he could distract her again.

She got up off the couch and held out a hand. He took it and instead of letting her pull him up, he gave a tug and she flew back towards the couch, and he caught her. He shifted her in his arms so that she couldn't escape and brushed his lips across her neck. She moaned a little, shifting to try to get closer to him. "What were you saying about distracting?" he said, his eyes shining in amusement.

"I don't care." she said, still struggling to get nearer to him as he held her slightly away from him, brushing his lips across her forehead, her cheekbones and her neck. All thoughts of going downstairs disappeared with the feeling of his lips on her skin.

Remus laughed and stood up, setting her down on the floor. "No, we have to go downstairs now." he said, grinning at her.

She glared at him. "You are a git Remus Lupin." she said grumpily. "You are teasing me on purpose."

He laughed at her. "But it's my birthday so I can get away with it." he told her. She kept glaring at him, but took his hand and led him downstairs and into the kitchen. Tonks had been right. As soon as the entered the kitchen the trumpets near the door started announcing their arrival, playing loudly in their ears and following them into the room, until Sirius called them off, which he did only when Tonks threatened to hex him. The little balls of light that floated above the table started singing happy birthday and Tonks wondered how on earth Sirius managed that.

Sirius, Molly and Arthur were all standing by the table and yelled 'Surprise' as Tonks and Remus entered the kitchen. Remus looked completely surprised and Tonks could see a look of happiness start to take over his face as he looked around the kitchen. "You did all this?" he said to them all.

They nodded and Molly stepped forward and grabbed Remus, forcing him to sit at the table. She waved her wand and the small pile of presents flew towards him. Tonks present was the only one absent as she had decided that she'd give it to him later. She wanted it to be more personal, and it wasn't something she thought the others would understand.

Remus opened the smallest one first. As he picked it up, it was obvious that it was a book of some kind, and as he read the tag he learned that it was from Arthur. He unwrapped it to find a book titled, 'Muggles: Their Popular Sayings and Traditions.' He smiled, and thanked Arthur, telling him that he shouldn't have gotten him anything. He opened Molly's next, and was deeply touched as he unwrapped a soft grey sweater with a small blue 'R' sewn into the top, left side. He thanked her for her trouble and also told her the same as he had told Arthur, though she cut him off before he got the words out.

"Well, Thankyou Molly, Arthur. The gifts are wonderful." he said, looking appropriately abashed.

There was two gifts left, and Tonks was confused. She knew what the smaller package was - it was she who had wrapped it - but the huge and colorful box looked completely unfamiliar. Sirius pushed the huge box towards Remus who rolled his eyes and sighed. He opened the box and pulled out another box, almost as large. Tonks laughed, and Remus opened the second box, vanishing the first. Inside the second box was a third and Remus vanished the second box. It continued in this fashion until Remus had gone though nine more boxes. From inside the twelfth box he pulled out an envelope, and as he read the note inside it, he blushed.

He waved the note vaguely in the air explaining to all of them that it was a tradition for him and Sirius to give each other a fake or a prank gift on their birthdays, as well as something serious.

Tonks laughed as Remus blushed, as Remus blushing was a rare occurrence. Molly and Arthur looked confused, even though Remus had somewhat explained himself and Sirius grinned like an idiot. With a wave of his wand Remus vanished all the boxes and tucked the letter into his robes. He pulled the last gift towards himself. When he unwrapped it, he found the new black robes from Sirius and he grinned at Sirius, thanking him.

He thanked them all over and over, looking at Tonks who hadn't given him a gift yet at all. She grinned at him and in that moment he knew that Tonks was up to something.

-RL&NT-

"Stop distracting me. I need to focus on this otherwise we may very well end up somewhere very unpleasant." Tonks said to Remus who seemed unable to keep his lips away from hers as they stood on the top step of Grimmauld place. She was about to side-along apparate him to where they were going to have their picnic and he had no idea about where they were going. She didn't want to apparate them both straight into the ocean which was what would happen if Remus didn't stop distracting her.

Inside her robes Tonks had her present for him, a large block of chocolate, a blanket and a bottle of wine and two glasses, which she had shrunk magically to fit in her pocket. Remus grinned at her, and took his lips away from where they were lingering just underneath her ear. "Fine." he said, grinning at her. "Where are we going?"

Tonks shook her head, and then waved her wand and a blindfold wrapped itself around Remus's eyes. He snorted in amusement. "I could've closed my eyes." he told her. She shook her head, even though he couldn't see her.

"I don't trust you not to peek." she laughed, and leaning forward, unable to resist teasing him as he had teased her. She pressed her lips to his gently, and as he leaned forward to kiss her back she pulled away. He groaned and pushed her back against the door, attempting to lean in to kiss her without being able to see. Tonks laughed and reached forward with one hand, covering his mouth, and twisting her head sideways to kiss the side of he neck all the way down to his collarbones. He attempted to twist out of her grip but she turned unexpectedly so that it was she who was pressing him against the door.

"Ahhh. Ok. I get it, and I won't tease you anymore." he said, trying to feel where she was in the darkness. He heard her laugh before she grabbed him around waist and dissaparated.

-RL&NT-

As they appeared again they were on the island that was familiar to Tonks. Remus still had his blindfold on, and he was frozen still in her arms. "Tonks?" he said rather nervously. "Er- where are we?"

Tonks laughed and pulled off his blindfold. He seemed much more comfortable without the blindfold and was looking in wonder around the small island.

"See, we could have ended up in the water." Tonks said. "If you'd been distracting me, I could have accidentally apparated us into there." she gestured towards where the waves where crashing against white sand, illuminated in the moonlight.

Tonks could see the moonlight reflected in Remus's eyes and it only made them more captivating. She had trouble looking away from him. "I don't feel like swimming." he murmured.

Tonks laughed, still not looking away from his eyes. "No, I didn't think so. Neither do I." she said to him. He leaned forward towards her and she took a step back, releasing him. There was a time and a place to get lost in his eyes, his embrace, his lips… And now was just not it. She had to give him his present before he made her forget everything.

Remus looked confused but followed her as she walked forward and knelt in the sand, pulling things from her robes. She enlarged the small pile of items that lay against the pale sand. She grabbed the blanket and spread it out on the sand, placing the chocolate, glasses and wine in the middle and picking up the present. She smiled up at Remus. "Sit down." she said, gesturing to the blanket.

"Tonks, This place is so beautiful." Remus told her, his eyes shining. "Its really amazing of you." He took a deep breath and so did she, and for the first time she realised how much she had missed coming here. There wasn't a sound for miles and she smiled. The smell of the sea spray, the sand and the clear night air was all familiar.

"I used to come here a lot." she told him. "To clear my mind. My parents used to live nearby." He smiled at her, and she held her present out to him. "Your present." she said.

Remus started to speak. "Tonks, you really didn't have to… This is enough…"

Tonks smiled at him. "Remus, I wanted to." she said. "So open it."

Tonks watched him slowly open it, biting her lip. He opened it slowly, and when it was finally opened he looked shocked. In his hands was a book, homemade. The cover was black leather, embossed with gold bearing the words, 'Compositions by Remus Lupin'. He didn't look at her as she opened the book and found every piece of scrap parchment he had written his music on had been cleaned up, trimmed and preserved, with borders added and gold tips on the corner of each piece. He slowly turned each page, and when he finally looked up at her, his eyes were shining and he was speechless.

Tonks leaned over and drew her wand. As she held her wand tip to the page that was open in front of him - the page containing the song he had written for her - the sound of a piano emanated from the pages. Each note glowed gold in the darkness as it was sounded, and Remus stared at Tonks in wonder. As the song finished he turned to her.

"Tonks…" his voice was hoarse with emotion as he spoke. This book was the nicest thing anyone had ever given to him, the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever done for him. He was lost for words, and he couldn't speak anything past her name, saying it with a reverence that was usually reserved for the Gods. "Tonks…"

Tonks watched him as he struggled for words, and his voice was filled with more emotion than she had ever heard in it. She spoke in a soft voice. "Do you like it?" she asked him.

His eyes widened as he looked into her eyes, and in an instant his lips were covering hers. He placed the book gently to the side and taking her shoulders, he pushed her backwards onto the blanket. He pressed his body against hers as he twisted them both so that his body was covering hers and kissed her with an amount of passion that surpassed any he had ever felt before. His love for her surged as strongly as it ever had, and impossibly stronger. She moaned against his mouth as he kissed a trail from her forehead, down over her temples, her ears, her neck and then her collarbones pausing in the hollow of her neck, before trailing his lips up the other side.

He rolled her swiftly so that she was on top of him, her hands resting on his chest and whispered into her hair. "Like it? I love it. It was the most thoughtful, nicest, amazing, incredible…" Tonks cut off his line of speech as she kissed him, occupying his lips.

One hand was on his chest, and the other was in his hair. "I'm glad." she said, and then rolled off him, settling into his side for a minute before sitting up. As she did she clutched at her head, and dizziness threatened to overtake her.

Remus sat up beside her. "Are you ok?" he asked breathlessly, worried.

To his surprise she chuckled. "You make me dizzy." she accused.

He grinned at her. "On the contrary, I think its you that inspires the dizziness, because I've never felt this lightheaded before I've drunk anything." he said teasingly.

She glared at him. "Speaking of drinking, I brought some wine." she said, "I feel intoxicated enough by your presence though, and I am not going to drink any for fear of being unable to apparate us home."

He laughed at her. "I'm sure I don't affect you quite that much." he told her, but she shook her head.

"You often make me so weak that I can hardly stand." she told him, blushing.

He grinned at her. "That's hardly a fair test. You can hardly keep your balance even when I am not there. Unless you are trying to blame me for your _slight_ clumsiness."

Tonks glared at him. "I thought you were going to stop teasing me." she said to him.

Remus tried to look ashamed but failing miserably when the smile he was trying to hold back shone in his eyes, and his voice took on an amused tone. "Right. Sorry."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "We both know you wont change now." she muttered, but her amusement was also given away by the grin that spread over her face. She felt Remus reach around her from behind and wrap his arms around her waist, pulling her backwards onto the blanket. He placed a soft kiss onto the side of her forehead and shut his eyes.

Tonks sighed and shut hers as well. She could feel her skin tingling in all the places where his skin connected with hers and she wondered why he held back so much. She wanted him, and she was often sure he wanted her in the same way. She sighed, thinking about how every time they came close to getting carried right away, he'd pull away, always with excuses. Admittedly, being in the Forbidden Forest probably was an acceptable excuse, but it didn't make her any less impatient.

"What are you thinking Tonks?" Remus asked her when he heard her sigh. She pulled back a little so that she could see his face, and found that his eyes were on hers.

She sighed again and tucked her head into his chest again, unable to meet his eyes as she said the words. "Why do you always pull away Remus?" He frowned. Why did she sound like she was hurting?

"What do you mean?" he asked her, wanting to be sure that she was saying what he thought she was saying.

"Its just… Well, every time we get close to going any further, you pull away, and you've always got a new excuse. I want to know why Remus." There was silence after Tonks spoke and so she asked him. "Remus? Do you not want me?"

Remus frowned again. How could she even think that? Could she not see that he wanted her? Couldn't she see why he shouldn't have her? How on earth could she ever think that he wouldn't want her? It was ridiculous. "I want you Tonks. Believe me." he gave a nervous laugh. "Can't you see that?"

Tonks frowned into his chest. "Then why do you always pull away?" She pulled back to look into his eyes and in the back of his eyes she could see the resistance, and she understood. "You think you are too old, don't you? Too poor and too dangerous."

Though he didn't admit it, Tonks saw her answer flash in his eyes. She slipped her hands under his sweater and let her hands travel across his warm skin to find his shoulder blades, and she moved her fingers in little circles from his shoulder blades to his shoulders, and then down his spine. He shivered. "Remus, You know I don't care whether you _think_ you are too old, too poor or too dangerous. I want you regardless, and it'd be a hell of a lot easier for the both of us if you could see that." she told him.

He tried to protest again but his heart wasn't in it. His reasons for resisting were crumbling with each soft movement of her hands on his back, and shoulders. He could hardly remember the reasons when her words were bouncing around his head, _I want you Remus_.

-RL&NT-

It was well and truly past midnight when they returned to Grimmauld place and Remus pulled Tonks straight inside. Sirius would be asleep and they didn't want to wake him. After re-sealing the door he took her hand and pulled her behind him, straight up to his room.

Tonks laughed as she cast the silencing spell so that they wouldn't wake Sirius and moved towards Remus, throwing her arms around his neck as he pushed her back against the door, kissing her senseless, before spinning her and maneuvering her back towards the bed and pushing her gently back onto it and climbing in beside her.

She threw one arm around his waist and tangled the other in his hair as he rested lightly on top of her, kneeling with one leg on either side of her. Her eyes gleamed as she laughed at the look in his eyes, less restrained than she had ever seen him before. He paused and smirked against her lips. "Something funny?" he asked her.

She laughed as she answered him. "Nope."

He kissed the side of her neck hard and trailed his lips down to the hollow of her throat where he paused. "Liar" and she felt him grin against her throat, before he moved his lips up her opposite collarbone, his teeth lightly grazing against the bone, causing her to shudder from the feelings coursing through her.

He slipped his hands under her robes and sweater, and his warm hands found her back. She stuttered as his skin burned her, tingling emanating from every part of her that he touched, cutting through her all the way down to the bone. She leaned forward and he felt her stomach muscles clench under his hands as she recaptured his lips, slipping his robes off his shoulders as she did so.

Slowly, they pulled off each others clothes, piece by piece until they both lay unclothed on the bed, drinking in the sight of each other, brand new in each others eyes. Remus reached for Tonks and settled them so that he lay on top of her, her eyes glazed with the same desire that clouded his.

"Are you sure?" he murmured to her as his lips trailed over her bare skin, his hands traveling her body, as hers traveled his. She paused for a minute as she glared at him.

"Don't you dare even bother to ask, Remus Lupin." she said, and as he paused waiting for a proper answer she got impatient and kissed him again, pulling his face to hers when he tried to evade her lips. "Of course I'm sure, you idiot." He grinned at her, his eyes shining. His breath was coming faster than normal, and hers quickened in response as he pressed his hips firmly against hers. Their legs were now tangled together - one of Remus's between both of Tonks', and she ran her hands over his back, feeling his muscles clenching and unclenching.

The way he moved against her, almost made Tonks cry out, and her insides were quaking as she tightened her fingers on his back. For a while both were lost to senseless moaning as they explored each other in everyway possible. Tonks wrapped one of her legs around the back of Remus's knee and he was pulled closer to her, and yet it didn't feel like close enough. Every touch, every kiss just didn't feel like enough, and Tonks was clutching at him, dragging her lips over his skin in an attempt to get closer to him. His hair was in her eyes, his hands were at her back, and her thighs.

Tonks sighed. This felt right. It felt like everything had been leading up to this moment - her and Remus alone, and all the love they shared settling between them, in them, around them and over them in so many intertwined, wonderful and indistinguishable ways. There was no taking back this moment, and neither of them wanted to.

Remus pulled back once again, "And you're sure?" he said, a ghost of a smile on his face, amusement shining in his eyes, battling for a place with the seriousness.

She rolled her eyes and leaned up, kissing him as hard as she could, convincing him the way she couldn't do with words that this was everything she wanted. He reached for his wand, on the side of bed and waved it, muttering a silent contraceptive charm.

He shifted his weight so that he was laying on top of her, his legs on either side of her, and kissed his way from her lips, all the way down her waist, before straightening himself and lowering himself carefully into her.

For a moment there was complete silence.

She shuddered as she felt him enter her, and her eyes met his and she nodded.

As they moved in a synchronized rhythm that came naturally to them both, nothing had ever felt so right and they lost themselves to the ecstasy that overtook them, and caused them to cry out together. It was like a song, composed by the two of them in perfect harmony and they never broke eye contact as the blissful feelings completely pulled them under, over and over again…

**So, sorry about the end of this chapter, but it had to happen sometime and Remus and Tonks just ran off on me. Seriously, Its like I have no control of them anymore : P **

**Please read and review, otherwise I, Lord Moldy, will set my death-eaters on you and I'll make them poke you with their wands. I know it doesn't sound scary, but imagine Bellatrix the Strange cackling madly and prodding you with a wand. Not what you exactly want to be confronted with : P **


	15. Painful Changes

**Sorry that it's been forever since I updated. I am really quite sick, and I wrote this whole chapter while I had a migraine so it'll probably turn out a bit like Voldemort, so pretty much dead. Its just a bit hard to write when I'm collapsing all over the floor. I'm sorry.**

**I'm starting to get really unmotivated because I see that heaps of people read this but not that many actually review. Thanks to all my wonderful reviewers though, that actually did review. It means the world to me.**

**So please review otherwise Dumbledore will come back from the grave and haunt you. And NO that's not a good thing : D**

Tonks woke up to the sound of deep and steady breathing, coming from Remus who lay beside her. She shifted slightly and felt his arms tighten around her. She opened her eyes, and could not see anything but his chest. She took a deep breath and she could smell him - she could feel the warmth of him, and the rise and fall of his chest as he took each breath.

She grinned against his chest as slowly, the memories of the night they had just spent came back to the front of her mind. One of her arms was draped around his waist, the other on his chest and she absentmindedly traced shapes on the warm skin of his back as she relived the ecstasy of last night.

Remus felt her grin against his chest and shift slightly. He smiled, his lips resting lightly on the top of her head, and his arms holding her close. She was tracing shapes on his back, her warm fingers trailing across his bare skin in ways that almost made him forget what time it was, and take her right there and then the way he had the night before. The thought made him grin as he relived the night.

"Tonks…" he said quietly in a voice that was slightly hoarse. She gave a small jolt, as though he'd caught her in the middle of a thought.

Tonks was surprised to learn that he was awake. "You're awake?" she asked him. Her voice sounded slightly weak, and she had to admit that it was mostly due to the feel of his lips moving against her hair.

Remus laughed. "I am." he stated the obvious before adding playfully, "Or maybe I'm not. Prove it." Tonks grinned and looked up at him, her eyes shining in amusement. She disentangled herself from him so that she could move both her hands to his head to pull his mouth to hers. She kissed him slowly at first, teasing him, but when he groaned in frustration she lost her sense of restraint. She leaned into him, pressing herself to him as closely as she could kissing him as deeply as she could.

It was a while before she could stand to pull away. "Awake?" she asked him breathlessly.

"I'm not sure." he whispered. "I could be dreaming."

Tonks grinned at him, a mischievous glint in her eyes. She raised one hand to his cheek and let it trail lightly down his neck, over his shoulders and down his arm. He shuddered and closed his eyes trying to hold himself still. Her touch was driving him crazy and he was finding it harder and harder not to pin her to the bed and make her absolutely breathless.

When she reached his wrist she picked up his hand and held it between hers for a moment. Then she laughed and pinched the inside of his wrist. Surprised, Remus's eyes snapped open to see a grinning Tonks hovering over him.

"Awake now?" she asked him. He unwrapped her fingers from around his wrist and tried to frown at her. She laughed at him again and ran her fingers over his forehead, wiping away his frown.

"You pinched me." he accused her, trying to keep the amusement he felt off his face.

"Maybe." she said, and then snorted in amusement. "Prove it." Remus smiled and ran his hand down her side, over her stomach and down her thigh until he reached her knee, where his hand paused. He grinned wickedly at her before swiftly pulling her knee so that she was pulled up and onto him. In one more movement he had her pinned underneath him, her back to the bed.

He lowered himself over her and reached down to brush his lips over hers, before trailing his lips down her jaw to the place on her neck just under her ear, forcing her to turn her head sideways. He kissed the place under her ear and placed small kisses in a line down her neck until he reached her collarbones. He brushed his lips against her collarbones, allowing his teeth to lightly graze her bones. She shivered under him and he chuckled, having reached her shoulder and grazed his teeth back to her other shoulder. He kissed his way down her left arm, and when he reached her wrist his lips jumped to her side and over her stomach.

Tonks stopped breathing entirely, completely unsure of how to react to the feelings threatening to overtake her. She whimpered and shifted underneath his lips, feeling him grin. When he reached the right side of her stomach his lips jumped to her right arm and he kissed his way up her arm, her shoulder and her throat, finally recapturing her lips with a passion that threatened to set the whole house on fire.

"Alright!" she gasped against his forehead as he moved his lips over the corner of her mouth and down onto her throat, his teeth moving lightly over her. "I pinched you!" she admitted.

"I know." he said, and laughing against her throat he kissed his way back to her mouth and covered her lips with his.

Tonks felt lightheaded and the feel of his lips on hers wasn't helping. She needed to breathe. "Remus!" she said as loudly as she could, which wasn't very loud at all. "I can't breathe."

He looked unashamedly amused as he chuckled and pulled away, placing his hands behind his head and rolling off her, looking up at the ceiling. Tonks gasped for breath, trying to inhale and exhale steadily but she was laughing before she managed to get her breath back. "How do you do that?" she asked him, laughing.

"Do what?" he frowned slightly, but didn't look at her, afraid he'd laugh if he did.

She grinned. "Make me feel like I'm going to faint." she accused him.

He turned towards her. "Don't act like it's only me who does it." he grinned at her.

Tonks glared at him. "What are you trying to say?" she said, struggling to maintain the mock glare.

He raised his eyebrows at her and she found that she was completely lost in his eyes - the flecks of silvery grey mixed with the blue and grey, swirling softly - and as she looked into them the amusement faded a little to make way for some seriousness. "You make me feel…" he seemed to be struggling for words, or struggling for the right words. "Lightheaded, lost, amazed, weakened, unable to keep away from you and utterly, completely and undeniably in love with you." As he found the words, his eyes softened and he stared into her eyes, which - at the current moment - happened to be a shade of dark brown, flecked with black and filled with amusement.

She grinned. "It's good to know it's not only me who is so severely affected." she joked, and then added seriously. "I love you too, you know. Don't forget that."

A smile spread slowly over his face as she reminded him of what he had started to forget. It was easy for him to convince himself that she couldn't love him like he loved her, and that she couldn't feel for him what he felt for her because there was nothing about him that could keep her beside him and so much that should push her away.

He realised just then, as he thought about how there was nothing about him to love, that that was love. It was so indefinable. It was loving a person with all your heart, and everything you have to give because that person was your other half - no matter how old, or poor, or dangerous. It was loving each other because each meant the world to the other and they brought out the best in each other. It was unconditional, and it was loving each other for who they were, and not what they were. It was just love.

It took everything he had in this moment to stop himself from kissing her again, and not letting her out of his arms for a single moment for the rest of her life. As Tonks saw the grin take over his face she lay her head on his shoulder. "There's the smile that I love so much." she said.

He wrapped his arms around her. "What would I do without you?" he murmured into her hair. Tonks laughed, happiness radiating throughout her entire body. Secretly she'd been worried that he'd regret what they'd done, and that he'd start telling her that it shouldn't have happened because he was too old, poor or dangerous.

Tonks found herself drifting back to sleep in his arms, and was almost asleep when there was a knock from the other side of the bedroom door.

"Moooonnnyyy!" It was Sirius, whining as usual. "Wake up! You've been asleep for _years_!" Tonks couldn't stifle the laugh that burst from her upon hearing his voice. Remus looked down at her, and seeing her face he joined her in laughing at Sirius who stood absolutely confused on the other side of the door.

"Moony?" he said loudly. "Either you've got Tonks in there, or you have just been on the receiving end of one of her inventive hexes. You sound like a girl!" Tonks sniggered into Remus's shoulder.

"Shut up Padfoot!" Remus called out towards the general direction of the door without taking his eyes off Tonks.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "We'll be down soon Siri!" she yelled at him.

Sirius frowned. "Hurry up!" he yelled back at them both. "I'm getting lonely in that kitchen. " They heard his footsteps as he walked back down the hall, muttering to himself.

Tonks looked at Remus who grinned at her. "Time to get up." he told her regretfully and kissed her forehead softly.

"I don't want to." she mumbled and tightened her arms around him, planning to not let go until he gave in. She ended up pouting on the bed when he easily disentangled himself from her and gathered his clothes while she watched him.

He paused before entering the small bathroom attached to the room. "Get dressed Tonks." he laughed. "No work today, and you are spending it saving me from Sirius." Tonks laughed and stood up, gathering her clothes from the floor.

-RL&NT-

The day spent with Remus and Sirius would have been carefree for Tonks if it wasn't for the fact that it was the day of the full moon, and every time she looked at Remus she could tell. He was pale and looked tired and sick. He was cheerful and looked happy but there was no way to hide his tiredness from Tonks.

Ever since she realised, earlier that day that the full moon was that night she'd been feeling helpless. She wanted to be able to help, but she didn't know how. She wanted to stay with him, but she knew he'd panic at just the thought of it. Mostly she worried about him and the pain he would go through but somewhere in the back of her mind she worried that his feelings for her, and this newly found unrestrained Remus would disappear somewhere behind a book with the change.

Remus looked towards Tonks and frowned slightly as he saw the worried look on her face, wondering what on earth seemed to have been bothering her for most of the day. He saw her look over at him, and catching him looking at her she smiled. Even though she smiled, he could see something in her eyes. He hadn't come this far with her, without knowing how to read her like a book, but this was confusing him.

Sirius seemed to sense that the two needed to say something to each other and he excused himself from the library, muttering something about Kreacher. Tonks rose from where she had been sitting cross-legged on the floor and sat beside Remus on the couch. She lay her head on his chest and traced circles on his stomach, not wanting to say anything to him about what she was thinking, but needing to be near him at the same time.

They were silent for a while and Remus shut his eyes and fought sleep. The full moon was that night and he was so tired. His heart missed a beat as he realised that he could not spend this night with Tonks. He'd become so accustomed to having her with him every night that he wondered what it would be like without her, wondered whether he'd once again feel the chill of the dementors as they closed in around him. He was so preoccupied with his thoughts that he didn't realise the full impact of the full moon.

Wait, the full moon. Remus started to panic in his head. Was this the cause of Tonks sadness? Had she finally realised that he wasn't good enough for her, that he took too much from her and never gave enough. Even though he'd told her all along that he was too old, poor and dangerous he'd always wanted her not to believe him. The sliver of pain he felt now would be nothing compared to the pain he'd feel if she left him now.

"Dora. What's wrong?" he asked her, struggling to keep his emotions under control.

Despite herself, Tonks smiled. "Dora?" she asked, amusement in her voice.

He could hear amusement in her voice and it confused him even more. He gripped her shoulders and pulled away to look her in the eyes. "I refuse to call you Tonks anymore." he told her. It was too impersonal. It was what everyone else called her and it made him feel separated from her, as though she wasn't his.

He expected her to put up a fight at being given a nickname, but she merely looked touched. "Alright." she said reasonably before laughing. "At least you don't call me Nymphie or Tonskie like Siri does."

He laughed at her, but it was short-lived. "You didn't answer my question though. What's wrong."

Tonks sighed and looked down at her hands. "You wont want to hear it." she said sadly.

Remus's heart almost stopped. Was she going to let him go now? Was this the end? "Dora…" he tried to speak, but his voice was a mere whisper. "Tell me."

She was silent but he waited patiently. "I'm worried about you." she told him, and he raised his eyebrows. She was worried? This was far from what he had expected.

He frowned, trying to put it all together. "You're…worried?…" There was a moment of silence in which everything fell into place. "About the full moon?"

She nodded, and seeing the distraught look on his face and the panic in his eyes she was quick to speak. "No! Remus, never that. How could you think I'd be worried about that?" she said. "I'm worried about Remus the person, because I love you, and this is hard for you, and because I can't be there with you."

Remus was once again confused. He took a moment to put it together. "You are worried because transforming is hard for me, and because you can't be there?" he asked her.

Tonks nodded at him, wondering why he looked so confused. "Yes. I want to be there with you Remus." She swallowed as she saw him raise his eyebrows. "If… if that would help." she finished.

Remus was silent as he contemplated what she said. He had to admit that it would help to have her there, because he wouldn't feel so isolated, or so cold. He frowned to himself. He couldn't risk her that way. It was one thing to be with her when he was human, but as a wolf? He just wouldn't risk her that way, even if she could protect herself.

Tonks saw him frown and wished she hadn't spoken at all. What if he didn't want her there? Did he think it would change what she thought of him? "Unless you don't want me there?" she asked him. "Tell me you don't want me there, and I'll stay away, but if you want me, I'm there."

Remus almost cried at the determination in her voice, at how she was risking herself to be with him. Even with his potion he still thought of himself as dangerous. He pulled her to his chest again. "Dora, I always want you." he said, his voice low and emotional. "But its too dangerous for you…"

Tonks eyes flashed. "Tell me that you don't want me there." she said, drawing back to catch his eyes again. "Tell me Remus." The grey eyes met her purple/blue eyes and he battled with himself, unable to lie to her, but unwilling to tell the truth.

In the end he told her the truth. "I can't say that Dora." It was hard to say, but he could never tell her that he didn't want her, because he did. "But its…"

She smiled, despite the seriousness of the situation. "Don't you dare say dangerous Remus." she said in a voice filled with silent warnings. "I'm an Auror. I don't need protecting. Its my job to protect myself, and others."

Remus looked down. "I'm not saying that you aren't… capable." he said quietly. He looked up, meeting her eyes. "I just won't be able to live with myself if I hurt you."

"Remus. You won't." She told him, and he wondered how anyone could sound so sure about anything. "I know you won't."

Her words brought back memories of being forced to run away, of catching a human scent in wolf form and of forcing himself to run away. In the past he'd been strong enough, even without the wolfesbane, but it wasn't something he was willing to try with Tonks. One look into her eyes, however, told him that she wouldn't back down.

The words were hard to say and he almost hated himself for saying them. "Not this time Dora."

She glared at him, but she could see how hard it was for him to turn her away. "Next time." she told him. "Next full moon then Remus. Don't try and get out of it either."

He looked at her and he could see the stubborn glint in her eyes, and he knew from experience that this meant she wouldn't give up until she had what she wanted. "Maybe." he told her.

Her voice was soft as she replied. "No maybe's Remus."

"We'll talk about it later." he told her, and as she looked like she was going to protest he added. "I'm not saying no. It's just complicated. We'll have to talk about it, and if you don't mind I'd like to spend the last few hours I have with you not thinking about it."

Tonks laughed at him. "And Sirius. You'll have to spend the rest of the day with Siri too." she said. "I think he may be waiting outside the door."

There was a shout from near the door, in the hallway. "No I'm not!" It was Sirius, and both Remus and Tonks almost fell of the couch laughing at him as they heard him mutter. "Damn it. Gave myself away…"

-RL&NT-

It was dark and the moon was rising. Remus was in the basement, and Tonks was pacing a hole in the floor of his room. She was all alone. Sirius had transformed into his animagus form to help Remus and keep him company, something that Tonks wished she herself could do, but couldn't. She could hear nothing but silence and her footsteps on the floor because of the silencing spells cast on the basement. Remus didn't want her to hear anything, and she remembered back to her first guard with him, and how he'd told her about the shrieking shack - how the shrieking had been him.

Tonks was both glad and not at the fact that the basement was silenced. On one hand she wished she could hear so that she knew he wasn't in too much pain, but on the other she knew that if he yelled out, she wouldn't stop herself from going in to find him. Remus had made it perfectly clear that under no circumstances was she to do that.

It was strange, being on her own again. She'd spent so much time with Remus over the past few weeks and had been with him every night that it was hard now, as though half of her was missing. There was no way that she'd be able to sleep, and so she'd stay awake for him all night, waiting. She knew he'd be really tired the next day, but she had no work because it was the weekend.

Tonks paced from one side of the room to the other, back and forth worrying more and more with every minute that went by. It was on her one hundred and twelfth lap of the room that she noticed a tiny bit of paper poking out from under the pillow on her side of the bed. She strode over and picked it up. It was folded and had her name on it. She recognised Remus's handwriting at once and opened it.

_Dora,_

_Stop pacing a hole in the floor, I'll be fine. I'll see you in the morning._

_I love you._

_Remus._

Tonks smiled as she read it, wondering how he had known that she'd be pacing around the room and how he'd know that she'd find the note while she did.

She stopped pacing, but she couldn't sit down for long. The helpless feelings were returning. Suddenly she had an idea, and it was that idea that had her running for the library.

The idea was inspired by Remus, Sirius, James and Peter. What if she could become an animagus, and keep Remus company? She needed to find out how long it would take, how she could do it and if she could do it. Being a metamorphmagus had its advantages but Tonks had long since found out that there were downsides. She couldn't take Polyjuice potion because of her morphing. Her original form wasn't stable enough to establish a change. She hoped against hope that this would not turn out the same.

When she reached the library she ran through to the books. On her way she tripped on the coach and ended up crawling the rest of the way to the shelves. It took her half an hour before she found the book she was looking for. It was titled _Advanced Transfiguration and It's Purposes_. Tonks hastily took it from the shelf. She scanned the pages until she found the paragraph she was looking for.

_Most wizards ad witches are able to transform, although it takes immense skill, study and willpower. It is a difficult branch of magic and requires much time, and for the wizard or witch attempting the change to be very careful. Those who are unable to transform are mainly those who do not have a stable original form; ghosts, ghouls, poltergeists, boggarts, metamorphmagi, werewolves, giants…. Etc._

Tonks sighed as she came across the word metamorphmagi. She banished the idea from her head, and set to scanning the bookshelves for any books that could possibly help her. It was in this way, curled up on the couch with a stack of books beside her that she fell asleep.

-RL&NT-

Remus was standing alone in the middle of the room waiting to transform. He'd never been more reluctant and he knew he'd probably hurt himself even though he'd had the potion. He was thinking about Tonks. He'd never wished more that he wasn't a werewolf. He wished that something like this didn't have to separate them, even if it was only once a month. He was unwilling to lose even a bit of his human mind because of her.

He could feel the chill that he hadn't felt since the night Tonks had found him having nightmares taking over him as he closed his eyes and waited for the change. He didn't want this, and he could feel all the happy feeling leaving him as the moon rose. He wouldn't change, he would fight it.

The two halves of him were fighting. The wolf was trying to take over and take away the part of him that was resisting. He saw Tonks face in his mind and the other side of him fought hard against the wolf. Everything was harder without her.

His worst nightmares, and his worst memories were flashing through his head as he fought the pain of the change. His hands tore at himself as he tried to hold on to any part of him, particularly the part that was holding on to Tonks. He wouldn't become a monster, for her.

Sirius watched as Remus struggled with himself. He'd expected this soon enough. Remus was trying to fight the changes again, and he was tearing himself apart. He gave a sharp bark and Remus stopped fighting for a moment, letting Sirius remind him of where he was, and who he was.

It wasn't enough though and Remus was still struggling. Sirius was sitting on the floor in his animagus form watching helplessly, glad that Tonks wasn't here to see him struggle with the pain.

He shook his head as he watched Remus tear at his own chest, and remained calm when he saw the hands change to paws and start to do the damage. There was one especially deep gash across his chest that Sirius knew couldn't be completely healed with magic. He'd need a few days with it until it got better. Helpless, he sat and watched, hoping that Remus wouldn't bleed to much before he could find Molly in the morning.

Remus howled with pain as his hands transformed to paws and sliced at his chest as he fought it. He was clawing at himself, struggling and for one brief moment he could remember enough to be glad that Tonks was not here to see him in such pain.

The change was almost complete and Remus stopped trying fight, the blood pouring from him. Sirius got up and left the room, working the door handle with the ease of someone with much practice at it, and transforming as soon as he was out the door. He headed straight for where Molly had put some clean towels, grabbing three and carrying them back. He transformed outside the door and carried them in his mouth back to the room, laying them over Remus, who lay silent on the floor, as best he could to stop the blood.

-RL&NT

Tonks woke up at the sound of low, frantic voices, and a familiar groan. At the sound she jumped up, fell down and then jumped back up, cursing herself inwardly for her clumsiness. She could tell that the groan was Remus, and the voices sounded like those of Arthur, Sirius and Molly.

She rushed out of the library and caught sight of them all, carrying Remus to his room. He was clearly unconscious, and covered in blood. Tonks heart stopped. Remus was hurt, and she hadn't been there. There was nothing she could do but follow them helplessly down the hallway, begging to know what had happened.

Somewhere in his state of unconsciousness Remus could hear Tonks voice, loud and clear over the rest. He groaned, trying to say her name, but he could not get it out. His head felt bleary, he couldn't see and he felt faint. It was a familiar feeling and he'd definitely had worse in his time, but somehow the fact that Tonks was there to see it made him feel the need to wake up and tell her it would all be ok.

It was as though Sirius knew exactly what his best friend was thinking. "Tonks, He'll be ok. He's had worse, and he's just lost a bit of blood."

Tonks just shook her head violently. "But he's hurt." she said frantically. "He's not waking up." She was panicking now. It was hard seeing one of the strongest people she knew, so helpless.

Molly looked back at her. "Tonks. I'll be able to put him right. Calm down." Tonks took in her words but didn't calm down at all. Molly whispered something to Arthur who nodded and kept taking Remus to his room. Molly stood with Tonks in the hallway watching them go before raising her wand and summoning a small bottle. "Tonks, drink this."

Tonks hadn't taken her eyes off Remus, feeling panicked. She shook her head, determined to get to Remus and trying to walk after the others.

"Not until you drink this." Molly told her, and Tonks took it, and drank it while trying to get past Molly. As she did she felt a sense of calm fill her entire body. She was finally able to look Molly in the eyes properly.

"Did you just give me a calming drought?" she accused.

"Yes. You needed it, Tonks." Molly told her and started walking after the others. Calmer, Tonks followed until the reached Remus's room where Sirius and Arthur had laid him on the bed.

Tonks watched helplessly, the panic she felt masked by the calming drought. Molly raised her wand and cleaned Remus of the blood and started muttering under breath. Eventually the gash across his chest was an angry pink line.

"That's the best I can do." Molly told everyone. "He'll be fine if we give him the blood replenishing potion, and he'll just be a bit sore. He'll need bandages." she waved her wand, one last time and a small bottle appeared beside the table and bandages wrapped themselves around Remus.

Remus could hear voices, but it sounded wrong. It was Molly not Tonks. "Dor…Dor… Dora." he managed. The sound of her name on his lips drew Tonks to his bedside faster than anything else could have and she took his hand.

"I'm here." she told him, her voice calmer than she felt due to the potion. Remus's eyelids fluttered as he heard her voice and he struggled to wake up. Molly could tell that he was waking and she backed out of the room, gesturing for Arthur and Sirius to do the same and closed the door.

The sound of closing door was the last thing Remus heard before he opened his eyes, surprised to find Tonks face so close to his own. As she saw his eyes open she sighed in relief. He tried to smile at her and it took all his strength to lift his hand, which she held in her own and raise it to her cheeks wiping away the tears that she didn't know had fallen.

"I'll be fine." he told her in a weak voice, and Tonks was amazed how he managed to speak perfectly clearly even when he was so weak. "I've had worse."

Tonks tried to smile back at him. "That's not exactly what I want to hear." she said softly.

He struggled to keep his eyes open. He was just so tired. "I just need.. to.. sleep." he told her, and brushed his hand over her arm.

Tonks could tell by the look in Remus's eyes that he would be ok, but he was obviously exhausted. She suddenly remembered the potion Molly had left and she gave it to him. "Drink this." she told him, and when he did she remembered something. "Hold on."

Tonks rummaged through her robes for the chocolate bar that she'd put in there, planning to give it to Remus when he had changed back. Her fingers closed around the chocolate bar and she unwrapped it. "Eat this." she told him and he smiled at her properly this time.

"Thankyou." he told her, taking the chocolate and her hand at the same time. "Join me please."

She shook her head. "I'll hurt you." she said, gesturing to his chest. "You are too tired."

He glared at her for the first time ever. "Nymphadora Tonks. I need you. Join me." he said, in a voice that was much too soft to be angry.

She smiled at him. "If you insist." she told him, and climbed in beside him, kissing his forehead as she did. She carefully placed one hand on his stomach and nestled into his side, trying not to hurt him and he sighed in content as they drifted to sleep in each others arms.

**Like I said… What a horrible horrible chapter. The worst so far, I think. Its really rushed since halfway through but I can hardly tell what I'm writing because it hurts to think about it. Stupid migraine. I just didn't want to leave you all without a chapter for any longer.**

**Oh well, Let me know what you think. **

**Happy Easter everyone, and happy 2019 : )**

**Review please : D**


	16. The Room

**Firstly, I want to thank all my wonderful reviewers : )**

**I'm still really sick so this chapter is probably really bad : S I don't know. I wasn't thinking properly when I was writing it.**

**Anyway, before I write a novel in my authors notes, I'd like to strongly encourage (force) you to review : )**

**Also, sorry that this chapter is short : P REVIEW! Pretty please : )**

Remus felt stiff as he woke up much later with Tonks nestled into his side. He felt much better now that he had awoken, and he couldn't tell whether that was more because of Molly and her healing strategies or the fact that Tonks was beside him, even though it had been the full moon. She wasn't running away as he feared she would.

He looked at her face, the long jet black hair she'd switched to was spread over the pillows, onto his shoulder and his chest. She was sleeping peacefully, and her face looked relaxed, happy. As he gazed at her he found that he did not feel like waking her up and pushed back the feelings of regret - the regret that he could ever been the cause of one of her frowns. He remembered back to the previous night how she'd fallen asleep with a worried frown on her face.

He'd been watching her for a while when her eyelids flickered and she awoke. He witnessed a look of confusion cross her face as she wondered how she got there, and the look quickly turned to alarm as she obviously remembered the events of the night before.

Tonks frowned as she woke up, laying by Remus's side. She was confused - how did she get here? She had been in the library at last check…

The events of the night before came back to her then as she remembered the panic she had felt, and Remus bleeding everywhere. She quickly pulled away, worried that in her sleep she'd moved to much into him and was hurting him.

Tonks looked up at him to find that he was watching her with a slight frown on his face.

"I'm sorry," she told him hurriedly, "Am I hurting you?"

Remus laughed - he had thought that she had been afraid of him now that she had seen what he was capable of. He'd been worried that she'd come to that conclusion, and while he wouldn't question it, he did not want her to leave him. Not now.

"No." He told her, "Molly did a great job. I feel fine." His eyes searched Tonks up and down. "You look tired though. Did you sleep at all?" There were purple shadows under her eyes, and she looked pale and sick.

Tonks looked down, averting her eyes. "Only a little. I was in the library…" She trailed off as she began to trace the pink scar that now ran across his chest, joining many others that she had never noticed. His skin was warm, radiating heat and she lost track of time as he closed his eyes.

It was extremely hard to not fall back asleep as she traced patterns across his chest, creating warm tingling sensations everywhere her fingers traveled. The feelings she created unknowingly were exquisite, and if he had a choice, it would be to lay here forever - to forget the war, and substitute it all for the young woman beside him.

Eventually though, and as usual, Sirius ruined the mood by knocking hard on the door and calling out to them. "Moooonnnyyy! Tonksiiieee!" he called in what Tonks thought must be his most obnoxious sounding voice. "Time to wakey wakey!"

Tonks rolled her eyes at Remus, who laughed in return, finally opening his eyes. "He's impossible." Tonks muttered.

Remus grinned at her. "But he has a point, I mean it's…" he looked down at his watch. "four in the afternoon."

Tonks cracked a smile at last. "Thank goodness I didn't have to be at work today." she said, her voice regaining some of its usual cheerfulness.

Remus's gaze was intense as he watched the twinkle come back to her eyes. "Thank goodness indeed." he murmured. He too was glad that she'd been able to stay with him all day. She held the cold at bay whenever she was beside him.

"Moooonnnyyy! I mean it!" Sirius called out again. "Get your lazy werewolf butt out of bed!"

-RL&NT-

"Christmas!" Tonks exclaimed gleefully, "My favourite time of year!"

Remus looked over at the overenthusiastic Tonks, who for the occasion - even though it was still a week until Christmas- had turned her hair red and green. Her cheeks were flushed pink with excitement and anticipation. Her eyes were bright with excitement, and a bright gold, as she rushed around the living room, planning where to put the decorations. Remus smiled at her - he thought that she had never looked more beautiful.

He'd also never been more glad to have her around. She managed to rub some of her festive cheerfulness off onto Sirius who was often sullen and grumpy at the fact that no-one would be around for Christmas. Tonks and Remus had pretended to act quite insulted when Sirius had told them that, asking him whether he was trying to say that he and Tonks were not counted as people, or company at the least. Since then, Sirius had been in a better mood, knowing that Tonks and Remus would be around, but Remus could tell that he still wished Harry could be there as well.

Sirius passed her on his way through to the kitchen, his expression a mixture of amusement and teasing.

"Christmas means mistletoe!" he said, poking her in the side.

Tonks grinned at him, her festive spirits too high for her to pretend to be mad. "For the three of us Sirius?" she laughed at him, "I mean, I don't mind kissing Remus, but we are cousins Siri. Oh, and I don't think Remus really wanted a kiss from you under the mistletoe."

Sirius turned when he reached the kitchen door, acting hurt. "Excuse me!" he exclaimed, "Back in Hogwarts I had girls trying to trap me under the mistletoe all the time."

Remus laughed at this. "More like, whenever a girl walked past you'd conjure some mistletoe that'd trap her underneath so you could kiss her." He grinned while Tonks doubled over laughing. Sirius glared at both of them before turning and going into the kitchen, muttering something about revenge.

Tonks eyes were shining when she looked at Remus again, and she moved swiftly towards where he was sitting on the couch. She lowered herself onto the couch beside him, and put her arms around his neck, kissing him with as much Christmas spirit as she could muster. She concluded from the way he kissed her back that she was in very high festive spirits. Before he could distract her further though, she frowned.

"No, wait. This isn't what I sat here for. Hold still while I try to remember." He simply raised his eyebrows at her, holding back laughter at the way she sat beside him, her face a mask of intense concentration, and her body completely immobile. His hands wandered to her face, brushing her very Christmas-y hair out of her eyes, and then down her neck as he placed a soft kiss on the side of her forehead.

"That's not helping me remember Remus." she said to him, cursing him for making her forget what she'd come over to tell him in the first place, even though she had technically started it anyway. Remus snorted in amusement, and Tonks remembered. "Sirius!" she said cheerfully.

Remus grinned at her. "What about him?" he asked her, pulling her closer to him.

"What are we going to do for Christmas for him?" Tonks asked Remus, a slight frown on her face.

This wiped the smile off Remus's face. "You're right," he said. "Whatever shall we do?" He was serious for only a minute before interrupting Tonks's thoughts with kisses to her forehead again.

Tonks did her best to ignore the distracting sensation of Remus's lips on her skin, but failed miserably. She tried her best to glare at him, but it came out as an amused frown due to the fact that his kisses were making her dizzy. Then an idea came to her swiftly and she almost jumped off the couch in excitement. She cast a hasty _Muffliato_ so that Sirius couldn't hear them from the kitchen.

"The windows!" she told Remus excitedly, who was still in a state of shock for having her almost jump out of his arms suddenly.

Remus gave her a look that implied that he thought that maybe she was going a little crazy with the Christmas spirit. "The windows?" he asked skeptically, entirely confused.

Tonks nodded energetically. "Yes," she told him. "For your birthday, I conjured those windows in the kitchen that are charmed to show the scene outside the house. Like the roof of the Great Hall at Hogwarts."

Remus was still confused, but he thought he could almost see where she was going with this. "He really liked them, and he wanted them to stay because he never gets to go outside." she informed him. "At the ministry we have this entire room where you can go in and its charmed to be like a forest. I was thinking…"

Remus grinned at Tonks, amazed yet again by how wonderful she was. He finished her sentence for her. "You were thinking that we could set up a room like that here so that Sirius has somewhere to go, and it's like being outside again, only not."

Tonks nodded. "I think between us we can come up with enough spells to be able to create something good."

Remus nodded. "I know the perfect room." he told her, excitement entering his voice.

Tonks was about to ask him something, but Sirius chose that moment to re-enter the room. "Miss me?" he asked them both cheerfully.

Remus ignored him. "We were just talking about Christmas." he told Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Duh." he said sarcastically, "It's Tonskie you are talking to. She's obsessed."

Tonks frowned at the use of her nickname and seized the chance to get revenge. She flicked her wand a little, and Sirius's hair turned bright red with green patches. Sirius seemed to not notice but Remus had trouble holding in the fit of laughter as he saw what she did.

"Time to decorate I think." Tonks said, making no effort to effort to conceal her amusement, "Seeing as I've already started…" she trailed off and Remus laughed. Still, Sirius did not catch on.

"I'll help you." he said, grabbing his wand. Together, under the guidance of Remus, they decorated the room with streamers and banners, showering the room in confetti. Soon the room was plastered with red, green and gold and the retreated to the kitchen to eat.

Sirius's hair was still red and green, and as he turned his back, Remus put his arms around Tonks waist and bent his lips to her ear. "Good job on Sirius." he whispered, his warm breath washing down her neck, causing her to shiver and reach up to him to capture his lips in another kiss.

-RL&NT-

"_Extensio majorum_." Tonks said clearly as she and Remus stood in the middle of a large, deserted room, at Grimmauld place. The room seemed to ripple and immediately it appeared to be twenty times larger than before. The ceiling was now much higher due to the extension charm.

"Nice." Remus muttered, and then said loudly. "_Meteolojinx enchanto_." The roof seemed to disappear altogether before a picture of sunshine appeared.

"We need some light in here." Tonks said, "Much too dark. _Meteolojinx lumos_." The sun they could see through the enchanted roof was now emitting rays of light into the room from above.

"The smell." Remus said simply, "_Fragrante expulsio_." All at once, the musty smell of the room disappeared, leaving no smell at all.

Tonks sniffed and remembered the smell of a fresh sunny day wistfully. "_Meteolojinx fragrante." _The air smelt exactly like the warm, sunny scent Tonks had pictured in her mind, and she and Remus both breathed in deeply.

"That was a brilliant touch." Remus complimented her, and she grinned. "Now for the walls. _Transparus_." The walls disappeared and Tonks gasped at the curious sensation of being able to see out and into the other rooms.

"Can people see into here from the outside?" she asked Remus, still in awe. He shook his head and grinned. "I'll make the image then, shall I? _Forestio imagus_." she said clearly, waving her wand at the walls which now emitted such a realistic image of a forest that Tonks felt she could walk straight between the trees. Doing so would see her running into a wall though.

Remus grinned. "So realistic," he told her, "We'd better put on the repelling charm or he'll walk into the walls. He cast the spell that would make Sirius walk in another direction without him noticing if he tried to walk into the wall. "_Wallius Repello_. That should do it."

Tonks grinned. "Something has got to be done about the carpet." she told him and pointed her wand menacingly at the carpet. "_Earthus transformus_." Remus watched as grass shot up underfoot, and over every inch of carpet, to blend in with the image on the walls. They now appeared to be in a very large, and perfectly rectangular clearing in the middle of a forest.

Having seen more convincing forest floors in his lifetime Remus raised his wand and grinned. "_Litterus apparato._" Several stumps and some old branches appeared across parts of the clearing, interrupting the perfect evenness of the green grass.

Tonks laughed at the gleeful look on Remus's face. "_Forestio apparato_." At once, more trees appeared throughout and around the edges of the clearing. The room was now filled at the back with acres of forest, and at the front with a clearing littered with branches and stumps.

The room looked good, but Remus was sure something was missing. He stood silently for a moment until he realised what was missing. Sound. "_Riverus aguamenti_." As he said the words a stream appeared, running from one corner of the room, through the clearing and into the thick forest at the back.

Tonks grinned at Remus. "We need more life in here." she told him, "_Conjurus twittero_." A line of small birds flew, conjured, from the end of her wand, tweeting, and flew into the forest to inhabit it.

There was only one thing missing now and that was the feeling of the room. Despite the grass underfoot, and the trees in their mist, they could not feel it as vividly as they could if it were real. Remus and Tonks thought hard.

"_Meteolojinx atmosphero." _Tonks said.

At the same time Remus said clearly. "_Sensorous magnifio_."

From the joint effort of their spells, the room suddenly seemed much warmer, and they could smell sunshine on the air. Tonks went to put her wand away, but Remus grabbed her arm gently. "Hold on Dora. It's winter, remember."

Tonks frowned. "Oh, right. Yeah."

Remus grinned. "You think he'll prefer the sunshine to the cold?" he asked her.

Tonks shook her head. "He's been dying to get into the snow I think." she said to him in a soft voice.

Remus raised his wand. "_Meteolojinx reflectus_." It started snowing in the room, exactly as it was outside - a reflection of the weather.

Tonks grinned at him, but as an idea came to mind she frowned. "What is it?" Remus asked her, moving closer to her and cupping her face in his hands. The snow was falling on both of them. It was in their hair, and catching on their eyelashes. Remus marveled in her beauty as he wiped snow of her head and shoulders.

She smiled at him. "Nothing really. I just though of a spell, but it's of my own making. I used it once on something, but this is much bigger. I'm not sure it would work."

Remus smiled at her, and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "What does it do?" he asked her.

"It changes things, depending on the persons thoughts. I used it once on a quill I had at Hogwarts and it would change colour depending on what I wanted it to be." she told him.

Remus was amazed that she had even managed to think up such a spell. "That's really clever Dora. You want to use it so that he can change the weather as he likes?" he asked her.

Tonks nodded. "I tweaked it a little, just now. I think it will work, but it's complicated."

Remus smiled encouragingly. "Try it out." he told her.

Tonks took a deep breath and raised her wand. "_Meteolojinx imagino incantato wishius forestio affectus_." she said loudly. The forest appeared the same and she let out the breath she had taken.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Did it work?" he asked her.

Tonks frowned. "I don't know. Why don't you try it out?" she asked him.

Remus frowned and thought about the weather. In an instant it was raining, and within seconds Tonks and Remus were covered in water, dripping wet, but laughing in the rain. Remus's eyes sparkled and he stepped over to Tonks who had her head tilted back, eyes closed, to enjoy the warm rain that was pouring over her.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, unable to take his eyes off her face for even a moment, as she seemed to glow in the rain. Her eyes opened, as she felt his arms snake around her waist, and felt him press his body carefully to hers, pulling her as close as he could. Slowly he bent his face to hers, and her hands went to his face, and his hair, pulling his mouth to hers with a fierce longing, and a moan in her throat.

Her long, bubblegum pink hair was drenched with rain and was hanging down her back, clinging to her wet skin and he groaned against her lips. Somewhere in his thoughts, the sun was shining and the rain slowed to a drizzle around them and they pulled apart as a rainbow formed somewhere behind them.

-RL&NT-

"I'm not so sure about this Remus," Tonks said to him as they stood at the front door of Grimmauld place. "You could be seen."

Tonks and Remus were about to go to Diagon Alley go Christmas shopping. They'd put it off for as long as possible, and Tonks was in disguise so that they wouldn't be recognised. She was still, however, worried about the fact that Remus could be taken in for questioning if he was seen by a ministry member.

"Dora, don't worry about me. You are alright, under disguise and I will be fine. We won't need to be long and Diagon Alley will be crowded with people. No-one will notice me."

Looking into his eyes, Tonks had to give in. Lately Remus had been confined to the house just as much as Sirius and it was getting to him. She dropped her eyes from his and nodded. "Ok then."

They apparated from the top step of Grimmauld place and into the Leaky Cauldron. They hurried through to Diagon Alley so that they would not draw attention and went straight to Flourish and Blotts. Tonks noticed how Remus smiled as they entered, and took a deep breath, and she smiled at the thought of him being so at home in the middle of a bookstore. Outside the window the snow was piling up, and wizards and witches were walking back and forth up the street, waving their wands to keep the pathways clear. The bookshop was much warmer than the chill of the air outside.

Remus ended up browsing for much longer than he needed to, selecting a book for Harry titled _Practical Defensive Magic and its use against the dark arts. _Tonks meanwhile had spotted two small black books, whose spine was a deep shimmering gold, as were the edges of each page. The books were plain, but it gave Tonks an idea that she was sure she could make work. She turned away from the books as Remus came up behind her.

**(Sorry to interrupt but its officially my 18th**** birthday as of right here in this story. Thought I'd document it seeing as this is where I got up to as the clock struck 12!)**

"You go ahead," She told him, and he frowned suspiciously at her but didn't question her. He walked up to pay for his and Sirius's present and Tonks picked up the two small books and waited until she saw Remus walk towards the door before she turned to a series of muggle books, and selected the entire works of William Shakespeare, which Sirius had told her to buy for Remus from him. She bought all of them and hid them in her bag.

When she joined Remus at the door he looked confused but it passed and after a moment he looked like he always did. "Where to now?" he asked her.

"I want to get something for Harry," Tonks said. "I'll need your help."

They spent ages deciding what Harry would like for Christmas and saw many different things that they were sure he would like. They came across the broomstick shop, but as Harry had a firebolt already, there really was no better broom that they could buy him. They were about to keep walking when Tonks pulled on the sleeve of Remus's robes.

"Look." she said, pointing to the object that had caught her attention. Through the window they could both see a working model of a firebolt in miniature zooming around the shop. It was so tiny, but as graceful as the real thing as it flew. Tonks grinned. "It's so cute."

Remus grinned back at her. "It's perfect." he told her and they both went in to the shop. A moment later they emerged with the little firebolt in a box, and wrapped.

"He'll love it," Remus told her. "Where to now?"

Tonks thought for a moment, "I want to get Hermione and Ginny something." she told him.

She led the way to a large jewelers shop nestled into Diagon Alley. As they entered, Remus looked around. He'd taken the small amount of gold that he'd had in Gringotts from his teaching days at Hogwarts out so that he could find something nice for Tonks. As she went to look at lockets Remus found himself captivated by charms, for charm bracelets which were lined up on a low shelf on the wall. He saw four charms that particularly appealed to him, and remembering his grandmothers charm bracelet that had been passed down to him, to keep. In his head the idea for the gift formed.

Meanwhile, Tonks was buying two identical lockets, heart-shaped that when worn, would give the wearer light whenever they opened it. She knew both Ginny and Hermione would love the pretty lockets. She looked for Remus when she had finished, but she couldn't see him. She was starting to panic when someone tapped her shoulder.

"Looking for me?" Remus's quiet voice sounded from over her shoulder. She sighed with relief and turned around, remembering that she was disguise just in time and refrained from wrapping her arms around his waist. She slipped the lockets she had bought into her robes.

"We need to get something for Arthur and Molly," Remus told her. "Sirius took delight in telling me that we should figure out what to get them by ourselves."

After a trip to a shop that was done up in pink, in a fashion that reminded Tonks quite severely of Umbridge's office, they emerged with a large bottle of perfume for Molly.

"What about Arthur?" Remus asked her.

"Oh, I know just where to find him a gift." Tonks grinned, and took Remus's arm, side-along apparating him to a place in muggle London. She morphed back to her original form and smiled at Remus. "I think we are safe here."

They ended up at a muggle book shop where they looked at many muggle books before deciding to go with a cookbook for molly and two books on airplanes and fishing for Arthur.

"Are we done now?" Remus asked Tonks, thoroughly exhausted at having to shop all over the place.

There was a twinkle in Tonks eyes as she replied. "Not yet. One more place, for Arthur."

She took his hand, as an amused expression crossed his face. He looked confused a moment later as she dragged him into a shop filled with electrical appliances. She ended up near an object that Remus recognised as a toaster and he laughed as she bought it.

"We'll have to get it to him without Molly noticing though." Tonks said, laughing with him.

Christmas shopping concluded, they found their way to a quiet alleyway where no muggles would notice two people disappearing into thin air. Before they could dissaparate Remus's mouth found Tonks's and he closed his eyes, kissing her and letting the warm tingling she unleashed inside him spread through his entire body.

He pulled away before he ended up losing all his restraint in the middle of the alleyway, and she rested her head on his chest. "I love you." she told him, and smiled, placing a small kiss on the skin that was visible above the collar of his robes.

"I love you more." he told her, laughing and thoroughly warm despite the cold snow that covered both of them. He drew her closer to him and turned on the spot, taking them both home.

**So the last bit is quite rushed. I really hate shopping though, and Remus isn't a big fan of it either : P**

**I don't quite know what to do about this chapter. I didn't particularly like it, but I hope its not as bad as the last chapter.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated, as they motivate me and speed up my writing. So review or I'll chase you, poking you with the elder wand : P**


	17. Christmas Parties

**So, long time no update : ( Sorry, I was out of town, as a lot of you already would have known. **

**I really was hoping to get more than two chapters done for you, but as you may or may not know, Australia has just had a major flood crisis. Half our country is flooding and I got stuck in Gympie because of floodwaters and such. It really is terrible; my house flooded but I was so so much more fortunate than many other in my state. 16 dead at the moment, many still missing, and over 80 towns in my state hit by flooding. There was an inland tsunami, and so much damage. I've volunteered to start helping with the cleanup, so I may be slow updating for a while.**

**So thinking about all of that has set a rather darker tone for the chapters ahead. I promise I'll be back to light and cheery soon. Please review : )**

Tonks slid down into a kitchen chair, sighing. She'd had a long day at work and it had not been an easy one. She was feeling the strain of the war worse than she had since it had started. It was almost like Auror training all over again. She was exhausted from the full force of her emotions. Being with Remus had lulled her into a false sense of security, and the events of the past few days had brought her back and made her realise that they were all in danger. Arthur's accident had proved that much.

She remembered back to the night they had heard about Arthur. She had been at her apartment, grabbing some of her things to take back to Grimmauld place, when Dumbledore's patronus had arrived to inform her of Arthur being attacked while he was on duty. While she cared immensely about Arthur, part of her was screaming that it could have been Remus instead, and she knew it'd feel a whole lot worse if the patronus had informed her that Remus was the one that had been attacked. These thoughts brought out an attack of guilt at her relief that it was Arthur and not Remus who had been attacked.

Remus sat down in the chair next to her wearily, and his fringe fell over his tired grey eyes. He studied her from under the curtain of hair, and offered her a small smile, which she returned even though hers was forced. She was consumed with guilt at the fact that every time she looked at Arthur she felt a twinge of relief that it wasn't Remus.

Tonks had visited Arthur a couple of times since the attack, and his condition was improving greatly. The first time she had gone, she'd been with Mad-Eye and things had still been a bit unsure as his wounds were still bleeding and they couldn't find an antidote. The second time that she'd visited, this time with Remus, he'd been his usual cheery self and had even been experimenting with muggle remedies, without Molly knowing. On this particular visit, however, they'd had the awkward pleasure of seeing Molly reprimand her husband for his use of muggle medicine.

Still, she felt guilty for even feeling that tiny bit of relief when he was in any sort of condition. The children had all gone to bed, and Sirius was up with Buckbeak, probably telling him eagerly about how happy he was to have company for Christmas, as the Weasleys had agreed to have Christmas at Grimmauld. They were all staying there at the moment, including Harry.

Tonks could tell that Remus was worried about Harry. Ever since the first visit to Arthur, Harry had locked himself in his room. The other children talked about it together in whispers, arguing about whether they should go and talk to him or leave him to be alone, as he wanted to be. Hermione had arrived just recently, and she and Ginny were trying to get the others to help confront him. Fred, George and Ron were trying desperately to steer clear of any situation where they might have to force Harry to confess his feelings. Tonks, rolled her eyes as she remembered, reminding herself a bit of Hermione and Ginny as they had rolled their eyes at the boys for being what Ginny called a 'typical male'. She could tell that Remus also worried about what was bothering Harry, but he figured that Harry just needed time to adjust to his situation, what with seeing Arthur attacked in his dreams.

Sirius seemed worried too, and at times she had caught Remus and Sirius exchanging silent looks at moments. It seemed that Harry had confided in Sirius, who had told Remus, and neither knew what to say to him. They had simply decided that the best way for him was to deal with it himself.

On top of everything else, Tonks had received an invitation to her mother's Christmas party, and it was a offer that she really couldn't refuse. She hadn't been to see her parents for a long time, and her mother had been on her case for a while now. Even more than her mothers pesky interference was her father's quiet and polite appeals to her. Tonks had always been close to her father and had to admit that she wanted to see him again. She thought of refusing, because she did really want to spend Christmas at Grimmauld with the others, especially Remus. She sighed; she could see no way out of it.

Remus was watching Tonks, who seemed to be deep in thought. Her usually bright, enthusiastic eyes were tired and weary. Her usually festive, bright red hair was getting darker and was starting to curl. He waited for her to speak, figuring that if she wanted to talk about it, that she'd bring it up, but she simply sat toying with a salt shaker on the table.

He decided to broach the subject first. "Dora, what's wrong?" he asked her in a soft voice.

She looked up, startled out of her reverie by his question. She met his eyes, and in them she saw a mixture of curiosity and worry. She sighed and looked down at her hands, "It's just… It's just that it could have been you."

Remus was completely confused for a moment before realizing what she must mean, because the same thought had been in his own head for the past couple of days. It could have been her. He smiled kindly at her, "It could have been any of us."

Tonks shook her head a little, "It's just that every time I look at Arthur, I feel a bit of relief that it wasn't you that was attacked," she sighed again. "I'm a horrible person."

Remus stared at Tonks in wonder, trying to fathom how she could ever think that she was a horrible person. He found her quite amazing actually, "Dora. You aren't horrible. Far from it actually. I feel the same way about you. I am so relieved that it wasn't you." he said softly. He reached over and took her hands, slightly shocked at how cold they felt in his own, 'What else is bothering you Dora?" he asked her.

She smiled a little as he took her hands into his own, his warm skin sending tingles throughout her whole body, and she had to pause for a moment to get her thoughts back on track. She looked him in the eyes, "It's just that it reminds me that we are in the middle of a war," she told him, her voice so soft that he had to lean in a little to catch the words.

He understood immediately. A lot of the time, when he was with Tonks, she made him forget about the war; she made him forget about everything but her, "Most of the time, you make me forget that there is a war altogether," he admitted to her. Her eyes were shining as she looked into his eyes, and she was almost brought to tears by the absoloute sincerity in his voice and his eyes.

He saw the tears swimming in her eyes at his words, but she couldn't turn away before he saw the saddened look in her eyes, "What else is there Dora?" he asked her again.

Her eyes were dry, the tears that had gathered never fell, "I got a Christmas invitation from my mother. I am supposed to go to a party of hers on Christmas day," she told him reluctantly, "I would refuse, but I can't."

He nodded, as he understood why she couldn't refuse. In the time he had known her, he hadn't known her to go to her parents even once. It was probably about time she went even though her tone implied that she generally tried to avoid situations like this. He was disappointed but he knew he could deal with it, "I understand Dora," he told her.

She smiled a sad little smile at him, "I'd force you to come with me except that she's probably invited half the ministry," she told him, regretfully remembering that she was not meant to have contact with him.

Remus smiled at her but inside he was feeling less than adequate. He was again feeling that he shouldn't be dragging her down because of his condition, "I'm touched that you would want to take me anywhere," he said a little sadly.

Tonks grinned at him, "Of course I want to take you with me Remus," she told him, "But I will warn you that meeting my mother, and you will meet her soon, is not exactly something to be looking forward to."

Remus grinned back at her, glad to see some of her usual zest and enthusiasm come back to her eyes. He wondered what Tonks mum was like. She hardly ever talked about her, but from what he could tell, she was strict and judgmental.

There was something like longing in Tonks eyes as she stood up and closed the distance between Remus and herself. She offered him her hand and he took it and stood up. When he had stood up she pressed her cheek to his chest and threw her arms around his waist, holding onto him as tight as she could. He embraced her back, hugging her to him. After a moment he moved his hands to her face, lifting her chin so that he could brush his lips against hers, inspiring fireworks to go off somewhere in the pit of her stomach, sending them radiating in waves, to every inch of her body. She pressed her lips against his, and they deepened the kiss.

His arms moved back to her waist and after resting there for a moment, he tightened his grip and lifted her so that she was sitting on the edge of the table. He moved forward as far as he could and her arms were around his neck, holding his face to hers. He stood between her knees as she wrapped her legs around his, pulling him even closer. He moved his lips from hers and trailed them down her neck and then back up again, until he was kissing behind her ear, one hand tracing circles on her neck, causing her to tilt her head back with her eyes closed, a low moan in her throat.

His hands moved up and down her back, and hers toyed with his hair. She slid one hand from his hair and lightly ran it over his neck, cupping his face gently for a moment before trailing her hand over his shoulder and down his spine, stopping at the hem of his jumper. She slid her hands inside his jumper, his warm skin feeling even warmer against her cold hands. He gasped and his lips returned to hers as he felt her cold hands against his bare skin.

His hands were resting lightly on her hips and she moved hers to either side of his face, moving her lips to kiss the side of his forehead as he sighed and buried his face in her hair, placing a kiss to her neck. She sighed with him and leant against him with her arms around him. He leaned into her I return and they stayed that way for a long while, just drawing strength from each other.

-RL&NT-

Tonks paused just outside the door to her parents house and brushed her bubblegum pink hair out of her eyes. She had thought of changing the colour to something a little less 'appalling', which was, no doubt about it, the word her mother would use to describe her hair, but she had decided that she didn't really care what her mother thought about it.

She knew her mother wouldn't agree with what she was wearing. She had donned a pair of dark jeans and a bright red shirt with a green cardigan. She was wearing small gold, bell shaped earrings. Her hair had been red earlier, and the whole outfit was entirely cheerful and festive - the exact thing her mother wished she would avoid. Her mother expected her to wear boring colours, in matching skirt and sweater arrangements, or a dull dress.

She rolled her eyes and brought her hand up to knock on the door, hoping that it wouldn't be her mother that answered. When the door opened, it was her father that stood in the doorway looking out at her, "Nym?" he asked her.

"The security question dad," she reminded him trying not to smile at the name he always used for her.

He rolled his eyes at her, "Give me a minute then," he told her and thought for a moment before saying, "What is your first name?"

Her glare answered his question. No-one could glare like Tonks when confronted with her first name. "That's my Nym," he told her with a chuckle.

"Dad, really I could be anyone." she told him, her glare fading, "Haven't you ever heard of constant vigilance?"

He laughed at her again, "You sound like Mad-Eye Moody." he told her, causing her to grin.

"I learned from the best," she told him, her grin fading as her mother entered the hall and cast a critical look at her. A frown appeared on Andromeda's face as she noticed what her daughter was wearing.

"Honestly Nymphadora, you'll never get a date dressed like that," she scolded, "Take some pride in yourself." Tonks winced at the use of her first name, but swallowed the sharp reply that was on the tip of her tongue. It wasn't wise to start a fight with her mother so soon.

"Dressed like what?" she asked innocently, trying to refrain from rolling her eyes.

Andromeda waved her hand vaguely at Tonks and seemed to be struggling to find the words, "Like a… a walking Christmas tree."

Tonks could not help rolling her eyes, "Wow mother, you have a sense of humour after all," she said sarcastically.

Andromeda frowned, "Well look at you," she said, "I thought you were old enough to be more mature, and wear your hair properly, or wear something more appropriate. You could have worn something a little less…"

"Appalling. I know," she said, finishing her mothers sentence before she could get the word out, "But I wont change."

Looking at her daughters determined, stubborn face and her husbands face it was clear to Andromeda that she was not going to be able to keep going without causing a fight. Tonks was stubborn enough to mean everything she said and she got it from both sides of the family; Ted would back her up if she took things any further. She sighed and gestured for Tonks to come into the house, "The guests will be here soon," she said, steering clear of the topic of Tonks unique style, but by no means dropping it altogether.

In the living room Tonks sat across from Ted while her mother made some tea. Despite Tonks requests, she never made the tea strong enough and whenever they had had tea together in the past, Andromeda would stare disapprovingly at her, as if daring her to break the cup, which happened more often than not. Then when Tonks would finish her drink and the cup was safely out of the way, Andromeda would start interrogating her.

This occasion was no different, and the questions started almost as soon as the cup was whisked out her hands. That is, after she had broken it and spilt the contents on the floor. Her mother had frowned disapprovingly muttering something about Tonks deliberately breaking her cups as she had waved her wand to repair the cup, and clean the tea out of the carpet.

"When was the last time you had a date Nymphadora?" Andromeda asked her immediately, her tone firm and invading. Tonks groaned inwardly. Every time her mother asked her that question it was because she had a person in mind for her to date. It probably wasn't a good time to bring up Remus. She figured that she'd just show up with Remus in tow, telling her mother that she was bringing a man for her to meet, and hope that her mother had the good sense not to be terrible in front of him. Despite seeming like Santa Clause next to Jack Frost when she was compared to her sisters, she was still strict, and she was a typical Black and would not agree readily to her daughter dating a werewolf.

She replied carefully, not wanting to raise suspicion and become the subject of intense questioning about who the man was, but not wanting to sound like she hadn't had a date in a long time, "A little while ago."

"There's a very nice young man coming to the Christmas party. I think you'd like him."

Tonks had hide her apprehension. Every time her mother said that she knew a 'nice young man' that she thought Tonks would like, Tonks ended up having to either hex him, hide from him or try not to fall asleep. She sighed, "I don't need you to try and find me a date, mother," she told her wearily. She thought of Remus and knew that she would never want anyone else but him.

Andromeda frowned, "Give him a chance," she told her daughter, who rolled her eyes, and opened her mouth to speak.

Ted cut in here just as Tonks was about to speak, "It's Nym's choice dear." At this, Tonks grinned at her father while her mother just sighed. She didn't have time to protest however, as there was a knock at the door, signaling the arrival of the first guests.

Tonks stood back, talking to her father as her mother rushed around greeting guests and showing them to the food and drinks, making introductions where they were needed. She was trying to keep right away so as to steer clear of what her mother deemed appropriate company. It was one of her mothers typical parties, and a few of the guests were looking at Tonks strangely, and in these cases she'd grin at them, causing them to become quite confused. The cause of scrutiny was obviously her hair, but Tonks was long since used to people staring at her for those reasons. She'd learned that the best way to deal with it was to just grin at them until they went away, usually shaking their heads.

Mercifully, her mother had invited Kingsley to her Christmas party, and having nothing much better to do, he had decided to stop in. When he showed up, Tonks made a beeline for him, "Thank Merlin that you are here," she told him gratefully, "My mother's trying to set me up."

Kingsley laughed, his voice deep and loud, causing Andromeda to glance over to the two of them. When she did she saw that Tonks was talking enthusiastically to Kingsley and he was laughing at her. She wondered whether it was Kingsley that Tonks liked, because she knew her daughter well enough to know when she liked someone, and when she had asked her about when she'd last had a date, she could tell that there was someone there.

"You don't like the guy?" Kingsley laughed at her.

Tonks rolled her eyes, "I haven't met whoever he is yet. I've been avoiding my mother," she laughed, "Past experience tells me that this guy is likely to be highly unpleasant or boring."

Kingsley grinned at her, "I could be mistaken, but I thought you were interested in Lupin."

Tonks gasped, "What?" she asked him, astounded. The only time Kingsley ever saw them was at order meetings. Were they really that obvious? She quickly thought over all the order meetings she had attended lately. Admittedly, when Snape especially was talking, her thoughts had wandered to Remus and she'd often realise that she was staring at him, but she had never thought that anyone else had noticed, well, except Molly anyway.

Kingsley mistook her shock as denial, "Sorry, it's just that during meeting you seem to stare at each other, especially during Snape's reports. You should see it. When the meetings are over, or just before the meetings, you always seem to be near each other, even when you aren't." He was thinking of when he had seen Tonks and Remus after meeting, talking to different people but always seeming to face each other, and meet each others eyes. It was like the moon orbiting around the earth.

"I didn't think we were quite that obvious," Tonks muttered, blushing. She was embarrassed as she realised that other people may have noticed too, and she knew there was no point in denying it to Kingsley. Besides which, she wasn't ashamed of it, and she'd been dying to tell someone about how wonderful Remus was, and about how she felt like the luckiest girl in the world just to be able to call him hers.

Kingsley grinned, "So it's true?" he asked her, "That's great!" He was truly happy for his friend, and he'd wondered when it was going to happen between them. He remembered back to the first order meeting when Remus had helped Tonks up when she had tripped. Tonks hadn't been able to see it then, but Remus had looked at her with awe, and he'd looked at her that way every time since.

Tonks grinned, "I know," she told him, "I just don't want to meet this other guy that my mother has in mind. He's bound to be completely and utterly dull." She was lost to memories for a moment as she remembered one of the guys that Andromeda had set her up with. He had spent the whole time preaching to her about flobberworms and wizarding plants, not wondering for a moment whether Tonks was interested or not. She had just about fallen asleep and unfortunately, he followed her wherever she went, when she tried to get away.

Kingsley lowered his voice, "Watch out. She's coming this way." Kingsley laughed as Tonks glanced behind her and then grabbed Kingsley, pulling him in front of her. She whispered for him to hide her, even though she knew her mother had probably already spotted her. Sure enough, her mother found her cowering behind Kingsley.

"Nymphadora, I can still see you," her mother said in an exasperated tone, "You two work together, don't you?" she asked them.

Kingsley nodded, "Yes we do."

Andromeda smiled at them both, "You seem to like each other," she told them, cutting straight to the point without asking a bunch of pointless questions.

Tonks and Kingsley both raised their eyebrows, looked at each other and grinned. Tonks considered pretending, because she knew Kingsley would go along with it and it would save her from the guy her mother had in mind. She decided not to in the end. It felt wrong to pretend when she remembered Remus.

"Nah, just mates," Tonks said, punching Kingsley lightly in the arm, but wincing when she leaned too far towards him and lost her balance. Luckily he reacted with all the reflexes of the skilled auror that he was and caught her, righting her before she could hit the floor.

Andromeda frowned, "If you say so," she said doubtfully, and then she added, "Nymphadora, I need you for a moment. There is someone I'd like you to meet."

Tonks shot a pleading look at Kingsley who raised his eyebrows and shrugged slightly in return, causing Tonks to shoot him an annoyed look before she was dragged away by her mother, tripping slightly as she went. As she went, she tried desperately to think of some way to get out of this.

The person that Andromeda had picked out for Tonks was roughly her age and he was tall. He had dark hair, and brown eyes that Tonks couldn't help but think looked a little cold. He was giving her an appraising look that reminded her of her mother's face. She instantly disliked him, as she could almost feel the cold rolling off him in waves. She wondered how her mother missed this fact. She never had been the best judge of character.

"John, this is my daughter Nymphadora," Andromeda said as she brandished her arm in Tonks direction who scowled at her behind her back, "Nymphadora, this is John."

Tonks nodded at John who nodded slightly back, "Perhaps you could show him around," her mother suggested, even though the whole room could be seen from where they were standing.

Tonks raised her eyebrows, but she could see no way of backing out now, "Ok," she replied, already wondering how long it would take until she could get back to Kingsley.

When her mother had walked away John spoke to her, "What sort of name is Nymphadora?" He asked her, the coldness she had perceived in his eyes carrying through to his voice.

She shrugged and glared in her mothers direction, "Ask her," she told him, "Personally I hate it. Please call me Tonks."

He just stared at her for a moment, leaving her wishing more and more with every minute that passed that she was at Grimmauld place with Remus and the others.

John took a sip of the drink he was holding, "It suits you," he said, glancing from her hair to her clothes, "Your name, I mean."

Tonks could tell that she was not going to like John at all, not if he thought that her name actually suited her, especially after he said that he didn't like it as a name. When she replied, her tone was hostile, "What are you trying to say?" she asked him.

He raised his eyebrows, "The name's different. You are different." The way he said 'different' left no doubt in her mind that he didn't like 'different'. It rather reminded her of something Snape had said to her in her first year at Hogwarts, when she had been unable to control her morphing.

_Tonks blushed as she looked up at Snape. She was in her first year and her potion had turned a nasty shade of brown, when it should have been a bright blue. _

_Snape curled his lip as he sneered down at her. As she blushed, her hair changed to a bright red as she was unable to control it. _

_The look on his face had been downright unpleasant as he spoke, "There is no need to be so different in my class Nymphadora," he smirked at her, "I don't like attention seekers."_

Tonks frowned at him, "What do you mean by different?" she asked him coldly. She remembered once when Remus had called her different, when he had first met her. There was a world of difference between the way each man had implied it. Remus said it with awe and interest whereas John almost spat the word in his disgust. It rather reminded her of Umbridge who didn't like her at all. Umbridge was entirely against half humans or people who were different. This meant she hated Tonks, Remus and Hagrid, just to name a few.

He ignored what she said. "Your mother told me that you are a meta.. metramorph.. meta-something.. or whatever," he said, "Whatever you are, you can change your appearance. You could look any way that you want to, so why do you look like that?" His eyes looked her up and down again. The way he said 'that' made it clear that he was less than pleased with her appearance.

Tonks had never been a calm or patient person. She had a quick temper and a sharp tongue, and was known for hexing anyone who annoyed her enough into oblivion. Her fingers twitched towards her wand, and she managed to hold back the anger, but only just.

"Whatever I am?" she asked him incredulously, "Are you related, by any chance, to Delores Umbridge?" she growled at him in a tone that was much less than friendly, deciding that the resemblance between the two of them was becoming too pronounced to ignore.

"Her nephew actually," John replied, lifting his chin and giving her a superior look.

Tonks smiled sweetly at him, a smile that was completely fake, "Well, that explains everything," she said, her tone cold.

He glared at her, "What is that meant to mean?" he snarled at her.

She glared right back, itching to hex him but instead she lifted her drink, "This," she said as she poured it over his head and then stalked off to find Kingsley, leaving him glaring at her retreating back. Her hair had changed to a violent shade of red, and her eyes were flashing from brown to orange rapidly.

Luckily it was Kingsley and not her mother that came across her next. Within the next half an hour, he had calmed her enough that her hair and eyes returned to the way they were, and he agreed that the John was indeed a jerk.

"Related to Umbridge?" Kingsley chuckled, "Ah, that explains it then. She never liked you."

Tonks frowned, "I swear that I am completely human," she told him, "Besides it doesn't seem to bother her when they need me to go on an Auror mission in disguise now does it?"

Kingsley grinned at her, "She's a cow," he said, nodding his agreement.

-RL&NT-

It was getting rather late when Tonks decided to leave. She had agreed to leave with Kingsley and she went to find him. She ended up running into, of all people, John, who was apparently drunk. She tried to hurry away from him to find Kingsley but he blocked her.

"Think that maybe we got off on the wrong foot," he said in a voice that was heavily slurred, leaving no doubt - if there had been any - that he was drunk.

Tonks glared at him, "I have nothing good to say to you," she said in her most hostile voice.

He sneered at her and pulled her to him with crushing force, smashing his lips to hers invasively. She pushed back against him, but he was much stronger than her, even in his drunken state. When his hands moved to grope her in places she'd rather he didn't, she took advantage and drew her wand.

She waved her wand once and his fingers were instantly broken. He gave a shriek and staggered backwards as he saw what she had done, and felt the pain of the breaks, "Why would you do that?" she yelled at him, attracting the attention of half the people in the room.

Through the pain, John glared at her, "That's all girls like you are good for." he snarled at her. She waved her wand again, causing his nose to start bleeding, and stepped closer.

"Girls like me?" she asked him, her voice so dangerously quiet that her father covered his eyes with one of his hands, knowing what was coming next. Her eyes and her hair were bright red, and she was quite obviously about to snap. John lifted a broken hand to his nose which was bleeding profusely.

Despite his pain, he still glared at her, "Look at you," he spat, "You obviously aren't good for anything else, you aren't even fully human."

With one last wave of her wand she vanished all of the hair on his head, "You make me sick. You take after your dear aunt," she snarled at him before turning for the door. When she reached it, her mother blocked it, with her father standing off to the side.

Her mother was clearly beyond angry at being humiliated by her daughter in such a way, "Why would you do that?" she asked furiously, her face twisted with embarrassment and fury.

Tonks was outraged, "Didn't you see what he tried to do to me? What he said to me?"

Andromeda was silent for a moment, "Nymphadora, you do look a little…" she trailed off, "Well, if you'd just look a little less…"

Tonks glared at her, struggling not to reach for her wand. Her father's face was horrified, at the sight of his wife and daughter fighting. "This is me mother. If you don't like it then…" She trailed off and with one last look at the identical looks of horror on her mother and father's faces she flung open the door, stepped out and turned on the spot, disapparating directly to the top step of Grimmauld place.

**So, yeah. Basically not a great chapter, and a bit dreary, but hey, I have been worried all week about both sides of my family, while being stuck in flooding away from them. It's been a sad time for Australians. **

**Also, I don't edit my work very well, and so excuse the mistakes.**

**Please, please, please review. The 'please' is just me being polite, because if you don't I'll hand you over to Voldemort : P**

**Also, Thanks to the people who have started reviewing, and those who have before and continue to : D**


	18. Mistletoe

**Another chapter,**

**Enjoy and Review. **

Tonks stood with her back pressed against the front door to Grimmauld place in complete shock. The tears ran down her face, turning cold as it snowed around her. She'd been through worse before, but no matter how many people had criticised her about the way she looked, or who she was in the past, she'd never thought that her mother would agree with them. She had thought that underneath the disapproval, that her mother was actually proud of her, and this, it seemed, was a mistake.

Sobs racked her entire body as she tried to compose herself. She didn't want to let Remus or any of the others see her like this. She told herself that she was just being silly; that she was getting upset over nothing. She'd had much worse experiences with men before, and had been told worse by men before. She sighed as the sobs faded away; she knew the real reason for her anguish was the fact that her mother had agreed with John, that she hadn't stuck up for her.

She raised a hand to her face and wiped the tears away from her eyes, closing them and leaning against the cold door. After a while of standing, she composed herself enough that she might have a chance of fooling the others into thinking that nothing at all was wrong. She longed to be warm and safe in Remus's arms; to have him hold her, and make her remember how to feel happy.

Her face was dry now, but she had no idea what colour her hair was. She focused on bubblegum pink, hoping that she was composed enough for the colour to take place, and turned to the door, tapping it with her wand. The familiar whirring and clicking sounds as the door unlocked soothed her a little, and so did knowing Remus was on the other side of the door, somewhere in Grimmauld place.

It was late enough that Molly, Arthur and the children would all be asleep, and she opened the door and crept inside, wondering if Sirius and Remus had waited up for her. It was still Christmas, and would be for another hour but she wanted nothing more than for Christmas to be over, so that she could forget about it. It had been, without a doubt, her least favourite Christmas ever. A moment later she decided that more than anything she actually wanted to be in Remus's arms.

In her haste to get to Remus, she forgot about the umbrella stand in the hall. As she tried to make her way down the hall in the dark, she collided with it, toppling over, pinned underneath it. Her body stifled the crashing sound and luckily Sirius's mother's portrait stayed silent, the only noises emitted were light snoring sounds. She breathed a sigh of relief and started trying push the heavy umbrella stand away.

Remus and Sirius were in the kitchen waiting for Tonks to get home when they heard the sound of the door unlocking. A moment later there was a muffled noise and the two looked at each other, rolling their eyes.

"I'll go get her," Remus muttered, amused. As he entered the hallway he could see a dark shape halfway down. "Lumos," he whispered, drawing his wand. In the light he could see Tonks laying still, underneath the umbrella stand. The look on his face was amused as he stood over her.

"Wotcher," she said weakly and shut her eyes in the bright light. Because of this she missed the look of worry that crossed his face as he noticed that her hair was a faded pink, and her face looked less than cheerful. He had been under the impression that she actually liked Christmas.

He grinned at her, "From the looks of it, I am guessing that visits with your mother are just as draining as the full moon," he chuckled as he said the words.

Tonks opened one eye and offered him a small smile, "Almost," she admitted. Remus laughed at her and proceeded to pull the umbrella stand off of her so that he could help her up.

He reached out her with one hand and she took it. He gave a firm tug and she ended up standing in front of him. His other arm caught her around the waist and his lips were instantly upon hers. It didn't take her long to warm up in his arms, or to respond to his kiss. She kissed him softly at first, but the fire raced through her body quickly, dispelling the feelings of cold that had filled her before. She pressed her lips to his hard, and her hands were in his hair, then running down his neck and his back, grabbing fistfuls of his sweater in her desperation to get as close to him as possible.

Remus was surprised at the force with which she responded. She clutched at him with all her strength and his arms tightened around her waist, holding her to him as closely as he could. It seemed like she had missed him just as much as he'd missed her.

He groaned and pulled away knowing that if he didn't he'd probably end up pinning her against the wall and having his way with her, despite the elf heads that lined the walls putting a damper on the romantic setting, "Come into the kitchen," he whispered against her lips, "Sirius is waiting for us and I wouldn't put it past him to pull a trick with some mistletoe. Merry Christmas Dora."

Tonks was unwilling to let him go and she still clutched his jumper in her hands. Her knuckles were as white as her face, but she nodded. He took one of her hands in his and led her to the kitchen. As they entered, Sirius grinned widely at them both, "Nymmie!" he exclaimed as he saw her, and then on second glance he added, "What's with the hair?"

Tonks was confused. What was wrong with her hair? She simply shrugged and rolled her eyes. Remus looked down at her, worried. What could be that bad at her mothers that she would allow Sirius to call her Nymmie? He wondered whether there was something she hadn't told him yet. Whatever the case he figured she would need cheering up.

"Time for some amusing Christmas stories, I think," he said as cheerfully as he could, "At Sirius's expense of course."

Sirius acted outraged, "No way Moony!" he said in mock outrage, "If I go down, I'm dragging you with me!"

Tonks smiled at the two, trying to let their cheerfulness infect her.

Sirius grinned at her, "You have a few choices Nymmie," he told her, "Do you want to hear embarrassing, funny or horrifying stories about old Moony here? If you don't hex me for using your nickname, I'll chuck in a mixture of all three."

Tonks smiled as Remus glared at him, "I've got worse stories about you Padfoot," he said, unable to keep the amusement out of his voice completely, "And I'll go first shall I?"

The room was cold, and sitting at the table in the kitchen didn't sound like much fun to Tonks in her current state of mind. She longed to sleep in Remus's arms and just forget about everything. Sitting beside him at the table was nowhere near close enough; nowhere near what she really wanted.

As if he could tell exactly what she was thinking, Remus looked around the kitchen before saying, "We should move into the library though," he said, "We'll be much more comfortable there." Tonks sighed in relief as he took her hand and led her to the library, Sirius following behind them. They settled on the couch and Remus sat with Tonks in his arms, her feet tucked up onto the couch.

Remus played with Tonks hair as she closed her eyes, and Sirius sat across from them, a look of distaste on his face. "Let the pain and suffering begin now," he laughed, trailing his hand across Tonks's forehead, which he noticed was warmer than usual.

He recalled a Christmas as Hogwarts and began to speak, "Padfoot here, used to try and trap girls-"

Sirius feigned anger, "Excuse me? It was the girls who tried to trap me if I recall rightly!" he exclaimed.

Remus grinned and his fingers fluttered over Tonks forehead again until he picked up a strand of her hair, "Your memory is going bad with your old age Padfoot," he laughed, ducking as Sirius threw a book at him. "Anyway, As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, Sirius used to conjure mistletoe everywhere; the common room, the hallways, the classrooms, you name it and Sirius was there with a wand."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Well, when I asked Prongs and Moony to conjure it for me they just laughed at me and told me to kiss a girl the proper way," he snorted in a amusement, "As if James could talk, the hypocrite."

Remus laughed as memories came back to him, "Anyway, one day, Sirius was aiming for a girl he liked the look of, and he was outside Transfiguration. Needless to say, he got a bit distracted and he soon found that he'd trapped no other than Minerva McGonagall under the mistletoe," he laughed, "She taught him a real lesson that day."

Tonks opened her eyes and smiled, "What did she do?" she asked, her voice warm and sleepy. Remus's warm hands on her face, and his hands in her hair were lulling her to sleep. She felt warmer already, and slightly feverish, but she also felt happier, laying in Remus's arms.

Remus grinned down at her, a sparkle in his eyes that made all of her love for him surge wildly inside of her. He noticed the change in her eyes as he grinned at her and shifted underneath her, trying to hold in all his love for her so as to not kiss her passionately right at that moment. Sirius would not appreciate it if he let go of his constraint right now. He cleared his throat and answered her, "She let him go on thinking that he had to kiss her full on the lips to break the hold of the mistletoe. He was an inch away from doing it too."

Tonks closed her eyes to try and stop the way his eyes boring into hers made her insides squirm and melt, "Then what?"

Before Remus could answer her, Sirius cut in, "Well, she waved her wand and the hold broke, and she stepped away."

Remus laughed, "Yeah, and then she fully humiliated you by berating you about trying to trap girls under the mistletoe. What was the term she used? I think it was-" he grinned widely before saying, "_What did those poor innocent girls do to you Black? What is the reason for this torture_?"

Sirius glared at Remus and spoke through gritted teeth, "Trust you to remember that word for bloody word."

Tonks laughed, "I always liked Minerva," she said, feeling even warmer, "She's a great judge of character." She opened one eye and turned her face towards Sirius who glared violently at her. In that moment, Remus again had to resist the strong urge to kiss her and he wished that Sirius was not in the room so that he could. A moment later he decided that he would anyway, even if he got hexed by Sirius for it.

He leaned forward, cupping her face in his hands and captured her lips, kissing her gently. Tonks was surprised when he kissed her in front of Sirius, because he didn't normally do that; he was normally more restrained. His lips were gentle and teasing and she was in no position to control it. She was completely at his mercy, looking up at him as he kissed her, and she kissed him back.

Sirius cleared his throat loudly, drawing his wand with one hand and covering his eyes with the other, "Oii, lovebirds, I've got a wand pointed at you and I don't care who I hit. Have a little respect for my poor innocent eyes. Don't torture me!"

Both Remus and Tonks grinned, breaking apart a little and looking towards him.

"Innocent?" Remus snorted with amusement.

"Respect?" Tonks asked dubiously.

"Lovebirds?" Remus sniggered.

"Torture?" Tonks questioned.

Sirius waved his wand at the two of them, "Alright, I am uncovering my eyes now, and you two had better not be kissing when I do, or else you'll get hexed," he lifted his hands off his eyes.

Tonks stared up at Remus, her eyes shining, "Kiss me," she whispered.

Remus grinned at her apologetically and leant down until his lips were almost brushing hers, "I would, but he's serious, and he's got really bad aim. I care too much about the books in this room," he smirked at Sirius who brandished his wand again, glaring at them both.

"You two have no self-control," he said, and then cheered up considerably when he realised it was his turn to tell a story, "I have a good story to tell."

As Sirius grinned, Remus had a feeling that he knew exactly which story Sirius would tell Tonks. He groaned, resting his forehead on Tonks's forehead, becoming slightly worried as he realised that her temperature seemed to have risen since before. His groan sent waves of electricity through Tonks's entire body. She closed her eyes as he rested his forehead on hers.

Sirius laughed, "He knows which story," he grinned, a mischievous glint in his eye, "So back in Hogwarts, there was this girl that was obsessed with Remus. I am talking really obsessed. Lilly told James that she had pictures of him all over her bed. She was in our year, but in Hufflepuff. Lily knew her from a few classes."

Remus lifted his head and let out a low growl through his teeth, which Sirius ignored. "She used to stalk him all the time. She'd follow him everywhere, sometimes with a camera. She'd tell everyone that they were dating, and she kept trying to trap him under mistletoe. She sent him love potions in disguise, though I must tell you that Moony has an exceptionally good sense of small and he could always tell, and she'd send him flowers and presents," Sirius laughed, "He couldn't get rid of the girl, and uh, well she wasn't very attractive. Downright ugly, most would say. Except Moony, because he's way too nice. We all know he was thinking it though."

At this Remus grinned, "I have respect for girls Padfoot, and I don't think that everything is all about the looks. I have no trouble saying it now though, because I am holding the most beautiful girl in the world in my arms right now."

Tonks grinned up at him, his words melting her, and washing away some of the insecurity that the nights events had instilled in her.

Sirius rolled his eyes, and said forcefully, "Anyway, this girl was terrible, and I was in need of a plan for revenge. It was Christmas and we had all decided to stay at Hogwarts. Of course, upon hearing that Remus was staying, the girl did too," he laughed at what came next, "They were in the hall, and she had him trapped against a table. I saw the perfect opportunity. I cast a mistletoe above them both, a special one that wouldn't let the two people go unless they shared a good, proper kiss."

Remus was glaring again, "I hate you Padfoot," he growled.

"I know," Sirius grinned, "He ended up having to kiss her. Well, rather, she ended up kissing him. She almost broke his back on the table. He ended up running out of there faster than you can say quidditch."

Tonks laughed, "How did you ever get her to leave you alone?" she asked him.

Remus shrugged, "I told her I was a werewolf, or something," he laughed, meeting her eye so that she would know that he was joking.

Sirius smirked, "Actually it was a perfectly normal excuse. He just went away one month to supposedly visit his- What was it by then?-" he counted on his fingers, "Fifty-eighth deathly ill grandparent. Then when he returned, he told her that his grandmother had died, and that her last dying wish was for him to die alone, and so they could never be."

Tonks raised an eyebrow, "He didn't?" she said doubtfully.

Remus grinned, "No, I did."

Tonks frowned, "And she believed this did she?"

Sirius shrugged, "Well, she was an idiot," he said cheerfully, "She left him alone after that. She just stared lovingly at him at mealtimes and in class."

Tonks laughed, "You two have the best stories," she told them.

Remus grinned, "You haven't even heard anything yet," he told her. A thoughtful look appeared on his face as he searched for a story to share. "In the spirit of mistletoe-based tales, I have a good one," he said cheerfully.

Sirius frowned, "You do? I didn't realise that we were so dangerous near mistletoe."

Remus grinned, "Well, yes. You and James especially seemed to court mistletoe related trouble," he said. Sirius wasn't even glaring, as his expression was stuck somewhere between amused, apprehensive and confused. Remus laughed, "As you know Dora, James Potter and Lily Evans ended up marrying, but before that she hated him."

"Absolutely loathed him," Sirius added gleefully.

"She detested him, hatred of the deepest degree," Remus laughed.

"Rather like Snape and I," Sirius said, his tone turning slightly darker at his on mention of the name.

Remus looked disapprovingly at Sirius but said nothing about his hatred of Snape, "But James always wanted her. We always thought it was because she was Snape's best friend first."

Sirius smiled, "James never could stand Snape having something that he didn't. Snape didn't deserve a girl like Lily," he said.

"Anyway," Remus said forcefully; he didn't agree with Sirius on the count of Snape not deserving to be friends with Lily. He had always found that Lily was a most excellent judge of character, and if she had seen the good in Snape, then it was there. It was the same concept that he went on with Dumbledore. If Dumbledore trusted Snape, then Snape could be trusted, because no-one he had ever heard of could pull one over Dumbledore. Then there was the fact that Snape had made him the wolfesbane potion in his year of teaching, and had made it perfectly each and every time when he could easily have not. Then there was also the fact that Snape kept his secret in school after he had found out, even if he had been the one to get him fired. It had to come out sometime though. He turned his thoughts from Snape back to the story.

He was about to speak, but Tonks did first, "He was friends with Lily?" she asked, "There must be some good in Snape after all, or rather, there must have been."

Sirius glared at her, "How do you figure that?" he asked her, hatred and a hint of envy in his tone.

Tonks smiled, "I've always been told that Lily was an exceptional judge of character. Also, Dumbledore trusts him, and that's enough for me," she said, "Snape's awful, but there must be something there."

Remus stared at the top of her head in awe, wondering how she managed to get more and more amazing with every passing day. However, one look at Sirius told him that he'd better start speaking before Sirius started an argument. He didn't want to argue about Snape, "Yes, well, This particular Christmas James had been trying to trap Lily under the mistletoe at every opportunity."

Sirius grinned at the memory, "He tried and he failed," he said.

Remus chuckled, "Yes, she always was smarter than him," he said smiling a little sadly as he remembered the two, "As I was saying, James kept trying to trap Lily under the mistletoe with him. She was smart enough to not manage to get stuck. One day, we were waiting outside charms for Flitwick and he tried again, but she was quicker and she trapped James and Sirius under a bunch of mistletoe."

A gasp of laughter escaped Tonks as she imagined James and Sirius stuck in that situation, "And then what happened?" she asked a little breathlessly.

Remus grinned, "They waited for Flitwick to get there and vanish it, but he told them that he couldn't and went straight into the classroom. The whole class stayed outside to see the outcome. They ended up having to kiss, and I can tell you, being a spectator wasn't pleasant," he laughed.

Sirius glared, "You think being a spectator was bad, I was the one who had to kiss him," he smirked, "Sorry to ruin you poor innocent-" This time it was Remus who threw the book, and it hit Sirius in the head.

Tonks laughed and tightened her arms around Remus, "Didn't you say you cared about the books?" she asked him absentmindedly.

Remus smiled mischievously at her, "You're right Dora," he said and tightened his arms around her for a moment before shifting so that he could draw his wand and summoning the book, "I'd better check if it's ok."

Tonks laughed again as Sirius spoke, "You two are in no position to be joking. Christmas is officially over, and you two haven't even given me a present," he said grumpily.

Tonks smiled, "You haven't given me a present either," she reminded him.

He rolled his eyes, "That's hardly important," he said and smiled.

For a moment there was silence, and the sad and tired feelings came flooding back to her. She closed her eyes, and leaned into Remus. After a while, she felt him sigh underneath her.

"I suppose we'd better get Padfoot his present then," Remus said, regretfully pulling himself away from Tonks, and as he did so he noticed that she looked pale and drawn, and he wondered whether she was sick. She nodded at him, and he stood up and offered her his hand. She took it and unsteadily rose to her feet. As she did her legs gave away, and it was only Remus's arms around her waist that stopped her from falling to the ground. Remus frowned, this was unusual for Tonks; not the tripping of course, but the lack of cheer. Her hair was now a dirty blonde colour; a colour he'd never seen it before. He exchanged a worried look with Sirius, who had evidently seen her stumble and noticed how down she seemed.

When she was steady on her feet, he took her hand. "Padfoot? Are you coming?" he asked him, grinning.

Sirius frowned, "Coming where?" he asked dubiously.

"To get your present," Remus said.

"Can't you bring it to me?" he asked in a whining voice.

Remus looked at Tonks who smiled at him weakly, and then chuckled, "Er, no."

Sirius rolled his eyes, "Alright then," he said and stood up, grumbling to himself. He followed Remus and Tonks to the room that they had set up for him, and they all stopped outside the door.

When Remus gestured for him to open the door, Sirius held up his hands and backed away a little. "Er, I'm not quite sure that room is safe. No-one's been in there for who knows how long," he said apprehensively.

Remus laughed and rolled his eyes, "Well, If you are a coward…" he said, trailing off, and moving towards the door.

Sirius rolled his eyes and glared, moving towards the door and turning the handle. It didn't open as Remus and Tonks had locked it to prevent Sirius trying to enter the room before Christmas, "Where's the key?" he asked them.

Remus smirked at him, "You're a wizard you know," he said pointedly.

Sirius grinned cheerfully, "Oh, right," he said, drawing his wand and unlocking the door. It opened slightly with a click, and with it came a blast of cold winter air. Sirius turned to the Remus and Tonks, confused and slightly afraid, "Why's it so cold in there?" he asked, "What've you two done?"

Remus grinned, and Tonks beside him smiled, "We could make it warmer if you prefer sunshine to the snow," he said cheerfully.

Sirius looked even more confused at this revelation, "What?" he asked, apparently too shocked to say more than one word.

Tonks rolled her eyes, "Just get in there," she said, pulling open the door and pushing Sirius in. There was snow piling up around the door as Sirius stood staring out into the vast clearing, and at the forest beyond it. There was snow everywhere, and the running stream was frozen solid. It was night in the room, and the moon threw light over everything. Light was reflected off the snow giving the room a glow, and the stars high above the clearing glistened. The sky stretched back as far as the three could see.

Tonks averted her eyes from the room and turned to Remus. He was staring at Sirius, and his skin was shining in the moonlight. She raised the hand that wasn't holding his and cupped it to his cheek, holding it there for a moment. He turned to face her, and in her eyes was a sadness that he hadn't seen before tonight. It was deep in her eyes, but there enough for him to see. He stepped closer and leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

She leaned up into the kiss, breaking the hold on his hand to bring both hands to his hair, holding his lips firmly to hers. She kissed his passionately, letting the warmth of him flow through her. She was cold in the snow, and she pressed her body against his, slipping her arms around his waist in an attempt to get warmer. Remus could feel Tonks pressing closer to him, and he could feel how cold she was. Her hands were freezing against the back of his neck, and when he rested his hands at the hem of her jumper, he could feel her cold skin there.

For once Sirius was unable to speak, and unable to turn to look at them. Even if he had, he was shocked speechless at what he had found in the room. Obviously Tonks and Remus had worked all of their combined magic on this room to give him a place to go. The cold air refreshed him and he could feel a breeze blowing softly through the trees. There was a small stream running through the clearing, and somewhere in the forest an owl hooted, breaking the silence. He stepped forward, taking in a deep breath of the chilly winter air. The snow crunched beneath his shoes as he moved forward and touched a fallen tree, trying to see if it was real, and not just an illusion.

The log felt as cold and real under his hand as any other log he'd come across in his life. He kneeled by the stream, running his hand across the frozen ice. Standing, he walked to the nearest tree and laid a palm on the trunk. He strode into the forest a little, and a small flock of birds flew out of the nearest tree. It was all real, and as he looked up at the sky, he wondered how they had made the roof seem so high; how they'd bewitched the stars that he thought he'd never see again to shine above him. The leaves and twigs crackled underfoot as he looked back into the clearing at the boulders strewn casually around, and the stumps and fallen trees, wondering how they made it look so natural; and how they made it feel so real.

As he stared around the forest in wonder he felt as though he really was in a forest, and he felt as happy as he could. His thoughts turned to how the room would look in daylight, wondering if they'd bewitched the room to change according to the real weather. As he was thinking about the sunlight, the sun rose quickly on one side of the room, throwing sunlight over everything. Birds started to chirp as he stood in the forest, watching the sunlight filter through the trees. When he felt the first ray of sunlight land on his arm, he was shocked at the warmth it left there. He could smell the sunlight, and around him the snow started melting slightly, even though it was a winter sun.

Back in the clearing Remus and Tonks broke apart at last as the sun came up around them, and as they looked around, they discovered that Sirius was gone. Remus checked his watch and then cleared his throat. He sounded breathless as he spoke, "It's not morning yet," he said, "So I think he must have discovered your charm."

Sirius stepped out of the trees ahead of them and looked at them both, his eyes shining. He raised his face to the sunlight as it soaked him. He thought about the sunlight, and he felt it get warmer. He opened his eyes when he could smell spring, and could hear the bubbling of a stream. All around him, the snow had melted, and was joining the stream which was running into the trees. The sweet smell of sunshine through the forest, and the fresh smell of water was evident in the air, and he looked around himself in wonder as flowers and grass appeared in the clearing around him, changing to suit the season.

He walked over to Tonks and Remus who stood by the door, Remus with his arms around Tonks, both of them looking at him with shining eyes.

"Merry Christmas Siri," Tonks said softly, breathing deep to inhale the smell of spring. Remus's arms tightened around her, and she knew how happy he was to see Sirius so happy.

"How-" Sirius's voice broke, "How did you two do this?"

Remus grinned at him, "Magic," he said happily. Tonks laughed softly at him, and Sirius grinned at them both.

"But how-" he frowned, "Why did it change to daylight, and then spring?" he asked in awe.

When Remus spoke the awe he felt entered his voice, "Dora cast a charm of her own making. Their weather will change to anything you want it to."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "That's amazing," he said, "Will it really?'

Remus nodded and as Sirius was clearly about to test it, he held up a hand, "Hold on Padfoot." He drew his wand and conjured an umbrella, which he held over Tonks and himself, before nodding to Sirius.

Sirius grinned, "You know me too well Moony," he said joyfully. All at once it started to rain and Sirius was soaking wet. He turned to the clearing, holding up his arms and stood in the middle of the clearing, feeling the rain on his face. After a while of running around in the rain, he turned to Tonks and Remus again, and the rain ceased.

"Thankyou, to both of you," he said, in a soft voice that Tonks had never heard him use before. From the look on Remus's face, she guessed it was the voice Sirius used when he was most touched by something, "Nymmie, I have something for you too. You both really couldn't have gotten me anything better than this."

It was starting to snow again as Sirius reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box. It was red with a green ribbon, and he held it out to her. Tonks took it from his hand and opened it to reveal a small silver locket. She pulled it out of the box, letting the long, fine chain slide through her fingers as she stared at it. It felt warm under her fingers, despite the cold of the clearing.

She looked back up at Sirius and smiled at him, 'Thankyou Siri," she said softly.

Sirius grinned, "It is charmed to give you warmth when you feel most cold," he said seriously, "It'll warm you up when you feel down."

Tonks smiled, "That's very thoughtful of you," she said to him.

"Merry Christmas Tonskie," he said cheerfully, and as Tonks glared at him, the light in the room faded, turning it back to night.

**So, my updates now won't be every night, or every second night like they used to be. I'm quite busy, so It'll be once or twice a week. **

**This chapter wasn't the best, but it'll get better. I know I seem to be promising that every chapter now, but it will. **

**So review : P**


	19. Impossible

**Here is another chapter : ) Well, obviously. **

**Thanks to those who are reviewing, but I am sort of losing motivation on this story. So I really would appreciate more reviews : D **

**Unless, of course, you like the sound of Bellatrix knocking down your bedroom door, and torturing you until you have to be put in St Mungo's : ) **

**Haha, But seriously, Read and review please : ) I love you all.**

"He said what?" Remus asked, rage lining his usually quiet voice.

They had left Sirius in the room to enjoy their gift, and Remus had enquired about the reason for Tonks sadness; the reason she felt so cold in his arms when he mentioned the party she'd attended at her mothers. She'd tried to deny that anything was wrong, but he could tell that something was, and so she was telling him the story from the start. She'd just been recounting when John had told her that she could look any way she wanted to, and had asked why she looked the way she did when that was the case.

It was unusual for her to hear any sort of anger in his voice, because he was usually so even-tempered, and she wondered why it made him so angry to hear about what John had said to her. She shook her head and kept telling the story, unwilling to stop until she had finished telling him the whole nights events; she didn't want to dwell on it at all.

When she had finished, he seemed to be speechless. He wore a look that Tonks couldn't read, because she'd never seen him look that way before. "Dora, I-"

Tonks shook her head again. "Remus, just don't-" she said, "I just don't want to talk about it."

As he watched her though, Remus could see that it was hurting her and he knew that she did indeed need to talk about it. However, having known Sirius for so long he knew what the Blacks' were like when the needed to say something; that they would talk when they were ready and no sooner. He certainly knew enough of Tonks stubborn, strong willed and tenacious personality to know that she would rather drop it, even though the weariness in her eyes cut through him like a sword.

"But-" Remus tried to object, even though he knew it was pointless. At the very least, he would try, because he cared.

Tonks sighed and tucked her legs up onto the bed so that she was facing him and took his hands in hers. Leaning forward, she closed her eyes and leaned her forehead against his, her lips brushing his, willing him to drop it. She could tell that he wanted to talk about it, and she suspected that one day she'd confront it too, but tonight she was exhausted and she wanted him, only him; not the thoughts of John, or her mother or anything else.

Remus sighed as her eyelashes tickled his eyelids, and squeezed her hands. He wasn't ready to give up so easily, but he respected the fact that she didn't want to talk about it. He decided that a compromise was in order and that he would say one thing, and then change the subject.

"Dora, Don't push me away this time. I just want to say one thing, and then you can hex me, or tell me to shut up, or whatever," he said to her, speaking fast to ensure that she didn't try to shut him up before he got her to listen. She shook her head slightly against his and he drew a shaky breath as her cool breath washed over his face and her eyelashes continued to tickle his skin. She drew back a little, so that their lips were almost touching, but not quite, and the inches distance was enough to clear his head a little, "You are beautiful Dora, because you are you. No matter what morph you do, you are still you underneath. The way you dress reflects you, and you are incredible. You are incredible to me, but to so many others as well. If others can't see that, then they don't know you like I do, because any man would have to be insane to not be drawn to you. You may not see the hold you have on people, but I do. I love you, because you are just you, and you don't change for anyone. You are talented, smart, beautiful and dreadfully clumsy, and I wouldn't change any of it."

Tonks didn't say a word. In truth, she was quite unable to say anything at all after hearing these words come from Remus in a way they never had before. She shook her head slightly again.

Remus looked sadly at Tonks as she shook her head again. "It's not just me Dora. Do you remember your first order meeting?" he asked her, smiling at the memory and the way the beautiful Tonks had tripped into his life, literally. Tonks nodded and he continued with a small smile, "You were talking to Charlie and Bill Weasley at one stage, and I'll admit - well, I'll admit that I was eavesdropping- and you should have seen the way Charlie looked at you. It's not just me that thinks that you are wonderful."

Tonks smiled a little, his words sinking in as she thought that as long as she was enough for Remus, that she didn't care what anyone else thought. She leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around his waist, slipping her arms under his shirt, reveling in the warmth of his bare skin.

"He did like me a fair bit back in Hogwarts," she laughed a little against his chest, and Remus wondered why he felt so jealous; why his arms tightened possessively around her as she said the words. He had to admit that the idea of Tonks and Charlie made him feel like he wanted to whisk her right away from Charlie, and that it made him wonder what held her to him, when she had perfectly good men like Charlie chasing her. He felt one of her hands slid up his back to his neck and he shivered as her fingers lightly trailed his spine. Tonks spoke again as she felt him shiver, "I'm not quite sure that he understands that not everyone is in love with dragons though. Have you tried to hold a lasting conversation with the bloke? You'd feel like throwing yourself to the dragons just to get away."

A smile spread across Remus's face at the last part, "So he's not your type then?" he asked, his voice a mixture of serious curiosity and teasing.

Tonks pulled back a little so that he could see the sparkle in her eye, "Let's look at it this way - He's either going to end up with a girl who loves dragons as much as him, and I seriously think one of those will be hard to find, or he'll end up with a dragon itself," she said.

Remus chuckled, "Good, because I'd rather not have to duel Charlie Weasley over who gets to have you. I'd be forced to do ungodly things to him, because I wouldn't be willing to give you up, whether I won or not," he grinned as he said it, a mischievous look in his eyes.

Normally, and certainly if it had been anyone else talking, she would have gotten offended at a man thinking her as a possession, but she rather found that she didn't mind that Remus thought of her as his. She smiled at him. "You, Remus John Lupin, can have me wherever and whenever you want, forever," she told him.

Remus smiled, the mischievous glint in his eyes shining. "I'm not so sure that that's a good idea," he told her seriously. Tonks frowned, and her heart skipped a beat, falling and landing somewhere in the pit of her stomach. Seeing the hurt cross her face, he raised a hand to her cheek and held her face tenderly. "Only because I want you all the time, every second of the day, and it might shock a few people if I pinned you to the table in the middle of an order meeting and had my wicked way with you."

Tonks heart skipped another beat, but she now felt so alive that she wasn't sure she could take it, "Oh?" was all she could say, as she contemplated his words. She sniggered after a moment though as she pictured the look on Snape's face if such a thing happened.

He found her confusion impossibly endearing, and absolutely adorable, and he leaned forward, "I do think that now would be a good time to take you up on that offer though," he said rather breathily as he went to kiss her. Tonks saw it coming, and he only had time to register the devious look in her eyes before he found himself pinned to the bed. She dodged his kiss, lodging her lips on the side of his neck instead and she trailed hot kisses down to his collarbones, and then upwards, her teeth grazing his throat.

He moaned as he found himself pinned against the bed, with Tonks kneeling over the top of him, her hands resting on his chest, as she held her body off his. As she placed kisses along his jaw, slowly and softly, with a meaning behind each one he was sure that she was trying to torture him. He tried to press his body to hers, but she laughed, her breath tickling his skin as she held herself away from him.

He growled and in a moment he had flipped them both so that she was lying underneath him. As he kissed her neck, her jaw and her throat hard his hands wandered down her sides to tickle her; his own form of torture and revenge.

She squirmed against him, laughing breathlessly as she found that she was pinned firmly by Remus as he straddled her, pinning her to the bed by pressing his hips into hers. She was completely stuck. "Remus-"

She laughed again as he dug his fingers into her side, "Don't. Tickle. Me-" The words were difficult to say because her breath hitched at every word.

She gasped when he laughed, but wrapped both arms around her, lifting her upper body from the bed and pulling back on top of him while scooting backwards towards the head of the bed, and the pillows. He held her tightly against him, her head on his chest, her arms around him. "Do you promise to be good?" he asked her teasingly, but changing his mind before she could answer, "Never mind that. I like it when you aren't so I rather don't know why I'm protesting."

He let her go slightly so that he could guide her face to his, and so that he could kiss her soundly, not teasing this time but melting against her. Tonks felt all the tiredness drop away as Remus sent electric shocks through her entire body. It was impossible not to feel so entirely alive in his arms, and she sighed delightedly as the worries of the past few days all melted away.

-RL&NT-

When she woke up the next morning, Tonks was feeling considerably cheered, mostly due to the fact that the most perfect man in the world held her in his arms. She turned a little so that she could see his face, and found that his eyes were wide open.

She smiled at him, "You are awake?" she said, and it was more of a statement than a question.

He chuckled at her, "Yes," he said, "You seem to be most constantly vigilant this morning."

She yawned, "I don't quite know about that."

He hugged her closer and kissed her lightly on the forehead. "I can fix that," he told her.

She laughed and her eyes lit up, sparkling the way they did when she was happy, "Will this be like a repeat of last night?" she asked him suspiciously, but with humour lacing every word.

He faked indignation, "Of course not," he grinned, "I just never gave you your Christmas present."

Tonks smiled and rolled her eyes, "Oh," she said, "You didn't have to get me anything."

He grinned, "Of course I did," he told her, "Don't be so silly."

He produced a small box shaped gift, skillfully wrapped in beautiful green and gold paper. She looked from the box to Remus and back to the box again, taking it from him with a slightly shaking hand. She carefully pulled off the paper, unwilling to wreck such wonderful wrapping.

When the paper was removed, a small, intricately carved wooden box was revealed. She gasped as she saw the patterns etched into it, and stared at it for a moment before opening it. Inside was the silver chain of a charm bracelet with four charms already attached. She gasped in shock and pulled the beautiful chain from its box.

There was a silver wolf -shaped charm, tiny but detailed and she held it individually for a moment. It was beautiful, and it held her attention for a length of time before the next charm caught her eye. The next charm was a star, quite dazzling to look at, as it seemed to emit small amounts of light from each facet in its surface. It too held her attention as she stared at the faintly glowing charm, before she looked to the next charm. This one was made of wood, and it was the shape of a largely familiar dog. It too, was detailed and it reminded her severely of Sirius, and she supposed that this was why he had picked it. It was so beautiful that she had trouble looking to the next charm. It was a heart, made from glittering crystal, and there was a small ball of glowing colour in the very center of it, which seemed to pulse slightly to an even rhythm. The colour was blue, and as she looked at it she smiled.

Remus took the bracelet from her and slipped it around her wrist, and as he did Tonks was surprised to see the blue light turn red, and the pulsing rhythm changed slightly. As she raised her eyes finally to meet Remus's, she smiled, tears filling her eyes.

"The heart is charmed to glow red when the wearer truly loves the person who put it on them. The light will then pulse to the rhythm of that persons heart for as long as they love each other, and as long as they are alive. If one person stopped loving the other, the red would fade, and the pulsing would stop, leaving it with no colour at all, and if one person died, the light would stay, but the pulsing would stop with their heart," Remus told Tonks, his voice filled with emotion. Secretly he had been afraid that Tonks did not love him as much as she thought she did, and that it would not glow when he put it on her, "I'm afraid that the chain is not new. It belonged to my mother, and her mother before that, and her mother before that."

Tonks shook her head, blinking back the tears that indicated at the strength of emotion that filled her from head to toe at his beautiful and incredibly thoughtful and unique gift. She loved it more than words could express, or could have, assuming she had been able to speak. Eventually she managed a few words, "You can't give me this if it has been passed down your family," she said to him her voice slightly hoarse, "It's much to valuable for me."

He frowned, "You don't like it?" he asked her, disappointment and worry briefly taking over his face.

Tonks smiled at him, reaching for his face and kissing him quickly to reassure him. "Of course I love it," she said, "It's just that it must be special to you."

He smiled, "Which is why I am giving it to you," he told her, "Because you are one that means the most to me."

She grinned a watery grin at him, "I love it," she said, hugging him, "Thankyou."

They looked at each other for a moment, quite lost in each others eyes. Suddenly Tonks pulled away and practically dived off the bed to retrieve her present for Remus from under the bed. He laughed and moved towards her side of the bed as she half fell off the bed. A moment later, after digging for it and being unable to find it, she just grabbed her wand and summoned the present, climbing back into bed.

She handed him her gift to him. It was small and book shaped, and wrapped so badly that the paper almost revealed it. He grinned at her, a semi-confused look crossing his face. He pulled off the paper, and looked at the small, black, leather-bound and gold trimmed and edged book. He opened it, and inside, written in shining gold ink, was a small message.

_Remember me always,_

_Even on the days,_

_That we are forced to be apart,_

_Because I know in my heart,_

_That I do love you,_

_With everything that is true._

_Remus, If we are ever apart, and you need to contact me, write to me though this book. It has a twin, and I own it. Anything you write in this book will be reflected in mine, no matter the distance, not even death will affect it. I charmed them myself, and they both work in the same way. These war times call for precautions, and I never, ever want to lose you. _

_Love Dora._

_Ps. Merry Christmas_

There were tears in Remus's eyes this time as he read the note she had written into it.

Tonks played with her hands nervously, "Do you like it?" she asked him.

Remus nodded, overcome with affection for the amazing woman in front of him. "Very much," he told her, his eyes shining.

She smiled as she sighed with relief, and he pulled her into his arms, burying his face in her hair hoping against hope that he would never need to use the book in the event of her death. It was impossible that he could face that.

_Impossible._

-RL&NT-

Tonks and Remus watched as Harry and the others walked up the slippery drive towards Hogwarts, and when they were no longer in earshot, Tonks let out her breath with a huff. Remus sighed and smiled, turning to her and cupping his hand to her cheek, watching the edgy look in her eyes flicker like flames.

"Someone's impatient," he said in his calm, gentle voice. There was a hint of annoyance in his voice as he spoke again, "I hate sending them back to Umbridge."

Tonks looked towards him, leaning into the warmth of his hand. "So do I Remus," she told him, her voice soft with a touch of regret, "What do we do now?" she asked him, sighing again and changing back to her original form from the disguise she had adopted to take the children to school. She transfigured her clothes from those of the older and slightly larger woman she had been portraying.

Remus smiled, "I was hoping to spend the day with you, as I have no other specific plans," he confessed, "But, I do wonder whether we should go home and spend the day with Sirius. You know how upset he is now that Harry is gone again." Remus shook his head. He didn't want to go back to a sulking Sirius who was most likely hiding away with Buckbeak. He'd much rather spend the day with Tonks.

It appeared that Tonks was having the very same thoughts. She frowned and looked Remus in the eyes, hers pleading. "I know that we probably should, but I just don't want to deal with that today," She bit her lip as she searched his silver-grey eyes, "I just want to be with you and I don't want to waste it on Sirius when he will most likely ignore us anyway."

He smiled at her and brushed his lips lightly against her own. "Then we will give him time, because I don't want to share you," he said, his lips quivering against hers as he spoke, sending shivers down her spine.

Tonks shivered and half-smiled, "Where will we go?" she asked him, trying to remember what her own apartment looked like after all the time she had spent at Grimmauld. She groaned inwardly; it would undoubtedly be cluttered with mess, junk, more mess and then some more junk - and on top of that, probably all coated with a thick layer of dust by now.

He frowned, "I don't actually know," he told her truthfully. The only place he could think of was his small cottage that he hadn't visited in who-knows-how-long and the shrieking shack. Definitely no good options there. His place was nothing special, just a little place left to him by his father - a place where his mother refused to be because of the memories it held.

They stared at each other for a while and each battled internally with the thought of offering the other their apartment. Finally, it was the thought of having to go back to Sirius if someone didn't say something first, or come up with a good idea that motivated Tonks to blurt out the words.

"You could come to my apartment," she said, biting her lip, "I mean, it's kind of really messy, but if you could just ignore-"

Remus's grin and sudden kiss cut of her flow of hurried words. "I'd love to," he told her with an eager gleam in his eyes that hinted at amusement, "As long as the apartment doesn't try to swallow is both, in which case I will certainly be expecting a certain auror to rescue me."

Tonks punched him lightly in the arm, feeling pleased when she didn't fall on her face. She grinned at him, and wrapped her arms around his waist briefly, hugging him tight for a moment before pulling away with a teasing look in her eyes. "I thought Gryffindors' were meant to be brave," she asked him playfully.

He looked at her in mock outrage. "Well, yes. Only to an extent though, like fighting evil, dark wizards, but your apartment could be the scariest thing this Gryffindor will ever see in his entire lifetime," he taunted her.

She glared at him, "Remus John Lupin," she said forcefully, "Just because I love you doesn't mean that I wont hex you."

He grinned at her. "Yes, because I am so scared of the little pink haired auror, who is so clumsy that she is practically disabled," he laughed, loving the way she struggled to fight laughter when she was trying to look stern.

"You really should not have said that," she said in her toughest voice, taking his arm and turning on the spot, disapparating into an alleyway near her apartment and reappearing with Remus pinned against the wall of the alleyway, her teeth at his throat. She paused as he laughed breathlessly.

"Is this meant to be my punishment, Nymphadora?" he asked her, his voice sounding slightly weaker than it usually did. Her eyes flashed at his use of her full first name, but she chose not to speak and instead glared at him with a look that could possibly have burned down Hogwarts. She deliberately dragged her teeth lightly down his neck, with enough pressure to make him gasp and push himself back into the wall.

She dragged his sweater down over one shoulder and tickled him with her lips right down his collarbone, and then slipped her hands inside his sweater, feeling the warm skin of his shoulder and upper arms under her hands. She let her hands weave slowly down his chest, and he shivered underneath her hands. It was all very close to becoming too much for Remus as her hands trailed lower, until the reached his stomach. The muscles of his stomach clenched beneath her fingers and she smirked, lightly dragging her fingers to his sides, causing him to chuckle breathlessly into her neck. She tried to ignore the way that that almost made her abandon her attempts to torture him.

She let her fingers travel inwards again, and lower, just below his bellybutton and started to press more firmly with her fingers, drawing a groan from him as he shifted uncomfortably against the wall. She was pushing him to a point where he was not sure he could stop himself from taking control of the situation. He tried to move, but she had him pinned to the wall with a strength that he hadn't known she had possessed.

A shudder rippled through his body as he became lightheaded from her touch. It was clear that she knew the effect she had on him, because at this point she pulled away, smirking and started to walk out into the street, towards her apartment.

He was left against the wall, heat filling his entire body, and a couple of small beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He was hardly able to think while his head felt so light and hazy, and his eyes were trained on her retreating figure. He concluded that Auror or not, she should be considered dangerous. That much was clear from the way she had such an effect on him.

He pushed himself unsteadily away from the wall, following her in a haze, not wanting to lose sight of her. He felt almost drunk with the desire, love and the emotion that she filled him with. He shook his head; no, he was definitely in no condition to apparate, as he stumbled slightly on the pavement.

Tonks reached the stairs to her apartment and looked back at Remus who was following her from a fair distance, a look of shock on his face as he stumbled on the footpath. When he reached her, a dazed look in his eyes, he tried to glare at her. She grinned at him, "Who's the clumsy one now?" she asked as he stumbled slightly on the first stair.

He glared at her, but the look was ruined by the fact that he was still slightly breathless and a little dazed. "You did this to me," he accused, "What sort of spell did you use? How did you do this to me?"

Tonks laughed at him, louder than she had all day. "I didn't put you under a spell," she told him, "You just seem to be quite heavily affected by me."

He stared at her a smile playing around the corners of his lips, and he registered with surprise, a look of absoloute happiness in her eyes, and on her face. "Why do you look so happy?" he asked her breathlessly, almost knocked off his feet at the beauty of her when her face glowed with happiness, ten times more potent than her usual beauty.

His head was clearing and she was looking at him with a different look, almost like reverence in such a way that she was staring at him like she was seeing the sun for the first time ever, after a lifetime of eternal darkness. She tilted her head slightly and walked down the stairs to where he stood on the bottom step. He opened his arms as she came towards him and placed one arm around her waist and the other behind her knees, scooping her up into his arms.

She looked surprised, but the happiness that was evident on her face did not fade at all. She lifted her hands, tangling them in his hair and pulling his face towards hers, kissing him full on the lips. He kissed her back, releasing some of the tension she had built up in him in the alleyway. When they broke apart, shivering, Tonks signaled for him to put her down so that she could open the door, praying that the mess wouldn't be _too_ bad.

He grinned at her and drew his wand, "Wands at the ready," he said, chuckling to himself as Tonks glared at him and shook his head. She drew her wand and tapped the door to unlock it. There was the slight sound of bolts moving and she took a deep breath as she placed her hand on the handle. She turned it, pushed the door and braced herself for the worst case scenario.

She sighed in relief as she saw that room was in some sort of order. It was messy, but not uncontrollable. She could actually see the floor in many places, and the couch in the middle of the living room area was actually _almost_ clean.

Remus stepped out from where he had been hiding behind her. "It's not so bad, the mess," he said in a surprised tone, "The way you were talking, I was expecting the worst."

Tonks grinned at him, "So was I," she told him, amused at the surprise in his voice.

Remus grinned back at her, "Now what?"

Tonks snorted in amusement, "I hadn't figured that out yet," she admitted.

"Ah, Well that's ok then," he told her, chuckling, "We will just make it up as we go along."

Tonks smiled widely at him, "I'll start by seeing if I can find us some water and glasses."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Glasses Dora?" he said, a touch of fear in his voice, "Do you want to end up in St Mungo's by the end of the day?" Tonks rolled her eyes and headed for her kitchen. She looked around, glad that the last time she had been here, that she had cleaned up after herself for once. She was searching the cupboards for clean glasses when she heard a tap at her window. Looking up in surprise, she noticed an owl outside, and that it looked terribly familiar.

It was her mother's owl, Galaxy, and he had a note tied to his leg. She rolled her eyes, not wanting to go anywhere near the owl, or the letter. She turned away from Galaxy deliberately and pulled two glasses from the cupboard. As she was about to set the glasses down on the bench, Galaxy nipped at her hands, and she gave a small cry of pain as the beak of the owl connected with her wrist. She glared at the owl, which threatened to bite again, if she didn't take the note.

"Bloody hell Galaxy," she said angrily, "You are just like her."

The bird nipped her again as she tried to take the note from his leg, apparently insulted and she jumped back with the note in her hand, accidently knocking the glasses off the bench. She rolled her eyes, and pushed the broken glass aside with the toe of her boots, unfurling the note.

From the living room, where Remus had been examining Tonks's book collection, he heard her cry out, and after a moment, heard the sound of breaking glass. He couldn't help but panic slightly at the thought that something had happened to her, and he tried to convince himself that she had merely fallen over and dropped the glasses.

Whichever the case, he wanted to know, and so he walked towards the kitchen. When he entered, he saw Tonks standing next to the bench, reading a note which she had obviously pulled off the leg of a rather angry looking owl. The situation would have been comical if it hadn't been for the look on Tonks's face; a look of pure shock, a hint of horror, and some slight look of disgust.

It appeared that she had finished reading the note because she was staring fixedly at the bottom of the piece of parchment, her eyes unmoving.

"Dora?" Remus asked tentatively, "Is something wrong?"

When she didn't really answer except to slightly shrug her shoulders, he stepped forward, accepting the note when she offered it silently to him. He raised his eyebrows as she folded her arms and leaned back against the bench top.

_Nymphadora,_

_I know that you are probably in no mood to read this, and I am sorry for giving Galaxy orders to bite you, until you had no choice but to read it. _

Remus looked up at Tonks, and sure enough, she was examining her hands, and glaring at the owl alternatively. He shook his head and continued to read.

_I am sorry for what I said on Christmas Nymphadora. It was wrong and I am sorry. I should be accepting you for who you are, not forcing you to be someone that you aren't._

_I am proud of you; I really am. The choices you face are yours to make, and I can see that clearly now. I never should have agreed with John, because we are both so clearly wrong. _

_You know how terrible I am at apologies, and I'm not hiding behind that, or the fact that I am a Black, but I am sorry, and I do wish you would forgive me. _

_I am missing you more than you would guess, and I would be thrilled if you could give me the chance to set this straight in person by sending Galaxy back with a reply, stating that you will come around to talk. Your father also misses you terribly._

_Do consider my offer Nymphadora, _

_Your mother, Andromeda._

_Ps. Security question, What colour was your hair on your eighth birthday? My answer, a shade of dark purple, that faded as you became more and more tired throughout the day._

Remus re-read the note and looked up at Tonks, who was watching him intently, having given up glaring at the owl. He offered her a small smile to soften her anxious face. He walked over to stand in front of her, setting the note down on the bench and taking her into his arms.

He held her for a moment before whispering into her hair, "I think that you should go and see her today," he told her.

He felt her stiffen in his arms, and she shook her head against his neck. "I can't," she told him.

He kissed the side of her neck softly, drawing back slightly. "You can't or you don't want to?" he asked her gently.

"Both," Tonks whispered against his shoulder, "I don't want to see her."

Remus smiled against her neck, "Yes you do Dora," he told her, "You just don't want to forgive her, because you don't feel like you should. She has apologised Dora, at least go and try to hear her out."

Tonks sighed against the side of his neck. He was right, she really should go see her mother, because she didn't want to stay angry forever. She just didn't want to face it alone. She pulled back to look him in the eye properly, "Fine, but only if you'll come with me," she said with a ringing finality, and he knew that he wouldn't change her mind on this at all.

The request hung in the air for a moment but settled as Remus gave an almost imperceptible nod, agreeing to go, no matter how hard it may prove to be.

**Please read and review : ) I write at a pace directly related to the number of reviews I get. When I get heaps, I get really inspired. **

**Thankyou : )**


	20. His Strength

**Sorry about the wait on this one guys : )**

**Thanks for all the reviews I have gotten on this story : ) This chapter probably would have been up last night if I hadn't gotten halfway through it and suddenly had an idea for a George/Luna story : P So it didn't get finished until today. If anyone likes the Luna/George pairing I would really appreciate if you would go to my profile, and find the story and let me know what you think. It's called 'The Wounds of Time' : D**

**Anyway, no death threats this time. Just please please please please please read and review : P**

Tonks and Remus stood together in front of Tonks's parents house, shoulder to shoulder and exchanged a slightly apprehensive and bracing look. Remus offered Tonks a small smile of reassurance that she did not return, grimacing at him. He chuckled, his eyes flickering back towards the door.

"Are you going to knock?" he asked her and he saw traces of panic in her eyes. This time the smile he offered was designed to distract her, and as she looked at him, the panic faded a little. His voice softened as he spoke again, "Dora, It's going to be absolutely fine."

Tonks rolled her eyes at him. "Easy for you to say. You haven't met _her_," she said in a quiet voice, her eyes flickering towards the door. She sighed at his unwavering gaze, "Just give me a minute," she said. She turned to him and slipped her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his chest and taking a deep, bracing breath.

Remus felt her arms tighten around him and he felt her take a deep, shaky breath against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her in return, breathing in the scent of her usual bubblegum pink hair. He held her tightly to him, understanding that she was drawing strength from him, and preparing herself for the cold that weaved its way through both of them when they were apart, no matter how small the distance.

With every breath drawn against his chest she took in the smell of him and the familiar scent calmed her, her breathing steadying. She opened her eyes and pulled away, immediately missing the warmth of his body against hers.

Remus took a slightly shaky breath as Tonks pulled away and he felt the warmth of her leave him. He sighed, and looked at her, seeking permission with his eyes. When she nodded he took her hand and leaned over to her to press a soft kiss to her forehead. Tonks closed her eyes briefly as his warm lips pressed against her forehead, and then turned back towards the door. He lifted her hand, entwined in his, and softly knocked on the door with both their hands. He let their hands fall back down from the door as they heard footsteps in the house, moving towards them.

As her hand slipped from his, Tonks frowned and reached for his hand again. She knew that he was letting her go because he didn't know whether she wanted her mother to know straight away. Tonks sighed as she found his hand again and squeezed it, the warmth of him traveling back up her arm, filling her and leaving her warmer all over. She suddenly found that she no longer cared what her mother thought. She had Remus and that was all she needed now. As long as he was beside her, she felt she could do anything.

She lifted her chin slightly, staring towards the door and Remus smiled beside her. This was the Dora he knew and loved; the tough, cheerful, lighthearted, sometimes serious, passionate, beautiful, lively, stubborn and determined Dora - his Dora.

The door opened at last and in the doorway stood Andromeda Tonks, her expression somewhat surprised at seeing both her daughter and Remus on the doorstep. Remus wondered whether she would recognise him, as he had met her once before and in his experience, a Black never forgot anything - Sirius reminded him of that often enough. He felt Tonks glance at him from where she was standing, but she didn't say anything.

Andromeda's eyes roved over the two of them, softening as she looked at her daughter, and then becoming confused as she took in their joined hands. Her expression became one of complete bafflement as she wondered about this. She recognised the man; he looked familiar, but she couldn't quite place him. She took a moment to contemplate this and after a moment she came across the memory; one she often held back because it involved Sirius. She had once been quite fond of Sirius, and even now could not believe that he was guilty - it just seemed impossible. Yes, she thought, This was a friend of Sirius's and she found that she could now remember him perfectly well.

She swallowed as she looked into his eyes, hers betraying her knowledge of him and what he was. She forced her gaze onto her daughter who shifted and straightened under the scrutiny. Andromeda could tell that her daughter was preparing herself for the worst; to protect and defend the man she so obviously loved, because Andromeda could tell that she did. It was in her eyes, her stance, and all over her face. It was evident in the way her hand tightened over his, and the way she pressed her shoulder against his, not looking away from her mothers eyes, her back ramrod straight.

Andromeda felt ashamed that her daughter automatically assumed the worst. She could see the love in Tonks's eyes for the man that stood beside her, and as she looked back to Remus, she found him staring at Tonks and the look on his face was pure adoration. There was no denying that the two were completely in love. She actually had few objections to Remus, but she knew things about him that she had to be sure that her daughter also knew.

She took a deep breath before addressing her daughter hesitantly. "Nymphadora," she began slowly, "You know that he is a-"

Tonks eyes flashed with unrestrained anger and she squeezed Remus's hand before glancing at him and cutting off her mother. "A werewolf?" she said in a hard voice, "Yes, and I don't care. If you have any problems, then we can leave." The glance she had taken at Remus's face had shown that he was expecting her mothers reaction, and his gaze dropped ashamedly to his feet. She took a deep breath and ran her thumb up the back of his hand, softly and reassuringly. It gave him the strength to look up.

Andromeda's face softened as she stepped forward slightly towards Tonks. "I didn't mean… I only thought…" Tonks had never seen her mother so lost and struggling for words, "I just wanted to make sure that you are sure - that you knew."

Tonks could tell that her mother had issues with the idea, but it was clear that she was making an effort not to make a scene or start a fight. Andromeda knew the boundaries, and respected the man that obviously made her daughter so happy, when she herself had failed so miserably at supporting her daughter.

Andromeda turned to Remus upon seeing Tonks gaze softening a little. She offered him a small smile, trying to show her apology in her eyes as she offered him her hand. "I am sorry Remus, forgive me," she told him, her voice gentle and filled with remorse. Remus glanced at Tonks, who nodded at him and smiled a little. He smiled back and turned back to look at Andromeda and pulled his hand from Tonks's to shake Andromeda's.

Missing the warmth of his hand as soon as it left hers, Tonks frowned. Her mother glanced towards her, and invited them in. As her mother turned to lead them into the house Tonks paused and reached out to grab her mothers arm.

"We need the security question," she told her mother, "I was trained to be constantly vigilant after all."

Her mother rolled her eyes, "I think you have sufficiently proved that you are my daughter already today," she told her, smiling at her with actual warmth in her eyes.

Tonks pulled a face. "Well, You haven't convinced me that you are my mother," she told her, "So a security question, if you will."

Andromeda rolled her eyes. "What is the name of my owl?" she asked her daughter.

Tonks rolled her eyes, "Galaxy," she said, amused by the abysmal excuse for a security question.

"Well, there we go," Andromeda said and turned to go back into the house, "Come in when you are ready to face your father." She grinned over her shoulder at them both. Tonks raised her eyebrows itching to tell her mother that handling her father would be easy, but now that she came to think of it, she really wasn't sure how her father would react. She shrugged her shoulders as her mother disappeared into the house.

As she turned to Remus to smile at him he swiftly took her in his arms, his arms around her waist as he pressed an urgent kiss to her lips. For a few moments, they stood there, their tongues battling for dominance, locked in a passionate embrace. Remus gasped as she eventually won the battle and deepened the kiss, pulling away to bury his face in the crook of her neck, placing small kissed there and holding her to him as tight as he could.

"Thankyou," he told her, his eyes shining, when he eventually pulled away. It was hard to pull away from her, but now was not the time and this was not the place to show her how strongly he felt about how she had stood up for him.

Tonks eyes looked slightly unclear, and she sounded a little breathless as she spoke, her eyebrows knitted in confusion. "For what?" she asked him, confused as to why he was thanking her when she herself should be apologising to him for her mother.

Remus smiled at Tonks, noting how positively adorable she looked when she was confused. "For standing up for me," he looked sadder as he looked down, "I didn't deserve it, and I didn't expect it," he told her, his voice giving away to his shame.

Tonks rolled her eyes and took his face in her hands, "You are absolutely worth it Remus, and you deserve every good thing the world has to offer," she told him, "Surely you know by now how much I love you?"

Remus nodded, lifting his eyes to meet hers, "Yes," he said with enough conviction that she smiled and took his hand.

"We'd better go in," she told him, "They'll be wondering where we are, and you are still yet to meet my father."

He smiled at her, "Should I be afraid?" he asked her, even though everything he had heard from Tonks about her father was positive.

Tonks laughed and shook her head, "I don't think so, but who knows?" She led him through the door to the sitting room where her mother had already managed to usher cups and biscuits to the small table that sat in between the lounges. Her mother was sitting in an armchair, watching Ted Tonks pace up and down the living room with a look of utmost concentration on his face.

Upon their arrival Ted turned to face them and he strode over to both of them, forcing himself in between them as he embraced his daughter, steering her towards an individual armchair and sitting her in it, almost causing her to fall over a couple of times on the way. He then made his way two the only seat left, which was a couch that would seat three people. He gestured for Remus to sit down, staring him down without blinking. Remus averted his eyes as Tonks sniggered into the back of her hand, catching her mother's eye and noting that Andromeda seemed to be finding the situation highly amusing.

Ted sat himself down next to Remus, who shifted a little uncomfortably at Ted's close proximity and threw a pleading glance Tonks way. Tonks shrugged slightly and fought to keep the amusement from her face. He threw her a slightly dirty look, before grimacing and turning his gaze to Andromeda who responded with a smile and a slight shrug of her shoulders.

Meanwhile, Ted had not taken his eyes of Remus and was watching him expectantly, waiting for Remus to turn to him. Having found no rescue in Tonks or Andromeda he turned reluctantly to Ted and held out his hand.

"Remus Lupin," he told Ted, his voice giving away nothing.

Ted raised his eyebrows and took his hand, shaking it. "I see, and do I scare you, Remus Lupin?" he asked Remus, his tone slightly cheerful, but mostly testing and a little threatening.

Remus swallowed. "Er, No?" he offered, sounding slightly less than sure.

Ted grinned at him, thoroughly unconvinced, "Good," he said cheerfully, "Because you and I need to get to know each other."

Remus could see where Tonks got her bubbly and cheerful personality from, as well as her sense of humour. He nodded politely, and from behind him, he heard Tonks groan.

"Dad!" she said, exasperated, "Do you mind?"

Ted looked from Remus to his daughter, "I just want to get to know the chap, before you go getting serious," he told her, causing her to roll her eyes.

"It's a bit late for that dad," she told him, grinning at the way Ted's eyebrows skyrocketed up into his hair as he contemplated what she could possibly mean by that.

Ted was silent for a moment before deciding that it was probably unwise for him to try to interrogate Remus with his troublesome daughter sitting there grinning away mischievously, making it obvious that he wouldn't get to say much anyway. He tried unsuccessfully to change the subject, "I see that you are still as clumsy Nym," he said, because he couldn't think of anything else to say.

She raised her eyebrows, "Clumsier, I think," she told him grinning, "Which is why I am not having any tea." She gestured towards the tea that her mother had set out on the table. Only her father could tease her about being clumsy and get such a positive response.

There was another stretch of silence in which Remus took to looking at the piano that sat in the corner of the room. Andromeda noticed and followed his gaze. She was the first to break the silence, "Do you play?" she asked Remus, nodding towards the piano.

He looked embarrassed for being caught out. "Only a little," he told her, shaking his head modestly.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "He's brilliant mother," she told her enthusiastically. Andromeda noted with delight at the way her daughters eyes lit up when she spoke of Remus and when she looked at him.

Remus shook his head again. "No really," he said, "It's nothing." He glared at Tonks who raised her eyebrows innocently and shrugged. He fought to keep the smile from his face as he rolled his eyes at her. The two were so busy looking at each other that neither of them noticed Ted and Andromeda exchanging smiles.

Andromeda looked at Remus, smiling. "Why don't you play us something?" she suggested, and glanced at her daughter to gather support for the idea.

Tonks became overly enthusiastic about the idea and tried to spring to her feet, to drag Remus forcefully to the piano. Unfortunately, she tripped over her own feet as she tried to stand. Luckily, Remus's reflexes were quick enough, that he managed to catch her before she fell on him, and she ended up, more or less in his lap. Tonks grinned and laughed at herself, glad to be close to Remus again, even if she had to practically throw herself at him to get there.

She surprised him by leaning down quickly to kiss him on the lips before springing up again, successfully this time and tugging his arm, pulling him to his feet. She dragged him towards the piano, and Remus looked in wonder at her, evidently back to her usual cheerful self. The urge to kiss her again surged strongly within him and he swallowed with great difficulty, pushing the thought from his mind.

She grinned at him, laughing as he took a seat at the piano, his glare not quite managing to hide the traces of desire in his eyes. She bounced back towards the couch that he had been sitting in, and took up residence in the space that he had just vacated next to her father.

He shook his head, amusement giving way to amazement at the woman he loved. He placed his fingers on the keys, fully aware that three sets of eyes would now be drilling into his back, and began to play.

Tonks immediately recognised the song he played, because it was the one he had written for her. She physically had to stop herself from being drawn to Remus as he played passionately, eventually forgetting his audience and losing himself in the song.

When he finished, Tonks was itching to get to him and Andromeda had tears in her eyes. Even Ted was looking a little dumbstruck. Remus sighed, and stood up. He sat down in the armchair that Tonks had previously sat in and stared at her.

Andromeda found her voice first, as Tonks smiled at Remus. "That was.. Wow.." she began, "Did you write that Remus?"

Remus looked faintly embarrassed as he nodded. "For Dora," he told her, and had Andromeda been standing, the devotion, adoration and reverence in his eyes and voice would have brought her to her knees.

Ted was the one who eventually managed to pick up the conversation and they all conversed happily until lunchtime, when, wanting to be alone with Remus, Tonks told her parents that they had to go. It was another half an hour before they managed to get away, and as soon as they were out the door, Tonks seized Remus around the waist and dissaparated back to her apartment. He followed her up the street and she let him into her apartment.

She immediately busied herself with kissing him desperately and he kicked the door shut with his foot. She pressed her whole body against him and forced him backwards until he hit a wall. He hardly felt it, with her lips on his and then moving to drag down his neck. His hands were tangled in her hair as he kissed below her ear in a way that made her moan, leaning against him to keep herself upright. He laughed against her skin, his warm breath weakening her further until she could only sigh against his neck, her head on his shoulder.

Her hands were resting lightly on his slender hips as he kissed his way down her neck, stopping at the base of her throat to press a kiss there before pulling away. She looked at him, slightly dazed, her eyes begging him to keep going because she couldn't quite bring herself to speak.

He laughed at the desire in her eyes and looked away quickly before she managed to completely seduce him. He had something important to say, and to ask her. He stared at the floor, and she looked at him quizzically.

"Dora, I want to go and see my mother," he told her. Visiting Tonks's parents made Remus realise how much he actually missed his own mother, and he had decided to visit her, because in this war, they didn't have the luxury of time, or of knowing that the ones you loved would always be there.

Tonks nodded, reluctant to let him go and be on her own, but understanding, She could see the look on his face as he spoke. It was obvious he missed his mother, and felt guilty that he didn't see her more often. She sighed. "I understand Remus," she told him, "You go. I'll be ok."

He looked up at her, and moved swiftly towards her, closing the gap he had put between them and wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her to him. "I want you to come," he told her seriously, "I want her to meet you."

Her eyes caught his and she started to panic; he could see it in her eyes. "But what if-"

Remus knew what she was going to say. "Oh, she'll like you Dora," he assured her and added in a teasing tone, "Besides, I went to see your mother, and it's only fair that you return the favour."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "But I'm so-" she trailed off. She wasn't quite sure how to describe herself.

Remus raised his eyebrows at her. "So wonderful," he told her, "She'll love you." His tone was firm as he spoke, and there was no doubting his surety about the subject.

She swallowed nervously, "I'm so bad at this though," she told him and as he opened his mouth to speak she continued, "No, really Remus, I am even clumsier when I am nervous," she warned him.

He grinned at her. "All the more excuses to catch you when you fall," he told her, "My mother is not a monster, and she isn't fond of her cups."

The panic didn't disappear from her eyes and he sighed, leaning his forehead against hers. "I just need you to be there. The house is so empty without _him_, and I don't want to face it alone. It's why I don't go more often."

Tonks knew that by 'him' he meant his father, and her heart broke for the man who was letting his defenses down in front of her, something he didn't do often. He sounded tired and weary as he leaned against her and she raised both of her hands to either side of his face and kissed him warmly and firmly. "I'll go then," she told him, her voice sure and determined, "And then I'll never let you go back there alone."

He smiled at her and took her hands in his, entwining their fingers together. Tonks sighed, shifting so that her forehead was resting against his shoulder, and she was breathing in his warm, clean and crisp scent, along with the faint scent of chocolate.

"Do you need to change?" he asked her, snapping her out of her reverie, breathing in the scent of her hair.

She mumbled against his shoulder, "Should I?" she asked him, unable to resist placing a kiss on his shoulder, which soon turned into several, delaying his response until he could regather his thoughts.

He squeezed her hands, "No," he told her, "You are perfect just the way you are." He pressed a kiss to the side of her neck and a shiver ran down her spine.

"Are you ready?" he asked her, gripping her hands tightly in his. When she nodded, he closed his eyes and focused on apparating them both to his mothers house.

-RL&NT-

Tonks and Remus appeared outside his mother front door and he stepped away from her slightly, releasing her hands and knocking on the door, before moving back to slip one arm around her waist. They only had to wait moments before Mrs Lupin opened the door.

Tonks gulped. She really was terrible at meeting her boyfriends' parents and it was even worse with Remus. She cared too much about him not to care what his mother thought of her. All of a sudden she regretted her pink hair, her casual clothes and her worn trainers. She should have morphed into something more… appropriate.

Mrs Lupin did not looked surprised to see her son and an unfamiliar girl on her doorstep. She had icy blue eyes which would have been scarier if not for the almost amused twinkle they held. She greeted Remus with a hug and a kiss on the cheek, making him look faintly embarrassed before turning to Tonks. Remus pressed his hand into the small of her back to stop her from taking a step back.

Tonks could never remember being more afraid in her entire life.

She struggled to remember how to speak and was saved by Mrs Lupin speaking first, a warm smile on her face. "You must be Tonks," she said, offering her hand to Tonks. Tonks was surprised that she knew her name, let alone knowing enough to not call her Nymphadora. Remus must have said something. She shot a look at Remus that was both accusatory and grateful. At least now she didn't have to make a fool of herself by telling Mrs Lupin not to call her by her first name. On the other hand, she now had nothing to say.

She searched for the appropriate words, in the end just swallowing with difficulty and shaking Mrs Lupin's hand. "Yes." She looked towards Remus, this time pleading for him to say something. He just smiled at her. She turned back to Mrs Lupin, something like panic in her eyes, "Nice to meet you Mrs Lupin."

In her nervous state she shook Mrs Lupin's hand too enthusiastically. If Mrs Lupin noticed, she didn't say anything. She just smiled. "It's nice to meet you too dear," she said and Tonks forced a smile, "Please, call me Helen." Remus's hand was warm on her back and she tried to draw strength from it. She nodded but could think of nothing to say, the only thought she made sense of, was the one telling her that Mrs Lupin must think that she was an idiot.

Helen gestured for them both to come inside and she saw Remus smile out of the corner of her eye. He pressed his hand into the small of her back again and pushed her inside. She tried to focus on the door step but failed, tripping on it. Luckily, Remus's steadying arm saved her from falling and making a fool of herself on the floor. Beside her, he chuckled and she turned to glare at him as they continued down the hall.

They ended up in a bright room with sunlight streaming though the many windows. The sunlight was welcome to Tonks after all the cold of her apartment and she wondered exactly where they were. She didn't have time to dwell on this thought as Remus steered her towards the couch and sat her down. He sat down next to her, grinning away for no apparent reason.

Helen smiled at them both and excused herself to get some tea for them all. Tonks felt more panic at the thought of drinking tea. Even on a good day she couldn't drink her tea properly. She broke the cups more often than not. She clung onto what Remus had told her before they had left; that Helen wasn't particularly fond of her cups.

When Helen left the room she turned to Remus who was still grinning. She frowned, she hadn't seen him so happy for a long while. "What are you so happy about?" she asked him, unable to see the upside of making a fool of herself in front of Helen.

His smile stretched impossibly wider. "She likes you," he said nodding towards the direction his mother had taken, "And I love you." He leaned forward and she thought he was going to kiss her, but he just wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair, holding her as tightly as he could. She returned his embrace and he pressed a kiss to the crook of her neck, making her shiver, before pulling away.

"You are doing fine," he told her, and then unable to resist, he kissed her forehead softly, "Don't worry about it."

By now Tonks had gathered her thoughts together a little. "She likes me?" she asked disbelievingly.

Remus nodded, "She does." He laughed at her, raising his eyebrows at the way she really didn't seem to believe him.

Helen re-entered the room and Tonks became suddenly aware that she had both arms around Remus, her head on his shoulder, and that he had one arm around her, the other resting lightly on her knee with his cheek against her hair. Helen grinned as she saw the two of them, and she looked very much like Remus as she did so. Tonks tried to pull away a little into a more appropriate position and Remus chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. Nevertheless, she straightened up, removing her head from his shoulder and her arms from around his waist.

Remus kept one arm around her waist and took the tea his mother offered him in the other hand. Tonks froze wondering whether it was more polite to decline the tea, or to spill it on her carpet, which would inevitably happen, considering how nervous she felt. She decided she'd better take her chances and took the tea offering Helen a small Thankyou and then staring at the cup with a look of apprehension, as though glaring at it would make her nerves behave.

Helen made small talk with them both before the questions turned into serious ones. She asked Remus endless questions about how he had been, and Tonks questions about her career and her interests. The conversation was pleasant and going well, lulling Tonks into a false sense of security. She became so relaxed that she forgot about the cup of tea in her hands.

She went to take a sip, but accidently dropped the cup on the floor, still half full with tea. She froze and closed her eyes hoping that she hadn't really dropped the cup, that the tinkle of breaking china was not her fault. She heard the sound of laughter and she opened her eyes in suspicion. Both Remus and Helen were laughing at her. She glared at Remus, trying desperately not to look at Helen. Her face was red, and she was almost as sure that her hair was as well. The apologies were out of her mouth before Remus could say anything, and she was repeating herself over and over again in a nervous rush.

"I'm so sorry, really sorry, I'm so sorry, just..sorry-"

Helen cut her off with a chuckle and smiled at her. "It's ok dear. I've been trying to get rid of that cup for years, and Remus said that would happen anyway."

Tonks glared daggers at Remus who shrugged his shoulders, laughing at her, because he knew that she wouldn't hex him in front of Helen. Helen waved her wand once and the mess was gone instantly.

There was something more serious in her eyes as she spoke again, even though her voice was light, teasing. "Let's punish him dear," she said to Tonks, "I'll show you his childhood photos."

As Tonks nodded she thought she saw a flash of something unrecognizable flash through Remus's eyes. It looked like fear, but she couldn't make sense of it. His arm tightened around her a little and the knuckles of his other hand whitened as he clutched his poor teacup way too hard.

She looked back at Helen who was looking at Remus closely, as though she knew the reason why he was now so tense. Eventually Remus nodded, his jaw tightening as he evidently braced himself for something difficult. Were his baby photos really that bad?

Helen waved her wand again and a large album flew at her from the bookshelf. She waved her wand once more and the book landed on the small coffee table in front of the couch Remus and Tonks were sitting on, falling open to the first page.

Remus's clenched his jaw impossibly tighter as his mother brought out the photos he hadn't been able to bring himself to look at for so many years. He tried to focus on the girl next to him, and set his tea down, fearing that his tight grip would break it. He tightened his arm around Tonks and gave an approximation of a smile as she turned to him, taking his hand, as though she knew how much he needed her now.

He wasn't ready.

No matter how much he kidded himself, he knew that even Tonks could not help him face these memories. His father was gone, and no matter how much his mother denied it, he knew it. He supposed that they were both avoiding it in different ways; knew that his mother needed to look at these photos as much as he didn't want to look at them.

He hardly paid attention as his mother turned page after page, and he kept his eyes glued to the corner of the book. The aging yellow corner of each page was safer to look at than the people in the photos.

Tonks watched him out of the corner of her eye, noticing the way that he didn't seem to be looking at the photos. His face was blank, his eyes betraying the pain he must be feeling, even though she didn't understand why. She supposed it was because the memories in the photo album must be painful to remember. They were shots of a younger Remus and his mother and father - the father that was dead. Every page turned put more pain in his eyes and Tonks was sure that had he been able to look at her, the concern on her face would have been painfully evident.

His arm was still tight around her, and his hand was in hers and she was holding onto him tightly. They were halfway through the album and every page that was turned was making him feel sicker and sicker. He tore his eyes from the corners of the pages to look at Tonks and his mother. His mother's face was impossible to read, and Tonks's was a mask of concern. "Excuse me," he mumbled, "Bathroom."

He stood and moved swiftly out of the room, determined to leave the memories in the room behind him. He reached the bathroom but did not go in. He sat with his back against the door, resting his arms on his knees, and burying his face in his arms. He felt weak - he couldn't even look at his childhood photos without having to leave the room and it had been this way ever since his father had died. Sighing, he tried to gather the strength to go back into the room and take his place beside Tonks, failing miserably because she was his strength and she was in the dreaded room. He chided himself for acting so much like a child.

Back in the living room, Tonks stared after Remus as he left the room, moving fast as though he was running away from something. She longed to go after him but she didn't want to press him if he didn't want her there, or if he wasn't feeling well. Still, she longed to make whatever was wrong with him better.

Helen looked at Tonks and stopped flipping the pages of the album. It was obvious that Tonks mind had left the room with Remus, and she smiled at the way the girl so obviously cared for him. Evidently as much as he cared for her. She had been able to tell his feelings for Tonks as soon as she had opened the door to the both of them. Having seen him with more than one girl in his lifetime, she couldn't help but see the difference between the way he was with all of them. She recalled how happy he had been the first time he told her about Tonks, and the way that Tonks didn't care that he was a werewolf. Helen herself had been overjoyed that Remus had found her. She was just what he needed, and she could see that they were perfect for each other.

Tonks looked so worried that Helen thought she had better explain why he had left the room, because she knew it was because of the photos. He'd been this way since his father's death.

"I pulled out these pictures because he needs to look at them, Tonks, but he always refuses. He'll just leave if I ever bring them out when it's just him and me," Helen told her sadly , as an explanation, "I thought that with you here, that he'd face it at last."

Tonks smiled sadly. "I don't see how me being here would help," she told her, understanding immediately what Helen said about Remus not facing the photos. He'd almost said that much himself before he had brought them both here. What she couldn't understand was how she helped him. He said it himself, but now with Helen saying it, she was even more confused. Maybe it was the same for him as it was for her. She _needed_ Remus. Needed him like she needed air.

Helen smiled kindly, "You help him dear," she told her, "I can tell by the look on his face every time he looks at you."

Tonks nodded absentmindedly, taking in Helens words, but not knowing what to say. The need to go and find Remus was growing stronger, increased by the fact that he had not yet returned from the bathroom. Each second that passed was like a tighter rope pulling her towards the door he'd exited from minutes before now. He hadn't come back yet and she didn't want to be rude and leave Helen here on her own, but she was just so sure that he needed her right now.

Helen understood the battle raging in Tonks's eyes, "Go and find him dear," she told her, "I'll be fine here on my own for a little while."

Tonks paused only to give Helen a grateful look before springing from her chair almost as fast as Remus had, not even registering the fact that she didn't fall over, as she usually did every time she moved too quickly. She walked towards the door, suddenly realizing that she didn't have a clue as to where the bathroom was. She took a guess, walking down a short corridor because the other direction looked like it led to the kitchen. As she rounded a corner she saw him sitting with his back against a door, his head resting on his arms.

She hesitated only slightly when she saw him, before moving to sit next to him, with her back against the door, her shoulder brushing against his. He looked up at her and in his eyes she could see sorrow in among the pain.

"I'm sorry Dora," he told her, his voice slightly hoarse, "I shouldn't have left you in there. I'm not good enough to deserve you."

Tonks frowned at the way he seemed to have come up with a new excuse as to why she was too good for him. "How do you figure that?" she asked him, keeping her voice as normal as she could because she knew him well enough to know that she should stay as cheerful as possible when he felt this way; keep the conversation light.

He dropped his eyes from hers. "Too weak," he mumbled.

Tonks rolled her eyes, sensitive to how he was feeling, but knowing that she needed to lighten the mood before she could lift him too. "What? Don't tell me that you used _all _of your strength on facing _my_ mother," she said in a voice that she hoped was lighter than it had been before.

His eyes met hers again, clearer than they had been before. It helped him immensely to have Tonks beside him, acting as though everything was ok. He felt in that moment that she was his key to getting past it all. "No." he mumbled, a little ashamed of himself, "Just-"

Tonks knew it was time to get serious. "Remus-" he looked away from her and she sighed, cupping a hand to his cheek and forcing him to look at her, "How many times do I have to tell you that you aren't weak. You are the strongest man I know, and I know that you can deal with this."

His eyes bored into hers filled with something that looked oddly to her like adoration, but he didn't speak, just looked deep into her eyes, as though he was searching for the hint of a lie there. She sighed and rested her forehead against his, "You don't have to look at that photo album today," she told him, "We can go home, if you want. One day we will face this."

She deliberately added the 'we' instead of 'you' in her last words, because no matter where he went in the future, she was determined to follow. She lifted a hand to his hair, twisting it around her fingers, waiting for her words to sink in for him. She stroked his hair from the top of his head to his neck, closing her eyes and waiting for him to speak.

Remus considered her words - saw the absoloute sincerity in her eyes, amazed by her yet again. She was his everything, and he could do anything as long as she was by his side. Her fingers were twined in his hair, and she was waiting patiently for him to speak.

"You're right Dora," he said and gathering his strength, he stood and offered her his hand. She took it and he pulled her up. Swiftly, he took her in his arms and held her close. "Thankyou," he told her, leaning down to kiss her softly, trying to communicate just how much she meant to him, before tightening his grip and burying his face in the crook of her neck, gathering his strength from the familiar scent of her.

When he pulled away she looked into his eyes, seeing the fear fade right into the back of his eyes. She searched for any resistance, but found that she could find none. "Are you sure?" she asked him, her hand tightening over his.

"Absolutely," he told her, trying to focus on the fact that she was there, rather than the fact that the memories would hurt. She smiled at him and led him by the hand, back to the room where his mother was waiting for them. A smile spread over Helen's face as Tonks looked at her, smiling reassuringly, and then took her place on the couch with Remus beside her.

Remus braced himself as he focused on the photo album that he hadn't looked at since his fathers death and this time when his mother turned the pages he actually looked at the figures in the photos, and even though it hurt, Tonks's small, warm hand in his made him feel like he could face the memories at last.

**So there it is. Things get happier from here on out, until Sirius's death. **

**Also, when you guys review this (and you WILL review it) could you just let me know one thing. Every Remus/Tonks story I have read has Tonks not knowing when Sirius dies, and then Remus has to tell her when she wakes up in St Mungo's. Well, I think it would be nicer for Remus if he didn't have to tell her. What if she could hear while she was knocked out by Bellatrix's curse, and then passed out when she heard Sirius die? What do you think? Then she knows and our poor Remus is spared from having to tell her : P Sorry to start everyone's grieving a couple of chapters, but please let me know otherwise I'll do it this way anyway.**

**Thanks for reading, and I'll thank you now for the reviews you should feel obligated to leave : P**


	21. Clues

**I'm not so sure about this chapter. I have severely lost motivation on this story and it's a struggle to keep going. **

**Those who have been reviewing, Thankyou. It really does help me to keep on writing. Those who aren't reviewing, all I can say is that you let me down, and when I stop writing this one day, you'll be the reason for all the disappointed people who actually read AND review this story. Then, they will all punish you with the Cruciatus.**

**Sorry for the long time updating. I've been sick and busy, and then busy and sick. **

**Also, I don't own Harry Potter, the fabulous JK does : )**

"You did all this for me?" Sirius asked in an awestruck voice that sounded out of place given that it was a tone Sirius hardly ever used. He glanced around the dining room, every inch of which was plastered with decorations. Tonks had gone a little overboard and swathed the whole room in bright colours; streamers, floating lights and glitter. In the middle of the table was a cake that Tonks and Remus had made, not wanting to force any worry or work onto Molly. Tonks had actually gotten through a cooking session with out catching on fire, the cake catching on fire or the kitchen catching on fire, largely due to the fact that Remus had been standing right beside her the whole time, helping her.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "No, we did this all for Severus Snape." It hadn't been easy keeping Sirius away for long enough to decorate but Remus had herded Sirius into his forest room, and locked the door with a spell that only someone on the outside could lift. He seemed dumbstruck, but his eyes narrowed at her playful mention of Snape.

Remus laughed and, playing along, cheerfully added. "When we showed up in the dungeon with the cake though, he most regrettably informed us that it is not his birthday, and that he would wish us good day but that he would then be lying."

"So we thought we'd settle for second best," Tonks laughed at the look on Sirius's face, "It brought us here to you."

Remus frowned in mock concern. "Wait," he said slowly, 'It is your birthday right? It has been years, and I recall you saying that it was your birthday on at least ten separate occasions each year. I think I sussed out the right date though."

Sirius grinned at the memories and Tonks snorted. "He's bragging," she whispered conspiratorially, hiding her mouth with her hand and beckoning in Remus's direction, winking at Sirius, "He had a friendly chat with your mother's portrait."

Sirius burst into laughter. "Yeah… Right…" he choked out; the image of Remus and his mother having a conversation in the hall was hilarious. In fact, the idea that his mother would remember when his birthday was, was just as funny.

Remus glared at Tonks but she could see the amusement in his eyes. "You'll pay for that," he said, lunging at her to wrap his arms around her waist, tackling her backwards onto the couch. Tonks squealed, struggling to get free, but he had her pinned underneath him, grinning as he dug his fingers into her side. Tonks was extremely ticklish - something Remus knew, and often held against her.

She tried to keep a straight face, but he just moved his other hand behind her knee, tickling her there because he knew it would weaken her. She broke then, laughing hard, her face going red, and her hair turning yellow, causing Remus to laugh at her. He leant down to kiss her, his hands becoming still at her sides, and then moving down to lightly rest on her hips. His fringe was in her eyes, and her hands were in his hair as she got lost in his kiss. He moved his lips down her neck, and up just below her ear and she gasped…

There was a loud cough from behind them and Remus and Tonks suddenly realised the position they were in. Remus grinned, not looking at all ashamed, and Tonks laughed loudly, poking her tongue out at Sirius.

"Just one more Padfoot. Look away if you have to," Remus said, chuckling to himself as he heard Sirius groan in frustration behind him. Remus leaned down to brush his lips against Tonks', and she met his lips eagerly. He had intended to kiss her softly, and not get lost because he'd only promised one more kiss, but as his lips found Tonks' again he sighed and sank deeper and deeper into oblivion until…

"For crying out Merlin," Sirius said loudly, startling the two apart again, "It's my birthday, so no more of…. That." he gestured vaguely at them, not willing to look at them in case they were at it again. Tonks was twining her fingers into Remus's hair, playing with his fringe.

Remus grinned mischievously, trying to ignore Tonks playing with his hair, because she distracted him way too much to allow him to form coherent thoughts. "So, if we were to do this again, you'd kick us out of your party?"

Sirius nodded solemnly. "I can party on my own," he told them. He preferred not to, and though he made a big deal out of it, he had no problem with Tonks and Remus's public displays of affection. He was just glad that they were both happy, and he could see it in their eyes. Tonight however, the two seemed to have their minds on each other, getting carried away, and it was uncomfortable to watch. He'd prefer not to be put off his cake.

Tonks snorted in amusement. "Alright then," she pushed Remus off her, offering him her hand and standing up, "See you Siri!" She proceeded to lead Remus out the door, glancing at him so that he could see the laughter in her eyes.

She was halfway to the door when they heard a mumbled sound. Tonks laughed and turned around. Remus turned with her and they looked at Sirius who apparently, had tried to say something. "What was that Padfoot, old friend?" he said cheerfully, "You'll need to speak louder. I'm going deaf in my old age."

Sirius glared because it was obvious that Remus's last sentence was meant to be an insult, but he spoke anyway. "Don't go. I cant eat the whole cake on my own."

Remus and Tonks laughed. "Are you sure Siri?" Tonks asked him, infinitely sure that Sirius could scoff the whole cake down on his own in less than a minute, "Because we can go and party with Snape…" She smiled so that Sirius knew she was kidding.

Sirius grinned. "Go on then," he told her, waving her away, "I know how much you love his company."

Tonks laughed, glad that he was cheerful again. "That's the Siri I know and occasionally love," she said, laughing at the look on his face as he took in her words.

"Occasionally?" he asked her in mock outrage, "I'll have you know, that my family always loves me, and you can't be the only exception."

Tonks laughed, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, Bellatrix _adores_ you," she told him, "I know you are best buddies with Narcissa, and if your mothers screaming isn't proof of love, I don't know what is."

Sirius laughed and Remus watched them both, amused and amazed. "What can I say?" Sirius said, grinning mischievously, and Tonks and Remus exchanged apprehensive glances, "I make all the ladies scream."

This time it was Sirius that dived at Tonks, scooping her up into his arms and running towards the table, threatening to drop her headfirst into the cake. Tonks was squealing because there was no doubt that he wouldn't hesitate to drop her on the cake.

"Remus, help me!" Tonks cried, laughing as Sirius shifted to dig his fingers into her ribs, making her squirm with laughter.

"No! Moooony! Help me!" Sirius called out.

Remus shook his head at the both of them before speaking. "Sorry Padfoot," he said, grinning, "I'm team Dora."

Sirius laughed, and it sounded almost like a cackle. "Then into the cake she goes," he said, swinging her so that she swerved dangerously close to the cake.

Remus chuckled; he had a secret weapon. "You drop her in the cake, and you'll get to watch me lick it off her," he told Sirius.

Sirius grimaced and set Tonks upright straight away, disgusted at the very thought of having to watch such an event, because he had no doubt that Remus would actually do it.

"Moooooooonnnyy!" Sirius yelped, covering his ears with his hands, "You don't bloody talk about a man's cousin like that when he's standing right there."

There was a twinkle in Remus's eye as he shrugged and grinned. "You don't try to drop a man's girlfriend in a cake with him standing there either."

Sirius grinned. "But she's my cousin," he said cheerfully, "I have certain rights. I am allowed to annoy the hell out of her."

"For the bloody sake of Merlin's non-existent, bloody left eyebrow," Tonks said exasperated at Sirius's completely illogical sense of logic. Remus was half glaring, half grinning at Sirius and Tonks grinned happily as she looked at them both fondly, "Lets just all skip dinner and eat the cake." As she looked at Remus she laughed, and the need for him in her eyes was apparent. The thought of Remus cleaning the cake off her with his tongue appealed to her, and now she kind of wished that Sirius had actually dropped her in the cake. Maybe she could trip and accidently land in the cake…

She cleared her mind of the thought as Sirius spoke again. "Yes, cake does sound good," he looked at her suspiciously, as if he knew what she had just been thinking, "Good thing I decided not to drop Nymphy in it otherwise no-one would get any of it."

"I wouldn't say _no-one_," Tonks grinned, winking at Remus, who smiled back at her, his eyes betraying how very much he wanted and needed her. They would both have to make a concentrated effort tonight to focus on Sirius instead of each other.

Tonks searched for anything to distract her from her thoughts of Remus and … But no, she couldn't think of that. She wracked her brains, her eyes finally catching on the chair tucked close under the table that hid Sirius' birthday present.

"Are you sure that you don't want your present first?" Tonks asked, biting back a smile at the thought of Sirius trying to find his birthday present. Remus and Tonks had hidden it quite well, with clues for Sirius so he could find it.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Alright then," he said to them, "Give it to me."

Tonks grinned. "Alright then?" she asked him, picking up on his slightly reluctant tone, "Well, if you don't really want it…" She trailed off, catching Remus's eye and giving him a slightly amused look, which he reflected back at her.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Am I not enthusiastic enough for you Nympharoo?" he asked her, ignoring the look on her face as she took in this new nickname. He took a deep breath, grimacing and spoke in an extremely over-exaggeratedly cheerful way, "Oh my Merlin! A present? For me? REALLY? Where?"

Remus almost fell over laughing at the grin on Tonks face as Sirius grabbed her shoulders and shook her violently in his fake haste to get to the present. He accidently unbalanced her and she fell to the floor, laughing hard at Sirius and his child-like enthusiasm, even though he was faking it; mostly anyway.

"Now Nympharoo, you didn't have to fall over," Sirius said, as though he wasn't the cause of her fall. He looked to Remus, a twinkle in his eyes, "You get her head, I'll get her legs and we will drag her away, and tickle her to death. No-one would ever suspect either of us."

Remus chuckled. "You've got a deal," he told Sirius, "To the couch she goes."

Tonks looked at them both apprehensively, glaring at them each in turn. "I thought that you were team Dora?" Tonks asked as she started scooting backwards from the two men, "That's not fair. It's two on one."

Sirius laughed. "Yes, but it's a pretty even match because you are meant to be an Auror."

Tonks stop scooting backwards for a moment. "Meant to be?" she asked, narrowing her eyes and staring daggers at Sirius.

He shrugged. "You could prove it," he told her.

Within a second Tonks had grabbed her wand, waving it once at an unsuspecting Sirius, and muttering something he couldn't hear. The next thing he knew, he was hanging upside down by an ankle, being attacked by a deck of cards.

"Hang on!" Tonks exclaimed, 'I've had an idea."

Sirius was still upside down and glaring at her, but she seemed to forget that he was up there. He looked at her wearily. "And what is that, I regret to ask?"

She gave Sirius a withering look. "Let's play muggle games. Birthday games." She didn't bother to let him down from the roof even though his blood was draining to his head.

"Why the bloody hell would I do that?" Sirius rolled his eyes and reached for his own wand, waving it and muttering the spell that would let him down before falling to the floor.

"It'll be fun!" Tonks said cheerfully, looking to Remus pleading him to argue her case for her and ignoring the crash made by Sirius as he fell to the floor.

Remus rolled his eyes at her a little. "Er- I suppose it could be fun," he said in a completely unconvinced tone of voice.

Tonks laughed at both of them. "We can play pass the parcel and egg races and pin the tail on the donkey-"

Remus snorted in amusement. "Pin the tail on the what?" he asked, chuckling at her and her crooked sense of fun.

Tonks chose to ignore Remus, continuing her sentence. "-and I know these are all children's games but they can be fun. We could-"

Sirius had picked himself up off the floor. "How about this; you give me my present, then we eat the cake and if we get really, really desperately bored, we will play your muggle games."

"Fine," Tonks said, "But we can't give you the present."

Sirius frowned. "Then why-"

Tonks grinned mischievously. "Because you have to find it."

-RL&NT-

"I don't see why you are making me look for the present," Sirius grumbled, "Is it going to be another room?"

"That would be telling," Remus laughed, "And it's a secret."

"So scoot," Tonks said, handing him the first clue.

Sirius rolled his eyes and looked down at the piece of parchment Tonks handed him. "Can't we just eat the cake?"

Tonks rolled her eyes but made no answer and Sirius looked back down at the parchment, which was evidently a clue.

_Moony states that this room has many books, but is not the library. Dora adds that it is usually occupied by a sleeping bookworm, whilst Moony glares at her._

_Sincerely, Moony and Dora - ex-professor and super cool auror. _

Sirius raised his eyebrows and looked at the two of them. "Was this really necessary?" he asked them.

They grinned and spoke together, "Yes."

Sirius sighed and started to speak. "A sleeping bookworm… Well that obviously means Moony. Many books… Moony again… But not the library, so where?" Remus and Tonks exchanged glances; it was only a matter of time, "Oh, I get it. Moony's room."

Tonks nodded and laughed and started to walk towards Remus' room. Sirius stopped at the door, because pinned to it with a sticking charm was a note.

_Deep in the forest there is a note that will direct the dog to his bone, says Moony. Dora maintains that the bone can only be found in the heaviest of rain._

_Jokingly, Moony and Dora - Marauder and Metamorphmagus_

Sirius snorted with amusement. "Direct the dog to his bone?" he asked them, looking at Remus, "Your work?"

Remus grinned. "Of course."

Sirius sighed, "Well this obviously means my forest room."

They walked to the forest room and outside the door, Remus and Tonks stopped. Tonks laughed, "Don't forget the rain," she told Sirius.

Sirius rolled his eyes and they heard rain start in the room as Sirius entered. They waited several moments before he emerged, sopping wet with gritted teeth. "Tell me why it had to be raining?"

Remus chuckled and Tonks grinned. "We thought it would be funny."

Sirius glared at them both until Remus waved his wand, casting a drying spell over Sirius, who held up the parchment.

_Moony would like to say that the next clue lies with a certain favourite house elf. Dora advises you to arm yourself._

_Moony and Dora, Pesky best friend and annoying cousin._

"I don't have a favourite…" Sirius trailed off as his eyes narrowed, "Don't tell me it is in Kreacher's - er - bedroom/cupboard."

The grins on Remus' and Tonks' faces gave him his answer. "Oh bloody Merlin," he muttered.

When they got to the kitchen, they stopped in front of the cupboard Kreacher liked to live in and Sirius took a deep breath, hoping that Kreacher wouldn't be in there. Slowly, he reached for the cupboard door and opened it. Kreacher wasn't there, but the clue was. Sirius reluctantly reached into the cupboard as though it would hurt him and quickly pulled out the clue, slamming the cupboard door as he did.

Twenty-seven clues later a weary Sirius glared at a still-smiling Tonks and a grinning Remus. He pulled the next clue out from in between the pages of a muggle book, Pride and Prejudice, and read it, deciding that if this wasn't the last one, he'd give up.

_When a certain auror falls, the screaming starts. Said clumsy auror is glaring daggers at Moony who regrets to inform Padfoot that the last clue is at the scene of the screaming._

_Moony and Dora, Amused werewolf and Grumpy auror. _

Sirius looked up from the clue. "This means my mothers portrait doesn't it?" he asked, though he thought that he already knew the answer.

Tonks grinned and nodded. They all moved towards Mrs Black's portrait carefully, Remus keeping a tight grip on Tonks so that she couldn't possibly trip over the dreaded umbrella stand.

Underneath Sirius' mothers portrait was a box tied with ribbon, bright yellow with orange ribbon. Sirius was relieved and thought longingly of the cake waiting for him in the kitchen. He reached for the box carefully so that he didn't wake his mother.

The box was light and Sirius was instantly suspicious. He threw an apprehensive glance towards Remus and Tonks who looked casually nonchalant; suspiciously so. He lifted the lid on the box, his jaw immediately dropping at its contents. It held a single slip of parchment similar to the ones that held the clues.

_In true Marauder style, this gift is a prank. Your real present is actually in the kitchen, on a chair, under the table. If you were constantly vigilant, you may have noticed it there earlier. _

_Bidding you good night, Moony and Dora; delighted marauder and extremely amused order member._

It was a few moments before Sirius could look up to glare at either of them, and when he finally did look up he found that he couldn't. Remus had his arm around Tonks, and they were both looking towards him with shining eyes. As annoying as this wild goose chase had been, Sirius had to acknowledge the effort they had put into this, just for him. His eyes twinkled as he grinned at them.

"You two really went to Hogsmeade and back on this one," he told them, raising his eyebrows.

Tonks grinned and closed the gap between herself and Sirius, hugging him gently around the waist. "I missed a lot of your birthdays Siri, and you deserve more than that; more than what life has dealt you so far."

She pulled away and Sirius chuckled, "Oh, I don't know," he said happily, "It seems that I am lucky to have you both. I don't deserve you sometimes, when I am in a foul mood, but this house does that to me."

Tonks shrugged, "We all have our flaws," she told him, "It's what makes us human."

Remus tried to suppress his doubt at her words. He didn't think himself human sometimes, because of his condition, but Tonks was beginning to convince him, and he couldn't let her see that he still doubted himself.

Tonks could see doubt flash through Remus' eyes, and she could tell that he was trying to hold it in. She walked back over to him, took his hand and squeezed it. In her eyes he could see the understanding and he smiled at her. She leaned up to kiss him, and for once, Sirius said nothing.

When she pulled away she glanced at Sirius, but she could only see happiness in his eyes. "Can we go get some cake now?" he whined happily, "I'm hungry!"

Tonks and Remus laughed. "I suppose so," she said, her thoughts instantly flickering back to how she'd rather have her cake. She grinned to herself, but the other two didn't notice. They made their way back to the kitchen, where they feasted on the cake and swapped Hogwarts stories into the early hours of the morning.

-RL&NT-

The fireplace was flickering in the sitting room and Tonks felt extremely warm. Her head was in Remus' lap, and her body curled up on the couch. She had her eyes closed and Remus was stroking her hair. Sirius was in an armchair opposite them. They were all silent, enjoying each others company without feeling the need to speak out loud.

When the silence was broken, it was Sirius who spoke. "Is Nymph asleep?" he asked Remus ion a soft voice.

Remus was still stroking her hair. "I think so," he told Sirius in a quiet voice and Tonks knew from his tone that he would be looking at her. She tried to find her voice to tell them she was awake, but she couldn't. She felt too warm and sleepy. She settled for just listening to them, rather than being an active participant in their conversation.

"Moony, I feel strange," Sirius said and Tonks thought that he sounded worried.

It was a moment before Remus spoke. 'What do you mean?" he asked Sirius calmly.

"I just-" Sirius broke off, unable to voice his thoughts properly, "I just feel like something… bad… is going to happen soon and I don't know what, or why."

Tonks felt Remus' hands pause for a moment on her hair, before he continued to play with it. "It's probably nothing," he said, but he sounded unconvinced himself.

"No Moony," Sirius said, sounding more worried than before because Remus's response had failed to put him at ease, "Something is about to change; I can feel it."

"Things are changing all the time Padfoot," Remus said, his voice quiet and weary.

"I know," Sirius replied, "But this is different. I feel like time is running out and I can't shake it."

Remus stopped playing with her hair and moved his hands down her neck and shoulders, trailing his hands down her side to rest on her waist. He took her hand in one of his and twined their fingers together. Finally he spoke. "I can't tell you to change what you feel," Remus said slowly, "But whatever is coming is inevitable."

Sirius frowned, "So you feel it too?" he asked Remus, "I remember the last time I had this feeling, it was right before the traitor-"

Tonks heard Remus swallow, felt him shudder and then shake a little, his hand gripping hers. "Don't." Remus said, cutting Sirius off midsentence, even though Sirius had sounded as though he'd have a hard time finishing the sentence anyway.

There was silence and Tonks pondered what they had said. She'd been feeling the same way sometimes - had seen it in Remus' eyes occasionally, when he was deep in thought.

Remus broke the silence. "Yes, I feel it too," he said, eventually answering Sirius' question.

There was another silence and Remus' words hung in the air for a while.

"Well what do we do?" Sirius asked Remus, his voice unsure.

Remus sighed. "The same things we always do, only we'll be more careful," he said, his arms tightening around Tonks as he resolved not to let her go. He'd keep a closer eye on her from now on. He couldn't lose her - it would be unbearable.

"I feel…" Sirius spoke, "I feel like this could be the last birthday I have ever live through." He admitted how he felt; how he had been feeling all day.

Remus did not try to convince Sirius otherwise, and merely spoke the truth that they all knew, but tried not to think of.

"So many of us could die before our next birthday," he said quietly, "This is war."

**Please please please read and review! **

**I am sad to say that Siri dies next chapter, and I'm sure he'd want reviews on his last birthday chapter : P I'm just saying.**

**Thankyou again to all my reviewers; you are all amazing!**


	22. Promise?

**So I have a music play list for each chapter, often quite randomly selected, but from here on out, I'll list the songs in my authors notes. Today I happen to be listening to my sisters Jonas Brothers LA collection (before you scream and abandon this whole fic, hear me out). There is a song called 'Fall' which I happened to be listening to while writing about Tonks falling. Fits pretty perfectly : ) May even make a songfic out of it : P **

**Last chapter was 'Show me how you Burlesque' and 'Express' by Christina Aguilera, out of the movie Burlesque, and the_ amazing_ Christina Grimmie's 'Liar, Liar', 'Advice' and 'Unforgivable' as well as her versions of 'Firework' (Katy Perry), 'Hallelujah' and 'You lost me' (Christina Aguilera) She really is an amazing singer. Also, Miley Cyrus' 'When I look at you' and 'These four walls'. I play the play list repeatedly until I finish.**

**Also apology in advance for my atrocious punctuation in this chapter. Also, I have writers block, so another apology for how crap and/or disappointing this chapter may be for some of you : (**

_Cause I'm not afraid to fall, if you're the one who catches me  
__Tell me that you'll be there when I'm about to lose it all  
Cause you're the one who helps me see  
That sometimes it's ok to fall.  
__Fall, By the Jonas Brothers (Haha, how drastic)_

-RL&NT-

They were running, as fast as they could with one fear mutual between the five of them; that they wouldn't be fast enough. Every hurried step, every lengthened stride, every gasp as they snatched at the air around them brought them ever closer and yet; not close enough.

Two doors were in sight and they sprinted for them, almost forgetting to breathe in their anxiety to find the others. Remus and Tonks exchanged a look meters from the door and in his eyes, Tonks detected the same fear that she knew was reflected in her own. Kingsley and Sirius reached the doors first, flinging them open with barely a decrease in speed, wands drawn.

The five of them hesitated, surveying the room below them as they burst out onto a huge set of stone steps high above the floor of the room, where Neville and Harry were fighting many death eaters. Tonks recognised Bellatrix by her wild hair, holding her wand above Neville, who lay sobbing and twitching on the floor at the feet of a death eater. Harry was holding something out to another death eater to take and they all recognised that the man was Lucius Malfoy by the blonde hair.

Tonks was the first to react as she sent a stunning spell his way, increasing her pace as they others did and running desperately down the stairs. She didn't wait to see if it reached its mark, but continued to bound down the steps. Remus, beside her, reached for her hand and squeezed it tight before letting go and lengthening his stride. Kingsley, Remus and Sirius were flying down the steps ahead of her, and Mad-Eye was peeling off to the left a little; all of them firing spells as fast as they could.

As the warmth of his hand left hers she focused on what was happening in the sunken floor. Harry was trying to help Neville, and the death-eaters were firing spells. She dodged beams of green and red light as the flew rapidly towards her over and over again, becoming too lost in the blinding light to focus on anything but diving out of the way.

_Oh blast it Tonks, you're meant to be an auror_. Her thoughts were wild with worry for the others as she fought to focus on the task at hand; eliminating death eaters. She caught a sight of Sirius through all the light, dueling a death eater and looking more alive than she had seen him in a long while.

_It's a pity that it takes such a fight to make him look alive again, _she thought to herself before immediately yelling at herself in her head for her lack of concentration. _Focus! Focus, focus, focus… _The word pounded repeatedly through her head as she struggled down the steps still firing spells constantly.

Her worried eyes repeatedly scanned the room, searching for Remus. It was hard to tell the enemy from her side, even though they were masked - for the most part anyway. Her eyes finally sought him out across the room and as though he could feel her gaze, he looked away from the death eater he was dueling to glance at her. She ripped her eyes from his, terrified as a jet of green light flashed past her, missing her by inches.

Remus felt his heart tear a little as he saw how close the killing curse had been to hitting Tonks, but he pushed aside the feelings and turned back to his death eater, redoubling his efforts so that he could fight his way closer to her. Her slower, clumsier pace meant that she was still on the stairs.

She was halfway down the steps when the green light almost hit her, and she paused almost imperceptibly, looking for the death eater responsible. When her eyes scanned the room, dark eyes met her own, and a cackle rang through the room to reach her own ears. Her eyes widened as she took in Bellatrix sneering at her, as she saw a twisted grin overtaking her face. Bellatrix' wand was still raised and as her lips moved, Tonks was transfixed for a moment.

It only lasted long enough that she could feel the hatred inside her increasing impossibly more, and she was forced to duck as another beam of green light was shot at her. She fired spells down at Bellatrix as fast as she could, desperately hoping that one would hit her, and there was hardly time to look around her.

However, no matter how many spells were flung at her, the image of Remus as he looked at her before bursting through those doors, burned before her eyes. She tried desperately to force the image away as she fought from the middle of the stone steps.

Bellatrix was cackling, yelling and firing spell after spell at Tonks. In her eyes, Tonks could see the cruel glint as the light reflected off them. She struggled desperately to hit her with something - anything - to make her fall where she stood, laughing gleefully as though she didn't have a care in the world.

Across the room, on the sunken floor she saw Mad-Eye fall to the ground, his magical eye rolling away from him. Dolohov stood looking pleased with himself, wand raised and pointed at Neville. Mad-Eye, bleeding from the head, didn't rise and Tonks tried not to focus on him: tried to put all her power into fighting Bellatrix.

Bellatrix's twisted smile grew wider with glee as she too saw Mad-Eye fall; saw how it distracted Tonks. Tonks continued to fire spells at Bellatrix, but her aim was less accurate as she watched the fight below out of the corners of her eyes.

Mad-Eye was the one that she never thought would fall. He was gruff, strong and constantly vigilant. He had to be faking it, but he never had before and it would make no sense - Tonks was forced to accept that he had fallen, and to simply hope that he wasn't… She couldn't even say the word in her head; refused to acknowledge the possibility that they might all fall. There was more at stake here than just lives, and if she had to die to stop Voldemort, she knew she'd do it gladly.

Tearing her eyes from Mad-Eye, not even noticing the tears trailing down her cheeks as she turned back to Bellatrix with a glare filled with hatred and accusation. Bellatrix snarled at her, reveling in the small victory at the pain etched into Tonks' face.

She could still see out of the corners of her eyes and searched for Remus, her eyes falling instead back to Mad-Eye and Dolohov. He had jinxed Neville, and was pointing his wand at Harry when Sirius rammed into him, knocking him flying. Despite this, Dolohov jumped up waving his wand at Sirius. Tonks only had time to see Harry jinx Dolohov before she saw him. Remus was glaring up at her, firing spells at a death eater and at Bellatrix at the same time, but his face was filled a tenderness and worry so intense that, had she not been fighting for her life, would have brought her to her knees.

She shot another few spells at Bellatrix blindly before Remus looked away, gazing distractedly towards Sirius' direction. Tonks' eyes followed his and they both saw a jet of green light fly past him, missing him by inches. She turned her wand in fury on the death eater responsible for the killing curse sent towards Sirius.

The distraction on Tonks' part was all Bellatrix needed as she sent a curse towards her. Tonks eyes turned to meet Bellatrix' as an invisible weight hit her with a flash of blue light. A sharp pain ripped through her chest as she crumpled on the steps, her limp body falling from step to step as Bellatrix screamed with triumph and ran into the fight below. Her eyes closed as her head hit the first step and all sound blurred in her ears, replaced by a rushing sound.

She registered Remus' stricken face vaguely as she tumbled hard down the steps, unable to move and unsure if she was even conscious, before darkness blurred the edges of her vision. All she could hear was the thuds her body made on the cold stone steps as she fell from step to step and the muffled rushing sound that she assumed was the fight going on in the room around her.

Her body finally came to a rest on the sunken floor of the room, and she tried to speak to tell Remus she was ok. She struggled to open her eyes, unaware of when they had closed. She could hear them now - could hear the fight around her clearly - she just couldn't move, or see. Her lips refused to yield to her; refused to speak the words she wanted to believe were true, that she really was ok.

The pain was everywhere - there wasn't a part of her free from the searing, sharp agony. She struggled to remember where she was, and who she was as she felt the darkness pulling at her semi-consciousness. It was trying to drag her under, but she refused to go. She tried thinking clearly, remembering back to her auror training and the phrases; situation, surroundings and evaluation. She struggled to think of it, and her memories started to slip into her mind, clouding her thoughts even more, but providing a clarity she couldn't find otherwise.

"_Situation, surroundings and evaluation?" Ted Tonks snorted as a younger Tonks told him all about her first day at auror training. Her very first class had taught her to always remember these three things in times of doubt, "That sounds like "Who, what, when, where, and why?"_

_Tonks eyebrows creased in confusion, "What?" she asked, looking skeptically at her dad, completely confused._

_Ted laughed. "It's a muggle thing," he told her, patting her gently on the top of the head as he stood and left the room, "Might come in handy someday."_

_Tonks snorted. "Right Dad, right."_

Now that she had a grasp on something that wasn't the darkness she clung to the five words. _Who? _Well, herself obviously, and Bellatrix. She vaguely remembered Harry and his friends, and death eaters; lots of them. The image of Remus flashed before her eyes and she felt a flicker of hope form in the vast darkness that had taken most of her body.

_What? _A fight - she could remember that quite clearly; could still hear it going on around her. She'd been - she took a moment to remember, oh yes - fighting Bellatrix on the steps surrounding a room. Suddenly she could remember flashes of thing before her eyes: Mad-Eye on the floor, bleeding; Sirius dueling Dolohov and the look on Remus' face as she fell. Oh, that's right, she had fallen. Bellatrix had hit her with something; something blue.

Right, so she had figured out her situation. She was lying in a heap, on the floor while the people she loved were fighting for their lives around her.

_When? _Right now, she assumed seeing as she could still vaguely hear the blur of battle around her. She found that she couldn't remember the date, or the month of the year, or any specific marker of time. She decided that it didn't particularly matter what time it was.

_Where? _It took her a while to dig her location from the darkness waiting to close over her mind at the first sign of weakness. Eventually she remembered that she was at the Ministry of Magic, in the Department of Mysteries. Something about a prophecy?

So that takes care of her surroundings, she thought tiredly as she struggled again to move, again absolutely failing to regain control over her body. Was there one more? The most important of all?

_Why? _Immediately she was assailed by images of Remus. His worried eyes locking into hers, his determined face as he fought for his life, the look of joy on his face when she told him she loved him for the first time, the ecstasy lining his features as they made love time and time again…

She didn't know whether it was the sharp memories or the familiar voice that sounded suddenly through the fog in her head that pulled the darkness away from her a little more. A moment of calm stole over her, and her pain lifted for a moment.

_Dumbledore._

She could hear him in the room; could hear the shock expressed by gasps by death eaters and order members alike. She could feel the surge of electricity as the side of the light regained confidence. She could feel the warmth of his magic as it passed by her to help those on his side.

She redoubled her efforts, trying to break through the barrier that kept her from being able to see, speak and move, with no success. Her senses blurred again, and she struggled to hear again. For a moment the blur receded leaving one more moment of clarity.

In that moment she heard it: Bellatrix' triumphant scream, and the silence that filled the room at the sound of it. Someone was shouting for Sirius and the voice sounded familiar. She was shocked to realise that it was Harry who was calling Sirius' name again and again. She listened for Sirius' reply, waiting for his familiar voice to put her at ease.

It never came.

The voice of Remus floated through to her, mixed with Harry's but she couldn't tell what either of them were saying - their voices were rushed and urgent, their breath coming out in short, panting, gasps.

In another moment of clarity she heard Remus' voice, as calm as ever, but hitching slightly in his pain as he barely more than whispered; "There's nothing you can do, Harry: nothing: he's gone."

-RL&NT-

Her head was pounding, but the pain was nowhere near as intense as the pain in her chest. She couldn't tell the damage from Bellatrix' curse from the hollow pain in her heart at the feeling of loss.

It couldn't be true, it just couldn't: Sirius had to be alive because it was impossible for him to die. She hoped desperately that she had misheard, that maybe she had imagined it all.

Who, what, when, where, why? It all seemed so unimportant now. Who? Sirius. What? She didn't know, or she hoped she didn't. When? She still had no concept of time. She had no idea how long the darkness had held her hostage. Where? Who knew where she was now? Maybe she was, in fact, dead. Why? She couldn't remember why anymore. It was all fading away.

The darkness dragged her under again.

When she awoke this time, it was with a shudder. Her eyes flashed open and bright white light flooded her vision so that she couldn't tell where she was. Her senses came back with a jolt and she opened her mouth to speak.

"Why?" The word was little more than a hoarse whisper, but Remus heard her. His hand tightened on hers and Tonks realised that someone was holding her hand. She opened her mouth to speak again, but shut it again. She couldn't think of a single thing she could say that wouldn't cause her even more pain. She winced and Remus frowned.

She could smell something familiar - a clean smell, like a hospital. Her eyes focused on the ceiling directly above her, and she recognised the place at once.

She was in St Mungo's, which wasn't unusual, as her clumsiness had landed her in there more than a few times. Somehow, she thought that it was something more sinister that had brought her here this time.

"Dora?" A tentative, but relieved voice spoke to her, "Are you ok?"

She turned her head towards the voice that could only belong to one person, and he was there. His face was more tired and weary looking than she had ever seen it before but he tried to smile nevertheless. Clearly he thought that she didn't know, and he obviously didn't want to tell her, even though he knew he had to. The pain in his eyes was enough to confirm her suspicions. The only marauder left was sitting by her side, holding hand as though it was holding him to life.

As he opened his mouth to speak, she shook her head, the tears spilling from her eyes and down her face. How could Sirius be gone when he was so full of life? She didn't try to speak, because she knew she wouldn't find the words.

Remus stared silently at Tonks as she shook her head. He had been struggling for the words that would express what he needed to say. Sirius was gone, and there was no way that she could know because she had been out cold on the steps. He tried to reconcile this with the tears running down her face.

Neither of them spoke for a long time, gripping each others hands so that they knew that they were still there. Tonks cried, each sob ripping through her chest painfully. She didn't even try to hold back the pain she felt, until eventually the sharp pain settled to an insistent ache buried deep inside her heart.

She opened her mouth a couple of times before attempting to speak. "Was there-" her hoarse voice trailed off, "Was there anyone… else?" she asked him.

The pain flared in his eyes at his realization; she knew. He shook his head. "No," he choked out, "Everyone else was fine…"

The pain was burning in Remus' eyes and she almost broke under the strain of seeing it smolder there. She could hear it in his voice, see it etched into every line of his weary face and she couldn't stand it. As much pain as she felt over the death of her cousin, she knew that it was a hundred times worse for Remus.

Gone was the last good friend he had, apart from her; gone was the man who had helped him through thick and thin; gone was the last man that cared; and gone was the cheerful, sometimes surly, often playful and extremely loyal man that he called his best friend.

It was too much for Tonks to comprehend, because Remus had lost so much more than she had, and yet he sat by her side now, holding her hand and asking her how she was. She gazed at him, sure that he was the strongest person she knew - even stronger than Harry.

"Remus?" she whispered, her eyes locking with his.

"Dora?" he asked her back, answering her in an exhausted but relieved voice.

Tonks felt her heart break a little more as he said her name. "Come here." she whispered to him, reaching out with one hand towards his face.

He leaned in towards her and her hand came to rest on his cheek. She was shaking with the effort of keeping her hand there but, ignoring the pain, she reached up and pulled his face towards hers gently. He understood straight away, lowering his lips to meet hers.

She kissed him softly and felt some warmth enter her body again for the first time since she had seen the confirmation in his eyes. Remus sighed as she kissed him softly, and he kissed her back, some of the tension falling away from him as she melted some of his pain. She was all he had left now.

It was hard to pull away from the warmth and comfort of her, but he could remember her condition. She had fallen quite a long way and the healers had been so unsure when they had first brought her in. She had almost died, and it was a feeling Remus would never forget.

She winced when he pulled away, letting her arms fall loosely back to the bed. She was in a lot of pain, but she wanted to know more.

Remus spoke before she had a chance to ask him anything. "How are you feeling?" There was slightly more warmth to his voice than there had been before - the despair had eased a little.

"Fine," Tonks said impatiently, but she accidently gave herself away by wincing when she breathed a little too deeply.

Remus frowned. "I think you need more medication," he told, "It'll be alright. It'll put you straight into a dreamless sleep."

Tonks panicked at the thought of sleeping now; of slipping into the darkness again before she had her answers. She had to know that everything was ok, that he was ok before she could even think of it. "I don't want to sleep," she said vehemently, reaching out to stop him from leaving to find a healer. She winced yet again at the pains in her arm and chest as she moved too quickly.

She had spoken with enough conviction to stop him, and he sank back into his seat at the panicked look in her eyes. He dropped his gaze to his knees. "I'll answer your questions, Dora, but then you need to take some pain medication."

Tonks could find no indication of a bluff in his face or voice and she nodded, looking away. "Did we win?" she asked.

Remus nodded and she looked towards him, attempting a smile. He gave no indication that he would speak more about that and merely tried to smile back.

She took a deep breath. "There will be time enough for me to hear about everything later," she told him, "I just want to know that you will be ok."

Remus sighed and pushed his fringe back out of his eyes, before finally looking into her eyes. "I'll be fine," he said quietly, and when Tonks opened her eyes to contradict him he cut her off, "I really will be. It hurts like hell, I'll admit, and I've lost almost everything…"

"I fail to see where the 'fine' comes into this," Tonks said softly.

"I still have you," he told her sadly, giving her a small smile, but it was biggest she'd seen on him since she had woken up.

Tonks was confused. "What do I have to do with this?" She winced again as the pain in her chest and head intensified.

Remus sighed as he stood, pressing a kiss to her forehead. "Everything. Dora, you mean everything to me, even more so now than before." He walked towards the door and the panic crossed her features again.

"Are you coming back?" she asked, ignoring the insistent pain caused by her slightly raised voice.

"Of course. I'm just going to get a healer," he told her, offering her another small smile despite the fact that it felt a little forced. She could tell and she didn't smile back, seeing that he was still in pain, and would be for a long while. He sighed as if he knew what she was thinking. "Yes Dora, I am in pain right now, but nothing can be done about that right now. Your physical pain, however, we can fix right now, and so I'd rather not see you in pain for any longer than I have to."

The worry didn't leave her and he crossed the room to kiss her again. "I'm not going anywhere Dora," he told her, "I'll be here when you wake up."

Tonks sighed and looked into his eyes. "Do you promise?"

"I promise."

**This chapter isn't great. I have an awful case of writers block. So I thought of and typed this up in about forty five minutes flat. **

**It's a short chapter because dwelling Siri's death is too depressing : ( I tried to make it as not-depressing as I could, but what else could he do? I sort of rushed it and then moved the focus onto Remus' pain instead of Siri's death. **

**I know that I said there was only one marauder left in this, but I don't count Pettigrew. He isn't worthy of any title but 'Traitor', or sometimes, 'Traitorous rat,' or perhaps any insulting thing you can find to call him. Feel free to be creative : P**

**Review if you don't want to end up the same as Siri.**

**Thanks to all my reviewers, especially my anonomous reviewer 'Dildog the Penguin Rapist', you may have a strange, strange choice in names.. but your review made my entire day! Seriously, made me smile.**

**APOLOGIES FOR THE OVERLOAD OF AUTHORS NOTES!**


	23. The Letter

**Musical inspiration for this chapter; Grenade by Bruno Mars and Perfect by Pink. **

**So, I seem to have lost a few reviewers, some who were regular and I am not sure whether they are just busy, lazy or disinterested but it's getting me down : ( Thanks to those who have reviewed this story lately. **

**Lacking motivation : S Severely… Also, I have writers block bad so excuse the bad quality of this fic lately and the long time between updates. **

**But seriously, if it sucks just tell me. Don't just stop reviewing because, although it gets the message across, it will be the death of this story.**

**I am not making Remus and Tonks grieve **_**too**_** much because I hate them being sad and this story will soon take a dark turn when Remus leaves Tonks and we all need some happiness before then.**

_Pretty pretty please, don't you ever ever feel,_

_Like you're less than, less than perfect,_

_Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel like you're nothing,_

_You are perfect to me,_

Perfect, By Pink.

"REMUS BLOODY LUPIN!" Tonks bellowed, "Get your butt up off the floor!"

Remus raised an eyebrow at her, "Why are you yelling at me exactly?" he asked her quietly.

Tonks shrugged, "We've never yelled at each other before and I just thought I'd try it," she said lightly, "But it's not really working for me."

"I can yell at you if you want," he offered, the hint of a smile playing around his lips.

Tonks snorted in amusement, "You? Yelling?" she laughed softly, "Impossible."

Remus smiled at her, turning his head lazily away from her and gazing upwards, "You're right. What was I thinking?" There was a moments silence before Remus turned his head back to face her sighing, "Dora, come here."

Wearily she walked towards where he lay on his back staring at the ceiling, trying to seem as cheerful as possible. He sat up as she approached and taking her hands in his, he pulled her into his lap and kissed her. Tonks felt all the tension that she hadn't known she'd possessed leave her as she melted against him, sighing.

These days any time away from Remus was too long to bear. She felt pathetic for not even being able to be in another room without him but her need for him had been paramount ever since she'd woken up in St Mungo's two weeks previous.

He could feel her sadness in the way her lips pressed against his and the sweetness of it threatened to make him cry. The despair he'd felt since the death of Sirius threatened to overtake him again and he fought desperately to keep it at bay, seeking Tonks strength because it was directly proportional to his. She was the strength he needed to keep going, if only he could bring it out of her.

"Dora?" he asked, breaking the kiss and moving his lips to her neck.

Tonks sighed, happiness and sadness at war within her, fighting for a hold. "Yes?" she asked him quietly.

"You need to be strong Dora," he captured her eyes with his and the look in his eyes was of one who was being tortured. When she looked away, her eyes filling with tears, it was not over her own pain, but over his. His voice was quiet when he spoke again, recapturing her gaze with his words, "If Padfoot were here, what would he say?"

Depression washed over her at the sound of his nickname but she pushed at it, shoving away the sadness, because she could see what Remus meant. She opened her mouth to speak but shut it again before she could get the words out. Remus raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm sure he'd be telling you to get off your lazy backside too," Tonks said, cracking a joke for the first time since his death.

Remus chuckled softly and rolled his eyes, "I'm sure he would," he told her, "But what else would he say?"

"He'd tell me to stop feeling so bloody sorry for myself," she said sadly before looking up at him and smiling, "He'd also be begging you to make him some food. I can hear it now; Moooonnnyyy! Make me a sandwich!"

He snorted in amusement laughing for what felt like the first time in years, "One more thing."

Tonks frowned in concentration before it hit her. She grinned, "He'd be calling me by some terrible variation of my first name."

Remus wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the side of her forehead, "Exactly. He would kill us for moping over his death like this so we have to _try_."

"I don't have to try to be happy when you're here Remus," Tonks said, putting her hands up to cup his face, "You are my very definition of happy."

Almost as soon as the words were out of her mouth he covered her lips with his, kissing her passionately and backing her against the front of the couch. The frantic desperation of his lips on hers and hers on his sparked a flame inside them both. It was their own world where only they existed: no pain, no sadness and no death.

Remus broke away briefly and in a moment of clarity his head stopped spinning, "And you are mine," he assured her breathlessly, "We have to reflect on the good memories, not the bad, because when the darkness comes, we need the light to be able to see."

-RL&NT-

The next morning was a Saturday and -although it seemed the perfect day to start reflecting on those good memories- it was as though someone was trying to test their resolve. They were determined to be happy because Sirius wouldn't have wanted them to be sad. Both Tonks and Remus missed Sirius terribly, but were determined to not feel sorry for themselves.

They were sitting at the kitchen table eating their breakfast in comfortable silence when an owl, that Tonks recognised as Galaxy, landed at Tonks' window and began to tap insistently on the glass. She sighed and got up to let it in, realizing as she did that it was heavily laden with mail: two rolls of newspaper, and a piece of parchment. Another owl was also at the window, one that Tonks did not recognise, and it was carrying a letter.

Tonks took the piece of parchment off first and proceeded to read it.

_Nymphadora,_

_I fear that I am very confused by the news I have found in these newspapers. I know that you must have something to do with the whole thing or that you'll know something at the very least. Don't ask how I know; a mother just knows these things. _

_Read the newspapers first._

_Andromeda Tonks._

Tonks raised her eyebrows at the cryptic note wondering what could possibly be going on.

Remus, however, had been looking through the rest of the mail. He set the letter to the side and lined up the two newspapers. She passed the note to Remus for him to read and looked at the newspapers in front of her. There was a copy of the Prophet and The Quibbler. Wondering what could possibly be in the quibbler that her mother would think she needed to read, she pulled the paper towards her.

Remus raised his eyebrows, amused, as she pulled the paper towards her.

"The Quibbler?"

"Do you have a problem with it?'

He smirked, " No, I just didn't think you'd be the type."

"Well I'm no Luna Lovegood…" she grumbled before grinning widely at him and hitting him lightly on the shoulder with the paper. He faked a grimace and she grinned wider before reading the article out loud.

_Are you Sirius?_

_There have been many claims in the past about the whereabouts of Sirius Black, ranging from being on tour with a wizarding band as Stubby Boardman to gallivanting around Hogwarts as a deranged, psychopath murderer, but the one thing we thought we could be sure of was that he was guilty of innocent murder; as sure as the sky is blue, as sure as the Crumple-Horned Snorkack exists and as sure that Nargles can act like an Imperious curse if left to fester in ones brain for too long._

_However, alas, we find out that Sirius Black is neither at Hogwarts, or pretending to be Stubby Boardman and the sure truths we took for granted have been turned back on us. Most would simply find this as impossible to swallow as a Blibbering Humdinger on a Monday morning; there were eyewitnesses who swear they saw Black kill all those muggles._

_The certain details have been withheld by the ministry but, as in other endeavors they have made ignorant mistakes with, we are told to take their word for it. _

_Due to certain evidence and a key eyewitness The Quibbler fully - for once - supports the ministry's claims of Sirius Blacks innocence, along with the announcement of you-know-who's return. We sincerely blame the presence of Whizzing Humbee's for this unfortunate return._

Tonks looked up from reading determined not to let the sadness she felt overtake her in the face of their new resolve, "Well, that was a Quibbler article through and through," she said, snorting derisively at the newspaper.

Remus chuckled, "Well, the key eyewitness was obviously Luna," he said, "But honestly, it all sounded like rubbish to me."

Tonks had picked up the copy of the prophet and was glaring darkly at it, "Better than this article, I can assure you, " She made a face at Remus, "It was written by Rita Skeeter."

Remus frowned, making a face back at her, "I personally do not care for that woman," he stated with a hint of malice in his tone. It was unusual to hear in his otherwise gentle voice.

Tonks rolled her eyes, "Nor do I," she assured him and began to read in a detached tone that gradually turned to indignation.

_Sirius Black: An Innocent Man?_

_Following a recent incident at the ministry, that has caused the idiocy which is the lies Dumbledore and Harry Potter have been trying to infect the wizarding world with to become sucked in to the Ministry, it has been proclaimed that Sirius Black is innocent and… hold your applause; dead. A weight has been lifted off the shoulders of the wizarding world._

_You read correctly ladies and gentlemen; Sirius Black is dead. However, the latest thread in the fabric that is the lies of Dumbledore and Potter - likely the result of overexposure to undeserved fame- is that Sirius Black was innocent._

_Dumbledore and Potter have nerve to oppose the number of eyewitnesses who saw Black murder an entire street and there is no doubt in my mind, dear readers, that Sirius Black is-_

Just what Sirius Black supposedly was, Remus never found out. Tonks had cut off midsentence with a choking sob and had flung the newspaper into the fireplace. Drawing her feet up onto her chair and wrapping her arms around her knees, hugging them to her chest and resting her chin on them, her eyes swimming with tears, she tried to draw a deep breath, but only managing a strangled, rattling breath.

Remus was unsure what to do as he watched her as though she was about to fall apart. Her eyes were unseeing, glassy and he seemed to forget that he was there, staring into the distance but not taking in a single detail.

He stood and moved to kneel in front of her chair, trying to take her hands and draw her off the chair and into his arms. Her grip was strong, as she refused to let his hands hold hers, not even looking towards him, but tightening her arms around herself even more. He sighed and reached up with one hand to stroke her hair, letting his hand trail down her cheek and under her eyes to wipe away the tears.

She finally looked at him as his warm touch burned through her skin, which felt suddenly cold at the words she had read in the wretched article. She swore she would not think of them again as she looked into Remus' worried eyes. She knew that she was dwelling on the present and the past, something they had sworn not to do. Yet, she struggled to focus on the good memories.

Remus could read her internal struggle. He looked up at her, and into her eyes, "We were twelve," he said softly, "and Sirius and James thought that they were brave enough to fly straight to the trunk of the Whomping Willow, touch the bark and then fly back out again."

Tonks looked at him through watery eyes, smiling a little as she imagined Sirius, proud and arrogant and completely at ease with the world, talking himself up in front of the whole school.

"James chickened out," he reminisced, "but Sirius would not be deflected. He got a real beating off the tree that day. He's still scared of it, even now." He paused for a moment to smile at old memories, "That's how he got the two long scars on his arms and his neck."

Tonks finally laughed a little, "He told me that he got those fighting of dark wizards in Azkaban."

Remus rolled his eyes, "It figures," he told her, "Always unable to admit his weaknesses, old Padfoot."

"And what were they?" Tonks asked, "His weaknesses?"

Remus grinned, "Alcohol, women and murderous trees."

Tonks laughed again, "I would have thought that it was his guilt," she said quietly, "That his real weakness was his sense of guilt and responsibility for James' and Lily's deaths."

Remus raised his hand to her face to scuff his thumb along her jaw. When he spoke, his voice was deeper, huskier than it had been before, "Yes," he said, dropping his eyes from hers, "It was always that. I never saw him so broken as he was after that."

Tonks raised her own hand to cover his, which was still lingering at her jaw, and sliding off her chair to kneel to eye-level in front of him, she spoke to him with a voice so warm that he felt surrounded by her glow, "It's a good thing he had you then," she told him, pressing her lips to his and washing away any guilt that Remus felt for not being there for Sirius until recently; for readily believing the worst of his friend, when Sirius had never done that to him. Not even when Sirius had found out that he was a werewolf, merely claiming cheerfully that he was now free to honestly say that he had a friend with a tail - if only for one night each month.

He pulled away from Tonks for a moment to whisper against her lips, "And it's a good thing I have you," he told her before recapturing her lips and kissing her with unbounded passion until neither could feel anything but happiness.

-RL&NT-

A couple of hours later found Tonks and Remus curled up together on the couch. Tonks was curled into his side, her cheek pressed against his chest and Remus had his arms wrapped around her, his face hidden in the crook of her neck inhaling the sweet smell of her hair. Neither were clothed anymore, but they didn't care; they were warm in each others arms.

Tonks broke the silence first, "She wrote something about you being a werewolf, didn't she?"

"Hmmm," Remus lifted his head from where in the crook of her neck, "Who?"

"Rita Skeeter of course," she told him, grimacing as she said the name.

Remus sighed and brought his forehead to her shoulder, "Let it go Dora. There is nothing we can do. Rita will be Rita," He lowered his voice, "Even if Rita is a cow."

Tonks was shocked to hear her Remus actually insult someone. She didn't think she'd ever heard him insult anyone else, even Snape. Well, maybe except for Pettigrew. She suddenly realised the full extent of Remus' dislike for the woman. 'Did you just insult Rita Skeeter?" she asked him incredulously.

Remus grinned, "No, I insulted a cow by calling her one."

Tonks gaped at him wordlessly before finally finding her voice under a few layers of shock.

"But you never-"

"Shhhh, don't tell anyone. You'll ruin my image." Remus teased her.

Tonks rolled her eyes, "I can see now how you may have been a marauder," she said, "It's always the quiet ones that you have to watch."

Remus snorted in amusement, "You know that we never opened that letter."

Tonks was confused, "What letter?"

"The one Andromeda sent with the newspapers," he told her "We got distracted."

Tonks grinned at him, "Do we have to read it?" she asked him, "Can't we just get distracted again?"

"No, it could be important," he laughed, untangling himself from Tonks, ignoring how tempting getting distracted again sounded.

"You believe in the strangest things Remus," Tonks informed him grumpily, "Like 'responsibility' and 'maturity'." She said the words as though they were highly contagious diseases.

Remus flashed a grin over his shoulder as he buttoned up his shirt and threw her clothes towards her, 'Go and whine to Fred and George."

Tonks made a face and put a hand up to catch her clothes, failing miserably as the flew over the back of the couch. "That was a terrible throw," she told him.

"No, that was a terrible catch," he countered.

"Git," she mumbled.

"Nymph," he replied.

"You are a… a…" she struggled to find something wrong with Remus. He was so perfect to her. She decided to pick his weaknesses, "Self-sacrificing, noble Gryffindor." For good measure she poked her tongue out at him.

"You are such a child," he told her, winking to make sure she knew he was joking.

She grinned at him, 'And you love me."

Remus rolled his eyes, "Unfortunately, I do." he joked, dodging the pillow that Tonks threw at his head, "That was a terrible throw."

Tonks grinned, "Ducking isn't allowed!"

Remus laughed, "Is too."

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Now who's the child?" Tonks asked, throwing another pillow which he allowed to hit him.

"Still you," he said, before adding, "And me too."

Tonks grinned, "Yes, well. We have to be childish now that Siri is gone, because he always acted like the child. We must take his place and carry the Marauder name forward."

Remus burst out into hysterical laughter- laughter that Tonks thought was out of place considering the sober undertone to her words, "What's so funny?" she asked, failing to see how she could have been _that _funny.

It was a while before he stopped laughing enough to tell her, "Oh, it's just that Sirius said something very similar once."

Tonks grinned, "What did he do?"

"We were in the beginning of our seventh year and he and James thought that we needed to find replacement Marauders to carry on the Legacy. 'They must take our place and carry the Marauder name forward,' were his exact words." Remus told her.

"What happened then?" Tonks asked him.

Remus laughed once and then sighed, "That is a story for another day," he told her, "We have a letter to read."

He moved towards the table and picked up the letter and Tonks moved to stand next to him. He handed her the letter and watched as she opened it, holding it where they could both read it.

When they finished their faces were blank of every emotion except for confusion and shock. Remus gulped and spoke first, 'Well that was…" he was lost for words.

"…unexpected." Tonks finished for him, holding the letter out for him to read again, just to make sure that she hadn't misread it. The unchanging confusion on his face confirmed that she had, in fact, read it right.

**Dun dun dun!**

**So this chapter is really stupid, badly written and plotless. HOWEVER! The drama is coming up in the next couple of chapters.**

**My writers block is getting worse. It was really, really hard to produce this chapter at all, let alone a good quality one, which is why it turned out terrible and short.**

**So, the cliffhanger. SORRY GUYS! But, I'm at a loss for where this story should go because in the next couple of chapters, Remus has to leave Tonks. It is inevitable. Just what the letter says, I still have one idea, but that's it. I really, really need ideas, because I only have one and it wont make a whole lot of sense. So, feel free to suggest anything you think the letter should say and who it could be from. **

**So please review and leave your ideas with me : ) Seeing as my idea may include Sirius, a time turner and a letter from him written to both of them because he knew he was going to die. See, random, makes little sense, but I could make it work if no-one comes up with anything better.**


	24. Obligations

**SORRY ALL! I've been away from fanfiction for like three weeks. Life has just caught up with me. I've started Beta'ing for others and I'm sick. I work six days a week and I'm going through a lot at the moment. I ride in horseriding competitions every weekend (damn you show season) and I've been trying to just keep going. This writing block is severely annoying but I think that I may be seeing the end of it. This chapter isn't as long as it usually is, nor as good a quality as it could be. Sorry again. I don't mean to whinge and whine.**

**On that thoroughly and dreadfully un-cheery note, and with no further ado, I ask you to please read, enjoy and review. I will not be posting more until I get at least twenty reviews. Considering thousands of people read this each day, it's not too much to ask. **

**Thanks to my wonderful reviewers who have reviewed previous chapters. You are all bloody brilliant!**

**(This chapter is a little odd. Oh and Moony and Dora were feeling the love in the first part : S I didn't plan it, they did : S So, warning for the fainthearted. No, it's not really that gruesome)**

_Moony and Dora,_

_As I sit here, there isn't much time left. I have maybe an hour, but probably less. If you are reading this, it means that I am dead. _

_Dumbledore knows about this letter as he would have sent this to you by Fawkes, or maybe an owl so that he wont draw attention to himself or to you. _

_I don't know what happens in the end of all this but I was stupid. I shouldn't have gone in to save Harry. Or maybe I should have, but I don't really know. Who ever does? If I hadn't gone against Dumbledore, I would still be alive. However, if I obeyed Dumbledore and anyone else died or got hurt because I wasn't there to help, I would have felt infinitely ashamed and miserable. _

_I'm sorry. I was the first of us to die in that battle, and hopefully the last. I saw Nymphy fall, Mad-Eye fall and then I fell. I saw Dumbledore last of all, but he was not the very last thing. I had time to register the look on dearest Bella's face as I fell. I do hope that someone kills her in the end._

_I know that you are wondering how in the name of Merlin I have managed to get this letter to you. I had picked up a time-turner. Harry and the rest of them had smashed all except this one and I couldn't let the last one break so I put it around my neck as we had reached the floor. Stupid, I know, to be worried about a time-turner as we are dueling a bunch of death eaters. Anyway, as I was falling backwards I turned it once and came back an hour. _

_I'm obviously not going to change the future with my actions; I've done that enough already. I've come straight to Grimmauld where I am in the room you both made for me, sitting on a rock in the sunshine. I am as happy as the circumstances allow. _

_I'm ready for death and I want you both to be happy. Grimmauld place was driving me bloody mad and you both were the only things that stopped me from canning it all anyway. I would have escaped if I wanted. I escaped from Azkaban and I can escape from Dumbledore. _

_So be happy and know that I was as ready as I could have been for this. Ok, that's a lie. I wasn't quite ready, but I'm accepting it now because although (hopefully) people will miss me, I would rather me die than have either of you die. _

_For the last time ever, Sirius Black aka Padfoot._

_PS: Moony don't you dare hurt my cousin or I'll be turning in my grave and I so swear that I will rise from the dead to haunt your sorry werewolf butt. Thankyou for coming back to me Moony. I'm sorry that you ever had to believe that I was guilty. _

_PSS(?): Nymphadora - I had to call you that because I've gone where you cant hex me - hold onto Moony. He can be slipperier than the giant squid when he wants to be. I want to thank you for being there these last couple of months. You were a light in the darkness._

_PPS: I owe you both more than you will ever know. Be happy, for me. I'll be watching you both and if I see self-pity or sadness, I'll find a way to get back at you. Be there for each other and please stay safe._

Absoloute silence rang through Tonks flat. It was in the air between them, intensifying with every second that passed.

"Is this some sort of prank?" Tonks asked, uncertainty lining her voice.

Remus didn't quite know how to answer. "If it is, it's distasteful," he replied, his features betraying his utter confusion.

There was more silence while they re-read the letter, mulling it over in their heads, trying to make it make sense. Their thoughts eventually gave way to resigned peace.

Tonks spoke first, sighing. "No, it was definitely Siri that wrote this letter," she said, stating what they both knew was true but couldn't quite reconcile on their own. He had put so much of himself into the letter that it was _impossible _to deny that it was him. The main question was how; he was _dead. _Of course the letter answered that, but it was still hard to believe. Was this how muggle-born's felt about magic once they found out? Having the proof smack in front of your face, right under your nose, but still not being able to believe it?

Remus didn't speak for a moment. "Of course. Who else would threaten to '_rise from the dead to haunt my sorry werewolf butt?'_" he quoted, "it was definitely him."

Tonks smiled weakly. "Where does this leave us now?" she asked him, feeling a bit off balance and confused by this new revelation.

Remus smiled back, hiding the pain he still hid behind a carefully constructed mask, "In exactly the same place," he told her firmly, "We will stick to our resolve to remember the good memories, not dwell on the bad and to remember Sirius in the way he would want us to."

Tonks grinned. "What if I don't want to stay in the same place?" she asked and Remus frowned, confused. Tonks laughed at his expression and stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around his waist. "What if I don't want to stay standing in this exact spot in the kitchen for the rest of my life? The couch or the bedroom is more suited to what I have in mind."

Remus' jaw almost dropped before he realised that she was joking with him. Hearing her joke again put a smile on his face. It had been so long since he'd seen her face light up that way. She stepped back a little, raising a hand to place it on the side of his neck. He sighed as she slid her hand around to the back of his neck and up into his hair, bringing her other hand up to do the same. She gently tugged his head towards hers and he stepped forward. He felt the tension that he hadn't realised had built into his muscles melt away at her touch.

Their lips met and any tension left in him fell away. Her lips were warm and inviting and it felt like home. He took another step forward, pressing the length of his body against hers. She pressed back, her tongue flicking at his lips in a request for entrance. He responded eagerly and she deepened the kiss, her tongue fighting his in a graceful dance; twisting, swirling and tasting. He wasn't sure where Sirius was but he couldn't be in heaven because heaven was here, kissing Tonks, in the kitchen, his knees weak as her lips on his made him delirious.

Her hands slid from his hair to his neck and then down onto his shoulders. His hands, resting on her hips, fiddled with the hem of her shirt. He slipped his hands under shirt to rest them on the warm, bare skin of her waist.

Tonks gasped and broke the kiss, leaning forward so that her forehead rested in the crook of his neck. For a moment he was still, holding her and reveling in her warmth. He buried his face in her soft, sweet-smelling hair and simply breathed in a way he hadn't since Sirius' death. He felt the mask covering his despair slip away leaving him free to feel happy. The letter had released him and Tonks made it all real.

His lips found their way to her neck of their own accord and she laughed softly as he kissed the side of her neck. He scraped his teeth up and down the side of her neck, nipping and biting here and there, his lips brushing her skin in a way that made her heart stutter. She couldn't find her voice and could only sigh contentedly as she struggled to keep her breathing even and her knees strong.

Her knees were weakening and she slid her hands under his shirt to wrap them around his waist, his warm skin sending electricity through her body where it met hers. She tightened her grip on him in an effort to not fall over. She pressed as close to him as she could and he groaned, trailing one arm down her thighs, so rest behind her knees.

He paused for a moment and she wondered what he would do. If he tried to tickle the back of her knees, she was sure to fall right over. After the moment had passed, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and she felt his breath coming out in snatches against her forehead and into her hair. His arm tightened behind her knees and around her knees as he picked her up, cradling her in his arms as he walked to the couch, not bothering to walk all the way to bedroom.

He set her down on the couch and grinned at her as she looked up at him with hazy eyes. She missed the warmth of him as soon as he let her go. She watched as he pulled out his wand and adjusted the couch so that it was a little wider. He looked back at her, grinning. She frowned.

"Come here," she managed to get out, "Don't just stand there like an idiot."

Remus laughed but obliged her, moving towards her and climbing over the top of her, his legs on either side of her hips, his arms on either side of her shoulders. He lowered his lips to her neck to press little kisses along her neck and up her jaw. She let out a sound that was halfway between a sigh and a moan, reaching for the buttons on his shirt and frowning when her clumsy fingers couldn't quite undo them as fast as she would have liked.

He laughed at the frustrated look on her face and pressed his lips to hers quickly, kissing her to soothe her frustration before shifting his weight to one arm and using the other to undo the buttons on his shirt. Even with only one hand it didn't take him long to undo the buttons.

Tonks frowned, "How do you do that?" she asked him.

He finished unbuttoning his shirt and it fell open to hang either side of her, exposing his chest. He leaned down to kiss her again, smiling at her, "How do I do what?"

It was hand to speak with his lips blazing a trail down her jaw and up to her ears, down her neck and back again but she eventually managed, "Stay so calm and-" her breath and voice hitched as his lips found the sensitive spot just behind her ear and she was reduced to trying desperately breathe. His lips moved down her neck to her collarbone and she closed her eyes as he nibbled on her collarbone and throat. As he got to the hollow of her throat she dropped her head back, exposing her throat even more.

He kissed up under her chin and back to her lips where he hovered, his lips only half an inch from hers, "And what?" he asked her.

Her eyes flew open and locked onto his, "You… calm… and…"

Try as she might, she could not force a coherent thought from her brain, let along a sentence from her lips. Remus grinned at her, not quite feeling as calm as he looked. How could he be calm with her underneath him, her body pressed up against his and her bare skin on his?

Yet, he found that it was not enough. His lips met hers briefly, "I think that you are overdressed for the occasion," he said, his eyes roving over her body hungrily.

Tonks grinned still struggling with coherent thought, "Not my fault," she told him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her up so that they were almost in a sitting position, holding her to him firmly.

Tonks grinned at him with a gleam in her eye. He barely had time to ponder it before she took control of situation. She lifted one leg and wrapped it around his waist, using it to give herself enough leverage to flip him over.

She straddled him, legs on either side of his hips and sat up. The pressure this applied to Remus' more sensitive body parts had him groaning and struggling against her. She felt him hardening underneath her and grinned, stripping herself of her shirt before pressing further into him, apparently rendering him incapable of doing anything more than gripping her shoulders and burying his face in the crook of her neck, breathing irregularly and fast, hot against her neck.

"Not so calm now are we?" she asked him, amusement filling her voice, still slightly breathless from the sensations he had subjected her to only moments before now. He didn't answer but he responded to her actions as she covered his neck and chest in kisses. She could feel him responding as his hands roved over her back and waist.

She kissed his chest and made to slide down his body to press kisses to his stomach. He growled under his breath and his hands moved up over her shoulders to tangle her hair and pull her face to his before she could move anywhere. His lips attacked hers and she succumbed to the heat of his hands, lips and skin. She pressed her body into his and felt him move underneath her and deepen the kiss.

He pulled his lips from hers and pressed them to the sensitive spot behind her ear before biting down gently. She gasped and moved desperately against him. He laughed, and managed to speak somewhat clearly, "What were you saying?"

Hours later found Remus and Tonks curled together on the couch, unclothed under the blanket Remus had conjured for them, asleep. Both slept with smiles on their faces; perfectly content for the first time since the death of their beloved best friend and cousin. They hoped that he knew that they were finally happy again, wherever he was because this was, after all, what he had intended.

-RL&NT-

Remus cast a sideways glance at Tonks and she - reflecting back his look of apprehension and reluctance - raised her hand slowly to knock on the front door of The Burrow.

The sharp sound of cold, hard knuckles rapping on solid wood rang through the air surrounding The Burrow. For a moment there was no reply and Remus and Tonks exchanged another apprehensive glance. Remus raised his hand to knock again-

'BANG!'

Remus and Tonks jumped backwards, whipping out their wands as they did. The door to the Burrow burst open in a shower of sparks.

Neither could see anyone in the entrance of the Burrow, however; where in the circumstances of a death eater break in there would be silence, Tonks and Remus could hear hurried whispers from inside the door. They listened intently and suspiciously but could not make out who they were or what they were saying. Even so, the din of voices had a familiar slur to it.

A voice that they both immediately recognised as Arthur's voice cut through the hazy golden shimmer in the doorway that signified the wards protecting the Burrow.

"Nymphadora, what did you trip over at your first meeting?"

Tonks glanced sideways nervously, wand still raised. It was best to remain constantly vigilant - that is, to take a page out of Mad Eye's book. "Er- The troll leg umbrella stand," she said and then as an afterthought, "And a chair. And please Molly, for Merlins sake, do not call me Nymphadora."

Anyone could tell that she was indeed Tonks from the annoyed tone of voice she used when she asked to not be called by her dreaded first name.

"-and your own feet…" Remus muttered from beside her in a moment of amusement, adding her unfortunate trip over her own feet that had sent her careening towards the door or the wall on more than one occasion. He remembered their first meeting with exact clarity - the way it had felt when she had taken his hand - and he didn't know how he hadn't seen it straight away.

"Remus!" Molly Weasley barked through the darkness, "What was the first meal I ever cooked for you?"

Remus was slightly unnerved at her tone. "Er- A casserole. Chicken, I recall," he replied.

Molly rushed out the door. 'Oh, it is you two," she sniffed, "I'm so glad. Only Dumbledore and Minerva are here so far."

Remus didn't reply, giving her an apologetic glance and pointing his wand at her, "How do you drink your tea?"

Molly smiled weakly. "Black, two sugars," she told him.

He gave her a small smile and turned his wand on Arthur. Tonks pushed his wand down with her left hand and spoke. "Arthur, what is the name of the device muggles use for long distance communication?"

"A fellytone!" Arthur exclaimed, "I used one."

Tonks grinned. "It's Arthur alright," she laughed, "He called it a 'fellytone',"

Remus raised his eyebrows. "A muggle device?" he asked her skeptically, "Really? Anyone could have answered that."

Tonks laughed at him. "Remus, the last time I checked-" she snorted in amusement, "-Bella couldn't tell one end of a Muggle from the other unless she was torturing them. What makes you think someone so against Muggles and Muggle-borns would know anything about the Muggle world?"

Remus smiled slightly. "I didn't think of that," he muttered.

Tonks grinned. "Of course you didn't. You read too many books and sometimes forget that there are a lot of things that are not assumed knowledge," she told him, "Hermione can be quite the same, I've found."

Molly smiled at them both, interrupting their conversation with a nervous glance around. "Well, come on in. It is dangerous to stand out in the open for too long," she said, "We're sorry but we just had to make sure it was you two and not polyjuiced death eaters or anything."

"Oh, that's ok Molly," Tonks said sadly, raising her eyes to meet Molly's, "We understand. We are at war after all."

Molly shook her head sadly. "I know dear," she said, "You know how much I wish that it wasn't so."

The look on the older woman's face struck Tonks at that very moment. Molly had so much to lose; her children, her husband, friends, family and her entire world. For a moment Tonks felt small; inconsequential compared to the bigger picture. She had much less to lose. She had her parents and she had Remus. She had friends and co-workers but she just couldn't imagine having every child of her own fighting in a war; one they seemed unlikely to win at times. She stepped closer to Remus and took his arm, wrapping hers around it and standing close by his side.

Remus could feel her need to be close to him when she took his arm and was grateful for the contact that reminded him that she wasn't going to let him go. She was very nearly all he had left now. He'd already lost so much that he had hardly anything on the line anymore.

Except her; yes, except for her. He would do anything, _anything, _for her.

-RL&NT-

"Remus, a word?" Dumbledore called across the table as Remus and Tonks went to stand up. The meeting was now finished and everyone else was leaving, and they had been about to do the same. Neither felt in the mood to stay for Molly's cooking or to try and be good company when the only company they wanted was each other.

Remus looked up at Dumbledore before glancing apologetically at Tonks. Tonks gave a shrug and a small smile. "Molly!" she called, "I'll help you with dinner."

Molly looked up in alarm and proceeded to brush her off as gently as possible. "Tonks- No, Er- I'm ok… I've got it under control."

Tonks rolled her eyes at Remus and walked over to Molly anyway. Honestly, there was no reason for the woman to be so afraid of Tonks and her clumsiness. How was she ever meant to learn not to break everything, if no-one ever let her near anything?

Dumbledore had watched the silent exchange between Remus and Tonks with great interest. There was clearly something more going on there. He studied the man that was making his way towards where he sat and grimaced at what he would now have to do. There was just no other way; Remus was the only one.

The sound of breaking china from the direction of the kitchen sounded and Dumbledore noted the way the corners of Remus' mouth turned upwards in a smile and the way his eyes sparkled when it did.

Remus sat in front of Dumbledore and locked eyes with the older man. "Yes, Albus?" he asked him, "What is it that you needed?"

The questioning was for confirmation. Remus suspected that he already knew exactly what Dumbledore was about to ask him and to tell the truth, he'd been expecting this for quite a while now.

Dumbledore didn't break eye contact with Remus, even as he cast a non-verbal muffliato, searching for answers in his eyes. The air shimmered around the two and it was Remus who broke eye contact first to glance around him. He could feel and see Albus' magic around him; powerful and strong. It made him feel weak in comparison.

Dumbledore didn't beat around the bush as he usually did when asking favors from people. This was much to delicate for that. Remus noticed that he seemed to be glancing towards the fireplace every now and then, as if wishing that this conversation could be held off until a later date and yet knowing that it could not.

"Remus," he started seriously, "I have something I need you to do. For the Order." His clear blue eyes caught Remus' in a piercing stare.

Remus knew that a reply from him was unnecessary. Dumbledore knew that he would go; that he wouldn't refuse any task for the Order. The reason he had to even ask at all was to maintain an unassuming outlook.

"Of course," Remus replied, not asking what the task was for the time being. He knew that Dumbledore would get to that in due time.

Dumbledore was still studying him seriously. "I need you to go undercover," he said quietly, "With the werewolves. Greyback's pack. I need you to try to rally their support. They are dangerously close to falling into Voldemort's grasp. Greyback is a lost cause, I fear, but the rest of his pack may yet be saved. The children-"

"I know," Remus said quietly, looking at his hands, "He will be changing children at a young age for Voldemort. He would believe that a new generation of fighters would be helpful to his Lord. He'd be doing it to wound us. People are already missing Albus and I have already decided. I will do whatever it takes."

Dumbledore could see the shining sincerity in the man that fought so hard against what he thought he was. Remus thought himself a monster, no different from the others. He counted himself as somehow responsible for those who were going missing already along with the true perpetrators.

"I warn you Remus." Dumbledore was silent for a moment as he considered Remus, the twinkle in his eyes partly diminished. "This may not go well. It is a risk that I would not take lightly." He sighed, "I do not take this lightly. However, it is necessary. Forgive me Remus but it must be done and you are the only one in a position to do it."

Remus gave him a small smile in an attempt to ease the older mans guilt, "When have you ever known me to take things lightly Albus?" When Dumbledore gave him a sad smile but said nothing, Remus dropped his gaze to where his hands rested upon the dark wood of the table, "I know the risk my kind present. We are dangerous."

Dumbledore still stared sadly towards him, "When will you stop counting yourself among them?" he asked Remus softly, "They are not like you and that there may be our very problem. They would not turn to Voldemort if they were more like you."

"I am like them Albus and it does no good to deny it," Remus sighed, "I could just have easily have followed their dark path. If it were not for you giving me a chance-"

Dumbledore knew that words alone could not convince him of the truth: Remus Lupin was no more of a monster than Hagrid. He inclined his head towards the kitchen where Tonks was hovering near the table, watching their conversation.

"I gave you a chance because I saw who you were; who you are. I perceived in you, a sense of righteousness, courage and hope. You couldn't have followed the dark path. Your soul could not have been condemned that way." he told Remus, "And as for you being like them: she doesn't seem to think so."

Remus followed his gaze until his eyes met Tonks'. She dropped the fork she was holding onto the table and blushed as she realised she had been caught staring. Her hair turned a bright red and she fumbled for the fork, knocking over two glasses in the process. Remus looked back to Dumbledore and did not say a word.

"Remus," Dumbledore started, "What is going on between you and Nymphadora?" His piercing blue eyes bored into Remus' as though they could uncover his secrets that way. Remus remained silent, giving nothing away.

"I see," Dumbledore sighed, "Just be prepared Remus. This mission may turn long-term if this shorter trip has any effect. You are free to object but-"

"-but we both know that I'll do it anyway," Remus finished flatly. For all Dumbledore's asking, there was never really an option to say no. This war was asking everything of him; taking everything and leaving him with nothing. There had once been a time when he had very little to lose and now that he had _her, _he would not lose her - could not lose her. But then, when there was something he could do, who was he to deny it? He had spent so long feeling useless and now he was being handed a task that could help. Who was he to say no?

**Thanks for reading guys : P Oh and this time, because the wait for this chapter was so long ( a whole three weeks or so), I will be writing the writers to my two favourite reviews their very own one-shots with their choice of plot, characters and anything else that they want to appear. I can do parody, romance, you name it. So that is, out of all the reviews I receive between posting this chapter and the next chapter, I will pick the two most interesting, challenging or delightful reviews and their writers will get to pick the one-shot and I will write them and post them on my fanfiction page. **

**I solemnly swear to remain unbiased in the face of bribery, blackmail and threats : ) I also swear to be open to most character pairings, storylines and ideas (however, if you are thing Ron/Harry, Harry/Voldemort romances, you'll find that won't write them. I think that is my only objection, except that A Hermione/Ron would have to be accompanied by some pretty interesting plot ideas or else I wont write them either. That's about all.). Finally, I solemnly swear that I will not pick my favourite REVIEWER, but my favourite REVIEW (I don't have a favourite reviewer, I have favourite reviews. I have regular reviewers that I love and all, but I will remain unbiased, I swear!**

**Anyhoot, now that I'm done with my tangent. I can't wait to have some new stories to write : ) Note that by most interesting review, it can be any length (though I loooove long reviews), it can criticise my writing as long as it is constructive etc. I won't just pick the longest ones or the ones that gush the most about the story. I like constructive and particular reviews. Eg, pointing out exactly what you liked or hated about it not just saying that you loved or hated it. **

**Do I bore you yet? Am I asking too much? Ah, well. We'll see.**

**Ps. Please don't be upset if you don't win. I'm not trying to lose reviewers. I can assure you, that there will be more opportunities. If this causes to much controversy, I just wont do it. If I get a bunch of amazing reviews, then, as well as the two one shots, I'll do a short drabble one-shot of the reviewers choosing to compile into one fic, dedicated to the person. Can you tell that I love tow rite and am desperate to get over my writers block?**


	25. Is this goodbye?

**OH MY GOSH! Yes, I know it's going through your minds; the shock, the surprise, the anger and hopefully relief at my continual of this fanfic. It's been a long while since I updated! I APOLOGISE! And yes, I promised some of you one-shots, they are still coming , I promise : )**

**What can I say? SORRY! Again, but I've had a lot going on. The updates should be fairly regular from here on out. **

**Ummmm, and this chapter may be a bit choppy and repetitive because I kept getting stuck and leaving it be for long periods of time. DAMNED WRITERS BLOCK! **

**Anyhow, enjoy, and even though I've been away for ages, please, please review!**

"_I forgot to say out loud, _

_How beautiful you really are to me,_

_I cannot be without,_

_You're my perfect little punching bag,_

_And I need you, I'm sorry…"_

Pink, "Please Don't Leave Me"

It started playing while I was writing this chapter : )

Tonks cast sideways glances at Remus as they left The Burrow. He had the look about him of a man trying to be casual despite an inner struggle but failing miserably. She wondered what it was that Dumbledore had said to him that made him look this way. His expression was a mix of melancholic confusion, determination and dread. Though she wondered, she did not let on as they said their goodbyes to the Weasleys' who apparently noticed nothing out of the ordinary with Remus.

"Goodbye Molly," Tonks said sincerely, "Thankyou for dinner."

Molly smiled at them as Remus nodded in agreement, no-one but Tonks noticing that he nodded a fraction too late, or that his look of gratitude seemed slightly forced.

"No problem my dear," she said, "You are both much too thin anyway. You should really come around more often."

Tonks smiled and nodded. "Sure Molly," she told her, "We'll come around again soon."

As the others exchanged goodbyes with them, Remus still seemed absent. His eyes were far away and Tonks could feel that his focus was elsewhere. Saying one last goodbye to Molly, Tonks took Remus' hand and turned away from the door. His fingers were cold as she gripped them and walked into the darkness, away from the safety of The Burrow.

She stopped just outside the boundary and peered at Remus through the darkness but he did not meet her eyes, staring at his shoes. Tonks sighed, struggling with the curiosity that was eating away at her, knowing that he would tell her when he was ready and that until then she would need to be patient.

She raised her hand to Remus' face, cupping his cheek with her hand and willing him to look at her. At her touch he raised his eyes to meet her worried ones and sighed.

"Alright?" she asked him, her brow furrowed worriedly.

He swallowed nervously and nodded, raising his hand to cover hers and intertwining their fingers before taking her other hand with his. Bringing their joined hands to rest between them, he closed his eyes and focused, letting the pull of apparition carry them both back to Tonks' apartment.

-RL&NT-

The apparition did nothing to quell the ever-rising sense of despair that flooded through Remus' body and mind. The feel of Tonks' hand in his usually made him feel warm but tonight he felt colder than any living man had right to feel. He shuddered involuntarily as a wave of regret and anticipation washed over him and let go of Tonks' hand, feeling suddenly traitorous in the face of what he knew he had to do to her.

Tonks stared worriedly at Remus as she saw the panicked look in his eyes flicker and fade into something harder and unreadable. She'd never felt further away from him than she did in that one moment where his eyes went blank and she couldn't help the sense of foreboding that stole over her as he let her hand go with a shudder, his face showing the slightest signs of regret. Confusion gripped her and mingled with the fear: What could he be possibly be regretting? She frantically thought back over her memories of the past few days. Was there something she'd done?

"Remus?" she questioned, dismayed to hear that her voice was shaking, betraying her fear.

He looked away as he answered. "Yes?"

Tonks swallowed back the fear that was overtaking her. Whatever he had to say wasn't good news and she'd never seen him act this way towards her; or towards anyone really. "What's the matter Remus?" she asked him softly.

Remus hesitated before replying, unable to gather the strength to tell her yet. "Nothing," he told her forcefully.

"Nothing?" Tonks forced herself to laugh and it sounded so out of place in the tense and silent room that it only increased her anxiety. "Remus, don't treat me like a fool. I know something is wrong."

Remus was silent. Nothing short of acting like his usual self would convince her that he was fine. That aside, he wasn't fine; was far from it, and he had no chance of pretending nothing was wrong in front of the one person left that could read him like a book, especially in the face of what he was about to do that very person.

"Remus-"

"I know that you aren't a fool," he told her, his voice quiet yet firm.

"Prove it," Tonks said, her voice hard; anything to get him to look at her again. He was still close enough for her to touch, to reach out and cup a hand to his face and force him to look her in the eyes. She resisted the urge to touch him, terrified that if she did, he'd turn away. The anguish was rolling off him in waves and she could feel something else; as though his magic straining against him, almost like he was only just holding it under control.

Still Remus did not turn to look at her but shut his eyes instead and let out a sigh which relieved none of the anxiety he felt. "Tonks, please don't-"

Something inside Tonks snapped then. "Don't what Remus?" she snarled, "Don't be worried because you've come back from that meeting looking like death itself? That's a hypocritical thing to say. You'd ask me what was wrong if I walked in from a meeting as upset as you are right now."

Remus sighed again, his colour pale and tiredness etched on every line of his face: He looked older now than she'd ever seen him look. "I'm not upset," he tried to tell her.

Tonks shook her head and sighed. "What did Dumbledore say to you Remus?" Noting that he flinched at the mention of Dumbledore she kept speaking, "It was him, wasn't it? What did he say to you?"

Remus just shook his head, trying to find the strength to tell her that he had to leave. Try as he might, he couldn't summon enough courage to tell her that they had to be apart now, for her own safety. Memories from earlier that night flooded his mind.

"_I see," Dumbledore had sighed, "Just be prepared Remus. This mission may turn long-term if this shorter trip has any effect. You are free to object but-"_

"_-but we both know that I'll do it anyway," Remus had finished flatly, knowing that he really had no choice; how could he refuse to help whenever he could?_

_Dumbledore had sighed and studied the man in front of him. He'd seen a multitude of emotions flicker through Remus' eyes. In them he'd seen first helplessness and pain before the look had shifted into a mixture of regret and determination before hardening into the eyes of a man in agony. Finally, the pained look had faded into nothing and he was left looking into a set of hard, blank eyes; eyes he'd never seen in the face of the man in front of him. "When do you want to-"_

_Remus cut him off, his voice as hard and cold as his eyes. "Tomorrow."_

_Dumbledore's eyes had then lost some of their previously eminent sparkle as he had watched Remus glance in Tonks' direction, noting the way his hard eyes had softened a little into a look of sadness before he'd turned back to Dumbledore, his eyes free of the pain, replaced with a look of intense determination. "Remus, you need not leave so soon."_

_Remus had shaken his head in a show of obduracy. "No, the sooner I infiltrate the werewolf pack, the better," he'd said firmly._

_Dumbledore had looked at him with a truly saddened expression, hating the effects of the war on those who didn't deserve it. "Surely you have loose ends to tie before you go," Dumbledore said, his eyes flitting to Tonks. "Is there nothing holding you here?"_

_Remus had not let his eyes follow Dumbledore's. "There may be loose ends to tie," he had said, referring to Tonks when he spoke the words, "But nothing that will keep me from helping in any way that I can."_

_And Dumbledore had understood as he usually did. Remus was willing to sacrifice everything in order to help in every way he could. The thing was though, was that Remus didn't need to sacrifice _everything _and he didn't need to let go of everyone that loved him just because he believed he wasn't good enough or because he felt the noble need to protect them._

"_As you wish Remus," he had said, voice tinged with regret, and the conversation had turned to details and plans regarding Remus' upcoming penetration of Fenrir Greyback's pack of wolves. _

Remus' mind had turned back to the present as he studied Tonks and this time she could hardly recognise his eyes. Normally so expressive, Remus' eyes had shifted into something more like hard, glittering balls of ice. She could detect no warmth amidst the determination that filled his resigned eyes and she cringed inwardly.

"Tonks," Remus said, his voice as flat as his eyes. He knew what he had to say now and he was in the frame of mind to do it. He'd managed now to convince himself that leaving was for the best, that it was the best thing for Tonks. However, part of him was screaming that once he'd left her, he'd find that he'd made the biggest, most irreversible mistake that he'd ever made. He swallowed and continued. "Tonks. I think it's for the best if we didn't do this anymore."

As he said the words, Tonks knew in her heart that she had been expecting them all this time. This dream had been too good to be true and he was too good to be hers. She'd known that he would see his own worth one day, and that when he did, he'd leave her. The shock at realizing that she'd been expecting this day for some time held her emotions in check, the only sign of her distress was the clenching of her fists and the panic in her eyes.

When she spoke, her voice was calmer than she had expected it to be. "Why?" she asked, although she feared she already knew.

"Because I'm too old, too poor and too…"

"Dangerous, yeah, I know, and you know what I think of that load of -"

"Tonks." This time, she could detect a hint of pain in his eyes as he spoke and so she paused but the hurt look on her face said what she didn't say aloud. Didn't she deserve to have a say in this? How could he just decide to leave her?

"Tonks," he repeated, rubbing a hand over his jaw and closing his eyes. "Just don't…"

She was silent for a moment before stepping closer to him and speaking softly. "Don't what Remus?" she asked him quietly, "Don't ask you to stay? Don't have my say in the matter? Don't be upset that you're leaving me?"

He didn't reply, didn't even open his eyes, but she knew his mind was racing at a million miles an hour. It was in the clench of his jaw, eminent in the way his fingers turned white as he held his head in his hands and turned away. Tonks swallowed, the tears threatening to spill over as she wondered if this was the last time she'd ever see him. Wasn't she enough to keep him here?

A sob escaped her as she realised that nothing about her could possibly keep a man like him, and he turned to face her with anguish in his eyes. Hadn't she wondered for so long why he hadn't left her, why he had even chosen her in the first place? She was young, in some ways she was naïve, she was colorful and childish, she never liked to take things seriously for too long - in fact, this relationship was one of the only things she'd ever taken so seriously - and then there was the fact that she was stubborn, pushy and a freak. Though part of her screamed that she wasn't a freak, in this moment of self-doubt she couldn't believe in herself. Why couldn't she be enough?

"I know…" Her shoulders shook as she tried to speak. "I know that I'm not… enough… to keep you. There's nothing about me that could make you stay, but I'm asking you please-" She broke off as she felt the painful burning in her throat that meant more tears were on their way. "Please Remus, can't I be enough for you?" She choked on her words but she knew he had understood what she had meant to say. _Why aren't I enough for you?_

Remus closed the distance between them both and held her face in his hands, staring her in the eyes. "Dora," he said softly, "Dora, you're more than enough for me. It's just… You're everything to me, everything and I won't put you in danger any more than I already have."

Her eyes searched his for the truth. "You're not dangerous Remus," she told him, the tears still running down her cheeks relentlessly.

Remus shook his head. "I may not be… as dangerous, but Greyback is."

Tonks frowned, momentarily confused. "What does Greyback have to do with-" Her eyes widened as realisation hit her. "Remus, no!"

Remus stepped away from her again, feeling almost physically pained by the distance he put between them. Why couldn't she understand that he had to leave her to do this? That he couldn't risk Tonks' life, and that would surely happen if Greyback suspected anything going on between him and Tonks. Besides, he would never expect her to wait for someone like him while he ran with the _other _werewolves. There would be no wolfesbane…. He closed his eyes again as he considered what he might do when he wasn't in his right mind, as he wondered how much more he'd have to rip his soul apart for the cause.

"Dumbledore has asked me to spy for him," he started to say slowly, "He wants me to convince others of my kind not to turn to the dark side. He wants me to infiltrate Greyback's pack to find those that may be sympathetic to our cause."

Tonks was shaking her head violently before Remus even finished speaking. "You can't Remus! They'll tear you apart. You know damned well that you won't have much influence over the pack. You could be hurt or-" Her throat closed as she thought the word she couldn't manage to say aloud. _Killed._

Remus didn't deny it. He did know that he'd have little influence over the pack. He also knew that no matter what Dumbledore said, this was for the long run. He'd have to fully commit because Dumbledore would be asking him to spy for as long as he could, successful or not, because that's just what he had to do and he was the only one who could do it. As much as Dumbledore didn't want to risk lives, he did anyway, because it was the only way that they could have any chance at all of winning the war.

"I know Tonks," he said, "And if he knows that-" The tears started flowing down his own face at his next words. "-That I love you, he'll…" He couldn't finish; she had to understand.

She did understand, though it broke her heart to see him so resigned; like he just didn't care what happened to him. She hated the war for doing this to him, to both of them. War was the reason Remus was shunned from society, war was the reason he didn't see his own worth, war was the reason he was leaving her now and she absolutely hated it.

He had no choice, and this she knew. She'd sat beside him so many times, watching him feel helpless, like there was nothing he could do. She'd seen him living without a purpose for so long, struggling to fight for Harry, for his friends, for the Order but being unable to do anything significantly useful. She knew the feeling of watching as the world fell down around her but being so unable to do anything to stop it. It felt like screaming at the top of her lungs but no-one could hear her. It was like watching the war unravel on a muggle TV and being unable to reach the characters that were playing like pawns in one big bloodbath on the screen.

And because she understood, she had to let him go.

"I know Remus…" she said, "I just…. I can't leave you… You can't leave me." She flung herself at him and wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him as tightly as she possibly could, as though she could stop him from walking out the door that way.

There was nothing Remus could say to her except that he didn't want to. "I don't want to leave you Dora, Believe me."

"Then don't," Tonks said, pulling away and grabbed one of his hands, her eyes alight with determination. "Look Remus, I understand that you need to leave for this mission of Dumbledore's. I won't ask you to sit out when there is something you could do to help, even though you could be…hurt. Remus, I'm asking you not to leave me. I don't care that you're older, I don't care that you're poor and I don't think you're dangerous, and before you say it-" She raised a hand to stop him from speaking as he opened his mouth to protest. "I know that Greyback is dangerous. I know I'd be in danger if he found out, but we could be careful couldn't we? Remus, you can't leave me over this. You'll go away and then come back and everything will be fine, right?" By the end of her speech she was starting to become frantic again at the look in his eyes, the one that said that he didn't expect to live through this.

Remus shook his head. "I can't promise that I'll be back Dora. Anything could happen to me out there and I won't let you waste your life waiting on an old man who has nothing to give you."

"I only want you," Tonks said fiercely, "Nothing else, only you."

Remus closed his eyes again but didn't speak. What could he even say to that? That he couldn't promise he'd be whole when he got back? That each full moon, he felt another part of him tear away? That each time he changed, he felt less and less worthy? She wasn't stupid; she'd understand.

"How long are you going for Remus?" she asked him, stepping towards him and leaning her head into his chest as she felt his arms close around her.

"Two weeks at first," he told her quietly, "And then longterm after that."

Tonks stiffened a little at hearing the word _longterm _but recovered quickly. "When do you leave?" she asked him.

It was Remus' turn to stiffen this time as he answered. "Tomorrow, first thing in the morning"

At first she could not react to his words beyond her reeling thoughts. _So soon? _Before long though, his arms tightening further around her alerted her to the fact that she was shaking. The reality sank in as she realised how little time they had left. Her legs turned to jelly as she realised that very shortly, he would be gone and in terrible danger.

Remus, feeling the instability of her legs and the way her whole body was shaking, picked her up and carried her to the bedroom where he held her against him for a long while, whispering to her, and relishing in the warmth of her body pressed against his, a feeling that would too soon be a mere memory.

It was a long time before he felt her stop shaking and even longer before he heard her try to speak and he could hear the agony in her voice as she did. "Remus, promise me that when you get back, that you'll come here first, because I'll be waiting, whether you like it or not. I won't let you leave me over this. I'll wait for you."

Looking at her agonized, tear-stained face, Remus could not deny her. He pushed the thoughts of Greyback from his mind and promised her carefully that he still loved her and that when he got back, he would come to see her, that he wouldn't leave her.

And as she drifted off to sleep in his arms, Remus lay awake, unable to sleep, wondering just how much the next two weeks would change him. Sometime near early morning, Remus made himself move, and forced himself to walk out the door and not look back, adding on an unspoken ending to his promise.

_I won't leave you until I see no other way to keep you safe…_

**So! There you go guys : ) Once, again, Terribly sorry for the wait.**

**I'll explain the chapter a bit since it may not read very well. Remus wants to leave Tonks because he seems to think that his place is among the other werewolves and he feels as though once he joins them now, it will be for good, like he'll be tainted by them or something. He's afraid of what he might be made to do to prove allegiance with Greyback's pack, and he's afraid of what he may do without the wolfesbane. He doesn't want to kill, or do anything of the sort but hey, it's Greyback's pack and he's a bit funky like that so he might have to. He doesn't think that this what Tonks deserves. He wants her to find someone better. She doesn't care, blah blah blah, and he ends up promising not to break things off with her, at least until after he gets back. Then he leaves, without saying goodbye, because he's just strange and I though a goodbye scene would be too repetitive.**

**PLEASE REVIEW! Or else I'll… I know, I'll change the story completely and make Tonks marry Dumbledore and they can have grey-bearded little children. (So if you think that sorta gross, review to save Tonks from such a fate!)**


	26. You don't even know!

**So, another chapter. It was only a couple of days wait this time so you guys should be happy!**

**But I would like more response than I got for the last chapter, pretty pretty please. I know I was gone for a while but don't hate me too much!**

**Thanks to those who did review, I love you guys. If FanFiction would let me reply to your reviews, I would reply to every one.**

**Now, Read and Review, or die!**

_It was dark, completely and utterly dark and Tonks could not see a single thing. In fact, she had no idea where she was, or what she was doing there. She felt like she was in a pensieve, watching someone else's memories, unsure of what to expect and not seen or heard by anyone she encountered, or in this case, didn't._

_This was one of those dreams where she was trapped, watching her worst fears playing out like a bad muggle movie, unable to escape._

_Tonks looked around in fear, unsure of what she was seeing or what she was doing there. Never had she felt more alone and as she thought on it, she realised the absence of him. _

_Remus._

_Tonks' body felt cold and it had nothing to do with frigid night air that wrapped around her, the cold wind whipping her hair around her face and obscuring her vision just as much as the darkness._

_And then, there was a noise, and Tonks head shot up, her eyes glittering in the icy night air. As she looked in the direction that the noise had sounded she reached for her wand, but could not find it. She had clearly been mistaken before; She felt more alone now than she ever had, even more than earlier as she realised that she had no wand, no protection at all against whatever was out there._

_Her feet moved mechanically towards the noise and Tonks found herself unable to control the direction she took, compelled as she was to find out what was happening. The closer she came, the more she could hear the sounds._

_Growling, lots of growling and a voice; the harsh, cold voice of a murderer. Tonks clenched her jaw, grinding her teeth slightly in anger as she realised that Greyback was here and another realisation followed straight after._

_Her worst fear: Remus. Greyback. And he had left her, he was gone. Gone to Greyback, and she didn't know what would happen to him. And this, this was one of her nightmares, one of the worst and she screamed as she realised what she would see next. _

_Suddenly, she found herself at the top of the grassy slope she'd been walking up, looking down into a large grassy basin. It was here that she heard the second voice, even as her eyes sought him out. _

_Remus stood across from Greyback in the cold, his shoulders hunched as he stared the other werewolf down. Surrounding the both of them were other werewolves, some watching to see how the scene played out, others jeering and laughing in ways that made Tonks shiver in fear. _

_Greyback growled at Remus and instinctively, Tonks took a step forward to attempt to protect the one she loved, but she found she couldn't move. So she screamed again, even though she knew that they couldn't hear her at all because she wasn't really there and this, this was not really happening. The thought did not reassure Tonks one bit, as she was not naïve and she knew that this was likely to happen and worse when Remus found Greyback's pack._

_Greyback leaned forward, crouching as Remus stared straight at him and from her angle, Tonks could see clearly, the malice on Greyback's murderous face. She could not see Remus' face at all as Greyback sprang at him. Remus made no move to protect himself as Greyback transformed midair and lunged, claws drawn and teeth bared at him. _

_And Tonks, watching on from the top of the hill found that she could not make herself move away as she watched her worst fears playing out in front her, and as Remus was torn apart limb from limb, she could taste the tears running relentlessly down her face. She could feel the grief as though this were real and she screamed and screamed, praying that she would wake up soon._

Tonks eyes snapped open and she could still taste the tears as vividly as she could in the nightmare. Reaching a hand up to touch her cheeks she realised that she really was crying, that the salty tears were not just a figment of her imagination.

Suddenly she remembered fully, the dream and last night, when Remus had threatened to leave, and she turned to find him. The disappointment hit her as she realised that his side of the bed was empty and cold and she threw back the covers, feeling the warmth leave her body. She could only hope that he was in the kitchen, but somehow, she highly doubted it.

_He could have said goodbye, _Tonks thought angrily, but she wasn't really angry; the anger just distracted her from the icy chill settling somewhere inside her heart. Her heart sank even further as she reached the empty kitchen and living room, and she felt the absence of him in every part of her.

What was he trying to say by leaving without saying goodbye? She didn't know and it worried her, especially after the conversation the night before. She thought about the promise he had made to her before they had fallen asleep; did he really mean it? She couldn't help but think that there was something guarded about it, like she'd had to force the very words from him against his will and she didn't understand. He did love her, didn't he?

There was a slight whooshing sound and Tonks looked up to see a patronus materializing in her kitchen. The phoenix patronus belonged to Dumbledore, this she knew. Sure enough, Dumbledore's deep voice sounded throughout the room.

**Meeting tonight Nymphadora: You know where to go.**

Tonks groaned inwardly. The last thing she wanted was to go to a meeting, especially at the burrow, where people knew about her and Remus and who might possibly be worried about her because of his absence. Somehow, she didn't feel up to talking about him or explaining to people, why he would be gone.

Then again, she didn't feel like putting on appearances for those who didn't know about her and Remus which was admittedly, most people. It would be hard to act like nothing was wrong, like hearing about Remus and his lack of attendance, and especially the reason why, didn't make her want to cry.

Yes, because she did want to cry and crying was something that Nymphadora Tonks never did. She was an auror, tough as bones, and stronger than steel. She usually prided herself on her control over her emotions and the way she didn't break under pressure. Now, she wasn't so sure that she could hold back the feelings of hurt and loneliness.

In her mind though, she knew that even though he had left to fight the werewolves, she had her own role to uphold. She was there to protect and defend and she was working hard for the cause and the cause was bigger than anything, or anyone. So she would go, and she would be like steel, like bones, because if that was what it took to win this war, then she would give it all she had.

-RLNT-

Remus regretted leaving as soon as he walked out the door but he forced himself not to look back. Leaving like this felt permanent somehow, as though he wasn't just walking out on Tonks, but like he was walking out on some part of himself. He felt tainted already, like the greater part of him had been left with her, his heart and his soul and now he was empty, nothing but a shell of the man he'd been before he'd walked out that door.

Remus shook his head. Thinking back on what he could have had wasn't going to work. He had a job to do now and he was damned if he wasn't going to try his hardest to do the best he could at it, even if that meant leaving behind the things that meant the most to him.

He had a feeling that this was going to be the longest two weeks of his life. No matter how much he tried, thoughts of Tonks seeped through his mind. It frustrated him how much she had lowered his defenses and planted herself in his mind, in his heart.

Now he found that he couldn't think without thinking of her, couldn't walk without taking every step for her, couldn't breathe without every breath being for her. She was his life and he felt the absence of her greatly, like part of him was gone.

He hoped that leaving her without saying goodbye didn't hurt her too badly. It was easier for them both, he reasoned. Besides, no doubt she would be over him now that he'd left. Now, she'd see that she deserved more than him and more than he could give her. She'd find someone else and that person would make her happier than he ever had or ever could. She was too young now to know what she wanted or what she was getting into by being with a werewolf. Surely she wouldn't wait for him.

So far Remus had gotten nowhere: He wasn't anywhere close to picking up the trail of Greyback's pack. His plan for now was to find them and to spy on them. He needed to suss out the situation before diving straight in and trying to convince those of the pack to join him.

To infiltrate the track he needed to find their weakness. He could not impenetrate the pack without the vital information. Spying meant that he could find out who would be more likely to change sides and who to not even try. It would also give him a fair idea of the pack's habits and defense system as well as allowing him to collect helpful information, which he would then pass on to the Order. The thought of information spurred him onwards and he actively tracked the pack throughout the day.

Nightfall found him still walking, and apparating and then walking again. At one stage, when he could no longer see the ground in front of him, Remus thought that he should probably stop and camp for the night and eat something. Reluctant to admit to a day of failure though, he decided to walk for just a little longer.

He was about to give up when he stumbled and fell, flying sideways off the path and landing unharmed in the trees to his left. Remus cursed and went to stand, grabbing at a tree to help him when he caught the scent in the thicket of trees: Greyback's pack.

They were close enough that he was forced to retreat until the morning to set up camp, casting various spell and charms to ensure that he would not be found as he slept. His heart jumped at the thought of the pack and exulted in the knowledge that he had found them and that maybe, just maybe, this was not for all for nothing.

-RLNT-

Tonks sighed wearily as the meeting passed by without any mention of Remus. As she'd expected, Order members who had realised that Tonks and Remus were friends were looking in her direction. Those who just didn't care clearly thought that he was away due to the full moon, even though the full moon was a week away yet.

Remus had been on her mind all day and she hadn't been able to shake the fear for his safety that clouded her thoughts when she was unaware. She was so unsure about this mission of his. It was dangerous but she knew in her mind that he had to do it. She knew how much she would sacrifice for the Order and she would not have turned Dumbledore down either. However, that didn't help the fact she worried about him while he was gone.

She turned her mind back to the meeting as Snape sneered at her, clearly aware of what she was thinking to some extent. She rolled her eyes and glared at him before turning back to Dumbledore who was talking about Mad-Eye and his plan to start trying to find any places that the death-eaters may have been using as meeting place.

However, she wasn't really listening until she heard his name, at which point her hearing seemed to have improved greatly, or been degraded drastically, whichever way she looked at it. The words seemed louder than usual through the rushing sound in her ears as she listened.

"-Remus is away, spying on the werewolves and attempting to convince some of them to not turn to Tom," Dumbledore said, and then glancing at Tonks he added. "He should be back in two weeks and during his absence, he will be communicating only with me, as magical communication in the pack will be greatly discouraged. I suggest that none of you try to contact him in this time."

Dumbledore's eyes seemed to bore directly into Tonks' and she fought the rising wave of misery and dejection. She would be unable to contact him and he would be unable to contact her for two weeks. The thought of not knowing how he was sounded in her head and she tried not to let her emotions show on her face.

Regardless, Dumbledore's eyes seemed knowing, like he knew just what she was thinking and Tonks averted her eyes from his in an attempt to hide her emotions from him. Staring at the table, Tonks did not notice the way Molly's worried eyes flickered to her at Dumbledore's words, taking in the way Tonks sat, hunched at the table, her hair flat and a dirty pinkish colour. Everything about her just seemed wilted and Molly seemed to know just why Tonks refused to look around the table.

The meeting passed with no further word of Remus and Tonks barely listened, so consumed she was in her own thoughts. In fact, she didn't even notice when most people left the table when the meeting was over. She didn't notice anything until a slightly familiar voice sounded close to her.

"Hi," the speaker said to her quietly as she slid into the chair opposite Tonks.

It was Emmeline Vance; Tonks remembered her from the first meeting when they had been introduced. However, Emmeline hadn't seemed interested in her then and Tonks was at a loss to know why she seemed interested now.

"Hi," she replied tiredly, making a little effort to hide her feelings of depression from the older woman.

Emmeline Vance, it seemed, was a straightforward woman and she cut straight to the point. "So," she started, "You seemed to know Remus quite well."

Tonks nodded. "Yeah," she replied, the irrational part of her annoyed that Emmeline took the liberty of using his given name, as though she knew him. It was protective and stupid but he was hers and frankly, Tonks didn't like the way she said Remus' name, as though he was something to eat. It was the way Tonks said his name when-

But that wasn't the point and Tonks forced herself to think of anything but that; It made her miss him more, more than she had even thought possible.

Emmeline smiled but her eyes looked conflicted. "I didn't know who else to talk to about this," she said, "About what I'm feeling but I've felt it for a long time now and I could really use another girl to talk to about it, especially since you know him so well."

This made Tonks weary. What could Emmeline possibly want to talk about to her that concerned Remus? As far as she knew, the two had had very little contact with each other since they'd met. Remus had never spoken of her to Tonks and so she could only assume that Emmeline wanted to talk about what she'd heard earlier at the meeting. Sighing inwardly she hid her tiredness behind a falsely interested voice and a bright smile that was completely fake. "What's on your mind Emmeline?" she asked the other woman.

"It's Remus," Emmeline whispered. "I really like him."

This sentence affected Tonks more than anything else that night and she her features froze into whatever expression she'd been wearing at the time as her eyes showed the racing conflict in her mind. Emmeline liked Remus? Tonks didn't blame her one bit. It couldn't be just her that saw Remus as attractive. However Tonks mind raced with questions? Did Emmeline love Remus for who he was or who she thought he was? Remus deserved nothing less than someone who understood him, not some idiot who thought she knew what was best for him, but really didn't.

When she spoke, her tone was harsher than she'd originally intended. "Why?"

Emmeline laughed then. "I wouldn't expect someone as young as you to understand the attraction Remus and I feel for each other," she said superiorly, giving Tonks a look of indulgence that enraged her. "One day you'll know when it's _serious_."

What was she implying? That Tonks didn't know how to be serious? Tonks had learned to be serious the first time she'd seen someone get killed, the first time she'd tried to save someone who just couldn't be saved, the first time she'd seen the path of destruction caused by Voldemort and his followers. She'd known how to be serious the time she'd had to identify a victim of the cause, the time she'd been submitted to her first _crucio _at the hands of her own aunt.

She'd been serious as a child, when her mother would cry at her sisters betrayal. She had grown up when her cousin had been arrested for a crime he didn't commit. She'd grown up when Voldemort had returned, turning her entire world upside down. So who was Emmeline Vance to tell her about being _serious? _

Gritting her teeth with all the determination and effort she possessed, Tonks struggled to remain calm. "The attraction Remus feels for you? She asked in a hard tone, "Do you even know who he really is?"

"Yes, I do," Emmeline had the nerve to reply. "He's a hero, to get past all that werewolf nonsense. The way he pretends to read so that no-one sees who he really is. Besides, I bet he's really sexy, being a werewolf and all."

That was the last straw for Tonks. "You have no idea who he really is," she hissed at Emmeline, "That's not him at all."

Emmeline seemed unaffected by the harsh tone Tonks used to speak to her, ignoring the insulting words. "I see how it is," she laughed cruelly, "Little Tonksie is in love with Lupin. Well, he'd never fall for someone like you. You're too young to understand. You see, he needs a mature woman to show him what he wants, what he needs."

"WHAT HE WANTS?" Tonks exploded now, ignoring the startled stares she was receiving from the others in the room, "WHAT HE NEEDS? How in the name of Merlin would you know what he wants? How could you even think he wants you? You're insane Emmeline if you even think he'd go near you with a ten foot pole."

Emmeline just laughed again. "Quite defensive are we?" she taunted, "Your feelings aren't reciprocated. I'll bet that he treats you like the child you are; you don't know what you want."

Tonks could only stare at the woman. She had no more words; Emmeline had hit way to close to home. The way Remus insisted that she didn't know what she was getting into with him, like she didn't know what she wanted. Part of her knew she shouldn't listen to Emmeline, but the stronger part, the part that was crushed by Remus' sudden departure couldn't help but believe her.

Trying to keep the hurt from her voice, Tonks spoke. "You're bloody insane," she spat before turning and storming towards the door. "I'm sorry Molly but I can't stay," she told the older witch before making her way quickly out the door and disappearing before bursting into tears.

-RLNT-

For Remus, it was a sleepless night. His first night away from Tonks was terrible. He missed her warmth as she wrapped herself around him. He missed the way she spoke before they went to bed. He missed everything about her, everything.

Nearby, Remus could hear the other werewolves and he prayed that they would not stumble upon him that night, before he had a chance to get away. He really should get right away from them for now, but he'd spent all day looking and he wouldn't risk losing them now if they happened to move in the night. Besides, if he made too much noise they'd hear him and then, all hell would break loose.

At some point during the night, Remus heard Greyback rally his supporters and give some sort of speech but he was not close enough to hear the exact words, nor did he dare to move closer to find out just yet.

Eventually the noises died down and all Remus could hear was the steady sound of footsteps, fading at times as someone walked the current pack boundaries, obviously on patrol, looking for intruders such as him.

The steady sound did not lull Remus to sleep and he lay awake, thoughts and memories of Tonks assaulting him at every possible moment and try as he might, he could not clear her from his mind. The mantra in his head started to sound. _I miss her. I miss her. I miss her._

_I miss her. I miss her. I miss her._

**Thanks again to my reviewers! **

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	27. Dumbledore

**I'd like to thank all my reviewers : ) I love you!**

**This chapter's dedicated to dmlova who stuck with me through this chapter, demanding that I update. Your support means the world to me! I'm also dedicating this to someone very special to me. You'll know who you are if you read this. **

**Please read and review.**

**I know Tonks is dreaming a lot lately, but it has a purpose in the end.**

**It's unedited so I'll probably come through tomorrow and edit it heaps : )**

_Tonks was dreaming again._

_But this time it felt real. Not that it didn't hit her hard before when she dreamed of him but this felt… real, and it was the only word that she could use to describe it. _

_She was on the hill again, watching the werewolves in the grassy basin. This time, she noted, Greyback and Remus were missing and she wondered where they were. What was the point of dreaming of a field of unknown werewolves when she was only interested in one?_

_This didn't feel like dreaming._

_A noise to her right made her look around quickly, wand drawn and the feeling of it's smooth handle in her palm soothed her as she realised that this time she wasn't defenseless. The noise sounded again and she took a step closer, not the sort of person to retreat from a mystery. Besides, she was dreaming, right? And nothing could happen to her here… Right? So she figured that she might as well find out what was going on._

_What she saw almost stopped her heart: Remus was standing in a small thicket of trees, watching the werewolves below him, his eyes worried and his face weary. The light was fading now as it was obviously close to nightfall and Tonks noticed the ominous shadows cast by the trees. Tonks shivered, starting to wonder what she would be forced to watch in her nightmares tonight. _

_She moved to stand beside him, unable to resist the draw of being near him again, even if it was only in her dreams. She wondered again about this dream as she moved. Usually, she was unable to reach him in her dreams and this time she could. It was unnerving as she wondered at which exact moment she would be forced to retreat._

_For now she took advantage, taking in every detail of him as if she would never see him again. Then, as she usually did, she felt compelled to move, but this time she didn't try to fight it as she watched her own arm extend towards Remus, her hand coming to rest lightly on his cheek, applying a slight pressure as though asking him to look at her, even though he was clearly unaware that she was even there. This was, after all, a dream._

_But then, for a moment, she felt the silk of the skin on his cheek and the slightly rough feeling of barely visible stubble starting to grow on his chin and she withdrew her hand as though shocked._

_Remus jumped and turned in her direction and she gasped at the confusion on his face as he raised a hand to his cheek. He couldn't have felt her could he? It was absolutely impossible; she was dreaming, right?_

_Uncertainty hit Tonks like a ton of bricks as Remus spoke. "Dora?"_

_She did not reply and her eyes widened as, over his shoulder she saw him, Greyback, walking up behind Remus who stiffened as he heard the crunch of leaf litter underfoot. He obviously could not see her still, even though he had seemed to feel her for a moment. She could give no warning, only watch as the scene played out._

"_Lupin, Lupin, Lupin," A harsh cruel voice taunted, hoarse but strong. It seemed that Greyback couldn't see Tonks either as he stared at Remus' back with a malicious smile. "Who is this 'Dora' you speak of?"_

_Remus turned slowly to face the monster at his back and as Tonks tried to move she found that she couldn't and as she felt herself slipping out of the dream, she clung on desperately, the sound of a clock ticking away in her ears, but still, the scene in front of her faded into nothing as the ticking continued._

The ticking in her ears continued as Tonks gasped for breath, feeling around at her bedside for her wand, and then evened out into a tapping. This tapping was real, even more so than the sound of the clock ticking in the dream and so Tonks followed the noise into the kitchen.

There, at the window, was an owl with a note, presumably for her. As she opened the window, the owl hopped inside, hooting indignantly and pecking irritably at her fingers. The sky outside was just beginning to lighten and Tonks cursed whoever would be sending her mail at this time, still severely shaken by the dream she'd just had.

As she reached for the note the owl made a noise that sounded remarkably angry and pecked at her hand again. Clearly, someone was a little impatient and more than a little irritated at the time Tonks had taken to let the bird in.

"Alright, here," Tonks said, walking to her fridge, opening it and pulling out a bit of bread and then proceeding to offer it to the owl who lowered it's head to the bread, nudged it with it's beak and then made an offended noise, ruffling it's feathers and turning away from the offering. "Fine, Have it your way," Tonks said, turning away to read her note.

**Nymphadora,**

**I think it would be wise if we met as soon as possible, today, if you could. There is much to discuss in times like this; it is prudent that friends should meet under such circumstances.**

**If you would, please come to Hogwarts for lunch and tea. The wards will let you through.**

**I trust that this letter finds you in good health.**

**Sincerely, Albus Dumbledore.**

**Ps. I enjoy sugar quills.**

Tonks sighed as she read the note. As time went on, she was becoming more and more enlightened to Dumbledore's war tactics. He always gave the illusion that his followers had a choice, that they were doing something noble. Tonks had always felt this in the past; an unwavering sense of devotion to the headmaster of Hogwarts, who could apparently do no wrong.

Now, without the cloud of youthful innocence and blind faith covering her eyes, Tonks could see what Dumbledore was doing. Not that he was doing it to be deliberately deceitful, at least, not in a terrible way in any case. Yes, he gave the illusion of a choice, but it never really was, was it?

And now that she could see this, she could decipher Dumbledore's true meaning. She therefore interpreted Dumbledore's note to mean that her service was required and that there was information that she could give Dumbledore, information that she perhaps did not even know she possessed yet, and that she had to come immediately, no matter what else she had planned. The addition about her health was to tell her that he expected her to be up to the task her would give her.

Even though she could see what Dumbledore was doing, she knew that he had no choice. They all had a part in this war and they all had to contribute as much as they could. There was no choice in war; what had to be done would be done, innocence would be lost. Just look at Snape and what he did. Tonks didn't like the man one bit but she trusted him, trusted him with her life. There was no question that Snape had one of the hardest jobs in the war. Being a spy for two masters could not be easy and Tonks did not blame him one but for being the way he was.

They all had roles to play.

Tonks sighed and wrote her reply on the back of Dumbledore's note, telling him that of course she would meet him for lunch and by the time she looked up at the window again to send the owl off, light was streaking the sky.

There was no point going back to sleep when she had to go to work soon anyway so Tonks sighed and went through the motions of getting ready, trying desperately to rid her mind of the images in her dream, unable to shake the feeling that something about that dream had been different, more like real life than anything else.

The memory of the dream stuck like glue and so Tonks did something she didn't usually do; she shook her head in dismay before clearing her mind of all thought, gathering herself and then prepared to floo to the Ministry early to drown herself in her work in an attempt to forget all about her dream.

-RL&NT-

Remus sighed as he stood in a small thicket of trees, watching the werewolves below as they went about their morning routines. So far, this had consisted of nothing abnormal and had brought forward no information that he could pass on.

He shifted nervously. He hadn't seen Greyback yet that morning and it was making him nervous. The morning breeze was crisp, drifting past him and chilling his skin until he could no longer feel the warmth of his own body. He could smell everything clearly; the flowers and the grass, the air and the earth, and something else, something that smelled terribly familiar.

But that, he thought, was absolutely impossible and he firmly told himself that he could not be smelling Tonks as she was nowhere near him, nowhere even close. He took in another deep breath and with it came the scent again, but this time he had scarcely time to wonder about it as suddenly, he felt something touch his face.

The smell of her was closer and he jumped and turned towards the direction of the smell and the odd touch to his cheek. He swore that he must be losing his mind as he stared at the empty air, but for a second he thought he had felt her touch. Still, he could smell her, as though she was right beside him and he had no doubt in his mind as to what the scent was. He knew Tonks' scent, and he'd know it even underwater. Remus raised his hand to the place on his cheek that still burned from the touch of some invisible force.

Dora?" he asked to the air, feeling stupid for doing so as soon as the words were out.

No one replied and Remus could hear nothing but the wind, the scent of her still filling his nostrils. Surely, something or someone was there. He didn't feel alone anymore, feeling warmer for a minute as he stood contemplating the strange touch.

Then there was a noise and Remus stiffened as he heard the crunch of leaf litter underfoot.

"Lupin, Lupin, Lupin," A harsh cruel voice taunted, hoarse but strong and Remus almost cringed as he realised that he had been found by none other than Fenrir Greyback. "Who is this 'Dora' you speak of?"

Remus turned slowly to face the monster at his back, the monster that for so long, had haunted his dreams, the monster that had started this mess in the first place. As he met Greyback face to face he felt the presence from earlier fade, the scent that had filled the air dissipating into nothingness.

Remus lifted his chin, unwilling to let Greyback get the better of him and prepared to protect Tonks to the best of his ability. "Greyback," he said, his tone colder than anyone who knew him had ever heard it. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Greyback snorted in amusement as he moved closer the Remus, circling him slowly and letting out an unpleasant laugh. "I could ask you the same thing," he said, his words sinister despite the forced light tone of his voice. He paused for a moment. "This is, after all, _my _territory."

Remus forced himself to laugh and smile somewhat pleasantly. "That I am aware of Greyback," he said, as though pointing out the obvious to someone extremely dimwitted.

Greyback bared his teeth in a menacing smile. "Traitors are not welcome here Lupin," Greyback said, his voice emanating dominance.

This was the part where Remus had to lie, and lie convincingly, to persuade Greyback to let him join the pack. "I do not wish to pretend to be something I am not anymore Greyback," he said, curling his lip, "I want freedom."

Greyback considered Remus for a moment unable to call him on the bluff. "And you come seeking this from me, do you Lupin?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

Remus clenched his teeth and steeled himself. "Freedom is what the Dark Lord offers, is it not?" he asked nonchalantly.

There was a tense moment of silence in which Greyback assessed Remus, circling him slowly, teeth bared. Remus straightened his back and showed no outward sign of deceit that could be preyed upon by the werewolf that circled him now.

Suddenly Greyback began to laugh, a harsh barking noise that chilled Remus' entire body as he fought against the rising nausea. "So Lupin, precious Dumbledore has finally turned on you has he?" he taunted, "You've finally realised what you are, what you need."

Remus swallowed with great effort. "I deceived Albus Dumbledore by fooling him into protecting me. I've learned it's always best to side with the stronger master." He said this convincingly and Greyback stopped circling him to eye him carefully.

"You're smarter than I ever gave you credit for Lupin," he sneered, nodding his head towards the other werewolves and then saying, "Join the pack. No second chances, so don't expect any."

Against his better judgment, Remus turned and faced the pack territory, preparing to walk down into the grassy basin to join them. To not turn away from Greyback was no option, even though Remus knew what would happen next.

Greyback hit him from behind, lunging at him before he'd taken two steps. He sunk his teeth into Remus' skin as he struck him with his fist at the same time. Stars exploded across Remus' vision as he hit the ground, growling and fighting to stand again. The next blow from Greyback drew blood from Remus' nose as Greyback forced him back to the ground.

Remus struggled for a while longer, sustaining more and more injuries from the blows Greyback was dealing. Not to be broken to soon, Remus fought back, giving Greyback some injuries that would haunt him for a while after they finished here. His knowledge of wandless magic came in handy as he found that he lacked the strength to really injure Greyback.

Eventually, Greyback pinned Remus to the ground and he stopped fighting, knowing that to be accepted he must submit.

Greyback stood when he realised that Remus had stilled and restored the look of superior contempt to his face. He laughed bitterly at the sight of Remus laying bleeding on the ground and stepped over him, towards the pack, turning just before he got out of sight.

"I'll require proof Lupin," he sneered, before turning and disappearing leaving nothing but silence his wake.

-RL&NT-

Tonks could feel the absence of his presence everywhere she went. She could see him standing beside her at the Burrow, she could see him walking through her front door, could see him curled up on her couch, smiling at her as he waved her towards him. He was everywhere, everywhere and she couldn't rid her head of the memories.

Tonks' day was not going well so far.

At work she was bombarded with sudden enquiries into the disappearance of one Remus John Lupin. It was what everyone was talking about. Usually, a close eye was kept on him by Tonks herself and she fed the lies to the ministry. Lately, her lies had run dry and she could no longer keep the ministry from finding out that Remus had disappeared. Now, she had hell to pay.

She was bent down over her work trying to look inconspicuous when Kingsley arrived at her desk. When he spoke, his tone was urgent. "Fudge is coming for you Tonks," he told her, "He wants to know what has happened with Lupin."

Tonks sighed in frustration. "I don't know what to say anymore Kingsley."

Kingsley huffed. "Well, you've got approximately five minutes to get out here then," he said, glancing over his shoulder.

Tonks shook her head. "I'm meant to go meet Dumbledore for lunch today. It's almost lunchtime now. I'll go," she said. "Tell Fudge I got sick."

She made to stand up and Kingsley reached out and grabbed out her arm gently. She looked up to see his features softening. "Are you ok Tonks?" he asked, concern lining his features and sounding in his voice. He didn't have to add the next two words, _about Remus, _to make Tonks understand what he meant.

Her expression was tired as she stared into his eyes. "I'll be fine Kings," she assured him, willing herself to believe it. "I'm just not sleeping well is all."

Kingsley looked as though he wanted to pursue the matter further so Tonks cut him off. "I've got to get out of here before Fudge finds me," Tonks told him.

Kingsley nodded and stepped aside, allowing her to pass him with her eyes glued to the floor. He wasn't the only one that had noticed a difference with Tonks since Remus had left. Molly Weasley, for one, was extremely worried about Tonks lately, particularly about her apparent loss of appetite.

Molly worried about her appetite, Kingsley worried about her sudden quietness, Mad-Eye worried about her lack of constant vigilance and Fudge worried about her losing track of Remus, but no-one worried about the horrors reflected in her eyes.

No-one…

-NT&RL-

Tonks was seated across form Dumbledore in his office, eyeing the old man warily as he considered her with his twinkling blue eyes. His chin rested upon his clasped hands, his elbows propped up on the table.

"Lemon drop Nymphadora?" he asked her, waving his hand so that the ever-present bowl of lemon drops tipped in her direction.

"It's just Tonks," she reminded him, "And, no thank you."

Dumbledore shrugged and took one for himself, unwrapping it and popping it into his mouth. "How have you been as of late, Tonks?" he asked her, his eyes sparkling yet perceptive.

"I've been fine sir," she told him, trying to keep her voice upbeat so as to not cause suspicion.

Dumbledore grinned a little wider. "There's no need to call me _sir _Tonks," he said. "I prefer Albus."

"Right, and er… How've you been?" she asked tentatively.

"Splendid thank you Tonks, simply splendid," he beamed and as he did, Tonks could see that this too was a mask. Dumbledore his problems behind his eyes well, but they were there and they would always be there, maybe even after the war.

Tonks had no idea what to say back to him and so she sipped at her tea, trying desperately not to break anything.

Dumbledore smiled serenely and mirrored her, sipping at his tea.

Tonks hand wobbled and she quickly put the cup down before she had the chance to drop it, glaring at it venomously.

"Why am I here Albus?" she asked him, catching his eye. "Surely you don't wish to merely observe the colour of my hair?"

"We are friends that seldom meet Tonks," Dumbledore said cheerfully, "I don't expect the services of those I do not engage as such."

Tonks almost rolled her eyes as she made the translation. "I see, so we have now met up, we are having tea," she said carefully, "Now which service do you require of me?"

Dumbledore shook his head in amusement. "Intelligent," he said, looking her in the eyes, "It seems that the sorting hat may have sorted you too soon."

Tonks couldn't help but think that those very words sounded well rehearsed. "What is it you need Albus?" she asked him, willing him to cut to the chase.

"Not much Tonks," Dumbledore told her, his eyes boring into hers as though to find out her secrets, but meeting a brick wall. "Not much at all."

Tonks raised her eyebrows and picked the dreaded teacup back up and brought it slowly to her lips in a show of patient calculation.

Dumbledore smiled and gave in. "I merely wished to ask you if you would mind being stationed in Hogsmeade in the future," he said. "You see, very soon, the school will need more protection and the Ministry will be forced to send aurors to Hogsmeade."

Tonks nodded her understanding. "I see, and you want at least one of those Aurors to be a member of the Order, just in case."

Dumbledore nodded. "Precisely."

Tonks wondered just how much of a hand Dumbledore had had in everything that had happened or would happen. He had a huge amount of influence over the ministry, over the school, over everyone's lives. She supposed that she didn't have a choice. Whether she agreed or not, she knew she'd be sent to Hogsmeade. It was all a pretence. Whatever Albus Dumbledore ordered went, only he pretended to ask beforehand.

Those thoughts brought Severus Snape to the forefront of her mind. As much as she hated the man, she had to admit that he was on the right side. There were those who said that Snape loved to serve Voldemort, that being ordered to spy by Dumbledore was a convenient excuse to do Voldemort's bidding. Tonks could see though, that he hated Voldemort. It was in his eyes whenever he spoke of _the Dark Lord _and was dripping from his every word as he spoke of the activities he was forced to endure and partake in. The more Tonks thought about it, the more she began to understand.

Severus Snape didn't have a choice.

He didn't, she reasoned. He'd switched sides long ago, but what had it cost him? He must have agreed to spy as repentance. It had to be hard, spying. She could see it in Snape's eyes. They were all just players in one huge game of chess and they were being ordered to protect the one player at all costs.

That one player was Harry Potter.

"I'll do it," Tonks acquiesced. She would do whatever it took. It didn't matter that there was no choice; this was war.

Dumbledore's eyes lost some of their sparkle as he saw the cold understanding pass through Tonks eyes. He truly hated being the one to take the choices away but there was just no other way. This was war.

"Thankyou Tonks," he said, dipping his head slightly to acknowledge that he knew just what she was thinking.

"You're welcome," she replied, aware that Dumbledore seemed to know what she was thinking. One came to expect this after spending any time at all with Albus Dumbledore.

They drank their tea in silence for a while, or rather, Dumbledore drank his tea, Tonks stared her cup down, willing it to disappear.

Finally Dumbledore spoke again. "I put an anti-breaking charm on that one Tonks," he assured her, his eyes sparkling with unrestrained amusement.

Tonks grimaced. "Thanks," she said, "but I'm just not thirsty."

She met his eyes and Dumbledore seemed to read her for a moment.

"He is well Tonks," he told her, "I spoke to him this morning. He has met Greyback already. He has also survived the experience."

Tonks nodded, grateful. She had thought that she would actually have to ask the question, and she was unsure of just how much Dumbledore knew about the two of them.

"In fact," Dumbledore said, his gaze intense," He mentioned feeling some presence just before Greyback found him. He did not know what it was but he said it seemed very familiar and very real."

The truth was that Remus had not mentioned this at all. This was just one of those things that Dumbledore just knew, without any explanation at all.

Tonks shifted uncomfortably in her seat. This was sounding too much like her dream from the previous night. It was all too real.

"What do you think that could have been Albus?" she asked carefully.

Dumbledore shook his head. "I have many theories, each as unlikely as the next," he told her. Tonks nodded, unsure of what to say.

There was a silence again, and it was broken by Dumbledore. "Did you dream at all last night Tonks?"

Tonks was quiet for a moment, still sipping at her tea. "Yes," she said, recalling with perfect clarity, Remus standing before her, saying her name as he touched his hand to his cheek and the burn in her fingertips as she touched his face softly.

Dumbledore nodded. "I assume you dream about Remus?" he asked. Tonks eyed him in shock. How could he possibly know that every dream she had had in the past few months had been centered around Remus in one way or another.

"Yes," she said simply when she recovered the ability to speak.

"Last night," Dumbledore started, "Your dream was different."

Tonks hands shook and so she set down the cup again. "Yes," she repeated.

"I see," Dumbledore said. "In that case, there is something further I need from you Tonks."

Tonks looked towards him, somehow knowing that this request would be harder to accept than the last. "And what would that be, Albus?" she asked him.

"A memory," he said, "Your memory of-"

"-Of the dream…" Tonks sighed. "Why? It's just a dream."

Dumbledore shook his head. "I don't think that was just a dream Tonks."

Tonks frowned. "You think I was-" She couldn't wrap her head around the concept. "You think I was actually there? With him?"

Dumbledore was silent for a moment. "No, I don't think so," he said, "You weren't _there _so to speak, but some part of you was, and most likely still is, with him. It would seem that you and he share a connection."

"A connection?" she asked dubiously.

Dumbledore offered no explanation. "Tonks, I need you to report such dreams to me."

"I'll give you the memory, but why?" she asked, hoping for some explanation as to why she was even having the dreams. This didn't make sense? Was what she was seeing in her dreams real? Surely not, at least, not the one she had two nights ago. But last night? "Wasn't it just a dream?"

It just made no sense.

Sensing that she wasn't going to get an answer from Dumbledore today, she shifted in her seat again, sitting up straighter and preparing to excuse herself.

"Well, If there's nothing else…" she trailed off.

Dumbledore stood and gestured towards the door with his hand. "Feel free," he said, "Thankyou for the company."

"The pleasure was all mine Albus," she said as she headed for the door.

She had reached the door and was turning the handle when she heard him speak again. "You should probably stop by at The Burrow Tonks," he said, "Right away. Molly worries about you, you know."

Tonks stared at him. "I'll go as soon as I can," she said.

"See that you do," he said, his eyes twinkling one last time before he sat back down and opened the door to his office with one careless wave of his hand.

**Sorry that this cuts off in a very awkward place. It was going to include Tonks' visit to Molly's as well as more Remus, but it ran longer than expected.**

**Please read and review.**

**Ps. It's super repeititive.**


	28. Santa?

**I've been away a looonnggg time. I won't even try to give my excuses. But I'm back now : )**

**I forever thank my muse. Without her this story would have died a slow, painful and pathetic death, sinking down to the ground screaming 'Noooo! Write meeeeee! I'll do anything…' So here's to you Sarah, forever and always, and then vampires.**

**Don't get mad about the part where her apparition destination is the ministry, if your looking for plotholes. She's not actually apparating into the ministry, she apparating near the ministry, the ministry being her final destination and I could be bothered to spell it out for everyone, but just in case it bothers you, she is NOT apparating directly into the ministry. **

**Please review. **

_She had reached the door and was turning the handle when she heard him speak again. "You should probably stop by at The Burrow Tonks," he said, "Right away. Molly worries about you, you know."_

_Tonks stared at him. "I'll go as soon as I can," she said._

"_See that you do," he said, his eyes twinkling one last time before he sat back down and opened the door to his office with one careless wave of his hand._

-RL&NT-

She left his office, her mind a complete jumble of confused thoughts and half-formed questions. How did Dumbledore know that she was having dreams about Remus? Was that the whole reason he had asked her to meet him today? Why did he really need her in Hogsmeade? What was this connection she had with Remus?

Her questions would remain unanswered, clearly, seeing as she was now on her way out of the castle and it frustrated her. So what, now she had a connection with Remus and the things she saw in her dreams was real? What would she see next? What if she saw something that wasn't really happening and she gave Dumbledore false information? What if Remus was injured or killed and she saw it but couldn't save him in time? Yes, the questions were many and stressful and Tonks brain worked overtime just to try and sort it out.

She was so engrossed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice Snape as he rounded the corner the same corner as her, but from the other direction and as a result she ran straight into him, her head smacking against his chest as he stopped dead. She fell to floor less than gracefully and landed heavily on her backside.

His lip curled as he stared down at her disdainfully. "Maybe you should be more careful next time, Nymphadora," he drawled. "We all know a certain _wolf _wouldn't want you to get yourself hurt… But wait, he's not here right now is he? He's-"

Tonks stared up at Snape from the floor, the insult barely registering in her brain. Dumbledore's words echoed through her mind as she looked into his eyes. There was torment there; buried deep, but it was there. It was pain, substantial pain that she had never noticed before, and yet it was not fresh. "I'm sorry!" she blurted out, cutting Snape off midsentence.

Snape narrowed his eyes. Somehow, it felt as though her apology was not just for running into him. "I do not need your foolish apologies Nymphadora,' he scowled, his voice as cold as stone as he turned to walk away.

"Snape!" she called, as she scrambled hurriedly to her feet. "I mean it! I'm sorry! For everything."

She watched as he stopped, his shoulders softening a little out of their previous tense frame. He didn't turn as he spoke. "You have nothing to be sorry for," he said. His voice lacked it's usual freezing quality and for once, Severus Snape sounded confused and unsure.

He shifted as though to move away, but she spoke again, startling him with her unexpected words. "Neither do you."

Snape turned, his hands clenching into fists at his sides. "How would you know anything about my sins Nymphadora?" he bit back. "I'm not a hero and I'm not a person to be pitied so don't even try. You don't know anything!"

She tried not to be discouraged by his apparent anger. "I know that you didn't have a choice," she told him, her lips curving in a small smile as he registered her words. "I know that you regret it."

Snape couldn't help the images that flooded his mind at her words, sneaking past his usually impenetrable walls. It was true; he did regret it, but he couldn't understand why Tonks had had a sudden bout of maturity. He also hadn't ever thought that she'd be perceptive enough to see that he truly did regret it; nobody ever was. So he reasoned with himself; of course, she didn't really understand and she didn't know a thing.

How could she know that every time he closed his eyes at night he saw the blood behind his eyelids? How could she know that every scream he'd ever heard rang in his ears when he went to sleep? How could she possibly know how hard he tried to block the images of tiny bloodied children, unmoving on the floor, their mothers distraught and tortured as they watched on without a choice, from his mind? She couldn't possibly imagine the things he kept behind the walls be had built in his mind.

He glared at her, ice in his eyes. "You don't know a single thing," he shot back at her, his voice low and menacing.

Tonks gazed at him and shook her head slightly. There would be no getting through to him today and she didn't mind. She still thought he was an insufferable git. There was no way around the fact that the man was a royal pain in ass. Now though, she understood why and she felt bad about the way she, and everyone else treated him. "Fine, if you say so Snape," she said. "I'll just be on my way."

He didn't even grace her with a reply as he turned and swiftly walked away. As a result he didn't see Tonks smile at his back. Tonks knew him well enough by now to know that his lack of response was a sort of truce, an acknowledgement.

As she walked away Tonks laughed softly to herself, the irony of the situation striking her. Snape had actually made her smile, genuinely, and she hadn't since before Remus had left.

Once she had reached the outside of the grounds, and left through the gates, she prepared to apparate - the ministry as her destination - still shaking her head slightly in amusement.

- RL&NT -

The amusement in her eyes faded as stepped through the floo and into the quiet halls of the ministry. She was hating being here more and more lately, especially since the departure of Remus. She had lost faith in just about everything the ministry did these days. It all just seemed so fake.

She looked down as she caught a ministry worker staring curiously at her, and walked forward as quickly as she dared. It wasn't the first time she'd caught people staring in her direction lately; people she didn't actually know and had never seen before. As she walked towards her own department, she frowned and considered why on earth this could be. Maybe she was imagining things? In any case, she concluded, she was probably spending too much time with Mad-Eye.

She didn't even consider the possibility of spies inside the ministry.

The truth was that Fudge was suspicious. A werewolf named Remus Lupin had disappeared, and she was rumored to have contact with him. Fudge just knew that she was closer to the wolf than she let on, he was just yet to find proof. No, for now it was best to just keep an eye on the young Auror.

The two were bumped out of their thoughts as they ran into something in the hallway. Tonks ran straight into Fudge's chest and bounced back, landing on the floor. Fudge looked a little flustered as he smoothed the front of his robes, while squinting towards the floor.

"Er- Nymphadora?" he asked, confused, choosing to conveniently ignore the fact that she was sprawled across the floor at that current time. "Just who I needed to see."

Tonks scowled at him. "Why do you need to see me, sir?" Meetings with Fudge could absolutely never end well. Seriously, the last time she had seen him, he'd tried to slip her a bloody potion. It was certainly clear where all the trust was around here. Oh well, it wasn't like she could refuse anyway, so shrugging her shoulders she started picking herself up off the ground, muttering to herself. "Oh never mind. Spare me the bloody lies already."

Fortunately Fudge was too preoccupied to catch the words as they came out of her mouth. She was on thin ice enough already within the ministry without Fudge having any more reason to suspect that she was part of the Order. Fudge frowned as he thought of Dumbledore's interference. He insisted on having Nymphadora stationed in Hogsmeade, to guard the school. Surely this meant that something was going on, right? He was clearly going to have to ask her what her standings with Dumbledore were.

A moment too late he extended his hand to help Tonks up off the floor, but she had already scrambled up while he was lost in his thoughts. She glared at his outstretched hand but otherwise made no comment on the matter, wise considering the circumstances she supposed.

There was an awkward silence as Tonks waited expectantly and Fudge stood rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. Tonks raised an eyebrow at him when he made no effort to move. "Er- Minister? Can we move? As much as I love this hallway, with its wonderfully spectacular interior-"

Her sarcastic words were cut off as Fudge waved a hand, flustered again. "Of course, of course, er- come on then!"

He promptly turned and started to walk towards his office, with Tonks rolling her eyes behind him. It was an awkward walk; they attracted stares as they maneuvered the halls of the Ministry. Tonks just wanted this to be over. She didn't want to be at work, let alone in Fudge's office. She just wanted to be at home alone, thinking about Remus and trying to think of some way to get to him.

She missed him terribly; so terribly that it was like physical pain. She felt it rising in her chest like a panic attack, the need to be with him clawing at her insides until she felt like screaming for him. She felt the distance acutely and she felt cold. Half of her was who-knows-where as she struggled to compensate for the parts of her that he had taken with him. It felt like swimming through deep water while she had no strength: she was struggling without him.

She needed him with her so badly that she felt like just shutting down until her was there, like she couldn't possibly carry on without him. She'd never experienced anything like this. She had never thought that she'd need anyone this way, but she was realizing just how much of herself was tied in with Remus. They were almost like one person, they were just so intertwined.

She blinked back the tears that were forming in her eyes as the reached Fudge's office door. He opened the door for her and she entered the room and stood behind a chair. She heard the door click closed before she saw Fudge out of the corner of her eye, walking towards the chair behind his desk.

"Sit down Nymphadora," he told her.

Tonks glared, but she did what she was told. How many times did she have to tell him not to call her by her first name? Was it some game for him? She almost snorted out loud In amusement. How pathetic would it be if this was how Fudge got his pleasure out of life; by stubbornly sticking to his stupid code, where apparently, it was impossible to call Tonks by the name she wanted?

"I'd rather stand, actually."

"Please Nymphadora, I do quite insist."

"Oh, well, if you _insist…" _The way Tonks emphasized the word _insist _clearly told Fudge who had the upper hand here. Tonks wasn't going to cop whatever idiot stories and lies Fudge tried to feed her tonight, and she saw fit to let him know exactly that.

The narrowing of his eyes told her he was at least smart enough to get the message this time.

They sat for several moments in uncomfortable silence, during which Fudge surveyed the woman before him, who appeared to be quite bored. Something had to be going on though, he was sure of it, and surely he was just the man to find out exactly what.

But he had apparently underestimated her, or overestimated himself - he was reluctant to acknowledge the latter- and he quickly realised this as conversation ensued.

"You're a valuable worker here within the ministry, Nymphadora," Fudge stated; a clear attempt at flattery that frankly made Tonks feel more than a little sick.

She raised her eyebrows, smirking a little. "That's why you have assigned people to watch me, right Minister?" she asked, her tone as innocent as she could make it.

Fudge appeared disconcerted for a moment before apparently pulling his wits together, well, assuming he had the wits to pull together; the dim-witted, slimy, stupid, bloody-

"I don't-" he squeaked before clearing his throat. "That is, er- I don't know what you're talking about.

_This man will never survive this war, _Tonks thought. _He doesn't even know how to lie convincingly._ "I believe you." Her patronizing tone made it painfully clear that she didn't. Fudge though, like the imbecile he truly was, seemed to believe her.

"Right Nymphadora," he chuckled. "What's a little joke between friends?"

She threw him a grimace that must have passed for a smile, judging by the pleased look on Fudge's face. She only just refrained from shaking her head and gagging. Friends? With Fudge? Somehow, Tonks thought she'd die first.

"Right! So, anyway. I have a little assignment for my favourite auror!" Fudge exclaimed cheerfully.

Ok, so this was hell. This man was sickening. It was lucky that Tonks hadn't eaten yet today because you had a distinct feeling that she may have lost her breakfast if she had. She knew for a fact that she was not Fudge's favourite auror. She also knew that Fudge was only assigning her this 'little assignment' at Dumbledore's insistence.

"And what would that be?" Tonks asked, taking a leaf out of one of Snape's potions textbooks and appearing to be bored and impatient, not at all happy with Fudge's less than stellar company.

"You and a select group of aurors will be stationed in Hogsmeade," Fudge said simply, peering at her to catch her reaction.

"Why?" She didn't give him any satisfaction at all with her reaction.

"To protect the people of Hogsmeade," Fudge explained.

Tonks eyes narrowed as she thought about his response for a second. "What about the school?"

"What about the school?" Fudge's brow creased as though he seriously could think of no reason why the school might need protecting.

"The students. Harry-"

"Harry Potter has Dumbledore to look after him, and security around Hogwarts has been drastically increased," Fudge replied calmly.

"And Dumbledore has nothing to do with this assignment you're giving me? Nothing at all?" Tonks asked suspiciously, running one hand through her short hair, which was rapidly turning from pink to red and back to pink again.

"Of course not. The Ministry-"

Tonks had had enough. This was an outright lie, and she knew it because she'd just come here fresh from Dumbledore's office. "The Ministry has done a bloody fine job of protecting Harry so far haven't they?" she spat. "Without Dumbledore-"

"Without Dumbledore the boy might actually listen to us!" Fudge exclaimed, slamming one stubby hand down onto the desk between them. "Without Dumbledore we'd have a chance of convincing the boy to trust us! All Dumbledore ever does is feed people lies and plant false hope and create drama where there should be no bloody drama!"

Tonks was on her feet in a single moment, unwilling to hear a word against Dumbledore. Yes, he could be a sneaky conniving bastard, and yes; he was playing them all like pawns in a chess game, but he had better intentions than the Ministry, who seemingly still held hard feelings just because Harry refused to be their poster boy. Why should he, after all? The ministry had spent an awfully long time telling everyone that Harry was insane and a liar; why would he want to help them now? He even had this carved into the back of his hand by the Ministry's most 'highly trained and qualified, ministry approved educator'. If people were beginning to lose faith in the Ministry, then Tonks thought that to be a good thing. It was about damned time that people grew a brain and thought for themselves. The ministry was not as pure as so many liked to believe.

"Dumbledore is a great wizard; honorable in his intentions, and he sticks to the truth. I don't see him denying the existence of Voldemort for months on end, unlike-"

"And just what is your relationship with Dumbledore, Nymphadora? I could have sworn you told me not too long ago that you and he were never close! I'm not the fool you think I am-" He paused to glare at Tonks as she let out a snort of amusement at that last part. "- There's something going on. Clearly, you aren't as loyal to our Ministry as you should be."

She did not grace him with an answer just yet, instead turning to the door and placing her hand on the handle. Opening the door just slightly she turned to face him and made her final point. "You did not bring me here today to find out more information about Dumbledore, did you Minister?" She asked innocently, knowing fully well that this was his exact intention. "I was rather under the impression that you were planning to offer me an assignment." She smirked at the look on Fudge's face, the dark scowl making it obvious that he wished he had not yet extended the offer. "I accept, by the way."

She opened the door fully and stepped outside, and casting a glance around the halls, she said loudly enough for most to hear; "And don't worry Minister, I do assure you that I am not plotting against you with Headmaster Dumbledore." She sniggered quietly before adding, "I would have thought that after the little issue at Hogwarts not so long ago, you would have given up on that notion already."

Fudge's face twisted a little as he no doubt remembered trying to take down Dumbledore for Harry's defence group; Dumbledore's army. It was a low blow, but Tonks was not worried about being fired right now. She had bigger things to worry about, more important things like Remus, and Harry and those damned dreams.

The memory of the discussion with Dumbledore made her groan in frustration as she wondered what she would do. Maybe there was a connection, maybe not. The truth was that she missed Remus so much; the last thing she wanted was to spend her days and nights convincing herself that there was someway she could contact him through her dreams.

Shaking her head, Tonks concluded that no matter what, this would drive her insane with worry, and that she would spend her days and nights worrying until Remus returned, and the last thing she wanted was to see him die before her eyes in some dream she couldn't escape from, knowing that it is as real as it feels, and that when she wakes up, she wont be able to tell herself that it's only just a dream.

-RL&NT-

"You got to go to school?"

Large shining eyes stared up at Remus, filled with wonder and hope for a future that was well out of the little boy's reach and, not for the first time in his life, Remus was filled with gratitude, because he had been able to go to school, been able to live a relatively normal life. Someone had believed in him enough to take the risks involved with his condition just so that he could have a fair chance in the wizarding world, and Remus just wished he could say the same for the circle of young children who sat before him.

There were a couple of adults in the cave in which he sat with the children, but they only looked at him when they thought he wasn't looking at them. Remus didn't really care; it was better than the attacks and open hostility he received from the other werewolves in this camp. At least he could trust these two not to try and kill him in his sleep, if nothing else.

They were grouped in caves with Greyback in the center, the other caves spreading outwards like limbs. He was protected that way. Intruders had to get around many occupied caves before coming anywhere close to him. Remus was in a cave with two adults and five children, all five children aged under eleven. The youngest was only four and she didn't speak much. It was startlingly obvious to Remus that she obviously didn't trust adults. She alternated between looking completely terrified and deep in thought. She'd been bitten at the age of only three, and it broke Remus' heart every time he glanced at the young child as she clung to the back of a six year old boy's dirty, ragged shirt; the same boy who'd just asked Remus a question.

At first, when Remus had tentatively inched towards this particular cave, the children had been absolutely terrified and filled with a mistrust that tore at Remus' heart. The adults had moved out into the open to face him, halfheartedly. They were a tired pair; their eyes were blank and bleak and they watched everything that went on with disinterest. Their confrontation was a warning, but they'd backed hesitantly back into the cave when Remus had not retreated or attacked and they'd hardly looked at him since.

None of the children were theirs, this Remus could tell, for they ignored the children too, for the most part. These were children who had been taken and bitten by Greyback, and they were grouped together out of fear. Neither the adults nor the children were filled with Greyback's vision of power, but rather were outcasts, trying to survive their fate on the edge of society, not able to leave for fear of being shunned from society and hunted down by Greyback, but not having the energy or will to truly become the monsters they were forced to turn into.

Remus glanced around the cave, eyes tracing the edges of the shadows in the corners where the light from the small fire in the center of the cave didn't quite reach. The two adults were feigning indifference, but Remus was sure that they were listening to him all the same. Remus symbolized hope, and it sure as hell sounded as though he was offering them a way out, talking about what they could be without Greyback and he made it clear that there was something better than this out there.

The children, who had been so fearful at first, had crept closer and were now staring towards him, captivated by his stories. Even the terrified little girl, who Remus had learned was named Emily, was peering around the back of the young boys shirt, her eyes reminding him of Luna Lovegood in a way. There was more in those eyes than there should have been for a child that age; like she was under no illusions about the world, and what a corrupt place it really was. There was no childish wonder there, as there should have been. There was no hope there, and no happiness, only a forlorn sense of knowledge and maturity well past her four years. It was no way for a child to look.

Remus tore his eyes from Emily's and answered the boy with a warm smile. "There's this great wizard," he said quietly. "He risked so much for me, as I know he would for any of you. He believes in you too, you know. Some say he has magic that others don't know about; magic that he-who-must-not-be-named could only dream of."

The children were captivated, enthralled: Surely, Remus must be lying. You-know-who was the only one who could save them now, right? That was what Greyback was telling them anyway. But then, Remus seemed so much nicer than Greyback, so they should believe him first, right? Greyback was cruel and had hurt them, whereas this man had not hurt them at all. How could Remus really be worse than Greyback when his voice was so comforting?

The young boy with the shining eyes leaned closer and even though he whispered, it sounded loud in the silent cave. "Is he Santa Claus?"

The boy remembered Christmas with his parents and his little sister, who clung still to the back of shirt. He remembered how Santa left presents under the tree for him to unwrap, and he remembered how happy it had made his mother and father; made them so happy that their smiles seemed permanent. But even Santa hadn't been able to save his parents, even though he'd prayed to God every night since their gruesome death, the night of his and his sisters turning. If this man was Santa, then the young boy had some questions for him, like could he bring his parents back next Christmas, if he was a good boy in between?

Remus laughed out loud, startling the children, who leaned back looking slightly scared and confused. Genuine laughter was something rarely heard in Greyback's camps, and so it startled them to hear it. From the expectant, hopeful look on the child's face it was clear that Santa was the most mystical magical being he could think of.

"Not quite," Remus said, his lips twitching in amusement. He smiled kindly as the young boy's face fell slightly. "His name is Albus Dumbledore."

-RL&NT-

**I know, I know. I'm an evil non-updater! I should be able to post more often though, now. Writing is my way out : )**

**Please review, if you can forgive my lateness.**


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